by Scott, D. D.
“She has some broken bones in her foot, but she’s going to be alright. For cripe’s sake...no more spells! And especially not on Adah or Hank. I know how much crap Darryl put you through. You have every reason to want to get back at him. Just leave everyone else out of it, okay?”
“Okay,” she agreed.
Which surprised me, till I saw that familiar glimmer flash in her eyes. Not good.
“Does this mean that you won’t need to go through with the reverse mirror box binding spell?” She asked, with all kinds of misguided hope uplifting her voice.
Truly unbelievable. She really didn’t get it. Worse yet, she never would.
“Not a chance. As a matter of fact, I don’t want you leaving this house until we get back. You’re not going to screw this up too. Understood?”
“Fine.”
She lowered her head, muttered something unintelligible, grabbed one of my bottles of Templeton Rye Whiskey off of the bar right outside my office and moped back into the kitchen.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Under the light of the full moon, we gathered in the ancient graveyard located not too far from the creek that ran through the back of my property. There, amidst the crumbling tombstones of lost pioneers and Civil War veterans, we prepared to bind up Aunt Liza.
Sam took the reversing box she and the Captain had made and placed it next to the hole I’d dug with my backhoe.
Working with nothing but the light of a black candle that Sam explained had been dressed with a special kind of reversing conjure oil, we placed the Voodoo doll, with one of Liza’s shotgun shells wrapped around it, into the box and took turns sprinkling it with red pepper and sulfur powder.
As we sprinkled, the Captain read from the printout:
Here you are, Liza, and here you will stay,
and from this time forth, all the jinx’s you try to make,
and all the foul words that you use...
“Hey, what’s wrong with foul words?” Grams piped in.
“I agree. Why would we want to bind up foul words? The four-letter ones especially. I love those!” Sam said, making it two votes to...
Like it really mattered. None of us would ever be able to bind up Sam or Grams’ potty mouths.
“Okay...let’s try this again,” the Captain said unable to keep from chuckling.
“Here you are, Liza, and here you will stay,
and from this time forth, all the jinx’s you try to make,
and all the evil that you do will come back to you
as these mirrors reflect your image back to you...
and in this hell of your own devising
you will remain until God releases you in judgment. Amen.”
“God’s got his hands full with that one,” Grams said tossing in an extra handful of red pepper.
The Captain chuckled again as he proceeded to close the box and tie the lid down tight with heavy string.
“Can you please hand me the dime?” He asked Sam.
Sam did as she was asked, her hand shaking in the glow of the candlelight.
The Captain tossed the dime over his left shoulder.
“Please accept our offering, dear spirits of the graveyard,
and help us hold down our enemy.”
“They’ll do this kind of gig for a dime? Cheap-ass spirits for sure,” Grams said. “I’m thinkin’ we outta toss in an extra dime. I mean, c’mon...”
Sam took out another dime from her coat pocket and handed it to Grams.
Grams flung it over her left shoulder while the Captain and I lowered the box into the miniature grave. While I used the backhoe to fill in the hole, everyone stood silent.
“All right, then,” I said, “everyone turn away, do not look back, and follow me. We’ve got to take a different route back than the one we took to get here.”
What the hell had I gotten myself into? Then, I chuckled at the thought. The only thing I was actually guilty of was being related to Liza.
“Don’t we have to spiritually bathe and do more candle work when we get home?” Sam asked.
“Yes. Yes, we do,” I confirmed.
“Oh, good. That damn cleansing crap almost makes me high, and I love that feeling,” Grams said, so happy she almost skipped back to the farm by the light of the moon.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Walking into Nicky’s kitchen, following the bind-up burial, we found Liza sitting at the kitchen table.
“Kiss my ass. Kiss my ass. Kiss my ass,” Grams muttered under her breath.
“What are you saying that for?” I whispered into her ear.
“In German folklore, that’s supposed to prevent a witch from doing harm to you,” Grams said, returning Liza’s narrow-eyed stare.
“Can it, you old fool,” Liza said, but not with near the gumption she’d normally use.
“I need to borrow your broom, Bad Ass,” Grams said marching right up to her.
Liza just shook her head and laughed.
“I’m serious. If I put your broom down in front of the door and tell you to kiss my ass three more times, we’ll all be better off.”
Liza never said a word, instead choosing to down another shot of whiskey. And it didn’t look like she had much left in the bottle to save her from Gram’s witchhunt.
“Fine. I can make this work without your broom,” Grams said, motioning for all of us to step aside and give her some room.
I’m not sure why, but we gave her the space she thought she needed.
She took six steps backwards, spitting right and left as she did so.
“John over John. John the Conqueror. They can’t hurt you,” she sputtered between spits.
“Give me those printouts,” I said. “All of ‘em.”
Grams, looking like a child who’d just gotten busted with something they weren’t supposed to have, handed over a wad of paper she’d had stuffed in her coat pocket.
“Well what are we going to do with her?” Grams asked. “There’s a witch in your kitchen for cripe’s sake!”
“You don’t have to worry about that. I’ve decided to just go back to talking to my plants,” Liza said.
At least I think that’s what she said. With that much whiskey flowing through her, the words were tough to decipher.
“Let’s hope you still think that way when you’re sober,” Nicky said, taking away what was left of the bottle of Templeton Rye.
“I just wanted to get even with those dirty sons of bitches,” Liza stammered then pouted.
“Well, I can show you how to do that on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or whatever social media outlet you choose,” Grams said, taking a seat across from Liza. “I’m fairly talented in the virtual world.”
Fairly talented? My ass. She’s a genius. As in quant level, hacker extraordinaire genius.
“You mean I could publicly humiliate ‘em without having to physically hurt ‘em too?”
“Trust me, they’ll wish they were dead once I show you a few of my online tricks.”
“Okay. That’s enough, you two.”
“Why do y’all have to spoil the fun?” Grams asked, pouting right along with Liza.
“Because being stuck with a spell isn’t all it’s cracked up to be,” I said, knowing for sure I’d never again want to dabble in any of this dark magic.
Talking to plants seemed to be my new limit too.
“Well, being stuck with a spell is certainly better than being stuck with a stiff,” Liza said, referring to the fact that it had just been a matter of days since we’d cleared Nicky’s name from the murder of the stiff found next to his chicken coop.
“Hell, Aunt Liza. Thanks to you, we just about ended up with three more stiffs,” Nicky quipped.
“Stuck with stiffs and spells. Whatever. At least life’s interesting down on the farm,” Liza said, swaying in her seat as the whiskey started to do a real number on her.
While she almost crumpled to the floor in her drunken stupor, Grams was, once again, digging through h
er coat pockets. Luckily, I thought I’d confiscated all of the Voodoo reversing paperwork Nicky had printed out.
“Ah. There they are,” she said, pulling out and holding up a small set of jingle bells.
She swung them through the air with wild, theatrical motions.
“Whoa. Wait a minute. You’re going to make us all deaf,” I said, trying to reach for the bells.
But she was too quick for me and continued swinging them with gusto through the air.
“What’s with the sleigh bells?” Nicky asked, coming up behind her and smoothly getting them out of her grasp while she wasn’t looking.
“You should be thanking me. I read that sleigh bells used to be used during Yuletide to give advanced warning of visiting family members.”
“I’m not following you,” I said, which wasn’t out of the ordinary when it came to listening to Grams.
“It’s not all that tough, Ace. Once peeps heard the sound of the bells from approaching sleighs and wagons, they could decide if they’d rather deal with their relatives or run out into the snow, before they got there, and die of exposure.”
“I see,” I said, trying as hard as I could not to burst out laughing at her latest line of reasoning. “So which have you decided to do?”
“Well...for now, I’m staying put. It’s damn cold out there. But I’m hanging onto these bells, just in case. This family is totally whacked.”
Being stuck with sleigh bells sounds a whole lot better than being stuck with Liza’s spells. Even though both have the potential to leave us stuck with stiffs.
And yes, I had to agree with Grams. Our makeshift family was totally whacked. Just ask the rhododendrons.
THE END
NOTE FROM D. D. SCOTT
Welcome to my new series...The Stuck with a Series!
I hope you’ve gotten a kick out of Book Two, Stuck with a Spell.
For all of you superfab Castle fans out there...
The Stuck with a Series is – Castle gone-country, now with a bit of Bewitched tossed into the mix
And each of the Stuck with a Series Books releases first in Serial Format!
What does that mean?
Think D. D. Scott and David Slegg do Charles Dickens.
Okay...
I know what you’re thinkin’...
Who’s David Slegg?
And what do D. D. Scott and this David Slegg have to do with Charles Dickens?
David Slegg is my new Co-Author. He’s the Castle to my Beckett.
You can get the scoop on him on his website:http://davidslegg.com
Now then...about D. D. and David and Dickens...
Charles Dickens began his writing career by publishing his novels in Serial Format, which meant that each month, another installment (aka chapter) was released.
How fun is that?!
One of the questions I’m asked most by my readers is:
“How long do we have to wait for the next book?”
Mind you I write damn fast – it takes me about three months to write a full-length novel – but, I know, that’s not fast enough, right?! LOL!
But “what if” I treated you to a new bit of D. D. Scott-ville, along with David Slegg’s down on the farm, each week?
As in...one or two new chapters per week?
Ala Dickens!!!
Each week then, just like Dickens did each month, David and I treat ya to the next chapter in our Stuck with a Series books.
For just $2.99 per year, you can subscribe to our Stuck with a Series Subscription Service and receive your weekly installment of our next book.
We plan to release at least two books in this series per year, with some fabulous short stories too.
So, you’re getting two full-length novels and more for just $2.99!!!
Simply send a PayPal Payment of $2.99 to the following address:
dd(dot)scott(at)live(dot)com
And, we’ll subscribe you to our Stuck with a Series Group, where you can continue your Stuck with a Series experience with a weekly, chapter-by-chapter peek at STUCK WITH SLEIGH BELLS, our first Stuck with a Series Christmas Novella, along with two more Stuck with a Series novels coming in 2013.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/scottandsleggstuckwithaseries/
Happy Ereading!!!
And Welcome to our Stuck with a Series of Serial Ebooks!!!
The Best of Ereading Wishes —
D. D. Scott & David Slegg
P.S. In the mean time, I’ve also got another super-sonic thrill-ride of a Cozy Cash Mystery comin’ soon – THE ROYAL DIGS (Cozy Cash Mystery #4) – featuring Samantha’s cousin Zoey Witherspoon and her for-real prince-of-a-mate Roman Bellesconi.
And in case you’re brand new to my Bootscootin’, Cozy Cash and Samantha Aldredge Stuck with a Series Mystery Worlds, start with my Amazon and Barnes and Noble’s Top 100 Bestselling Boxed Set, which includes my first 6 books for just $2.99!
ABOUT D. D. SCOTT
D. D. Scott is an Amazon and Barnes & Noble Top 100 Bestselling Romantic Comedy and Humorous Mystery Author. She’s a Writer’s Go-To-Gal for Muse Therapy, plus the #1 Amazon Bestselling Author of Muse Therapy: Unleashing Your Inner Sybil and the Co-Founder of WG2E – The Writer’s Guide to E-Publishing - your destination site for Everything E-Publishing, and Founder of RG2E – The Reader’s Guide to Epublishing – the destination site for all-things Ereading. You can get all the scoop on her, her books, her Muse Therapy Online Classes and Live Workshops, plus juicy tidbits too from her website D. D. Scott-ville.
Full Bio:
D. D. Scott’s bestselling romantic comedies are all about sexy, sassy, smart, career-driven women and the men who complete them. They’re a bit chick lit with a gone-country twist...and now a humorous mystery, comedic caper twist too. Her Bootscootin’ Books - think Sex and The City meets Urban Cowboy – debuted August 2010, on Amazon’s Kindle, Barnes & Noble’s Nook and at Smashwords, with BOOTSCOOTIN’ BLAHNIKS, followed by STOMPIN’ ON STETSONS and BUCKLES ME BABY. Now, The Bootscootin’ Characters are gettin’ “cozy”...as in Comedic Caper cozy, with the release of THUG GUARD, LIP GLOCK and CARATS & COCONUTS, Books One, Two and Three of her new, Cozy Cash Mysteries, featuring all of your fave Bootscootin’ characters plus tons of quirky new characters too.
She’s a two-time Amazon Movers & Shakers List Author (making it all the way to #2 on that prestigious list) and has been both a featured author and her books have been top picks – including one of the Top 10 Books for Mother’s Day 2011 - for such superfab Ereader-centric Blogs as Ereader News Today (ENT), Kindle Nation Daily, Cheap e-Reads, Pixel of Ink, The Frugal eReader, Indie Books List, Only Romance, and Bargain eBooks. Her blog posts on the Indie Epub World have been picked-up by fantabulous blogs like Bufo Calvin’s I Love My Kindle.
She can be spotted all-week long on her one-million-hits-per-month grog The WG2E, a writer’s destination site for all-things-Epublishing. She often can also be found hangin’ on both the Kindle and Nook Boards, her new site The RG2E, a reader’s destination site for all-things Ereading, and has an active blog of her own on her website.
Also a Writer’s Go-to-Gal for Muse Therapy and now the Amazon #1 Bestselling Author of MUSE THERAPY: UNLEASHING YOUR INNER SYBIL, D. D. debuted her Muse Therapy Online Classes in 2009 and her Live Workshops in 2010. Thanks to the fabulous endorsement of Stephen Windwalker’s Kindle Nation Daily, there’s a ton more fun and fascinating MUSE THERAPY adventures in development.
D. D.’s first two short stories - The Mom Squad Mini-Mayhem Mysteries – FLUID FULFILLMENT and LICENSED FOR LOVE – released in October 2011, and a D. D. Scott Special Edition Ebook Boxed Set followed in December 2011, which included all three Bootscootin’ Books plus the first two Cozy Cash Mysteries. Her brand new Serial Novels THE STUCK WITH A SERIES released in March 2012, with STUCK WITH A SCHMUCK and STUCK WITH A STIFF, along with a total of 14 additional releases throughout 2012 and many more to come in 2013.
Declaring 2011 to be “The Year of the E-Book & Cross
-Pollination”, D. D. co-founded and launched The Writer’s Guide to E-Publishing, your destination site for Everything E-Publishing. Whatever you want to know and/or cuss and discuss about E-publishing, it’s right there at The WG2E waiting for you as well as in her latest bestselling non-fiction book 10 YEARS AND 24 HOURS TO INDIE EPUBLISHING SUCCESS.
Declaring 2012 “The Year of the Reader”, she founded The RG2E – The Reader’s Guide to Epublishing – a sister site to The WG2E, which launched February 1, 2012 and is “the” new destination site for the Best in Ereading, Ebook Gifting and Ereader Giveaways too.
When she’s not writing, she’s busy luuuvin’ on her real-life hero “Sweet Man” and their beloved shelter-rescued dog Buckley and his new playmate Siggy the Affenpinscher.
For updates on her books, her sexy, sassy, smart neurotic writer’s life blog, and for a schedule of her appearances, including Muse Therapy and Indie Epublishing Sessions, visit her website D. D. Scott-ville.
BOOKS BY D. D. SCOTT
Welcome to D. D. Scott-ville, where “The First One is On Me!”
In other words, the book that started it all for me is FREE on all Ereading Platforms (Kindle, Nook, Sony, Kobo, Apple, Diesel, Smashwords and more)!
Bootscootin’ Blahniks
All of my books are priced between 99 Cents (fiction) and $2.99 (non-fiction, on-writing books), and here’s a list of them in order, in case, like me, you like to read a series from Book One on…: