by Cora Reilly
Was I pregnant? Slowly I straightened and walked toward the washbasin to rinse my face and mouth. It would be the logical explanation. Dante and I had been sleeping with each other for months without protection. When I was certain that my dizziness had passed, I took a shower before I dressed in casual chinos and a pullover, pulled my hair into a ponytail and made my way downstairs. I had to find out if I was pregnant.
I called for Taft and told him I needed to go to a pharmacy. Enzo still had his arm in a cast, so he couldn’t work as my driver at the moment. Taft didn’t ask why, for which I was glad. I didn’t want anyone to suspect anything yet. I needed to know for sure before I told anyone. Taft waited in the car as I headed into the pharmacy and bought two pregnancy tests. Once back in the car, my purchase safely hidden in my bag, I turned to Taft. “Please drive me to Bibiana.” Since I’d started working in the casino, I’d had less time for her, but this was something I wanted to share with her.
I texted her so she’d know I was coming and didn’t surprise her and her husband at a bad time again. Luckily, Tommaso wasn’t home when I arrived at Bibiana’s. There were no visible bruises on her body, and I hoped it was because Tommaso was treating her better and not because he made sure to hide them better since Bibi had spent the night at my house. “Are you okay?” I asked as a way of greeting.
Bibi nodded. “Tommaso has been in a good mood recently.” She led me into the living room. “I’m so glad to see you again. Don’t you have to work?”
“I don’t think I’ll go today. I’ll give Leo a call later to let him know.”
“Has something happened?”
I pulled the pregnancy tests out of my bag.
Bibi’s eyes grew wide. “You’re pregnant?”
“I don’t know. That’s why I bought these. I wanted you to be there when I found out.”
“Wow. Does Dante suspect?”
I shook my head. “I want to know for sure before I tell him.”
“I understand. He’d only be disappointed if you told him and then it wasn’t true.” She took one of the pregnancy tests. “So do you want to do it now?”
I nodded, nerves fluttering in my stomach. Bibi led me to their guest bathroom. I walked in alone. I’d never mastered the talent to pee with other people in a room with me. Once I was done, I set both tests down on the edge of the washbasin and opened the door. Bibi wrapped her arm around my waist, as we both stared at the tests.
“I think it’s time,” she said after a few minutes.
“Okay.” I reached for the tests and with a deep breath, stared down at them. Both were positive. “I’m pregnant.”
Bibi hugged me tightly. “That’s wonderful! I’m so happy for you. Dante will be so proud when he finds out. He’s waited long enough for children and you’re finally giving them to him. Will you tell him today?”
I considered that. “I think I should get confirmation from my gynecologist. As you said, I should be absolutely sure before I tell him.” And the other reason was that I needed some time to get used to the idea myself. I’d always wanted kids, and Dante and I had never taken countermeasures, but now that I knew I would be having a baby in less than one year, I was hit by nerves.
“I couldn’t keep it a secret. Especially since Tommaso is so desperate for me to get pregnant.”
“Maybe we’ll be pregnant together. That would be great.”
She smiled. “Go on, call your doc.”
“I will,” I said with a laugh. She looked more elated than I did.
As usual I got an appointment for the next day. My gynecologist was associated with the Outfit, so I never had to wait long.
***
That evening when Dante and I sat down for dinner together, the truth was on the tip of my tongue. I was still feeling nauseous and didn’t eat more than a few bites of Zita’s delicious lasagna. My glass of wine stayed untouched and I could manage only few gulps of water. Dante peered at me over his wine. “Are you alright? You’ve barely touched your food.”
“I don’t feel well. Maybe I caught the stomach flu.”
Dante’s brows crinkled. “Should I tell Zita to make you tea and chicken soup?”
I couldn’t help but smile. “Thanks, but I think I’ll just go to bed early.” I stood and had to grip the edge of the table as a wave of dizziness gripped me. Dante was beside me immediately. “Should I call the doc?”
I shook my head, then regretted the movement. “No. I’ll feel better once I lie down.” Dante didn’t budge from my side as he led me upstairs, his hand resting on my hip.
I changed into my pajamas as Dante watched me. Then I slipped under the covers. “Do you want me to join you?” he asked.
I hesitated. “I don’t think I’m well enough for sex.”
Dante perched on the bed. “Valentina, that’s not what I meant. I’m not that kind of bastard.”
“I just thought…” I trailed off. “You usually approach me only when you want to sleep with me.”
Dante exhaled, then shook his head. “Would you like me to keep you company until you fall asleep?”
I didn’t want to look needy but even more than that I wanted him to stay with me. His baby was growing in my body, and if my gyn confirmed what the tests had said, I’d tell him. “I don’t want to keep you away from work.”
Dante sat back against the headrest, his legs hanging over the edge so his shoes weren’t touching the sheets. I moved closer to him and rested my head on his stomach. When his fingers started massaging my scalp, my eyes fluttered shut. Maybe a baby would bring us closer together. It had worked for some couples in the Outfit.
***
The next day my gynecologist confirmed my pregnancy and that I was seven weeks along.
I could barely contain my excitement and nervousness when I came home afterwards. Dante wasn’t in his office. I called Bibi and grabbed a few pieces of plain toast from the kitchen before I stretched out on the sofa, hoping that way the toast would stay in. My gyn had said my nausea could last for several weeks, but I really hoped I was among the lucky ones who suffered from morning sickness for only a very short time.
I was woken by the sound of a door being slammed shut and sat up, disoriented. It took me a moment to realize I’d fallen asleep in the living room. Heavy steps passed the living room door, then retreated to the back of the lobby. I stood, and after I’d straightened my clothes and hair, I headed toward Dante’s office. The door was closed as always. I knocked and stepped in.
Dante sat behind his desk, a thunderous expression on his face. I leaned against the doorway. He glanced up, but didn’t say anything.
“What happened? Did the Russians give you trouble?” I didn’t mention Frank, not wanting to remind Dante of my mess-up.
Dante leaned back in his chair and shook his head. “No, the Russians aren’t the problem for once,” he said coldly. “Our own people have taken up the task.”
I frowned. “What do you mean? Did one of your men betray you?”
“It looks like there’s not going to be a wedding.”
“You mean between Gianna and Matteo? Why? Did they have another fight?”
“A fight wouldn’t have detained Matteo from making the Scuderi girl his wife. He’s obsessed with her. No, the girl ran away.”
I walked into the room and perched on the edge of the desk, stunned by the news. “Gianna ran away from home? But how did she manage to escape her bodyguards?” I doubted Scuderi would have let her out of sight for a second. She was way too volatile for that.
“I had a meeting with Rocco but I don’t know all the details yet.”
“New York won’t be happy about it. Do you think it’ll lead to war between them and us again?”
Dante’s lips twisted into a wry smile. “I doubt it. Gianna ran off while she was visiting her sister Aria, so it’s as much Vitiello’s fault as ours.”
“It’s on them then. How can it be our fault if she was in their territory?”
“People are g
oing to say Scuderi didn’t raise his girls right. Some will start to wonder how a Consigliere can control his soldiers if he can’t even control his own daughter. Few might even say it reflects badly on me that I’m taking advice from someone who lets his daughter go rampant.”
“That’s ridiculous. Gianna has always been boisterous. Her siblings are perfectly well behaved, so nobody can blame Scuderi or you.” I remembered what Gianna had said about escape when I’d talked to her. Should I have taken that more seriously? I’d thought she was only letting off steam.
“I’m not so sure. And who says that Aria didn’t help her sister escape?”
My eyes grew wide. “But Gianna’s supposed to marry Aria’s brother-in-law. She would have betrayed her own husband if she’d helped her sister run away.”
Dante nodded, that same cold smile still on his face. “Things are going to get very unpleasant.”
I rubbed my belly absentmindedly. “What will you do? Has Matteo cancelled the wedding yet?”
“Oh no. Matteo has no intention to cancel the wedding. He’s determined to find Gianna. He already started searching for her.” He sighed. “Scuderi is sending two of his soldiers with Matteo. The three of them should be able to track down the girl. They are professionals and she’s a sheltered girl who doesn’t know anything about the real world.”
I could feel a new wave of sickness rising up in me, but I fought it. “Don’t underestimate Gianna. If there’s anyone who could do it, then it’s her.”
“Perhaps. But she’s also hot-headed, and that will eventually lead her to making mistakes.”
I sucked in a deep breath through my teeth as my stomach churned again. Dante searched my face. “You look pale. Are you still not feeling well? Maybe you should talk to the doc.”
“No, I…” I didn’t get to finish the sentence when another wave of nausea washed over me. I rushed out of Dante’s office and toward the guest bathroom. I wouldn’t make it to the master bathroom on the second floor. The moment I was bent over the toilet, I emptied what little I had eaten that morning. Bile burned in my throat. I closed my eyes for a moment as I clung to the bowl. It didn’t help with the dizziness, if possible it made things even worse. My eyes popped open when I heard steps behind me and Dante’s black Budapest shoes appeared in my peripheral vision. I quickly flushed the toilet and staggered to my feet. Dante gripped my arm to steady me as I swayed. “Valentina?” His voice conveyed confusion.
I rinsed my mouth over the washbasin and washed my face. I could feel Dante’s eyes on me the entire time. I faced him, smiling shakily. “I’m fine.”
Dante didn’t look convinced. He followed me into the lobby and then upstairs into our bedroom. I wanted to change my shirt. I couldn’t help but think it smelled of vomit. I knew Dante was suspicious, but I didn’t want to tell him about our baby when he was in such a bad mood because of Gianna. I’d rather keep it a secret a bit longer.
Dante touched my waist. “You know I hate it when you’re keeping secrets. Don’t make it a habit.”
I met his gaze, and pressed my palm against my stomach. Dante followed the movement, his body turning tense.
“I’m pregnant,” I said quietly, hopefully. I wasn’t sure what I’d expected. I knew Dante wasn’t the overly emotional type but I’d hoped for some flicker of joy at least. But there was only suspicion on his face. He took a step back, eyes hard and calculating. “Pregnant?”
“Yes. We never used protection, so I don’t know why you’re acting so shocked. Wasn’t a heir one of the reasons why you married me?”
“That was the reason why my father wanted me to marry again.”
“So you don’t want kids?”
Dante’s mouth was set in a tight line. “Is it mine?”
Now it was my turn to stumble away from him, shock and hurt slamming into me. I couldn’t even say anything. Had he really just asked what I think he had? I was on the verge of an emotional breakdown.
“Answer my question,” Dante said in a low voice.
“Of course it is your child. You’re the only man I’ve ever slept with. How can you even ask such a question? How dare you?”
“I’m not keeping track of everything you do, and there are many men who frequent the casino where you work that wouldn’t say no to a night with you. You’ve made a habit out of keeping things from me. Do I have to remind you of Frank?”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I didn’t want to believe it. Tears of disappointment and fury burned in my eyes. Being pregnant hadn’t exactly helped with my temper and emotionality. “How can you even say something like that? I’ve never given you any reason to doubt me like that. I’m loyal to this marriage. There’s a difference between not telling you about Frank and between cheating on you.”
Dante still didn’t look convinced. “My first wife and I tried for years to get pregnant. It never worked. You and I have been married for less than four months and you’re already pregnant.”
“I don’t know why you act as if that’s impossible. If your first wife was infertile, then that’s your explanation. Have you never consulted with a doctor? Or did you think it was you who was infertile?”
“We never went to a doctor to find out why we couldn’t conceive. Not that it is any of your business. I won’t discuss my first marriage with you.”
I knew why he’d never consulted with a doctor. Stupid pride of Made Men. They’d rather live in ignorance than risk being told that they were shooting blanks. “Too bad. We’re discussing it now. I know why you didn’t want to find out. You didn’t want to know the truth, because you worried it would make you less of a man if it was your fault that your wife couldn’t get pregnant. But now we know it wasn’t your fault. It was Carla who was infertile.” I winced inwardly at my wording. I didn’t want to badmouth a dead woman.
Dante shook his head. “I told you I didn’t want to talk about Carla.”
“Why not? Because you still love her? Because you can’t move on?” He stiffened. “I’m sorry you lost Carla, but I’m your wife now.” Suddenly everything I’d bottled up seemed to come to the surface.
I could see that Dante was teetering on the edge of losing control, and I wanted him to. I was so sick of his sophisticated calm, of his cold logic. “I’m so sick of you treating me like a whore. You ignore me by day and come to me at night for sex. And now you accuse me of cheating on you? Sometimes I think you hurt me on purpose to keep me at arm-length. When will you finally move on? Your wife has been dead for four years, it’s time you stop pitying yourself and realize that life goes on. When will you stop clinging to the memory of a dead woman and realize there’s someone in your life who wants to be with you?”
Dante was in front of me without a warning, his eyes flashing with fury and sorrow. “Don’t talk about her.”
I lifted my chin. “She’s dead and she won’t come back, Dante.”
He clenched his hands at his side. “Stop talking about her.” There was a hint of warning in his voice.
“Or what?” I said, even though the anger in Dante’s eyes sent a shiver of fear down my back. “Do you want to hit me? Go ahead. It can’t possibly be worse than the knife you thrust into my back by accusing me of carrying another man’s child.” It wasn’t exactly the truth. If he raised his hand against me, this marriage would be over once and for all. I knew some women in our world accepted physical abuse, many didn’t have any choice but to do it, Bibiana was one of them, but I’d sworn myself that I’d never bow down to a man like that. Stupid tears made my vision blurry, but I forced them back. I wouldn’t cry in front of Dante.
“You’re so busy honoring her memory and protecting the image of her you have in your mind that you don’t realize how badly you’re treating me. You lost your first wife through no fault of your own, but you will be losing me because you can’t let go of her.”
Dante stared at me, completely frozen. The myriad of emotions in his eyes was impossible to read, and I was too tired to bother. I wa
lked past him and he didn’t try to stop me. He didn’t move at all. “I’ll move into the guest bedroom. There isn’t enough room in our bedroom for me and the memories of your past. If you ever decide you want to give this marriage a chance, then you can come to me and apologize for what you said. Until then, I’m done with us.”
I hurried up the staircase. Dante didn’t try to follow me. The guest bedrooms were always prepared for guests. I slipped into the first, glad when the door shut behind me. I crept into bed. Maybe I’d sealed the fate of my marriage today, but I couldn’t go back to how things had been. I’d rather have a clean cut. Of course I couldn’t divorce Dante and he would never allow it, not that I wanted to, but we could lead completely separate lives despite being married. Many couples in our world did it. We’d go about our days like before, sleep in separate beds and play the married couple in public. We’d have to raise our children together, but most men took a backseat in these matters anyway. Eventually Dante would start frequenting Club Palermo or find a mistress like so many Made Men did, and I would focus all of my energy on taking care of our children. Many women had it worse, and yet the idea that I’d just painted my future made me sick, but I couldn’t pretend Dante hadn’t said those horrible things to me.
It was out of my hands now. Dante had to decide if he wanted to live in the past or move on into a future with me.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Dante didn’t apologize. Not the day after our fight, and not in the weeks after it. Maybe it shouldn’t have come as a surprise. I went to my ten-week check-up to the gynecologist with Bibi. I didn’t even tell Dante about it. If he wanted to ignore the fact that I was pregnant, that was his problem.
One week after the appointment, Dante’s sister Ines and her husband Pietro came to visit us. I had only seen Ines twice since the wedding as she’d given birth to her third child four weeks ago. Zita had made dinner as I was too tired most of the time.