This exercise is a great way to enlarge your social comfort circle. Self-esteem comes from having the confidence that nothing bad will happen, that you know how to handle it. There’s only one way to get there, and that’s to practice.
Fear of getting trapped
If this is your fear, please go through the fear of flying chapter a couple of pages back. You can use everything I explained there when you fear:
- elevators
- the dentist’s chair
- surgery
- medical scans
- getting stuck in a submarine stuck in enemy territory
It’s the exact same alarm system that goes off while flying.
Needing a safe spot nearby
I won’t spend too much time on this one since I’ve already discussed it earlier in the book. But many forms of anxiety, like a social phobia, agoraphobia, and even fears like a fear of driving come with needing a safe zone, a safe spot.
This will often be your own home, but it can be ad-interim homes where you can seclude yourself for a couple of minutes like the restrooms.
These are not needed. Unless it’s wanted and real anxiety because of the real physical danger you’re in, you’re as safe wherever you are at the moment the anxiety strikes as you would be in your own home. Plus, as I’ve noticed during the years I had actual agoraphobia, the anxiety will simply find you wherever you try to hide anyway.
You cannot outrun it.
It’s like the ghosts you see in the movies. While the protagonist tries to run, the ghost keeps reappearing and when the protagonist thinks he’s safe after shutting a door, as soon as he turns around there is that ghost again.
Anxiety cannot be outrun, and we don’t even need to, as explained. You are your safe spot. The world is your backyard. All the rest is trivial and just a mind game.
I always loved it when people who started the audio course told me, “Well, Geert, I feel perfectly fine, as long as I stay within a ten-mile radius from my home. Outside of that radius all hell breaks loose.”
Right... because indeed, the danger is different at eleven miles than it is at a nine-mile distance from the home. Of course it isn’t, but your mind wants you to believe so. These are just mind games.
As soon as these people drove outside of their radius, they had already tensed up their nervous system by thinking, “Oh my, I’m coming closer to the end of my comfort circle. I hope I survive it.” Then as they got at the ten-mile distance they added, “Oh no, this is where the anxiety will start. I’m very far away from home now, and there are no hospitals around. I hope I survive this. What is this that I’m feeling there? Oh no!”... and the avalanche starts. They created it.
And I’m, of course, not pointing fingers here; my anxiety started not with the amount of miles but the amount of minutes. I always wanted to be a set amount of minutes away from safety.
I’ve had clients who were good at ruining every vacation for their entire family, because of this anxiety. As soon as they were too far away from home, they got off balance while the physical danger they were in was the exact same as at home. Their minds were doing the rest.
Here, firstly, it’s important to deal with the anticipatory anxiety. People with this type of fear will be dreading the trip for as long in advance as they can. They will go over all of the possibilities and prepare better than the CIA would for a regular mission. Don’t do it. Allow your mind to come up with any “what ifs” it wants but firmly keep repeating like a broken record, “I’ll deal with it on the day it happens, NOT beforehand.” You’ll have to repeat this often, because your danger radar won’t give up.
That’s normal! Our bodies are still equipped with the defense systems we needed ten thousand years ago. At that time, going away from home was dangerous. You could get eaten by predators you had never seen before, get hunted down by a rival clan from another town you had never heard of, eat from unknown berries that turned out to be poisonous... the list goes on.
That’s why your body still tries to prepare. It doesn’t know we’ve moved ahead with our civilization since it takes thousands of years for our instincts and genes to fully change.
Everything that’s outside of our comfort zone will give anyone some form of fear. Everyone. How we react to it is what makes the difference.
From now on, take the anxiety with you. Step out of the bounds of your comfort circle, that’s where the magic happens. You can use any of the techniques from part two to help you.
This concludes the addendum.
This is the real end
I hope you’ve enjoyed the book and that it has given you a lot of “aha!” moments that will propel you forward.
I need your help, however. I am a one-man army, trying to help as many people as I can, and I hope you’ll be spreading the word.
What you can do to help is simple: please leave a review of the book on Amazon. You simply go to your order history, find the book, and then leave a review (or just search for the book and hit the “write a review” button). If you didn’t like the book for some reason, please reach out to me directly on [email protected]. I value your feedback, even if it’s negative. If you loved reading it, please share it on Amazon.
This will help support other people who still suffer from unwanted anxiety and panic attacks. They could use your help. People who suffer from anxiety will feel less alone when reading your message, and hopefully they will, thanks to you, find the courage to do something about it like you just did.
Thanks for sticking with me till the very end! It was a privilege to write this book for you.
Good luck!
Geert
Ilovepanicattacks.com
* * *
[1] https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/prevalence/any-anxiety-disorder-among-adults.shtml
[2] For further reading, I suggest Adrenal Fatigue by Dr. Wilson.
[3] Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, Volume 142, February 2016, Pages 382–390
[4] Functional brain changes following cognitive and motor skills training: a quantitative meta-analysis. (PMID:23093519), Neurorehabilitation and Neural Repair [23 Oct 2012, 27(3):187-199], http://europepmc.org/abstract/MED/23093519
[5] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17046669, Brain plasticity and functional losses in the aged: scientific bases for a novel intervention.
[6] https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2013/11/size-connectivity-of-brain-region-linked-to-anxiety-level-in-young-children-study-shows.html
[7] Stress reduction correlates with structural changes in the amygdala, Soc Cogn Affect Neurosci. 2010 Mar; 5(1): 11–17. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2840837/
Published online 2009 Sep 23. doi: https://dx.doi.org/10.1093%2Fscan%2Fnsp034, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2840837/
[8] http://jn.physiology.org/content/112/12/3219 Journal of Neurophysiology Published 15 December 2014 Vol. 112 no. 12, 3219-3226 DOI: 10.1152/jn.00386.2014
[9] Britta Hölzel et al., "Stress Reduction Correlates with Structural Changes in the Amygdala," Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience 5, No. 1 (2010): 11-17.
[10] Effects of mindful-attention and compassion meditation training on amygdala response to emotional stimuli in an ordinary, non-meditative state, Front. Hum. Neurosci., 01 November 2012 | https://doi.org/10.3389/fnhum.2012.00292
[11] https://hbr.org/2015/09/gazing-at-nature-makes-you-more-productive
[12] https://hbr.org/2017/03/the-busier-you-are-the-more-you-need-quiet-time
his-inline-share-buttons">share
Badass Ways to End Anxiety & Stop Panic Attacks! Page 17