I think you should know…there are rumors among the crew that you’re not into men.”
Cees studied him seriously. “It’s good you told me. I hate having people trying to guess things about me.” Vance’s relief was palpable. “The truth is, I saw how badly you were doing with women, so I thought I would give it a shot. To be honest, I don’t get why you get shot down so much. I have no trouble Þ nding attractive women to spend time with.”
Miranda chose that moment to leave her ofÞ ce carrying a large box and wearing the same frazzled expression she’d worn when she had ended her phone call. Cees moved to the side to let Miranda by, but she stopped, shifting the box to the rail. Miranda had always been the peacekeeper between Cees and Vance, alternating between placating Cees and catering to Vance’s ego in order to keep the show going. Now she ignored him completely.
“Hey, I almost forgot to ask, would you mind telling Arieanna that I’m sorry if I upset her when she was here? I was probably a little more jealous of your relationship than I had any right to be. I hope there are no hard feelings? I really do wish you two the best.”
“Of course, there aren’t. I’ll make sure to tell her,” Cees said as Miranda passed her. She was about to follow her, but couldn’t resist the wink she gave Vance. His mouth clamped shut audibly, and Cees went in search of Philly. The moment was tempered by the fact that the one person who would have enjoyed hearing about the exchange was not accepting her calls.
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CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Cees felt the tumult of fear and anger that always came over her when she walked into a medical facility. She reached for Arie’s hand and held it tight. Arie squeezed, and Cees tried to make the corners of her mouth turn up, but failed.
This was the right thing to do. Most importantly, this is what Arie said she wanted to do. Today she and Arie stood at their fork in the road. They would learn which direction the rest of their lives would follow.
The show was on hiatus, and the producers were happy with her because the ratings were good. They weren’t exactly happy that she planned on being pregnant next season, until Miranda pointed out that more and more women were making the choice to become single parents.
Voices had become excited over the prospect, but Cees had tuned out. To them, portraying her as a single parent meant she would appeal to yet another group: single mothers. To her, it meant Arie wasn’t by her side.
“Are you all right, sweetheart?” Arie grasped her wrist gently, pulling her hand down from her glasses. This was a new side of Arie that had returned after her memory. Cees loved how attentive Arie was but hated the undercurrent of apology that was always between them. She felt sure that they would get past this someday. Given time.
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“I just need a minute.” The irony that she was having a harder time than Arie seemed to be having didn’t escape her notice.
Arie’s face appeared passive, cold and unreadable. No, Cees corrected herself. Arie was just more adept at hiding; she had always been adept at concealing her fears. But now that Cees knew what to look for, she could see it clearly. She had been awakened when Arie put her key in the lock. But the truth was, Arie was as afraid as she was of spending even a single minute apart if they didn’t have to.
The two thoughts she had forbidden herself to think about before Arie told her about the possibility of her carrying the trait for Huntington’s disease came to mind. Can I live without her again? Can I love her and let her go when the time comes?
The nurse smiled at them and raised a hand. Cees told herself that it was a good sign. No look of compassion, but a smile, a wave. She remembered the two of them. She cupped her hand over the phone. “Dr. Parrantt is getting your Þ le now. Why don’t you two head on into his ofÞ ce?”
Cees realized the doctor hadn’t yet seen the results, which meant that the nurse’s smile meant nothing. Cees’s hopes plummeted again and she stood up. Arie was much slower, and Cees noticed how pale her face was. Cees wrapped her arm around her waist. She didn’t release her when they sat in the two visitor chairs in Dr. Parrantt’s ofÞ ce. She put her mouth near Arie’s ear.
“No matter what, we said we’d live like there’s no tomorrow.
Remember?”
“I remember,” Arie said in a voice that sounded as old as time itself. And Cees felt a strange calm settle over herself.
“Good, what do you want for dinner?”
Arie grew still and turned to look at Cees. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah, completely. Part of living like there’s no tomorrow means we eat whatever we want.” Cees patted her belly. “I have an excuse to get all chunk and sassy, so I’m going to do a bang-up job of it.”
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“You’re not pregnant yet.”
Arie was smiling now and Cees winked at her. “Nobody has to know that.” Cees wanted to get pregnant as soon as possible, and although she could see Arie was excited by the idea, there was still that little bit of turmoil that growing up without her parents had left with her. Cees had pointed out gently that she would make sure that their child was loved, and Arie been forced to relent.
“I’m thinking I want one of those brownie fudge sundaes.”
“For dinner?” Cees heard the smile in Arie’s voice.
“Of course. It’s a little late for breakfast. What will you be having?”
Arie did laugh now. “We can’t split the brownie sundae?”
“No,” Cees said. Arie laughed again, and Cees tried to join in, but it sounded hollow and sad. I love your mouth, your skin, your nose, and your sensitive neck…
“Don’t do that,” Arie said; all that was left of her smile was a memory.
“What did I do?”
“You’re trying to imprint me on your brain. I used to do that every time you came to visit me in the hospital because I Þ gured you weren’t going to show up the next day.”
Cees shook her head, but Arie reached out to stop her with a hand on her cheek. “I’m still here. No matter what he says, I’m not ready to say good-bye to you yet. You understand?”
Cees cupped the back of Arie’s hand and kissed her palm.
She would have apologized for her slip, but the doctor walked in with a thin manila folder in his hand.
“Ladies,” he said, as he had the last two times they had visited with him.
Cees felt Arie pull into herself and attempt to remove her hand, but Cees held fast. She was unable to rip her eyes from the manila folder. The contents of that slim folder would tell her whether she would have to watch someone she loved die. How could something so thin hold the blueprint for the rest of their lives?
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Dr. Parrantt opened the Þ le and said simply, “Arie, we are ninety-Þ ve percent certain that you do not carry the gene for Huntington’s disease.”
The stark quiet in the room went unbroken for so long that Cees ran the doctor’s words through her mind three times. Arie was ninety-Þ ve percent certain not to develop Huntington’s disease. Arie’s hand had gone limp in hers and Cees couldn’t take her eyes off Dr. Parrantt. Finally, he smiled, and that drove it home for both of them.
The smile was what did it for Cees. She felt something come loose inside. Arie pulled her onto her lap.
“Take as long as you need.” Dr. Parrantt closed the door softly as he left.
Soul-wrenching sobs ripped from the deepest parts of Cees’s body. Arie held on to her, telling her to let it out, telling her that they were going to be Þ ne and that she loved her. Cees wanted to tell her that she knew all that, but Arie began to cry too, and at some point they started to rock each other to ease the pain and the fear.
Eventually the hold they had on each other gentled, and Cees worried about her weight bearing down on Arie’s legs. She wiped beneath Arie
’s wet eyes with her thumbs, then kissed her swollen lips. Arie’s arms tightened to support her as she reached across Dr. Parrantt’s desk for a tissue.
She dried her eyes and cleaned her glasses on her shirt. She sighed and asked, “Should we let the good doctor have his ofÞ ce back?”
“Probably a good idea,” Arie said and Cees reluctantly extricated herself from Arie’s lap.
“You up for that dinner?” Cees asked.
Arie smiled. “I’d much rather we went home. I need to be close to you.”
It was Cees who said the proper thank-yous to Dr. Parrantt, and it was Cees who put the paperwork in front of Arie to sign.
She led Arie to the car and gently reminded her to put on her seat
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belt. Cees pulled the truck to a stop at the end of the parking lot.
Arie’s head had fallen to the side. She was asleep. Cees closed her eyes brieß y and saw a twenty-year-old memory of her father running down the sidewalk as he tried to help her ß y a kite. He had been tall, strong, and happy then. She sent him a silent thank-you and pulled the monster onto the street. She drove Þ ve miles below the speed limit, careful to avoid potholes and streetlights that could jar Arie from a much-needed sleep.
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EPILOGUE
Two Months Later
Arie knew how Lilly would react when she saw her sitting at the table alone. She held her breath as Lilly slowed her step, shifted a purse almost half her size, and looked over her large glasses at Arie. She stopped in front of the table, looking at Arie as if she were something of interest that had been discarded on the sidewalk. Finally, she closed her phone with a ß ip of the wrist and a snap that made Arie jump.
“Where’s Cees?”
“She’s on her way,” Arie said, and disappointment settled heavily on her shoulders as Lilly ß ipped open her cell and began to dial.
“I’ll see what’s holding her up.”
“No, wait. Don’t call her yet.”
Lilly closed her phone and set it carefully on the table. She then removed her sunglasses and set them next to the phone. Arie wouldn’t have been surprised if she pulled boxing gloves out of her gigantic bag and started whaling on her.
“What are we doing here?”
“I sent you the text message asking you to lunch, not Cees.
I told her that you called while she was in the shower and asked that she meet you here.” Now that Arie could see Lilly’s eyes,
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she wished that she hadn’t removed the sunglasses. Lilly Nguyen made her feel like the creepiest bug on earth.
“I remember everything,” Arie said.
“So Momma told me. You want an award?”
“No, I mean, I remember you coming to see me a few weeks after Cees and I broke up.”
Lilly’s expression didn’t change and Arie couldn’t help but think how unalike Cees and Lilly were, but how close they were and how she was the cause of the rift between them.
“So what about it?”
“You told me I was making the biggest mistake of my life.”
Lilly said nothing. The wind picked up and several strands of her long dark hair blew across her face. She didn’t move them and her gaze never wavered. Arie stilled herself, forced herself not to back down.
“You were right. Look, I know you can’t stand me because of what I did to Cees. I know she’s like a sister to you, but…”
Lilly leaned forward, her expression Þ nally changed, and Arie got a glimpse of the depths of her anger. “She is my sister.”
The words were hissed through thinned lips. “And you broke her heart. You broke her. Cees gave you everything and you threw it back in her face. I don’t know how she could ever forgive you, let alone forget what you did.”
Arie inhaled and said the only word that she could get out of her tightening throat. “Don’t—” Arie stopped herself. She wanted to defend herself against Lilly’s wrath, but how could she? Why had she asked Lilly here? What had she expected? Lilly was doing what Cees had every right to do. What Arie would have done if anyone had hurt her family. “Cees forgave me because she loves me.”
Lilly let out a very unfeminine snort, but Arie went on as if she hadn’t heard it. “Please let me Þ nish. She loves me, but every time she looks at me there is this little bit of pain that she can’t hide. No matter how tightly I hold her and how long I make love to her, I can’t make it go away. I don’t need you to punish
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me, Lilly.” Arie tried to hold on to Lilly’s gaze, tried to make her understand that she was sincere in her desire to heal the hurts she had caused.
“Why did you text me from Cees’s phone?”
“Because I knew you wouldn’t agree to come if I asked you myself. I told Cees you phoned while she was in the shower.
She’ll be here in Þ fteen minutes, I wanted us to have time to talk Þ rst.”
“What do we have to talk about? I told you how I felt about what you did that day I came to see you.”
“You never told Cees about that.”
Lilly shrugged. “Why would I? I should have kept my nose out of it anyway.”
“When my brain shut off everything else, I remembered you yelling at me. I remembered how painful it was watching you leave, how I gave up on everything after that.” Lilly’s eyes narrowed but she didn’t speak. “I asked you here because I want to tell you the truth.” Arie wiped a tear from the corner of her eye, sighed. “God, I’ve been doing that too much lately. Okay. When I was very small, my father died of a genetic disorder called Huntington’s disease.”
Lilly went very still. Arie took advantage of her stillness and told her everything she had told Cees about her grandmother and her father’s deaths. “My grandfather thought it best that I not be told, and for a while I hated him for it. Now I’m not so sure he was wrong. I don’t know what I would have done with that possibility hanging over my head.”
“I do. You would cut yourself off from the rest of the world and disassociate yourself from all relationships.”
Arie raised a brow and Lilly shrugged. “I couldn’t sleep, so I read some of Chuck’s journals.”
Arie picked up her tea cup, more to steady her quivering lip than for a need to drink. “It took me two hours to fall in love with Cees. I thought she was the most beautiful human being I had ever met.”
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Lilly wrinkled her nose. “She’s not all that.”
Arie laughed. “She’s pretty great.” Lilly conceded her point with a nod.
“She has forgiven me, Lilly. But she doesn’t understand how I could make that sacriÞ ce for her. You were there when her father died. I only see the remnants of that pain, but can you understand why I did what I did? I’m not asking you to agree, but just understand that I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“It doesn’t matter what I understand.”
“It does. It matters. You’re her family. She cares what you and Momma Nguyen think, and you’ve been avoiding her for weeks now. She misses you. I can tell by the way she answers the phone when it rings that she’s hoping it’s you, and it never is.”
Lilly shrugged, but she did look guilty. “She could have called me, you know?”
“Come on, Lilly. She tried at Þ rst. You refused to take her calls.” Lilly didn’t deny it, and they both grew silent. Arie watched as a streetcar packed with people headed toward the waterfront.
Her lease on the apartment ended on Monday, but most of her things had already been moved to Cees’s small home. Another wind blew and Arie closed her eyes and leaned back. “Cees is here. She’s early.” Arie opened her eyes and smiled.
Lilly looked behind Arie and then back, incredulity on her face. “She just turned the cor
ner. How did you know?”
Arie stood up to embrace Cees.
Cees kissed her. “What are you doing here? I thought you were going to your place to pick up the rest of your stuff.”
Arie Þ lled Cees in on her plot to bring her and Lilly together.
When she was done, Cees sat down in the chair that Arie pulled out for her. “Um, Lil, you know I had nothing to do with this?”
“Yeah, I know. You’re not devious enough,” Lilly said into her teacup.
Cees kept staring at Lilly until Lilly Þ nally looked at her.
Arie picked up her water glass and drank so that Lilly wouldn’t
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catch her grinning. It was hard for her to ignore Cees when she did that too.
“I missed you, Lilly. I missed you a lot and I don’t want to Þ ght anymore.” Cees pulled her into a hug and Arie looked away to give them privacy, but not before she saw a tear spill down Lilly’s cheek.
The waiter was approaching and Arie shook her head. He immediately turned away, and Arie mentally reminded herself to leave a big tip. Eventually, Cees and Lilly straightened and Lilly picked up her purse and pulled out a compact. Arie picked up her menu and studied it, giving Cees and Lilly time to get over their discomfort.
“You gonna make it?” Lilly asked. Arie looked up when Cees hadn’t responded. Two sets of eyes were looking at her, and she realized that Lilly was speaking to her.
Arie set her menu down. “Oh yeah, I had the test and I’m ninety-Þ ve percent unlikely to get the disease.”
“That mean you’re going to go through with it?” Lilly looked down at the table, indicating Cees’s stomach. At least that’s what Arie hoped she was indicating.
“Yeah, we’re going to try. It might take a while, though.”
Cees asked gently, “Momma Nguyen didn’t tell you?”
“Nah, she’s mad at me because I’m mad at you.”
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