by DJ Parker
After a brief pause, a chuckle escaped my lips as I shook my head in disbelief. “I’m really not in the mood to laugh,” I said.
“Simone, I’ve never been more serious in my life. Andriano is going to be the boss of the Balducci family after he marries Josephine. Don’t you get it—all of his businesses are a front to hide the other businesses. My father has worked for them for over 20 years as their accountant to hide the money trail. The Balducci’s own this whole state. This is bigger than you’ll ever know,” she said, with certainty in her eyes.
At that moment, I knew what she said must have been true because she looked completely scared. “I thought that the mob existed only in movies. How do you even know about this?” I asked, shaking my head in disbelief.
“I have been around these people my whole life, and I have learned so much along the way. It’s way more than I should have known. When I was sixteen years old, while on our trip to Jamaica, I asked my dad why Andriano Balducci, was on the front cover of the newspaper with big bold letters etched out saying Mafia King. Instead of sugar-coating the answer, my father broke it down to me,” Victoria explained.
Victoria stood up and sat on the bed beside me before she continued. “I think that is the reason why the Balducci and Capparelli families are determined to make this matrimony between Andriano and Josephine happen by any means necessary, even if that meant getting rid of you. It will not only expand their businesses, but this will also make them the most feared families in the history of the mob,” she finished.
“Oh my God—am I in danger? Do they know about me?” I asked, frightened by the possibility of being murdered because of my association with Andriano. If I was not convinced before of my decision to have an abortion, I was surely convinced now.
“I doubt that they know about you, but if the relationship continued, they would’ve learned about you. Hell…if Josephine was even suspicious of you, she would have happily told her father. Maybe that is the reason why Andriano wants you to get an abortion. Going through with this pregnancy will put both you and the baby in danger,” Victoria said, as she stood up again and walked towards the bedroom door. “The car is waiting outside for us. Are you ready to go?” she asked. With a slow nod, I stood up and grabbed my purse and left the room.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Andriano
I reluctantly kept re-reading the letter and crumbling it over again. I love her more than anything in this world. She epitomized everything that was perfect, and she was what I needed in my life. But I knew that I couldn’t be with her. She was my greatest Sinn against all of the rules that I was taught by La Cosa Nostra. We didn’t have room to love anyone. It was all about loyalty, family, duty, and protection. She would be considered an enemy of my family for many obvious reasons. I knew that if I continued to pursue her secretly, eventually, she would be in danger. Because she was African American, she wouldn’t have been worthy to be my goomah. She was a mistake and…Christ… if I didn’t love her with all of my heart, I would’ve had her killed the moment she became pregnant. It was an act that my family would’ve expected me to do as part of duty and protection to La Cosa Nostra. In a perfect world, I would’ve married her. I would’ve been elated to know that she carried my seed. But the reality is that Josephine is my fiancé, and we will have children that will continue to carry the strong Italian bloodline for the next generation.
Staring at my empty glass, I knew what I had to do. I had to let Simone go, I announced out loud. According to Lucas, she just walked into the abortion clinic five minutes ago. She is aborting our baby, I shamefully thought. Hurt and anger tugged at my heart. Grabbing the bottle of Scotch, I poured the smooth liquid into my cup for the fourth time in the last hour. Filling it up to the rim, I thought about the last time I drank like this. It was the day I landed in Italy, after my first kill. I needed to drown out the blood and grievous act I had committed. You always remember your first kill, I remembered my father telling me. I left the states as a boy and returned home as a man who embraced his destiny with loyalty, duty, and family as the only emotions I needed. Everything else outside of that was non-existent—until I met Simone. I never knew that I could love anyone that much. I would kill anyone, including family before I let anything happen to her. Swallowing the remainder of the Scotch in my cup, I stood up and strolled out of my office. I needed to see her, my bella mia, my greatest Sinn. Signaling the driver, I hopped into the back of the truck and ordered Lucas to take me to the address of the clinic in New Jersey.
Simone
Staring up at the ceiling light, I took in the silence that was all around me as I lay on the examination table. After paying $1,200 and signing consent and privacy forms, I was ushered into this private room. Victoria waited for me in the guest lounge area. I tried to shut out the guilt that crept up inside me, as I thought about what I was about to do.
“Hello, Ms. Sinn. I am Dr. Plainfield,” said the middle-aged doctor, as he waltzed into the room more chipper than he needed to be. “According to your chart, you are not sure how far along you are, correct?” he asked, as he looked up from my file in his hands.
“Correct,” I said somberly.
“That’s fine. Since your chart indicated that you took an at home pregnancy test,” he said. “We are going to do an ultrasound testing to see how far along you are. This is just a gel we use in order to perform the test. It will be cold at first, but you’ll get used to it,” he said, as he rubbed the cool gel on my stomach. After moving the transducer around my pelvic and abdomen area, he sighed and looked down at me.
“Well Ms. Sinn, you are indeed pregnant. Judging from the screen, you are fourteen weeks.” He hesitated slightly before he continued, “I see two sacs.”
“What does that mean? Can you still perform the procedure?” I asked, confused by his terminology.
“Ms. Sinn, you’re pregnant with triplets. Look at the two sacs. One has two fetuses, which will be identical twins. And this sac shows a fetus that will be their fraternal singleton,” he said, as he angled his pen to point out the sacs on the screen. “This is baby A, baby B, and baby C. Being pregnant with multiples without any fertility drugs is rare. Would you like to hear their heartbeats?”
Shocked with disbelief, I couldn’t hear anything else that he said after he revealed how many babies were in my stomach. Waving his hand in my face to get my attention, he broke me out of the unsettling thought.
“Hello, Ms. Sinn…hello…are you ok?” he asked after I realized where I was.
“I can’t do this. This is a mistake. I’m so sorry for wasting your time. Please keep the money,” I said, as I hopped off of the examination table and reached for my pants. After sliding up my pants, I quickly walked out of the room before I changed my mind.
Stopping dead in my tracks, I came face to face with Andriano. For a long moment, we stared at each other before I diverted my eyes to Victoria.
“Did you call him?” I asked her. She shook her head emphatically as if she was stunned to see him as well.
“Bella mia…” he began.
“Don’t call me that. Are you here to make sure that I had the abortion? Huh? Well, it is done, and so are we,” I said angrily, as I grabbed my purse from Victoria’s lap and started walking out of the guest lounge area.
Once outside, I walked over to the car that awaited us. As my hand touched the car door handle, Andriano grabbed my arm and forcefully brought me towards his truck. At that moment, all control shattered as my hands flew into a violent rage. I smacked and punched him. He stood firm as steel, as he endured my hits that landed on his face and chest. I continued until I grew tired and collapsed with a vengeful stream of tears spilling out of my eyes. He wrapped his arms around me and held me for what seemed like hours.
My head was buried deep into his chest, as I cried out my love for him, my pain, my hurt, and my sadness. He didn’t know that I decided to keep our babies and that I will now be raising our children by myself. He didn’t know
that I had to give up all of my dreams and what was familiar to me in order to protect our babies. He didn’t know that I had to flee from him. I reveled in the moment, knowing that this will be the last time that he would hold me.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Andriano
I shouldn’t be here, I repeated in my head—somehow trying to convince myself that being here was wrong. Deep down, I knew that she deserved so much more, and I hated myself for all of the pain that I caused her. I should have stayed away from her the moment I felt the unrelenting need to pursue her. It was love the whole time, and I confused it for lust. I thought that the more I fucked her, the quicker I will get bored with her. I should have never allowed our feelings to manifest into a love like this. She should have never been in this position. But I was selfish and wanted her, regardless. Her body shook as she cried. I’ve never seen her in this much pain, and it cut me deeper than I could imagine.
“Simone, are you ok?” asked Victoria.
“Victoria can you please give us a moment?” I asked sternly. She harbored tears in the midst of her eyes as well. For a moment, I felt as though she was going to fight me too, but she turned around and walked back to her car.
Simone looked up at me and attempted to push her body away from me—I held onto her tighter. Leaning down, I kissed her deeply, in an attempt to replace her hurt and pain. She kissed me back more intensely than I expected her to respond. She held onto me tightly, as our mouths mated. Breaking away from the kiss, in order to catch her breath, she attempted to free her body away from mine once again.
“I can’t do this with you, Andriano. I just can’t. You lied to me. We were never in a relationship. It was all a lie. I know that you are engaged to marry Josephine. I saw the invitation. You led me to believe that you and she were family friends. But all along, you were in a relationship with her. I was your dirty little secret. I was the woman that you didn’t want to bring around your family because I was not good enough. I was only good enough to fuck,” she said, with anger and hostility in her voice. Shoving her body free of mine, I reluctantly let her go.
“Bella mia—Simone, we were real. Our relationship was real. The love that we have for each other, even at this moment in time, is real. No other woman, but you, could make me feel powerless and free,” I helplessly confessed, as I held her arms tenderly in mid-air.
“Do you remember that morning when you left to go to your father’s house, and you ignored all of my calls and texts? I called you, and Josephine picked up your phone. Still I believed that it was a mistake and that you wouldn’t hurt me like that. But it wasn’t true for me until I saw you enter The Land with her. I called you and watched you send my call to your voicemail. You never loved me. You loved the distraction and the new pussy that you got from me. I was stupid enough to sleep with you unprotected. I wonder how many other women you’ve done this to,” she said, with a sarcastic chuckle.
Anger brewed deep within, as I shoved her onto the truck door, “You don’t know shit. Yes, I fucked up, but I never lied about my feelings for you. It was always you. No other woman could move me as much as you do. This is what you do to me,” I said, as I pressed my erection against her pelvic abdomen area.
“I could be with any other woman, but I fell hard for you! I love only you! Do you fucking hear me?” I shouted at her. “I fucking hate myself for falling in love with you! I hate myself for hurting you like this! I hate that I pushed you to terminate our baby!”
She visibly shivered at the onslaught of my anger and shouting. With quivering lips and shimmering eyes, I knew that I did more damage than good. I knew that I had to part ways with her forever. “I am sorry. You deserve someone better than me. I will leave you alone forever. But please keep this,” I said as I shoved my hand into my pocket and retrieved a letter attached to a small box. “Please take this, and I swear I will never speak to you, look for you, or have anyone check on you. Please read this letter and open this box when you have truly forgiven me.”
Placing the contents into her hand, I leaned forward and shared with her our last kiss. It was a farewell kiss that I knew would haunt me forever. Regretfully releasing her, I walked around her, opened the door, and hopped into the truck. I left the love of my life behind me.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Simone
I stood in the parking lot and watched him leave my life forever. A part of me died as his truck exited the parking lot. I wanted to hate him, and I wanted to rip his letter to shreds while tossing the little black box into the Atlantic Ocean. I wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me, but love stopped me. Love made these three babies in my stomach, I thought, as I held onto my stomach tenderly. He’s been drinking—I could smell it and taste it against his mouth. He was dealing with his own share of suffering. Deep down, within the core of my stomach, I believe that he really does love me. Just listening to Victoria about his life and the mafia, I knew that I couldn’t stay angry. I knew that for the sake of my babies, I had to take the time to heal and forgive him. I placed the letter and box into my bag, with all intentions of reading it when I forgave him.
Even if we did decide to remain together, I knew that it would only end up endangering my life and my babies’ lives. Now was the time to focus on creating a plan to leave my school in New York City and leave New Jersey. As I hopped into the car, I looked over at Victoria, whose face was beet red and her eyes were filled with tears. Reaching over to her, I hugged her tightly.
When we returned home, I brought her into my room, and I knew that I had to come clean about what happened while I was in the examination room. Taking a deep breath, I proceeded to tell her everything. She sat in silence for a moment after I told her everything. “Simone, are you sure that you want to do this?” she simply asked.
“Yes, I am prepared to deal with this on my own. No one, not even Andriano, can know. He believes that I had an abortion, and I want to keep it that way. So please promise me?” I said as I turned to face her.
“I promise, no one will know. But what are you going to do?” she asked.
“For starters, I have to drop out of school. I’m not going back to Florida. I have a little over $4,000. I know that it is not much, but it is enough to relocate to another state.” After a brief pause, I reached for my cell phone on the nightstand and said, “I have to call my grandmother. Maybe she will take me in temporarily until I can get back on my feet.”
After spending an hour on the phone with my grandmother, she decided that she wanted me to live with her in North Carolina. I explained a portion of the story to her, without delving into the part about Andriano being in the mafia. She only knew that I was pregnant with triplets, that I was dropping out of school, and that the father of my babies didn’t want to be a part of their lives. I knew that she was disappointed, despite her calm demeanor and continuous insistence that God has blessed me with three babies—while other women out there are begging for one.
When I mentioned dropping out of school for the second time in our conversation, she said, “One monkey doesn’t stop a circus from going. You have me. You will finish school because now you have even more of a reason to succeed in life.” After assuring her that I will buy a ticket for the next available flight this week, we ended the call with a short, heartfelt prayer. That night, I cried myself to sleep.
Andriano
“Tonight is your proposal and engagement party. Are you excited?” asked my younger sister Katerina with a wide grin.
Before I could answer, my father interjected with his thick Italian accent, “Of course he is happy.”
“You’re the first out of all of us to get married. You and Josephine were meant for each other,” Katerina said, as she threw her long delicate arms around my neck, bringing me into a hug. I couldn’t take my anger out on her. The last few weeks were devastating. I tried to convince my father that I don’t want to marry anyone. He equated my apprehension to the fact that I wanted to have a selection of women at my disposal. I
n his best effort, he attempted to assure me that it is normal for “us” to have goomahs.
He didn’t understand that my heart only beats for one woman. My dick only jumps for one woman. As much as I tried to replace Simone with different women, who I fucked after her, I couldn’t even nut unless I had a vivid picture of my bella mia in my head. I couldn’t kiss other women intimately or fuck them without feeling like I was cheating on Simone. After a while, I gave up my relentless pursuit to flush her out of my system.
Sensing my mood change, Nicolai pulled me to the side one night and demanded to know what got me so on edge. Everything that I held bottled up inside exploded as I confessed to my cousin the heartache I felt. For the first time, Nicolai stood speechless as he allowed me to vent. I told him that I’m ready to kill whoever, just as long as I could be with Simone again. The usually wise Nicolai stood frozen in place at a loss for words. His silence caused me to punch holes in the walls and break every object in my office. I was spiraling down and going insane, and no one could save me. Not even Reed could pull me out of this rut.
When the limo stopped in front of the Grand Ballroom venue, I convinced myself that Simone was better off without me. I could deal with Josephine getting harmed as a form of retaliation; however, I refused to accept that happening to Simone. That was the biggest difference between what I felt for Simone and what I felt for any other woman. I would gladly let thousands of innocent women die, but not Simone. I knew that this life would only bring death to her.
Nodding my head silently, I hopped out of the limo and strolled into the ballroom, ready to claim my throne. Putting on a show, I dropped down on one knee and proposed to Josephine. I even convinced my father that we should get married within the next few months. I fulfilled my duty for La Cosa Nostra…