gave. I do wonder, though, if I could have more than sex with Donny.
I reach for the shell pink lipstick on the dresser and hold it up. “If this is more me, wouldn’t it be better to be subtle? I want him to know more about me. The real me. The part of me that’s not about sex.”
Lurlene waves her hand over me and chuckles. “This is the real you. It’s the part of you that comes out when you aren’t restrained. It’s the part of you who can be who you want to be whenever you want.”
I nod at that and set the lipstick back down with the rest of makeup. Being here has been good for me in more ways than one. Lurlene always had a way of knowing what to say to make my worries feel like I can handle them better.
“Thank you.”
She sits on the edge of the bed and sets her shoulders back. “You really like this guy, don’t you?”
I nod. “It’s weird to meet someone in an entirely different country and know them for such a short time but connect the way we have.”
“I know what you mean. It’s rare and it’s nice, definitely nice.”
“I know not to be silly though. Nice is what it is. I’m just going with the flow, and I do feel like I can breathe for the first time in forever.” That’s the part I’m treasuring, and yes… maybe I can be silly in my mind and admit that I more than like Donny.
It’s okay for me to believe what I want in my imagination, so I’m choosing to bask in the emotion that swirls through me whenever I think of him. It’s the same emotion that makes me choose to be blind to the fact that I actually saw him with a gun yesterday.
I know he saw me looking, yet neither of us said anything about it.
It bothers me. I won’t pretend it doesn’t because it does. It suggests something sinister and dangerous at play, and I don’t want to believe that there could be any darkness in a man who has brought so much light into my world.
“Enjoy it for whatever it is. Life’s too short to dwell on what feels silly and what doesn’t. It’s like me, a woman who knows she should move on and try to heal from the loss of her first husband and can’t.” She nods. Sadness brims in the depths of her eyes. She’s never said anything like that before, but I know her words as truth.
Anyone who truly knows her knows she never got over Eddie.
“You can,” I tell her, and she draws in a breath, relaxing her shoulders.
“Not while I’m trying to replace him. I know in my heart I’ve been doing that, and that’s bad. People aren’t replaceable. You find love in different ways because everyone is different. I’m trying to remember that.” She grins. Those words can be applied in so many ways to me too. “That’s why I can tell you to enjoy whatever it is you have, and let go of the past. Take everything as it comes to you with a clear, open mind.”
It’s really good advice.
“I will. I… feel chemistry with Donny. I never felt that with William. Is that weird?”
“No. It just means you were never meant to be with William.”
I see that more and more every day. “Thanks for your support and advice. I’m grateful that I had you to run to.” I smile, and she laughs.
“You can run to me anytime, sugar.”
“Thanks. I want to do something while I’m here.”
“Like what?
“I was thinking I could help out in the restaurant,” I offer.
Lurlene waves me off. “No. No way. You don’t have to do that.” Her hair bounces as she tilts her head to the side. “You think you have to earn your keep? No way. This is a break for you.”
“I know, but I insist. I would love to help out, and it gives me a chance to spend more time with you. I think it would be cool. I could be your assistant or something.”
I couldn’t possibly just sit around the house for the next few months and act like the perpetual guest. Yesterday when I was thinking about how long I should stay here I decided I wouldn’t put an official timer on it. I thought of probably staying for the rest of the year, then I’ll think about whether I want to head home or not at that time. It’s October now so I’d have another two months to sort my head out before I’d have to make any kind of decision.
“Okay… you can do that if it makes you feel any better. There’s really no need though,” she says with a gentle smile.
“I want to.”
“Alright, come on by sometime this week, and we can think about what you can do.”
“Cool.”
The doorbell rings, and my nerves spike with heat. That’s him. At least I think it is. I glance at the clock and see it’s six thirty. If that’s Donny, he’s early.
I hope everything is okay. He sent me a message this morning, and maybe it was me finding things to worry about, but I sensed that something wasn’t too right. He didn’t say anything out of the ordinary. It was just a feeling I got.
“I’ll go get that. I’m sure that’s him,” I say, standing up. The dress floats across my legs as I walk.
“Have fun. I won’t wait up,” Lurlene teases with a saucy giggle. I look back at her and grin, shaking my head.
I rush down the stairs, excitement bubbling within me, but it deflates when I open the door and see Donny. There’s something in his eyes that lacks the usual vibrancy I’ve grown accustomed to when he looks at me, and he’s not dressed up for a dinner date. I didn’t expect him to be as dressed as me, but he looks casual in his biker jacket and Levi’s.
“Hi,” I say. Nerves fill my voice.
“Hi, Bella.” He reaches out to touch my face, and the way he strokes my cheek is like he’s trying to commit me to memory.
“Are you okay? You don’t seem like you’re… yourself.” I have to say it. There’s a feeling brewing deep in the pit of my stomach telling me something’s wrong.
“No, doll. I’m not like myself. Can we…go for a little walk?”
“A walk? Aren’t we going to dinner?”
“Plans have changed, and I just want to talk to you.” He presses his lips together.
“Okay… sure.” The tension in my stomach grows, and now I have that knowing feeling that whatever we had is over.
I know the ropes and what should happen now. My guard should be up, along with my shield to protect my heart. Why does my heart hold on, though, when he slips his arm around me and leads me out?
We walk out to the street, down to the park, and stop by the bench that overlooks the stream. He faces me, releasing his grip, and the moonlight shines down on him. His eyes have that otherworldly appearance again. This time, though, they have a metallic look to them that holds me in place.
“What’s going on, Donny?” I ask.
“Willow… this is really hard for me to say. Mostly because I’ve never had to do anything like this before.” He grits his teeth and blinks several times. “I’ve wrestled with my mind all day.”
“Why?”
“Because I can’t see you anymore, and I don’t want that to be an option because I really like you.”
My breath stills, and I gaze on at him as a gamut of emotion takes me. “Why can’t you see me anymore if you like me, and I like you?”
This is a first for me too. He’s not the first guy to break up with me. He’s just the first who mattered.
“My life… is dangerous,” he answers, and my stomach twists into knots.
Dangerous…like the gun.
He studies me, and I steel my spine although my lips part and tremble.
“Dangerous?” I ask. Now I worry. “Donny, are you in trouble?”
“Not yet, Bella. But trouble is never far from me. Willow… I know you saw my gun, yet you never asked about it.”
I steady my breathing and look down at my feet in the little pumps that match my dress. What am I supposed to say to him? He lifts my chin and guides my gaze back to his.
“Ask me about it.”
My soul quivers. Part of me didn’t want to know, but now that he’s confronting me I have to ask. “Why do you have a gun… Donny?”
“My work…”
The piercing look he gives me makes me think he wants me to guess. So… I do the most sensible thing I’ve done since meeting him and use my brain. Those questions come rushing back to me.
The main question that strikes me is this: Apart from cops or anyone to do with law enforcement, what kind of people do I know carry guns around on them?
As I look at him the answer comes straightaway. I just know.
Mobster. The mafia. That’s what comes to my mind as I think of the most dangerous thing.
“Are you… in the mob… Donny?” I ask the question with a quiver in my voice. I’ve seen enough movies to know I shouldn’t ask a question like that, and I’ve probably asked too many questions already. I ask it, though, because of the direction the conversation is steering, and when he nods confirmation and releases me, my heart races.
Fear fills me. I can’t help it. It just comes, and I know he can tell.
“Don’t be afraid of me. You won’t see me again.”
“What?” A tear runs down my cheek, and he catches it. He holds my face and my attention. As I watch him, everything around us fades into the darkness of the night and I just see him.
“The people I work for are dangerous. That makes my life dangerous, and I can’t risk you getting hurt. It’s too dangerous for you to be with me,” he says with a nod and drops his hand to his side. “I’m sorry. But I’m not sorry for the time I spent with you, or what I feel. You can do better than me, Bella.”
I’m left numb as he walks away.
I’m supposed to feel like what he did was noble and protective, open and honest, but how can I when I don’t think I can do better than what my heart wants?
Chapter Twelve
Donny
An assortment of paperwork litters the desk.
I think I’ve made more of a mess in here than it was when Mario left it. I’ve made such a mess that anything he could have left uncovered in the way of clues is now completely disturbed.
Although I don’t know what I’m looking for, and there’s probably nothing to find, searching around in his office is the only thing I can do to make me feel like I’m doing something.
It’s just gone seven, I’ve been in here for the last few hours. The last two days saw me bouncing between the streets to look for Mario, and the hospital to check on the girl who got shot.
She made it, barely, and had to have major surgery. The whole ordeal made me want to skin Mario alive.
Each time I went to the hospital, I thought of what I’d say to Willow. How I’d break up with her and what parts of the truth I should share. I felt like a bastard when she guessed it right. Mafia. I’m part of the Sicilian mafia and I knew better than to get involved with a woman outside my world who could discover shit on me I should keep quiet.
It didn’t sit well with me to make up some kind of lie to make breaking up easier so I allowed her to guess right by bringing up the gun. Like an elephant in the room, it was the only thing between us that we hadn’t talked about and I knew she saw it.
Today has been manic in the aftermath, mainly because of my mood. I started
the day feeling like shit because of Willow, then got a rude reminder of why she shouldn’t be with me by the time I got to my office and found Dushkin’s bloodied body waiting for me. That was obviously done on Xiou’s orders.
They left him sitting in my chair, dead with a bullet in his head, his brains blown out. There was a message taped on his chest telling me I couldn’t win.
I knew I didn’t have to kill him. In our world you’re dead if you talk to certain people, regardless of what was said.
To add to that, Lois and Saul found Jacki dead on the beach. Looked like he drowned but we know different.
Death.
It comes to us all. To some it comes naturally, others swiftly and planned. Timely executed and set up to either send a message or teach a lesson.
I wasn’t fazed by the deaths. Both alerted me to more spies. More foxes in my henhouse, so I fired everyone. Everyone who worked the club and travelled in the security team as soldiers.
Sometimes when you can’t fix a thing, you have to start from scratch. Some men would just kill them all. I’m not that evil. I’m dark, but not evil. So, I fired the whole lot of fuckers who were here, hired a bartender who was looking for a job at short notice, and closed off the restaurant while I look for more staff. The club can stay open while I’m recruiting. In terms of the hotels… well, I’ve got the boys questioning the staff there. It seemed to me that the two divisions keep themselves to themselves, but I’ll do the sensible thing and be sure. When I take over, if I get the chance, I’ll look into it more. Claudius was mad as fuck with me yesterday, so my future here doesn’t look good.
I wonder what he would say about my involvement with Willow. His wife is from our world, but they’re similar, her and Willow. They’re gentle women who look like they were pulled from heaven with their dainty features and gentle manners.
My girl is just… well… she’s not my girl, and even if I don’t feel like I did the right thing letting her go, I did.
I won’t be like her asshole ex and string her along when I know there’s no future. Unlike her asshole of an ex, I’m sure my feelings for her run deeper than his ever did. That was after a little over a week. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if I’d known her longer.
She really looked beautiful last night. She was just beautiful, and I wanted nothing more than to kiss her lips and devour her.
In frustration I smack the stack of paperwork on the desk. It scatters to the ground.
Gibbs walks in and looks at the mess.
“What’s happened?” he asks.
“Nothing. I’m just pissed.”
“Me too. I’ve come to a standstill. But I’ll keep looking.”
“Mario wasn’t finished when I came in here. He was stuffing his pockets with shit when I interrupted. He’d switched his computer on. That means he was setting up to get stuff, Gibbs.” That much I suspect.
Gibbs has been looking through the computer files and I’ve been on paperwork. I really don’t know where to go from here besides to continue what we’re doing and hope that something turns up.
“I hate shit being vague.” Gibbs frowns.
My phone buzzes in my back pocket, and I look at the display first to see who’s calling. There’s no ID. I don’t like calls like that. It’s either someone selling me shit, or the other kind. The type where the caller has reason to conceal themselves from a guy like me.
“Yes,” I say into the phone.
“Donny, fantastic. You bastard, good for you, you answered your phone,” a male voice says. It’s familiar, but I can’t place it.
“Who’s this?” I ask.
The guy laughs. “You asshole. You absolute asshole. You come here and create a stir to show you’re worthy of a job. You are shit. Nothing. A nobody.”
“Who the fuck is this?” I retort.
“It’s Amadeo!” he shouts at the top of his lungs. He’s so loud that Gibbs hears him and raises his brows.
“What the fuck do you want? I thought I made it clear that we were done with you.”
“Oh yes, boss, you sure did. You know there’s an honor amongst us in the mafia. No matter what famiglia you belong to, no matter your position of power, the code is this: respect and honor. You broke both when you went to the feds.”
My mouth drops, and I widen my gaze, shocked to shit.
“What the hell are you talking about?” I gasp.
“Fuck you, dog. Fuck you. You are a disgrace to your family. How dare you try to act like you don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about? They killed Leo. You asshole, you went to the feds, tipped them off, and they killed my brother when they raided our brothel.”
Holy fuck…
“Jesus Christ, Amadeo, I never did that. It wasn’t me.”
“Liar!” he bellows. “They had information, the same pictures of u
s you showed me. You gonna tell me that’s a fucking coincidence. I saw them with my own eyes.”
Fuck no. This shit is not happening. I didn’t do shit but I have a pretty good idea who tipped off the feds and provided photo evidence. Fucking Mario.
Dushkin sent him the images I had of Amadeo, Leo and Xiou. That bastard must have used them against me to set me up.
That fucking prick. I ball my fists and tighten my knuckles so much my fingernails dig into my palms.
“It wasn’t me, Amadeo,” I repeat with emphasis.
“Fuck you! My brother is dead, and I’m closed for business. You are going to pay for this. Mark my words. You’re a dead man. I’ll make you suffer, and I’m going to start with those you love.” While he laughs, my blood runs cold. He’s talking about starting war with me, as if things aren’t bad enough already. “I’ll start with that pretty raven haired girl you’re sweet on. I’ll take her and fuck her brains out first before I kill her, then I’ll come for you and your family.”
My fucking voice gets stuck in my throat. My eyes bulge so wide I think they might pop out of my head.
Willow. He’s not supposed to know about her. No one is. Not unless they were watching. Watching me.
“You fucking bastard, you motherfucking bastard, don’t you dare go near her!” I shout and tighten my grip on the phone so hard I think I might break it.
Gibbs walks over to me and tenses his jaw.
“Donatello, you are not in the position to make demands here,” Amadeo points out. “I went quietly. You broke the alliance, and I went quietly. But you crossed the line when you shared information about my personal business. You are going to see firsthand what it means to piss me off.” He hangs up and numbness fills me.
I look at Gibbs, then I look at the door. I seethe, and my blood heats. Sweat runs down the side of my face and my head… spins.
“What happened, Donny?” Gibbs asks.
“Someone set me up. Mario…” I see it clearly now. It had to be him. The fucker set me up in the worst way possible to get me off his back and end my ass. “He tipped off the feds about Amadeo. Leo’s dead, and he’s blaming me. He thinks I did it.”
The Sting of Love: A Mafia Romance (Gangsters and Dolls Book 5) Page 11