by Zoe Mullins
“You can’t run from what you need, what you want. You did that before,” Sophie reassured her. “He’s not like Logan.”
“No one is like Logan.”
“I never envied you, loving them both.” Sophie shook her head.
“That’s because you only got to see the worst of Logan and the best of Jackson.” Sophie was the one person Cait trusted with all her secrets. “But they both had their virtues along with their faults.”
Anger briefly flared in Sophie’s eyes as she too remembered. “But I have also seen how desperately both of them loved you.” Sophie clasped her hand. “If you don’t see the love and pride in Jackson’s eyes each time he glances in your direction, then you, my dear, are blind.”
“I see it.” Cait nodded again, squeezing her friend’s hand. “But what if it’s not enough. What if I’m not enough?”
“You are going to stop that foolishness right now. Not enough?” Sophie scoffed. “Please. Half the men in town are waiting impatiently for you to join the fray. You could have any man you want licking your boots tomorrow, if that was your thing.” Sophie gave her an appraising look. “You are sexy, independent and desirable. Jackson is no fool.”
“You are still number one with the pep talk, but you’re right. He’s no fool,” Cait agreed. “But he is forceful and impatient. And I want him so bad I was ready to jump him in his office.” She growled with frustration and rolled her eyes at Sophie’s grin.
“So what’s stopping you?”
“Because it’s him, and he doesn’t want a fuck buddy.” Cait sighed. “If I do this, I’m diving head-first into the deep end.”
Sophie’s grin turned into a laugh. “Then show him you’ve learned to swim.”
“And if I drown?”
“You won’t. Not if you don’t want to.”
Cait shook her head and her bangs fell back into her eyes. That was the problem—she wanted to.
Chapter Seven
Jackson swirled the whiskey in his glass. Cait had called him late this afternoon to give him the go-ahead on the roof.
He asked if he could see her tonight but she was unavailable. She had sounded excited when she said that she and some of the girls were going out to the movies. St. Augustin boasted a small, but restored theater from the 1950s. They regularly showed old movies and cult classics. Or, if you were looking for a new release, you could take a thirty-minute drive down the highway to the Cineplex in Riverbend.
Even though he would miss her, Jackson was happy to hear she had made some local friends.
There were things he wanted to talk about with her. But he also just wanted to spend time getting close to her again. Getting to know the woman she had become. What movies did she like? What music did she listen to? She had loved blaring Mellencamp and Springsteen when she worked at Steele Construction. Did she still like classic rock?
He pulled up the Facebook page for the theater to see what they were playing. His brows furrowed. Whedon’s original Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The summer people probably would get a kick out of that.
Jackson grabbed the remote control and settled into one of the leather club chairs as the television came to life, confronting him with his greatest treasure and his greatest shame.
The recording was a little grainy from whatever kind of spycam Logan had set up. Jackson would never have agreed to videotape the session. Cait was already strapped into the sling, her mouth gagged, her eyes blinded with a fur-lined leather blindfold. Except for her bindings and the collar around her neck, she was naked. And glorious.
He and Logan had come into the room together. Logan had insisted that they wash beforehand using the same scented soap. He’d been convinced that Cait would recognize Jackson’s scent. He had also demanded they dress similarly in black leather pants, no shirts, and studded leather bands around their wrists.
As he looked back at the recording—god, how many times had he played this in the last ten years—he saw fear flash across Cait’s face when a set of hands touched her first at her shoulders then another set against her hips.
She looked scared, helpless. And too damn young for what they had asked of her. She was his Cait, but she wasn’t the woman she was now. Now she had strength. It showed in the way she carried herself. In the way she tilted her head and leveled her direct gaze. Unflinching.
The Caiton the screen stiffened in her bonds. She struggled briefly, trying to sit up, but Logan had soothed her with his hands, holding her in place. She stilled under his touch and his forceful commands. Logan hadn’t allowed him to speak.
Logan’s hands still on her shoulders, he sent the Jackon the screen a meaningful look. Jack set about preparing her. He reddened her ass with his palm before he stepped to the nearby sideboard and picked up a light acrylic cane. He gave it a flick in the air and Cait’s chest rose and fell in nervous anticipation.
Logan nodded and Jack let loose with one, two, soon ten hard wallops across her ass and thighs. The welts were immediate and red. The recording had no audio, but he remembered her whimpers.
Jackson took another swallow of the dark whiskey. He wanted to shut it off and cursed Logan for having sent him a copy. He had watched it over and over in the first few weeks after, trying to convince himself that she had known on some level it was him. That it had been his hand that administered the caning and then fucked her. It made him feel better to think that she hadn’t truly believed it to be a stranger.
Was that what Logan had wanted her to believe? Or had Logan told her? She had trusted Logan and calmed under his touch. As if she recognized her husband and that he wouldn’t hurt her.
Jackson shut off the disc and emptied the glass of whiskey. He was such an idiot. He was lost when it came to dealing with Cait.
But he couldn’t. He wouldn’t take her again until she knew that he had been the participant that night. She needed to know that she was right to have left him then. There was nothing he wanted more then but to share her with Logan. To watch her body respond to the two of them. He wouldn’t have done it this way. Logan’s way. Blindfolded and bound. Helpless.
He smiled. No. He would have had her free and on her knees, begging for the opportunity to pleasure them both. He would have had her submission, not her fear.
Today—he sighed looking around his empty house—he would settle for her company.
* * * * *
Ben had told him where to find her, though he had to promise that he wouldn’t divulge his source. It was a little blues bar on the outskirts of town. Jackson pulled out a chair and sat down next to Sophie.
“How was the movie?”
“It was Buffy, how do you think it was?” Sophie laughed. “And you better get used to it. She has the whole series on DVD.”
He grinned. “Did Cait get home okay?”
He waved down the waitress for a beer.
“Of course. I take care of our girl. I dropped her off afterward,” she told him, looking at him warily. “What do you want, Jack?”
He tapped his long fingers on the scarred wood table. “You were the one who shaved her head.” It wasn’t a question.
Sophie gathered her long auburn hair in her hand and twisted it back over her shoulder. She put down her glass. “You’ve been snooping.”
“If I had been paying better attention I would have known about it.”
“You think you get to keep tabs on her? Did she belong to you?” Sophie frowned. “Rememberwhose ring she was wearing.”
He sighed. Logan had married her so fast he had used the one Jackson had thrown at him. So Jackson knew exactly whose ring it was. “I do remember, but if she was being hurt in anyway, I would trust my friends to let me know.”
“She wasn’t being hurt.” Sophie shook her head at him. “At least not how you think.”
Jackson didn’t like thinking the worst of Logan. He knew BDSM was an easy cover for some men who just wanted to abuse their partners. He didn’t think that was Logan. He had never shown him that side of hims
elf in all the years they had clubbed together, but maybe Jack had missed something, or maybe Logan had changed.
“Then tell me, Sophie.” He sighed. “Please. I just want to understand.”
“Benji shouldn’t have ratted me out,” she complained.
“Don’t blame him. He told me the story, but only said it was a sub who administered her punishment. Considering your friendship, and knowing you, I puttwo and twotogether,” Jack explained. “I need to know.”
She toyed with her drink then looked at him. He saw sadness in her eyes and he was afraid of what put it there. “They came to me, Jack, together. It was what they both wanted.”
“Why you?”
“I knew her. We were sort of friends because I was from here. He said they needed someone to do it. You have to understand that she needed it. She needed to show Logan that she wanted to submit to him. She needed tolet it go and prove to him that she was still his sub.”
“Let what go?”
She set down her glass hard and a little dark liquid splashed over the side. “I shouldn’t be telling you.” Her mouth was set in a hard line.
Jackson hated asking her to betray a confidence, but he had to know. He set his hand over hers. “But you are going to tell me because I love her, and I want to understand, and because you care about her.”
“You know how good she is with kids. You must have seen that. She wanted to be a mom, to change the family karma, but she couldn’t carry to term. Three times, Jack. Three miscarriages in a row,” Sophie said angrily. “She was devastated.”
Jack swallowed hard, imagining the physical and emotional anguish Cait had been through.
“You can understand that Logan was scared. More scared than I ever remember seeing him. He couldn’t see her go through that pain again. He had a vasectomy. Without consulting her. Without telling her.” She sighed. “Cait was furious, and that made Logan furious that she would challenge the way he chose to care for her.
Jack steepled his hands in front of him and leaned back in his chair as she continued. “They were at odds for months, even after they had made up, because it’s not the sort of thing you just get over. She nearly died with the last miscarriage.”
Jack was pressing his fingers together so hard they began to ache. Cait had nearly died. They had almost lost her. “They must have been in so much pain,” he said finally.
“Not what you expected, was it?”
Jacked used his steepled fingers to rub at the center of his forehead. She was right. It was nothing like what he expected. He was relieved but also hurting for them both. “And shaving her head…” He couldn’t call it punishment anymore, knowing the reasoning behind it. “Did it help them move past the incident?”
“Mostly.” She took a mouthful of her scotch. “You know how hard it is to build trust once you lose it. He took away her dream and she felt like she failed him. I think he felt the same way, that he had failed her.”
“I always wondered why they didn’t have children. Even when I met her, she talked about having kids. She wanted to be a bettermother than hers had been.” He studied his hands.
“That wouldn’t have been hard. My god her mom was a piece of work. You know why Cait came to live with her great aunt?”
He snorted. “Her mother would get it together for short periods of time. Hold a job for a bit, pay the rent. She she’d be gone again, shacking up with her dealer or pimp. The last time, Cait was just sixteen.”
“She made her way to St. Augustin before social services could get a hold of her, and stayed with Aunt Eileen,” Sophie finished.
“She’s dead you know,” he said matter of factly. “Her mom, I mean. I kept tabs on her, because I will always take care of Cait. She ODed.”
“Good riddance.” Sophie knocked back the drink and waved for another.
Jackson sat there quietly for a few minutes, sipping his beer.
“Not that I don’t love your company, but why do I get the feeling there is something else you want to know.”
He peeled the label off his bottle. “What was it like for her?”
“It was always, ever, only Cait for him. Even though he knew you were always in her heart, he never held that against her. He treasured her, if that’s your worry.”
He needed to believe that Logan had done his best with Cait. He could live with that answer. “Thanks.”
“Well, Benji had a big mouth and he’ll be lucky if I don’t put him over my knee and spank him next time I see him.”
“That I’d pay to see.” Jackson smiled. “But don’t be too hard on him. The scene disturbed him.”
“It would have been disturbing to the casual observer, but that wasn’t his motivation, or hers,” she confided. “Logan was not easy on her, but this was her decision. I believe it was the most extreme show ofcontrol that he could stomach. And the most profound show of submission she could offer.”
Jack stared at his nearly empty beer bottle, looking through it, brooding.
“Jack.” She laid one hand over his.
“Don’t, Sophie.” He shook his head. “I get it. I do.” He tilted the bottle to his lips and took the last swallow.
She pulled her lips into a tight smile. “What would you have done?”
He stood and took a ten-dollar bill from his wallet, tossing it on the table to cover the cost of his beer. She grabbed his wrist and stopped him from leaving.
He looked down at her. “I would have wielded the razor myself.” Her hand fell away, and he turned around, moving out of the crowded bar as quietly as he had entered.
Chapter Eight
Jack’s head snapped around as the gravel crunched behind them. Ben’s gaze joined his as they watched Jack’s mom trudge down the path toward the new site. Steele Construction was working on a new waterfront-condo development.
“What’s up, Mom?” He reached out and helped her jump the storm sewer. At sixty-six she was impressively active. She sat on three boards, including the hospital board, taught piano, as well as a music appreciation program through the Y summer-camp program.
“I can’t come and visit my son?” She kissed his cheek and then turned a beatific smile at Ben. “Good morning, Ben.”
“Mrs. Steele.” Ben smiled. “I can’t remember the last time you visited a site.”
“That’s because she doesn’t visit the site,” Jack grumbled.
“I used to visit sites all the time when your father was in charge,” she argued. “Since you took over, I just haven’t had much of a reason to.” She looked meaningfully at Jackson. “Until now.”
Ben bit his lip to hide a smile. “I will take these plans down to the guys,” he said, pulling the plans they had been looking at from Jack’s hands.
Jack watched Ben stride down the path. “Really, Mom? You couldn’t justcall?”
“Well, I was on the way to pick up your father at the library when I saw your truck.”
“We are in the opposite direction from the library,” he gritted out.
“Not when I’m coming from the bakery.”
“Okay, fine.” Jack pulled off his hard hat and placed it on her head, flattening the perfectly coifed French knot. “It’s lovely to see you.”
She narrowed her eyes but didn’t complain about the hat that was too big for her. “I wouldn’t have to track you down here if you would come to dinner more often, you know.”
“With it being such a wet spring we are behind on projects. It’s been a tough month. We’ve been going from dawn to dusk.” It wasn’t a lie. It just wouldn’t stop raining.
“Too tough for you to see Cait?”
Jack blew out a breath.
“Did you think I wouldn’t knowshe was back in town?”
“I assumed someone would tell you.”
“Your father was thrilled to hear she was back,” his mother told him. “How about you?”
“How about me what?”
“I know this must be hard for you.”
“Actual
ly, it’s not.”
She frowned. “Your world turned upside down when those two left. I kept hoping you would eventually find a nice girl and settle down. When you began building your house, I thought you may have found someone. But I always sensed you were waiting for something.” She looked up at him. “Waiting for her.”
“I wasn’t waiting, Mom.” He ran his hand through his hair and started walking his mom back up the path toward her car. “But I found who and what I wanted once. I was pretty sure I wouldn’t get that lucky again.”
“I neverwanted you to be alone.”
“I never was.” He winked at her. He had never lacked for friends or lovers.
“That’s not what I mean.” She stopped by her car. “So can I ask if you are seeing her again?”
“We are friends again and we’ll see.”
“That means you’re not going to tell me, doesn’t it?”
“It means, Mom, that we are friends.”
She looked at him with narrowed eyes, and he stared back, not flinching. He wasn’t sure what she finally read in his eyes, but she smiled. “Okay then.”
He grabbed her hand. “And before your busybody friends start reporting on a Steele Construction truck at her place, you should know we are fixing her roof.”
She pulled off the hard hat then wrapped him in a tight hug. She was a tall woman but she still barely cleared his shoulders. “You come over to dinner soon, or I will issue an invitation you can’t turn down.”
“I will, Mom.”
She reached into her car and pulled out a pie. “From the bakery. I didn’t bake it.”
“So it’s edible then.” He looked doubtful.
“Your father didn’t marry me for my cooking.” She winked at him.
“Gross, Mom.”
She laughed and slid behind the wheel. “We willtalk soon.”
He watched her leave. Yes they would talk soon, because when his mother took an interest, there was no stopping her.
* * * * *
Sophie narrowed her eyes at him. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“Meeting my friends for yoga.” He gestured toward the hulking figure of Patrick, and the petite blonde next him, his wife Samantha.