‘You’re my brother. Of course you’re like me. There’s no one who’s as much like me as you are.’
‘Have I ever threatened to kill your friends?’
‘I’ve never done that.’
‘You said you’d push Soj – Sid down a flight of stairs.’
‘No, I didn’t.’
‘Yes, you did. You said you wanted Leilani and Maya dead.’
‘I never said I’d kill them. I promised I wouldn’t.’ Rosa has never looked more smug. ‘You lie to yourself, Che. I know exactly who I am. I like me. You’d be a lot happier if you liked yourself, Che.’
I feel like screaming.
‘What would you say if you discovered I’d been recording our conversations? Would you think that was creepy?’
‘Of course. But it’s not the same, because I’m not like you, Rosa. I don’t want to be like you. I’ve never made anyone kill their pet. I’ve never tried to kill my best friend. I don’t lie and steal and cheat. I’m not you.’
‘I didn’t kill the guinea pig. I didn’t try to kill Seimone. You don’t listen. I’ll never kill Seimone. She’s my best friend. I need her. I don’t want you to record our conversations anymore. It’s creepy, Che. Just because I’m different doesn’t make it okay.’
‘You’re not merely different. Different isn’t dangerous, Rosa.’
‘You shouldn’t be telling Leilani lies about me either. She told Seimone that I kill pets. I told Seimone you’re jealous because you’re not smart like me. She knows you play chess like a baby. She feels sorry for you.’
‘I’m glad I’m not like you.’
Rosa smirks. ‘Dumb people are always happy to be dumb. I’m different from ninety-nine per cent of the population. My kind of different is better.’
Is she referring to one of the estimates of how many psychopaths there are, or of how many geniuses?
‘Did you know that there are people like me who keep blogs? I’ve learned a lot. They talk about how to pass for normal. A few of them say you should change your name and leave your family behind as soon as you can. Family only gets in the way.’
I imagine her doing that. I wish she would do that.
‘The comments are full of arguments. Lots of psychopaths…’ She pauses, and smiles to acknowledge that she knows what I think she is. ‘Lots of us think family is the best disguise because everyone thinks psychopaths are loners. They never suspect someone with a family, who loves them, could be a monster.’
‘I don’t think you’re a monster,’ I say. She’s right. I do lie.
‘David doesn’t want you to tell the McBrunights about me because he doesn’t want them to pull out of their business. It’s about money, Che, not Sally. You can’t trust David. Why do you think he never talked to you about me? He’s always known.’
‘Why, Rosa?’ I’m fascinated to hear her conspiracy theory. She gives everyone motives as heinous as her own. ‘Why would he do that?’
‘He needs us to be a happy, normal family so we don’t scare investors away. David hates being broke. He hates having to have a normal job. Why do you think we’ve moved so often? Why do you think he’s working so hard?’
‘David always works hard.’
Rosa smiles. ‘He always makes it look like he’s working hard. More people are like me than you think. One per cent? Researchers must have pulled that number out of the air. Almost everyone is like me.’
‘You think that, Rosa, because you can’t imagine what it’s like to be anyone else. The only way you could understand that most people in the world give a damn would be if you gave a damn.’
Rosa shrugs. ‘You’ll see. We’re making dinner tomorrow night, me and Seimone. It’s going to be a family dinner to bring us closer together.’
I can’t wait.
I get to the cafe a few minutes late because of Rosa. Leilani is sitting with Maya at a table in the corner. She has her arm around her sister, and is leaning into her, speaking to her in between sips of coffee. There’s an intimacy there, a palpable sense of their mutual love.
Maya looks small. There are shadows under her eyes. I think she’s lost weight.
She looks haunted. They both look haunted.
Because of Rosa.
I sometimes wonder if Rosa is an alien virus. Everyone she touches is infected with the same inhuman DNA: she turns us grey. I’m sure I was a different person before she was born. A happier person. When the mothership lands we’ll be too broken to repel the invasion.
Leilani sees me, gives a half wave. So does Maya. I walk over.
‘We need a plan,’ Leilani says before I’ve sat down.
We do. ‘Is this our war committee?’
Maya’s lips curve. It’s almost a smile. ‘Can we put camouflage paint on?’
‘Sure.’
‘The main thing is to keep Rosa away from Seimone and Maya.’ Leilani isn’t smiling. ‘I can protect Maya, but I don’t know how to get through to Seimone. She’s completely under Rosa’s thumb. Did Seimone tell you she and Rosa are making us dinner tomorrow night?’
Maya’s almost-smile disappears.
Leilani nods. ‘Clearly the two of them think poisoning us is the next step.’
‘Hilarious.’
‘Seimone keeps repeating that Rosa is her best friend in all the world and that the whole thing was her idea. No matter what I tell her about Rosa.’
Maya looks at her hands.
‘It couldn’t have been Seimone’s idea,’ Leilani says. ‘She wears gloves everywhere. She’s terrified of peanuts.’
I’m starving. ‘Is it okay if I order food? I haven’t eaten yet.’ This was supposed to be a breakfast meeting.
Leilani nods. I order the big breakfast. She and Maya both order the fruit and granola.
‘I keep warning Seimone about Rosa,’ Leilani says. ‘I warned her before you told me anything. I haven’t flat out said Rosa’s a psychopath, but I told her about the guinea pig, about the horrible things she says. Seimone didn’t believe me. She said I was jealous. I love you, she said. Maya too. But Rosa is my best friend. She understands me.’
‘Ugh.’ I can imagine Rosa saying you understand me to Seimone the same way she says it to me.
‘Maya sleeps in my room now.’
‘Good. Are you and Seimone still not talking?’
Maya droops. ‘She’s not talking to me. Rosa does. I wish she wouldn’t.’
‘Make sure you’re never alone with her – Seimone doesn’t count. Call me if you’re worried Rosa is going to do something. You have my number?’
Maya nods.
‘I can’t believe she wanted to kill Seimone,’ Leilani says. ‘They’re friends. Why would she want to kill her?’
‘I’m not sure she did,’ I say. ‘The auto-injector was in her hand. The cap was off.’
‘She was going to inject her then. That’s what Rosa says. That she froze.’
‘She didn’t freeze. She was laughing.’
Maya slumps, which makes her look even smaller.
‘I don’t think Rosa meant to kill her. I think she was fascinated by Seimone’s face turning blue. She wanted to see what would happen. That’s why she made Seimone eat peanuts. I think Seimone was willing and that Rosa doesn’t want her to die.’
‘Rosa can make her do anything,’ Leilani says.
‘She can make Seimone believe it was her own idea.’
Our food arrives. My big breakfast is truly big: four sausages, many rashers of bacon, scrambled eggs, mushrooms and onion. I hoe in. Maya pushes her spoon through her granola, mixing the yoghurt and berries together, not bringing any of it to her mouth.
‘You really think she’s a psychopath?’ Leilani asks between spoonfuls.
It’s the second time she’s asked me. I get it. We should be cautious. But I’ve been living with this for years. I’ve been certain for years. ‘So does David.’
‘What? I thought they didn’t believe you.’
‘I didn’t know! We talked af
ter it happened. David admitted he knows what she is. That he’s been trying to control her too.’
Leilani stares. ‘Then why didn’t he tell Mom and Dad?’
‘Sally’s in denial.’ As I say it, I realise it doesn’t make any sense. Why isn’t David warning people? Most of all the McBrunights? He said it would destroy our family, but he can’t truly believe that, can he? ‘He doesn’t want to upset her,’ I finish weakly.
‘That’s bullshit! Seimone could have died. Fuck Sally.’
I flinch. ‘She…’ I begin, but nothing David said justifies keeping Rosa secret. ‘Rosa says he’s afraid your parents will pull out of their new business.’
‘I’m telling Mom and Dad what you’ve told me. Your dad will have to back me up. Why would I make this up?’
‘He might not. They could lose everything.’
‘I don’t care.’
‘Tell your parents. I’ll go with you if you want. I’m sick of not telling people. Secrets are bullshit. Did I tell you Rosa hinted about pushing Soj – Sid down a flight of stairs?’
Leilani’s eyebrows go up.
‘I don’t think Rosa would do it. I don’t think she could. Sid’s a trained fighter. Rosa says shit like that all the time – to mess with me.’
‘Callousness,’ Leilani says.
‘You looked up the checklist?’
‘Of course. I read it, thinking about Rosa, and it was check, check, check.’
‘Callousness, disinhibition, fearlessness and charisma.’
‘Obviously I have the charisma, but I wouldn’t mind the fearlessness,’ Leilani says. ‘Imagine never being stressed or anxious.’
‘Too big a cost.’ I know Leilani’s joking, but I can’t help myself. ‘We worry because we care. Besides, fearlessness goes with disinhibition. If Rosa wants something she takes it. She doesn’t think about consequences, because she doesn’t care. Except now she does. The peanut thing was planned. You have to think about consequences in order to plan.’
Maya shudders. She hasn’t eaten anything. My plate is empty.
‘Rosa doesn’t learn to be good; she learns to be better at being bad.’
Leilani hasn’t touched her phone. Leilani is always on her phone.
‘How do you live with her?’ she asks. ‘My stomach would be acid, waiting for her to do something. Ten years you’ve been dealing with this?’
‘Well, I…’ No one’s ever come close to understanding what it’s like living with Rosa. Not Georgie. Maybe David? But we haven’t talked about that yet. I don’t know how I live with it. I’m not sure I am living with it. ‘The worst is the poison she whispers in my ears. Her twisted view of the world.’
Leilani squeezes my hand. ‘I’m seeing my therapist tomorrow. I’ll tell her everything. She’ll know what to do. I’m telling Mom and Dad too, whether David backs me up or not. You will.’
‘Thanks.’ I mean it. I wish I could let her know how much.
‘Do you love Rosa?’ Leilani asks.
‘Yeah. That’s the worst part. She’s my little sister. I held her when she was a baby. I’ve always looked after her.’
Maya slides from her seat, slips around the table and gives me a hug. She means it. Something Rosa has never done. It’s all I can do to keep from crying.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Rosa and Seimone don’t make us dinner.
Leilani tells her parents everything I told her. David doesn’t back her up. I accuse David of lying. David tells me he’s disappointed. He told me we couldn’t tell the McBrunights. He won’t say anything else. Sally can’t believe I’d say something like that about Rosa – especially to the McBrunights. She seems to have forgotten I’ve told her exactly the same thing.
Rosa smirks.
Leilani and I text back and forth.
We were expecting explosions. Instead, we meet at the McBrunights’ to discuss what Sally calls a misunderstanding, and Gene calls a situation – like grown-ups. Even those of us who are not grown up.
I take a sip of water from the glass in front of me. There are four water jugs and a spread of cheese, meats, salads, dips and breads in the middle of the table.
We shouldn’t be seated like this, with the McBrunights on one side of the table and the Taylors and Kleins on the other, because that’s not the faultline. Rosa, Seimone and the adults should be on one side; Leilani, me and Maya on the other.
Gene has blueish shadows under his eyes. He smiles and pats Lisimaya’s shoulder. She returns the smile, but not brightly. She doesn’t look as strained – her make-up is perfect – but she’s painted over the top of her exhaustion.
I doubt anyone has slept much since Seimone almost died. Except Rosa and David – nothing can keep them from sleep. The circles under Sally’s eyes look like bruises. Maya suppresses yawns. Leilani too. She isn’t looking at her phone. My phone burns in my pocket. I have the recording of Rosa not promising that she won’t kill Maya ready to play.
Rosa and Seimone exchange glances and wave their hands at each other in pretend sign language.
‘Shall we start?’ Sally asks.
‘I don’t know,’ Leilani says. ‘Are any of you going to listen to what we have to say?’
Gene turns to her. ‘C’mon, Leilani. Can we at least try to keep this civilised?’
Leilani rolls her eyes.
No one’s touched the spread. I pick up a piece of celery filled with something pink and take a bite. The crunch is as loud as a gunshot. Everyone looks at me.
‘Sorry,’ I mumble, putting the celery on my plate.
‘Che can’t not eat,’ David says. ‘It’s a boxing thing.’
‘The food’s there to be eaten,’ Lisimaya says, gesturing at the spread. No one makes a move to eat it.
‘Why don’t you start, Leilani?’ Sally says. ‘We promise to listen.’
‘Rosa is…’ Leilani looks at Rosa, who’s arranging her face into a picture of innocence: opening her eyes wide, glancing down, her bottom lip on the verge of a pout.
‘I – we,’ Leilani says, glancing at me, ‘we think Rosa has antisocial personality disorder.’
‘I do not!’ Rosa says. Seimone shakes her head.
‘It means she likes to manipulate people, and she doesn’t care what happens to them.’
‘I do too!’
‘She manipulated Seimone into eating peanut butter and—’
‘No, she didn’t!’ Seimone objects. ‘That was my idea!’
‘Let Leilani finish,’ Lisimaya says.
‘I keep telling you—’ Seimone says.
‘Leilani speaks first,’ Gene says. ‘You’ll get your turn.’
‘You, Che,’ Leilani says, ‘tell them about the guinea pig.’
I do. Rosa protests her innocence.
‘Why didn’t you tell us this at the time?’ Sally asks.
‘Because you never believe anything I say about Rosa.’
‘Because you lie,’ Rosa says.
‘You’ll have your turn, Rosa.’
‘There’s something wrong with Rosa,’ I say, keeping my voice low and calm. ‘Seimone could have died. Listen to this recording I made of a conversation with Rosa.’
‘You recorded your sister?’ Sally asks, her voice rising.
I nod. ‘Because I needed evidence.’
I press play before anyone else can say anything.
Rosa: Maya’s mean. It would be a lot easier if she was dead. Seimone wishes she was dead.
Me: Jesus, Rosa, you can’t kill Maya.
[Silence]
Me: If you kill Maya you’ll be locked up.
[Silence]
Me: You’re clever. But even the smartest killers get caught. Read up on them.
Rosa: I have. Those are the ones who were caught. There are lots of unsolved murders.
[Silence]
Me: You want to live in this world with as few restrictions on you as possible, yes?
[Silence]
Me: If you kill Maya, what do you thi
nk will happen? You’re different. You already have to work hard to hide that from people, and even then some of them don’t want to be near you.
Rosa: Like Maya. I’m getting better at being the same as everyone else, though. You saw me at the party. I talked to everyone and they liked me. They told Sally and David how talented I am.
‘She’s teasing you,’ Sally insists as Lisimaya hugs herself. ‘She’s ten years old. She’s not going to kill anyone.’
‘I would never,’ Rosa says.
‘It is disturbing,’ Lisimaya says. ‘Does she say things like that often?’
I nod. ‘That’s how she thinks.’
‘No, it’s not!’ Rosa says. ‘I was pretending. You know I like acting.’
‘Has she ever been violent?’ Lisimaya wants to know.
‘Does killing insects count? She steals.’
I tell them about the passport, then about the things she did as a smaller kid. As I speak, none of it sounds that bad.
Gene hasn’t said anything. David hasn’t said anything.
‘She’s malevolent,’ Leilani says.
‘You’re malevolent,’ Rosa says, stumbling over the word as if she doesn’t know what it means.
Seimone nods. ‘It’s true, Lei-Lei, you’ve been mean to Rosa since she got here. Maya too. I’m allowed to have my own friends, you know. Just because we’re twins we don’t have to like the same things.’
‘They’re both seeing James,’ Lisimaya says. ‘If Rosa is what you say she is, James would notice, don’t you think? He spent years working with disturbed children.’
‘He’s only seen her once,’ Leilani says. ‘Why did you lie, David?’
‘Are you asking why I don’t agree my daughter’s dangerous? Because she isn’t.’
I shake my head.
‘She’s not, Che. Yes, she has difficulty connecting to people. She always has. Yes, she says inappropriate things. Very inappropriate. She’s learning about inside and outside voices and her impulse control isn’t great. Yes, she likes to get to you, Che. Little sisters do.’
Are Gene and Lisimaya buying this?
‘As you know, she was diagnosed with developmental disabilities when she was younger,’ David says, looking at his two oldest friends. ‘But she’s been improving. My God, you should have seen her three years ago! Rosa used to struggle to make friends. Now she has two. She and Apinya are still in contact. So whatever happened to Apinya’s guinea pig—’
My Sister Rosa Page 27