Fate had chosen for her. She had been taken from her home.
What if she never returned? Would she see Elis again? Would he find a way there to come for her? If she survived, would she ever return to him? The thought of never seeing him again lumped in her throat and stung her eyes.
She cleared her throat of the clogging emotions. Cris's eyes fixed on her with concern.
Raea looked away. ["It's nothing. I just want to go home."]
A moment of silence passed with them watching her. Awkward.
["We'll get you home. You're safer on Earth anyway,"] Corsa said.
["Cris!"] The deep, harsh voice snapped like a whip.
Leksel stepped into view with a frown on his face. A clang sounded next to Raea.
That was fast—Cris vanished. A good skill for someone in hiding.
["Damn it, Cris! You better get out on patrol!"]
No one answered.
Leksel let out a heavy sigh and shook his head. ["Corsa, next time you see him—"]
["I know."] She sounded exasperated. Apparently, all this was the norm.
["We're moving tonight. I'll leave you in charge of Raea."] His eyes passed over Raea, but his voice lost the steely edge when he spoke again. ["If you don't mind."]
Was he asking for her approval? ["No…um."] Raea looked at Corsa, but she said nothing. ["No. That's fine."] Besides, she didn't know anyone else, and he didn't give her much of a choice.
The harsh lines softened minutely. ["They're planning a raid on the lower levels here. I don't know when."]
["How do…you know."] The answer came before Raea finished. ["Someone inside their ranks is helping you."]
["Not quite."] His dark eyes fixed on Corsa. ["Get her ready to go as soon as she's done eating."] He turned back to Raea, his wings relaxing behind him. ["I'm sorry to rush you off. If you were any other Keeper, they wouldn't bother more than usual. But you're not."]
["I know."] How she knew! That stupid shard caused a lot of trouble.
He started away, his voice fading into the tunnel of pipes as he spoke. ["We have to get out of here to contact Starfire Tower."]
Starfire Tower? What? Raea set the bowl down and ran to catch him. ["Why?"] Of all the questions swirling in her head that was all she could say.
["You can't stay here. This is the last place you should be."]
Yeah. I kinda figured that. No way was she giving the Shirukan her shard or going anywhere near Heffin's Gate to give it up. Getting as far from there as possible was her hope too.
But Starfire Tower? That meant he'd be contacting Saffir, the only other Crystal Keeper, and she could open a portal back to Earth. Elis had told her about his training, how he had learned to channel the energy, although he couldn't open a portal without a shard. Now she wished she had tried harder to learn it herself. She never appreciated how he pushed her training until now, when she was stuck on a different world without understanding how to get home.
Saffir would help her, though. The thought filled her with hope.
Leksel looked down at her hand on his arm and she let go as if stung. ["I need to get everyone organized. Finish eating. You'll feel better."] His voice softened at the end. Without another word, he strode proudly away.
That was weird. She never expected him to care. Leksel had let her see a crack in his hard shell. Maybe he wasn't a hard-ass.
["Don't see that side of him very often. He must like you."]
Raea whirled on Corsa, the warmth of embarrassment rising through her. ["What? Me? No. It's not like that."] She wanted Elis.
["Your choice."] Corsa handed the bowl to Raea. ["Finish eating. He's right—you will feel better."]
First Cris, who made it too obvious. Now Leksel? Come on. No one ever gave her that much notice at home, except Elis. Josh didn't count—he was a friend.
What was with the two of them? Cris seemed to take a perverse pleasure in antagonizing Leksel, who turned around and chewed him out. Of course, Cris deserved it, from what she had seen. Why did they even stay together in the same group if they didn't like each other? And if they both liked her—she highly doubted that as the reason Leksel had been nice—that could only lead to trouble.
She did not want to be caught in the crossfire between them.
__________
Grief's Hard Lesson
The dark morning passed into an eternity. Every moment, Elis relived the last night's events. He should have been there. He—not Nare—should have been with Raea.
And yet, if it had been him, maybe he would have been shot with the neutralizer and fallen to his death. Or maybe he could have protected Raea. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Too many variables.
The cold hard fact was that Raea was gone, and he had no way of helping her.
Worse—he still had to tell Debbie.
Laying there in bed only delayed the inevitable. But it was Saturday morning. He could wait. Debbie would sleep later.
No. She needs to know…I waited on telling Raea important news. The burning tears turned on and off without his control now.
He should have told Raea, should have been honest from the beginning and let her choose. Sure, he hadn't expected things to happen so fast, but it was her right to know what could happen.
Now, he wanted to rip out his heart, but losing her last night had already done that. He had nothing left.
Elis rolled over and let out a trembling breath. A faint light filtered through the shade on his window. Dawn approached. With it would come the longest day of his life, without a doubt. Experience had taught him that the hard way.
Worries flooded his mind about telling Debbie. He owed her that much after all she'd done to help him.
Get it over with! The sooner it was done, the sooner he could concentrate on other things.
Other things. What other things did he have? Raea was gone with a slim chance of surviving, much less returning. She had been his sole purpose for being there. And if she did return, what would she decide about him?
Go! He threw off the covers yet debated getting out of bed. Nare should be with him when he told Debbie. After all, it was her big idea to leave him behind. She should be the one to tell Debbie that the Shirukan took Raea last night. It would serve her right for the self-righteous attitude.
If only he'd been there with them.
Laying there wasn't helping. He had to do something, anything. A shower might help pass the time. Morning moved too slowly.
The shower and dressing took almost no time, but his stomach burned fiercer than it had during the night. In jeans and a dark blue sweater, he crept downstairs, careful to avoid stepping in the middle of the creaky step. Evelyn needed her sleep, but she practically slept under the stairs.
At the consideration of the old widow, he hesitated at the bottom. Evelyn had helped him cope with the loss of his family. She had become his family for the last two years, or close to it. Her kindness had filled the emptiness inside him.
But he'd fended off her insistence of calling Debbie last night and didn't want to face her that morning, when he no longer had a choice.
Not what he wanted to think about. First to get food. He'd worry about Debbie afterwards.
Good old Evelyn. She never let him go hungry. The containers of "leftovers" from the last week filled her fridge.
After a meal of reheated food, which his grief refused to let him finish, Elis left the kitchen.
Leaning on her cane, Evelyn met him in her pale blue nightgown and long, maroon robe at the bottom of the stairs, her short, gray hair a bit wild on her head. "You're awake early, dear."
Great. Here it came.
"Best not to linger any longer," she said.
"I know." He put his foot on the bottom step, fully intending to hide out in his room, but something stopped him. The hunched old woman with the cane gave him a cruel glare. Her body might be weak but her mind was strong.
"This would have been easier last night."
"I know."
"Call
her now, Elis." Her voice was firm but gentle.
"I know!" The moment he snapped the words, he regretted it. Damn it, though. Couldn't she see how much it hurt him?
Evelyn's gray blue eyes turned cold for a moment, but for only a moment. They softened again with understanding.
"I'm sorry. It's…" The lump in his throat returned with all the weight of his guilt. "She's gone. It's my fault." His voice trembled, strangled by the agony of losing Raea when he should have been there.
"You did what you could, dear."
"It wasn't good enough!" He sniffed and wiped the tears blurring his eyes. "I'm never good enough. They're all dead because of me."
The cane tapped once, followed by a hand on his back. He didn't want her sympathy, didn't deserve it, but he needed it and fell down on the stairs to sit and let the tears flow.
"It wasn't you, Elis. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Sometimes these things are meant to happen. They have a purpose, but we don't know what it is while we're too focused on our suffering. You have to get past it."
"Get past it? How?" Tears stung his eyes. Didn't she get it? "How do you make the hurt go away?"
"You live and you give. I thought my world ended when Joe died."
He'd already heard this. Her husband had died six years ago. Joe had been her world, everything to her—like Raea was to him—for fifty-four years, until one day he didn't wake up from his sleep. He'd had some health problems, but nothing serious, or so they'd thought.
"I should have made him see a doctor, but he insisted he was fine. I was afraid of him getting mad." She sighed. "I blamed myself for a long time for not pushing him harder. He was a proud man but never wanted to talk about his feelings. He loved me, though, and I loved him. That was all that mattered. We shared each other's company."
The same story she'd told him on a few different occasions.
"Without him I thought I had nothing worth living for. The kids didn't come around anymore, except at holidays, and I haven't gotten around well since my early sixties."
Over ten years ago. Despite the bad hip and the hump of her back from osteoarthritis, she managed pretty well.
"Every day I prayed to join Joe." Her eyes sparkled with her smile. "Until my angel came."
This again. She gave him too much credit. "I'm no angel," he muttered.
"Don't be so sure, dear. Helping you gave me a purpose. It made me want to live and learn more about worlds I didn't know existed. And you've given me so much more."
He did help when her arthritis got the worst of her, but he couldn't take away all her health problems. "You have a good heart, Elis. You made mistakes, but you learned from them. We all do. It's part of life. You live, learn, and move on, and there are bumps in the road. Sometimes they seem like we're diving over cliffs, without wings—"
Her wink made him smile, in spite of himself.
"But at least if we try to fly, we have a chance that maybe we can. If we give up, all hope is gone. You can't stop hoping and you can't blame yourself. You didn't know what would happen. You did what you thought was right with what you knew. Quit blaming yourself, dear. But don't give up. Pray for Raea. She may be alive."
Maybe was the slimmest chance. And if she was, it wouldn't last long. How could he hope for that? "I was at least partly to blame." That she couldn't deny.
"Nonsense."
What?
"You don't control those Shirukan. You had no way to know they would come. You didn't tell Raea to fly without you. You actually did what she asked, and trusted her. How do you blame yourself? You didn't make anything happen."
"But I didn't tell her about bonding, and that led to her not wanting to be with me and going flying and—"
"Stop it, Elis!" Despite the sagging cheeks, her face fixed in a hard look. "You didn't know what would happen. Raea made her own decisions. So did the Shirukan. Not you. If there's one thing I learned from Joe's death, it's that we always find ways to blame ourselves, to be the martyrs. It'll only hurt you worse to dwell on it. You made a mistake, but that did not cause any of this. Let it go and move on with your grief."
Evelyn had never hesitated to scold him, but she reserved it for times when he most deserved it. She was always right too, when he looked back. But she was wrong this time. How could he not blame himself?
"She's right."
He stiffened at the voice behind him. "How long have you been there?"
"Long enough."
Why did people always say that when they didn't want to admit they heard a whole conversation? And what was with the sneaking out? He didn't even hear Nare come out of her room.
Nare stepped lightly down the stairs. He didn't need her lecturing him right now. At least when Evelyn lectured, she respected him. Nare always came off as condescending.
And she didn't need to sit by him like she did.
"Listen to her."
"You mean you. No." He started to rise—
Nare's firm grip on his arm made his anger flare. He pulled away, but she gripped tighter. "Stay, Elis. Just listen for once."
How dare she tell him what to do! "I'm sick of listening to you!" He jerked his arm away and stood up.
"Idiot!" She grabbed his jeans. "Just stop and listen. Would you…just…"
"Go home, Nare." He yanked his leg, but she wrapped her arms around him.
["Damn it, Elis! Don't be childish. We're trying to help you."]
["What do you care? You've always hated me."]
["No. I didn't. I liked teasing you. There's a difference."] Her voice quieted to a mumble on the last part but rose again when she said, "I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry, but we were both younger then. Now, would you just stop and listen?"
She apologized?
He couldn't believe she apologized. Did she mean it?
"Elis, dear." Evelyn's smile chased away the tension. "I need you. After all the lonely years, it's like having one of my children here to keep me company. You've been the answer to my prayers."
He knew what she said without directly saying it. She understood what he felt and knew how to plant a seed of guilt in him if he dared to leave her.
Nare loosened her grip on his leg. "I'll help you talk with Debbie."
He still had to tell Debbie. Crystal fire. And to think Evelyn's lecture had almost taken his mind off that. "Good." He grumbled the word. "Then you can call her and tell her we need to talk." It would save him the trouble of breaking down on the phone.
"What's the number?"
* * *
Debbie stepped in before he could say anything, a worried expression on her face. "Where's Raea? Nare wouldn't say anything on the phone." She pushed aside her layers of thick, dark hair, flat and lifeless—she didn't even wear makeup. Debbie never left the house without makeup or her hair fixed neat. Nare's call must have woke her up.
Elis grimaced and choked on the lump in his throat and shook his head, unable to speak.
"Oh, God!" Her hands went to her mouth.
Seeing her eyes glaze with tears choked him with the cold, hard fact that Raea was gone. He'd never cried so much in his life as he had the last twelve hours. This didn't help.
"No. She can't be. Tell me she's here." Her fingers pinched his arms, her eyes begging for any other explanation. He wished he could tell her what she wanted. "I— I— I—" She swallowed. "I thought since she didn't come home, that…she was here all night."
A sudden, accusing rage on her face fixed on him. "Why didn't you tell me sooner!"
At a loss for words, Elis shook his head. Debbie's eyes glazed. He couldn't say anything but embraced her. Debbie let loose her tears and cried with him.
"I'm sorry," he whispered and sniffed.
Debbie said nothing for a while but let loose her tears, sniffing and sobbing into his chest.
She had told him when he arrived that Padina had warned her of the Shirukan after the Starfire. Padina wanted Raea raised as a human, unless it became necessary for her to understand what she really was,
so Raea could live a comfortable life on Earth without feeling different. That had changed six weeks ago, when the Starfire entities decided to reveal themselves. Debbie had known all along of the possibility that the Shirukan might find her. He'd promised to protect Raea, but he was only one person.
"I'm sorry too, Debbie."
Debbie pushed away from him and wiped her eyes.
Nare looked down at her hands a moment. "I was the one who failed. I was the one with Raea. Elis was with Josh, like Raea asked. I tried to protect her."
She actually admitted her mistake. Maybe he'd been too hard on his cousin.
"What happened?" Debbie looked from Nare to Elis. "This is Nare?"
Elis looked at Nare.
In the foyer of the house, Nare told Debbie about flying with Raea and the Shirukan hitting her with the neutralizer. She didn't remember anything until she woke up and heard Elis talking with Evelyn and knew he had caught her, but she still didn't thank him. She backtracked then to her arrival the night before and Raea finding out about bonding and deciding to give herself some time away from Elis.
Debbie looked up at him, her eyes red, but without tears. "I didn't realize it was so important. You should have told her."
He knew that! Crystal fire. He knew. They didn't have to keep telling him.
"There's nothing you can do?"
He shook his head.
"I'm so so sorry, Debbie," Nare said.
"Is there any chance—any—that she might be alive?"
"Yes," Nare said. "If the rebels in Naviketan are alert. They may have interfered, but we don't have any way to know."
"As long as there's hope."
Please, don't look at me like that. Debbie's eyes sent guilt crashing through his emotions. Elis clenched his jaw and swallowed the lump in his throat.
"I'll pray for her," Debbie said. "It's all I can do."
"We'll go together. Tonight?"
"I'll leave the boys home and drive everyone." Her eyes shifted from Evelyn to Elis.
She expected him to agree, even though he wouldn't be driving for Evelyn, the only real reason he ever went to their church. Debbie was good at that—a simple command with a look. She didn't have to say a word. He and Raea had laughed about that.
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