by Naomi Niles
My father, Isaac, told me that Aidan was making a cross country drive from Virginia when his car broke down just in front of our farm. He gave me a stern look as he mentioned that he would be spending the night before a repairman came to take a look at the vehicle in the morning and I noticed out of the corner of my eye that my older brother Adam was sitting up straighter. I wanted to laugh at him and ask how he could think that he could intimidate a man like Aidan? He was strong and had lived such a life, one that I wanted so badly to know more about. No man here in my community could ever compare to Aidan, and I knew that I would never forget him.
We finished supper, and I cleaned up in the kitchen with Mama as the men sat out on the porch and talked. Daddy liked to have his coffee and relax after he ate and I think my brother went out there just to spy on Aidan. I couldn’t help but wonder what they were talking about as we washed and dried the dishes and got the kitchen all cleaned up for the night. She looked at me with the same green eyes that I had and cleared her throat. “You liked that young man, Elsa. I could see it.”
“He’s so different from anyone I’ve ever met here. What’s not to be fascinated by, Mama?” I asked her as I looked at her in wonder. I knew that she was worried about my time away and concerned that I might choose not to return, and the arrival of this man was a little too close to comfort for her. I knew that she had wanted the Amish life and loved it since she’d married my father soon after returning and settling into the family life. Of course, she wanted the same for me, but I’d always wanted to explore and see the world.
I loved my family more than anything, but I’d always wanted something different for myself. I had looked forward to my freedom since I was a little girl and I anticipated spreading my wings and seeing more of the world, even if it was just the next town over. I knew that I was safe here and sheltered, which I didn’t want to be for my entire life.
“I just think a man like that is far too advanced to be good for a woman like you, Elsa. That’s all.” She sounded concerned, and I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close. “He’s dangerous.”
“Mama, he will be gone before you know it. I am sure that he appreciates your generosity.” I tried to assure her as she hugged me back. “Everything is going to be just fine,”
I told her to go and clean up for bed and that I would finish up in here since I needed a moment to myself. My mama and I didn’t talk about her time away, only ever about how happy she was here with us and her peaceful life. Mama hinted that the life she’d seen outside of our community was messy and troubling, and that was a sentiment that my father backed up.
My brother had even come back to our life, and he was looking to marry Abby Rhodes in a few months’ time. She was a nice girl, and they’d known each other their whole life, but it made me wonder what he’d seen on the outside to return.
Was the outside so terrible that nobody wanted to stay there? Would I not like it as I thought I would so many times?
CHAPTER 2
Aidan
I went out front to pace around my car as I thought about the beautiful woman just inside. I had taken it through a car wash, and I decided to shed my jacket and give her a good wax before the sun went down for the night. There was a part of me that wanted to play the music that I had been listening to on my now silent cell phone, but I chose to respect them, and I worked in silence as I took in the fresh air that surrounded me. I glanced up halfway through the job to see the pretty blonde watching me from the kitchen before I raised my hand in a wave just to see her smile again. That smile had lit up my otherwise dull world in that little room while I ate their simple but comforting food and I basked in their lifestyle as I observed all of them around the table.
The father had clearly been suspicious of me and my intentions as his only daughter laughed at my stories and seemed to be very involved in my words. It had been amusing the way her older but lean brother had tried to puff out his chest in an effort to Sucre of off of his sister, though I appreciated their concern. She seemed to be captivated by me and I wiped the edge of one of the high fins with precision as I smoothed it out.
This car was the only thing that I could fix right now and I looked at the window again. Elsa was gone now but she’d wormed her way into my heart and I thought again back to the reason that I was here at all.
Joe Miller had been my closest friend in Afghanistan. This car had been given to me by him in case anything should happen to him and the fact that I was standing here alone with it cleaning it like I could fix everything that happened only proved that he was gone all over again.
In some ways, Joe had been lucky. A bomb took him out while I was suffering inside with a severe case of lung cancer as a result of being exposed to chemical weapons in my career in the military. I was only twenty-six and honorably discharged from my position as an Army soldier with nothing more to live for in my life after I’d already lost so much.
This place was peaceful and I looked around over the hills that surrounded the tidy farm. It was clear that the family lived off this land and there was something about that that appealed to me, there was a certain joy in the quiet that was settling all around me.
I had grown up in a military family full of rules and love, as well as loss and heartache. My house growing up had been in Norfolk, Virginia where my mother still lived in the same house I’d been born in after my father died on duty when I was only twelve years old. My older brothers kept the house loud and raucous and I’d stopped by there before I started this road trip for a small visit. They each served in the Navy as well with Brett being thirty, James twenty-eight and Braden thirty-two. We weren’t often there together but when we were, it was a pleasant and distracting sense of chaos.
This was so different. It made me wonder if Elsa had ever left this yard or even this little community that she had grown up in. Did she have friends that she confided all of her secrets to, or a guy that looked at her with lust in his eyes? Had she ever been kissed under the night sky that was approaching soon?
I didn’t know too much about the Amish ways and had never met any in the past, but this was a new adventure for me. I assumed that it was a lot different than my years growing up. I had played sports in high school and partied a lot. There were more women in my past than I wanted to think about right now, and three came into my mind as I dropped my arm on the car for a moment and frowned.
I was on a mending journey to see each of them and to gain closure from what I had shared with them in my life. I needed my chance to tell them goodbye and prepare for the end, which I’d accepted up until tonight. Too much had happened that made me not want to fight anymore; the loss of my father, seeing Joe blow apart to pieces before my eyes and then the other memory that hurt me so badly that I ached inside. I was to blame for so much suffering and unhappiness and I dropped to the ground as the crickets started to chirp around me in the darkening evening. I felt myself caving inside to this peace and wanting a better life for myself if only for a moment.
I knew that night was approaching, and I figured that I ought to head inside and find what my sleeping arrangements were for the night. I wouldn’t mind if it was in bed with sweet Elsa but dinner had only proved that she was off limits to a man like me, as she probably should be.
I grabbed my jacket and tucked the car supplies into the trunk before I knocked gently on the front door. Isaac let me in, and I saw him give the vehicle a long gaze before he ushered me into the living room. Every man loved a classic car, and I shook my head as I sat down on the simple couch and looked around.
“We have a barn out there with a loft area. There’s no room in the house for you tonight but that will make a fine place to sleep for the night. It’s comfortable and the night air will do you good,” Isaac told me as I saw a figure step into the room. Elsa was still dressed in her pale purple cotton dress and her hair hung over her shoulder in that braid as she stared at me with wide eyes.
“That sounds like something I’ve not done s
ince I was a kid at my grandparent’s farm. It’ll bring back good memories,” I agreed as she frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. He glanced up at her and told me that he’d get a fresh blanket and a pillow for me from the closet and left with a hard stare at both of us.
I stepped closer to Elsa after a good look around the room to assure me that we were alone. “If you get scared tonight, come and get me. I’ll protect you from anything in the night,” I assured her in a husky voice as I watched her shiver and cross her arms tighter over her small chest. Elsa was a small, lithe girl, but I knew that her body would be nothing short of stunning. I saw the interest in her alert gaze as she looked into my face and down my body with her eyes resting on the scars on my arm.
“Are you okay?” Her voice was soft as she asked me and I had a sudden rush to keep this woman safe from all harm as I took a deep breath.
“Yes. It doesn’t hurt too much.” Lies. I was on a strong prescription for the pain from my injury that I only took at night when I knew I’d be trying to sleep. I wouldn’t cause any accidents or harm anybody then. It wasn’t the only medicine that I’d been on as a result of everything that had happened in the Army and I knew how they could cause harm to those in my life.
It was another reminder that I wasn’t good for a woman like Elsa, and I gave her a long look before I heard Isaac call me to come into the barn. As I followed him, I knew that it was going to be a long night full of thoughts of Elsa, and I thought about the workout that I could get in the cool night air to try and ease the pain in my arm.
CHAPTER 3
Elsa
I was changed into my white cotton night dress and in my bed for the night, but I only tossed and turned in the room as I thought about Aidan just a mere few feet away from me in the barn. My family went to sleep early in anticipation for an early work day, but rest was not going to come quickly to me tonight. I stood quietly and walked to my window where I could see up to the barn and my eyes widened as I watched Aidan lift his muscular body on one of the sturdy rafters, once and then again. His movements were slow and controlled. Amish men were strong on the farm but I’d never seen anything like him before, and I swallowed slowly as my throat went dry.
My mind was racing with my reactions to him, both emotional and physical.
Aidan was also only wearing a pair of loose shorts, and I could see every curve of his arms and back as he continued to move. It was a beautiful sight, and I barely felt aware of the act of grabbing a cardigan sweater and slipping it over my shoulders before I found some shoes to slip my feet into.
This was wrong, but I couldn’t stay away from him. Daddy and Mama would be furious with me, but I carefully listened as I walked through the house and made my way to the far door before I cracked it open. It was silent, and I even heard Daddy snoring from their room.
The sound of crickets and the summer wind filled my ears, and I took a deep breath before I walked out under the night sky. It was lit with stars, and I gazed up with wonder as I found myself longing to know what they looked like in other places. Were they brighter or closer? Did they look very different?
My eyes passed over the lights in the sky and back to the barn where I knew that I was drawn. I walked over the grass and across the path to the door of the barn, which I opened slowly and carefully. It was dim inside with only light from the oil lantern that Aidan had placed on a table carefully while he exercised, but something about that light made him all the more appealing. I watched him with hungry eyes as he moved and then stilled as he looked around the room. “Scared already?” His voice was quiet, and I walked forward as he watched me with interest.
My hair was loose around my shoulders in tousled curls and his eyes rested on them as I paused in front of him. “I haven’t slept yet. I saw you from my window and…I have never seen a man like you.” I let my eyes pass over his firm torso and pressed my lips together. “Please dress for me so I can feel you. No man here looks like you and I want to feel your body.”
“Women usually ask for clothes to come off, not to be put on,” Aidan told me with another wink as he reached over and slid a dark fitted t-shirt over his body. “You’re a different kind of woman, Elsa. Would you like to learn how to do some of these exercises with me?” I could hear something in his voice that called to a darker part of me as I shivered but I stared into his face. This had to be fate that this man was here just at this point in my life. This had to be a sign of things to come.
“I want to do so many things. I want to see the world.” I reached out and ran my fingers over his broad shoulder before I traced down his arm as I felt bumps cover his skin. “Please keep doing what you were doing for me. I need to see you.”
“They’re called pull ups. I can do them most anywhere, and they keep my arms fit and strong,” Aidan told me before he chuckled and returned to the rafter.
“I am allowed to leave soon. I can go away and see more,” my words slipped out of my mouth before I could stop them and he paused over the smooth wood before he looked down at me where I was seated on the loose cover of hay.
“What do you mean, Elsa?” I heard his curiosity, and I pulled the sweater over the thin material of my nightdress as I tried to figure out what my body was doing inside. I was tingling, and there was a pressure that I wasn’t sure how to fix.
“It’s a tradition know as rumspringa. We are allowed to leave our homes and run around, as the word means in Dutch. We can live another life before we make the final choice and give our lives to our church.” I told him as he moved down and up again in a slow manner.
“What do you do during that time?”
“Adam went with friends to Philadelphia for a month. He didn’t tell me the details, but I hear that the people drink alcohol and drive cars, while some smoke and do other forbidden things.” The stories were wild, and I blushed as I thought about what a girl had told me about her time away before she returned. She was not set to marry soon, but I was all too aware that her husband was not the first man she’d ever been with. It was hard to discuss with being busy so much and always having folks around, but I knew that she’d had sex while she was gone. Sex in a car.
I couldn’t imagine such things.
“When do you get to do this?” Aidan asked as he dropped down beside me and forced my gaze to his eyes.
“It’s my choice but soon. I’ve been deciding what to do,” I responded as I watched him swallow thickly.
“Yeah?”
“Do more of the pull ups or anything else,” I urged him as I scooted away from him ever so slightly. “I need to see you.”
He dropped to the floor where the hay was thinner and urged me to count for him so he could keep up with his record. I watched with a riveted gaze as he pressed his body up and down with his twitching arms as I counted and walked to the door to peer through the small crack that I’d left to see my house.
It was still dark.
“What are those called?” I asked him as he took a deep breath.
“Pushups. They’re for arms as well. I exercise every part of my body.” Aidan assured me as I nodded and leaned against the wood of the barn. “I like to be in shape, which is from my time in The Army. Before that, even. I played football in high school as well. I like to be active.”
“I love working on the farm with the animals, but I want more,” I whispered as he looked at me. There was a scuffle in the stalls to the right of me, and I soothed our mare with a calming voice before I looked back at Aidan.
“Tell me what you want,” he said to me as I glanced back at the house and saw a lantern turn on in the kitchen.
“I have to go, they can’t find me out here,” I said as I gave him one last look before running through the door and across the lawn. I hated leaving him, hated being even a building away, but I knew that I could not be found out there with Aidan. I needed to do some thinking tonight.
I made my way back to the door and opened it softly. The washroom was at this end of the house, and I glanc
ed around quickly before I made my way inside and pulled the door closed as I leaned against it. If anyone were to look for me, I would likely not be bothered here. I slipped off my shoes and took a deep breath as I closed my eyes and pictured Aidan in my mind. I knew what I was thinking, and I knew that my family could not tell me no, despite the fact that my choice might break their hearts.
CHAPTER 4
Aidan
I watched her leave as the air left my lungs. I knew that it was best, but I wanted to talk all night with her about this tradition of hers and see her eyes light up with excitement while she talked about all that she wanted to do. I understood that this was similar to being a teenager in a normal household with the usual experimentation, but for Elsa, it was a journey. She was going to see things that she would never see here in her safe surroundings, and I noticed in her body that she craved that. There was a part of me that wanted to urge her just to stay here and stay safe because a lot could happen out there to a sweet innocent girl such as herself.
I thought about the men that she would encounter in her journey, men like me that would want to touch her. I thought about the harm that could come to her and keep her from living life as I paced the floor and walked to the door to look through it.
It was as if she was never here at all. The night was quiet, and the house dark, and I closed the barn door gently before I walked over to the hay bale where the thick pillow and blanket was as I sat down and ran my hands down my leg.