by Naomi Niles
In the eyes of my community, I had sinned. It was allowed during rumspringa but still…I felt like I’d done wrong by my family. The problem was that I liked it, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to give it up.
I leaned back and watched as he got on the highway before I opened my mouth. “Did you like last night?”
“What part of last night are you referring to, Elsa?” Aidan asked in a teasing tone as I smiled and blushed.
“Doing it with me.” My voice was soft, and he looked over at me.
“I liked it. Did you?” His eyes mesmerized me as he smiled at me at the light that made us wait to enter the busy road.
“I liked it so much. I was always taught that sex was a sin before marriage and even after that, it was more for having babies than it was for pleasure. I can’t imagine my parents ever doing it like we did last night.” I saw Aidan smile as he pulled forward. “What?”
“You’re adorable. That was the missionary position which is the most common. That being said, it’s very pleasurable nonetheless.” His voice was casual, and I stared at him.
“There’s more that you can do?” I felt stunned as I wondered what I was missing out on. “I want to have sex over and over so I can choose my favorite. I want to feel you inside of me the way that you were last night, and I want to pop like I did. It felt so good.” Giggles filled the car as I looked out of the window.
“Pop. I like that. You’re beautiful when you do that.” Aidan sounded sad, and I looked at him as I awkwardly touched his leg. “I could make you pop right now, Elsa. I' love the sounds that you make.”
“Here? In the car?” I asked in wonder as he nodded. “You’re driving.”
“I have a free hand,” Aidan offered as I dropped back into my seat. “You’re in jeans, but you could loosen them a little. I just need to touch you.” His voice sounded heavy, and I felt my legs fell apart as I loosened the button with lust flooding my body. I knew that my shirt covered part of me, but I didn’t care that we were in a car for people to see. “Unzip them.”
I did and watched as he reached over to touch my thigh and made me moan. His hand first traced me over my jeans, and I closed my eyes as he pushed the firm material just where I needed it and caused me to heat up faster almost more than I was ready for. I was sober last night when we had sex but right now I needed this boost to forget where I was and the story from Mary about sex in the car. I had thought that it was impossible, and I knew that this wasn’t sex, but it felt just as good. I slipped my arm across the car to touch his leg and bit my lip as he pushed a little harder and found the spot that he’d touched last night. Aidan got me worked up before he slipped is large hand between the material and my skin as his fingers stroked and teased me.
Sober, it was an amazing feeling. I thought that it couldn’t be repeated, but I exploded again and jerked forward with a weak cry. “Oh, Aidan. Oh, oh, oh.” I looked at him to see him staring forward as his finger dipped inside of me and slid in a little bit.
“Feel so good,” he murmured as he moved deeper in. I came again as I let out a long cry and dropped my head back against the seat. “I love to hear you come like this, Elsa. It makes me want…”
I took a few breaths before I sipped from my cup again and wondered if this is what girls that weren’t Amish did. “Want what?”
“Nothing, Elsa.” He slowly withdrew his hand and rested it on the steering wheel as I looked at him. I was still pulsing from his touch, and I tugged my shirt over my pants as he glanced over briefly.
“What do girls do in return for that? I know that you get…hard and need something too. Can I make you feel good?” I was embarrassing myself, but I wanted to know more about sex, about Aidan. “Can I touch you?”
“We’ll be alone later. Maybe then, Elsa. It’s not safe while I’m driving,” Aidan told me in a quiet voice as I watched him frown. We settled into a quiet few miles where he looked uncomfortable, and I stared out of the window when I wasn’t looking at him.
“I want to know more about you.” Alcohol clearly took away my inhibitions, and I gave him an intent look. “You’ve told me a little about your time in the Army, but I know that it was glossed over and funny for the sake of my family. Mama always told me that I could see deeper into a person, and I did that with you the first few minutes that we were eating together. Tell me the real stories.”
“Elsa, I don’t think you want to hear all of this.” Aidan shifted in his seat and turned on the radio. “Let’s listen to some more music.”
“You lost someone there. Someone important.” I pressed, and he looked over at me for a second.
“I lost a lot of people there, Elsa. I lost a lot of people back home as well as a result of some of the terrible stuff that I’ve seen. It’s kind of hard to forget about sometimes.” Aidan grimaced as he gripped the wheel tighter. “Are you almost done with that drink?”
“I thought you liked me this way,” I said as I stared at him. “I thought that you wanted me loosened up. I’d want to know even if I wasn’t drinking.”
“I wanted you to stop being nervous about last night. I wanted to spare you of the discomfort that can come along with it since I am all too familiar with it, Elsa.” Aidan said as I looked at him. I slipped the drink into a round thing that he’d put drinks into before. “I want to laugh with you and see the world through your eyes again. I want not to think about being inside of you again until we’re alone tonight, and I can let go.” He rolled his head back and cracked his charming smile at me. “I want your innocence back and your wonder. Did I take that away last night?”
“No. Last night was a gift, Aidan. I never knew that someone could be so caring with me my first time, so patient. I am so blessed that I was with you for that.” I assured him as I stared at him. “I just want to do something for you to heal whatever is hurting inside of you.”
“I just had some bad experiences. You can see that I’m injured.” Aidan said, and I moved to sit next to him. “I lost a friend in that blast as well. This is his car, and it’s his money that is paying for all of this. Joe left it all to me, and it’s all I have to remember him by. Most of the memories are too brutal to want to think about, and they’ve hurt me in so many ways. I just want to fix what I can before I have to…have to head back.” I kissed his arm as he spoke and felt him freeze for a moment. “Melissa was my best friend before everything went downhill. She helped me through everything that she could before I pushed her away and lived in my misery. I know that she loved me once, but this isn’t about that. This is about letting her know the truth about everything. It’s about closure.”
“You’re spending his money on me. You’re buying me all of these things and making this a great time for me with it. Why? Why did you take me that day?” I asked him as I pressed my lips to another part of his scar. “You could have been on your own for this and not watching over me.”
“I saw life in you, life that I thought I’d lost. You were this simple girl living a simple life, and you had a fire inside that I wanted to eat up. I loved your curiosity and your need to see more than what was happening before you.” Aidan spoke rapidly, and I smiled as I wondered who he was describing. “I couldn’t believe that you were stepping away with me.”
“I think I saw in you what you saw in me. You were so confident and funny, Aidan. You were so different than any boy I’d ever met before. Man. I mean, man. You were a man in a world full of mere boys.” I kissed him again. “I wouldn’t leave with anybody but you.”
“This might be a total failure. Melissa was open to seeing me, but she might hate me after this visit. Will you still want to hang with me after that?” Aidan asked, and I looked up at him as he slid an arm around me.
“I like that you want to fix your wrongs, and I think that she will too. I think that you are a good person for trying at least.” I paused. “You don’t want to get back together with her, do you?”
“Melissa is married with four-year-old twins, so no. That part of
us ended years ago, but I also walked out on our friendship.”
“You loved her once. You asked her to marry you.”
“We were kids then. I graduated and joined the Army, and it seemed like the thing to do. There was something romantic about it to her, and I didn’t think that I’d come back…broken.” He shook his head. “I thought that I was making the right choice.”
“Weren’t you?” I asked to a long pause.
“I don’t know. Let’s go check out Wisconsin, see how this goes.” Aidan pressed on the gas, and I smiled as I watched the scenery pass by.
I snuggled close to him and soaked in the moment of happiness as I wondered what Melissa was like. I wondered if she was going to like me and what she would think about Aidan and I. Was it obvious that we’d had sex? I thought so, given the way we were pressed together now as we drove down the highway. I liked his arm around me and his body heat pressed against me.
I wished that I knew more about relationships and sex as I watched the approaching scenery.
CHAPTER 22
Aidan
I drove through the beautiful state and pointed out some of the lakes to Elsa as she snuggled against my side. I liked the closeness of her body more than I cared to admit as we laughed and talked about some of the sights. I was comfortable with Elsa, more so than any other woman that I’d been with and that scared me even as I found myself allowing my arm to cramp just to keep it wrapped around her. I didn’t want to let go of her, and I worried about the day that we would part. It was as if she sensed that as she pressed her soft lips against my scars again and made goosebumps rise on my skin as I shivered. I loved those lips against me, and I longed to taste them again and feel them on more of my body. I twisted my arm a bit to ease the ache and felt her look up at me. “Are you okay? Want me to move?”
I stopped at the light and stroked her shoulder as I winced a little bit. “No, I like you here.” I kissed her hair as she stared at me and pressed her lips to mine softly. I wanted to pull this car over and take that kiss so much further, but I reluctantly pulled away and drove forward as the light turned green.
According to my phone, we had about half an hour before we got to Melissa’s house.
“Look at that,” Elsa said beside me as I glanced to the left for a quick look. There was a scene with beautiful rolling hills and a bright red farm in the distance, which wasn’t unlike something we’d both seen in Pennsylvania. Hell, I’d seen it in far more places than that in my travels. It just meant more with this woman by my side. It felt good to count the states that we were going through together, and I looked back at the road as I took a deep breath. “Isn’t it pretty?”
“Almost as pretty as you are,” I assured her as she giggled and tucked her hand over my leg. We’d stopped to use the bathroom a few times for her, thanks to the champagne and we’d also grabbed some quick sandwiches to eat before we started driving again. Knowing Melissa, there would be a full spread for dinner since she’d always loved to cook but I wanted to sober Elsa up some before we arrived. Her being a little tipsy and so open with me was making it hard to drive, and I wanted to focus once I was at Melissa’s house. I knew that this was my last chance to make amends with her as well as Angela and Marion, and I needed to make every moment count.
The pain of my impending death crashed over me again, and I swallowed the lump in my throat. Elsa must have heard me because she lifted the cup to my lips so I could sip the tea through the straw.
Every time we got back into the car, she was by my side again. I knew that Elsa was soberer than before, but she seemed to enjoy it as much as I did. We pulled into the beginning of a neighborhood filled with large ranch style homes and I followed the directions until we pulled up in front of a pale yellow one that was set back from the tree-filled street. It looked like Melissa had done well for herself and I let out a sigh of relief as Elsa scooted over and allowed me to release my arm. She had looked at the house before she turned her big blue eyes towards me as she seemed to search my face for something. “Are you ready for this?” Her voice was soft and sweet, and I nodded before I pressed a kiss to her lips.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” We stared at each other for a moment until we heard someone calling out my name and Elsa smiled as she turned her head. I saw a petite brunette bounding across the grass as I chuckled as I shook my head. “That’s Melissa.” She reached the car as I got out and threw herself into my arms as I stumbled back against the car. “Hey, now. Don’t hurt yourself, Mel.” Her nickname slipped out as I held her and gave into the comfort of familiarity. “Hey, kiddo.”
“Don’t your kiddo me. We’re the same age.” She pulled back and looked into my face with her intense green stare before she looked me slowly over. She was still just as beautiful, and I could see that she noticed everything. “Oh, Aidan. Your arm.” Melissa traced my scarred skin with her hand, but I noted that my body didn’t respond the way that it did to Elsa. I knew then that this was all about closure and peace and not thinking about what could’ve been. There was a time when I questioned that after I was first diagnosed. I wondered if I just wanted the feeling of someone familiar but I found that in strangers as I kept to myself. I only allowed myself the physical contact and nothing that was emotionally bonding for me. “Are you okay?” She looked at me again, and I knew that she was aware that I didn’t show up here just on a whim.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I-” My voice was interrupted by the sounds of children, and she lovingly rolled her eyes.
“Here come the little terrors.” She stepped onto the lawn, and I followed as I saw two small brunette children hurrying across the pretty green grass calling her name. I looked back at the car and opened the door for Elsa to step out as she smiled at me and joined me. “Who’s going to win? Run, run, run!!” A little girl that looked just like her mother jumped into Melissa’s arms as she squealed and a little boy with serious brown eyes wrapped his arms around her legs. “Adrianna and Nathan, meet my friend Aidan.” Melissa turned to face me, and her eyes popped when she saw Elsa beside me. “Oh. Hi. I didn’t know that you had anyone with you.”
“It was last minute.” Elsa laughed softly, and I looked at her for a moment. “This is Elsa. Elsa, this is Melissa and Adrianna and Nathan.”
“It’s nice to meet you.” I could tell that Melissa was surprised as the girls shook hands and the kids looked at her with big eyes. “There’s Matt, the other parent of the demon spawn.” Elsa gave her a wide-eyed look, but I knew Melissa’s sense of humor all too well. The guy was about as tall as I was but lankier. He shook our hands with an affable smile and welcomed us to his home, and I was glad that Melissa found someone as we made small talk about the car. Every guy loved a chance to admire Joe’s car-my car-and I was willing to give that to them. I’d always been the same way when I saw pictures of it and was stunned when his parents contacted me to let me know that their son had left me the vehicle as well as some of the money that he’d saved. We slowly walked towards the house as Melissa asked if they would stay there. There was a beautiful sofa with a hide a bed in the guest room, and they’d love to have them, even though she laughed as she warned them that the twins got up early and let the whole neighborhood know about it.
Adrianna was fond of Elsa, and she walked beside her as we all lined up to go into the house. I melted a bit when I saw the way that Elsa looked down at her, and I imagined her having a big family someday once she made a final decision about her life.
Nathan seemed attached to me when we sat down in the living room, and he played with his cars on the floor as I joined him and laughed at his antics. Adrianna had Elsa prisoner with her doll, and I watched as Melissa noticed her children. We caught up on Melissa’s life and how she moved here after meeting Matt when he was in Virginia for a work meeting. They’d dated for a few months and knew that it was it for them, and they bought the house a year before the babies were born. I listened intently as she spoke and saw real happiness in her eyes and her smile.
This was good. Melissa was happy, and she’d moved on. This was how it was supposed to be.
Elsa brightened up when they mentioned that they were going to start supper, and Melissa smiled at her. “Can I help?” I knew that Elsa missed cooking immensely, and Melissa nodded as they stood and went to the kitchen. Matt stood as well and told me that he was grilling some meat outside. My stomach growled after eating too much take out lately, and I went into the spacious kitchen to see the women slicing some zucchini and adding it to a plastic bag with some asparagus as Elsa listened intently to Melissa as she described what she was doing. Matt took some chicken out of a bowl in the fridge where they had been marinating and piled them on a plate before he asked me to carry a package of cheddar brats out with him.
There was a large deck with a huge gas grill set up all nice by a little bar that overlooked a pool. “Nice place,” I told Matt as he smiled and looked behind him. I barely had an apartment in Virginia and it was merely a room with my few belongings in it at this point.
“Thanks. We enjoy it a lot.” I saw his eyes take in my scars as he warmed up the BBQ and offered me a beer. “There’s some in the fridge under the bar. I like to enjoy a couple when I’m cooking.” I thanked him and got a couple of the popular bottles that everybody was drinking now and remembered the days I had drunk too much around Melissa before I ended out engagement. I hoped that he didn’t do that to her, but Matt seemed content and happy. He didn’t need the escape like I had.