by Naomi Niles
I decided to get some coffee from the lobby and cool myself off with the fresh air I’d get during the short walk. She deserved to sleep a little more, and I watched her smile widely in her sleep as I shook my head. My beautiful Angl. I stood and pulled my jeans on from the night before and a clean T-shirt from my bag before I slid the key into my pocket and ambled across the parking lot that had a few cars left this morning. I had no recollection of anything last night except for driving here in a lust fueled rage and getting the room. I’d experienced emotions and mixed them with sex before but last night was downright explosive. I went at her like an animal, and she loved it.
It wasn’t a bad way to spend my final days. That thought made me face reality again and I pushed open the door of the lobby to see just a few couples eating and some others checking out. I made myself a cup of coffee quietly and poured Elsa some orAng juice before I left the building to go back to the room.
On the way, I noticed an older couple embracing by their car. They had to be in their sixties at least, but love radiated from them and I stopped to give them a moment and just soak it all in. Sure, I’d proposed to Melissa back in the old days, but it wasn’t like it seemed to be for them in my memory. I loved her and still did as a cherished friend, but I’d willingly ended it. Even the others didn’t seem to be the same as what I was witnessing, and I watched as they pulled away and separated their locked lips. The woman caught me watching them and smiled my direction before the man went over to the office. “Good morning,” she called across the lot as I grinned.
“Morning. I’m sorry I was staring but you don’t see that a lot these days. How long have you been married?” I asked as she smiled happily.
“Forty years. It feels like yesterday to me.” She confessed as I whistled in admiration. I felt it again that I’d never have that, and I told her to have a good day while I walked back into the room. The bed was empty, but I heard water running in the bathroom, and I set the drinks down before I went to crack the partially opened door a little wider.
Elsa was brushing her teeth wearing my shirt from the night before, and she looked beautiful as it hung on her small frame. Her face was bare of makeup too even though she’d been trying it out every day since we’d been on the road. I liked her without it; it reminded me of the first time that we met and her innocence. “Morning.”
“Hi,” she said as she smiled at me after rinsing out her mouth. “Coffee?”
“Yeah, I made us a cup and brought you some juice as well. We’ll be eating in an hour, so I figured that would tide us over.” My eyes wandered over her body as she walked over to me and shyly slid her arms around my neck. Elsa kissed me, and I found myself pulling her to me for a deeper kiss as she moaned. “Have I created a monster?” I teased as I claimed her lips again.
“I think you have,” Elsa agreed as she pressed herself closer to me. I lifted her, and she wrapped her legs around me as I made my way to the bed where I kissed her thoroughly. Flashes of the couple outside filled my mind, and I wondered if I could ever have that if my circumstances were different. I wondered if I could have that with Elsa.
Clothes were quickly removed, and I was sheathing myself from the box of condoms that I’d bought after meeting her. We had sex with her pressed to the mattress and her legs wrapped around me, and I knew that I didn’t have to hold back. She liked it the way that I did, and I listened to her moans and whimpers as I drove myself into her welcoming body again and again. I heard her voice rise into a keening sound and knew that she was coming, and I let myself go at the same time. “What are those things that you put on?” Elsa asked me after I’d cleaned up and she was getting ready to take a shower.
“It’s called a condom. They protect you from pregnancy and both of us from sexually transmitted diseases, should one partner have any.” The wide-eyed look that she gave me made me smile. “I don’t have any since I’m very careful. I doubt that you do as well.” That earned a giggle, and she disappeared into the bathroom with a pink tint to her face as I sipped the coffee that had cooled off. The last three times with her played through my mind, and I shook my head slowly.
I decided to join her in the shower to save some water and was happy to find that she’d left the door unlocked. Elsa loved showers and took one every chance she could when we were in a hotel room. She grinned at me and moved so I could join her as she used the tiny soap on her soft skin. She was so beautiful, and I kissed her wet hair as she smiled. We didn’t have sex again, but she did get me off with her hand as I directed her through the process. Everything this woman did was good, and I realized I didn’t think it would be this good.
They cleaned up the room and carried the bags to the car as he told her that they’d be driving for a while. She nodded, and he glanced at her before he went into the lobby to take care of the bill while she slipped into the front seat and pulled her hair into a messy bun. She claimed to love them.
We had enjoyed breakfast with Matt and Melissa and the amped up twins before we took off to leave Wisconsin and there were hugs all around. I felt tears in my eyes as I said goodbye to the kids and they asked me to bring Elsa back to see them since I knew that wasn’t possible.
Once we were driving, my mind moved into the future. I surprised myself when I found myself talking to Elsa about Angela and how she’d been my therapist after I ended things with Melissa. That event had thrown me into a worse place than I’d been in before and she watched me as I talked about it. A few glances her way showed me that the story was getting to her a bit, but I hoped it wasn’t too much as I explained how we started dating once I was released from her care. Elsa’s eyes widened as she heard that we’d gotten pregnant within three months of dating, and I could see the question on her lips. “Angela was on a form of birth control on her own. When you’re together with someone, you can have faith in that. It just failed us, and we had to grow up pretty quickly.”
“What happened? Where is your child?” Elsa asked me as I let out a sigh.
“She lost it a couple of months later. It’s called a miscarriage. I had already dealt with the military stuff and losing Melissa, and it broke me. She was used to being a therapist and tried to comfort me while she pushed her own sadness aside and it just exploded on us. We were both excited even though it happened so fast, which surprised me. I didn’t think I’d ever want that for myself.” Elsa moved closer to me, and I found myself holding her with one arm as I took in her warmth. “I ended up going back out into the field after that.”
I hoped that it wasn’t too much for her to handle and pulled her closer and I smiled at the thought that I needed her in part.
CHAPTER 27
Elsa
I loved being in his arms during the drive and he seemed to like it as well. I was excited for our next destination since meeting Melissa had been wonderful, but there was a part of me that was envious of Angela. She’d had a part of him that no other woman had, his baby inside of her. I imagined the bond that they shared even with their apparent heartbreak. I wondered if he’d want to put another baby inside of her as we drove and felt sad about his story.
I didn’t think he wanted to have a baby with me since he wore those condoms. Not that I wanted one, not yet since I was so young and it was still ingrained in my mind that I should be married first. I just didn’t think that he wanted any of that with me and that we were having sex.
Lots of sex.
I couldn’t get enough of Aidan and last night had made me a different woman in some way. I realized that going back home was getting further away from me but if I chose that, would any Amish man be like that? It seemed to be obligatory if you looked around at the couples that I knew, and I didn’t see that passion between any of them. My parents barely held hands, but they were just so busy working all of the time.
I remembered a time when they’d been morose, and I wondered if it was a miscarriage. Things like that weren’t discussed openly too much, and I just remember Mama being so happy before she was s
uddenly sick and sad. She’d stayed in bed a lot, and I’d handled the cooking and cleaning while I took care of her. I was thirteen then. I found a game on my phone and played it as I fed the cats and set up their toys as music played over the radio and Aidan sang along.
I loved driving with him. There was something soothing about it, and I made sure to look at the scenery regularly as I played my mindless games and let my mind wander. Aidan seemed content just to keep crossing state lines and a little lost in thought as we moved along. I couldn’t help but think that I hadn’t been through most of what he had, and that was only what I knew about. I had only had sex with him, though I suppose essentially leaving so abruptly for my rumspringa was a big event in my life. That was really it, though, and I wondered if he could love somebody like me.
I knew in the beginning that I could love a man like him. He was bigger than life sitting at the supper table that night and now? I was in deep even as I fought the feelings. All of this physical reaction inside of me confused me, and I leaned against him as I took a slow breath. “Are you scared to go back, Aidan? To Afghanistan?”
“Yes. You never know what can happen there,” Aidan told me as he slipped his hand to take mine. “I like this, just driving and seeing the United States.”
I paused and looked at the rolling green hills as I wondered if I was crazy to suggest the next thing. “I’ll wait for you to come home, Aidan. I’ll be here for you when you’re finished if that’s what you want.” He merely squeezed my hand, and I wanted to take the words back. This was a trip for him and some sex, nothing more. What was I thinking?
We drove into a small city in Nebraska, and he pulled into a grocery store for some drinks and road snacks. I offered to get out with him and go in, but Aidan smiled as he told me that he’d surprise me with something. I settled back in the seat and looked around at the people going about their lives, which made me giggle. I felt like I was on the run and here they were just living their lives. I had always been so interested in what others were doing, and now I felt like my life was the happiest that it had ever been. I didn’t pay attention to the store until I saw someone coming my way. I think it was Aidan, but he had so many flowers in his arms that it was hard to tell. “What are you doing?” I jumped out of my seat and opened the door to run up to him.
“These are for you.” He told me as I started to take them from his arms and wrap my arms around them as I laughed. He stared into my face for a long moment before he kissed me and I heard applause in the parking lot as I pulled away to see a few clerks clapping as they watched us. I blushed, and he kissed me again. “Thank you for doing this with me, Elsa.”
“Why are they clapping?” I asked him as he held the door for me so I could get into the car with all of the bouquets.
“They haven’t seen a man buying all of their flowers before. People love romance.” Aidan smiled at me as he watched me get settled and start to smell each bouquet. My face hurt from smiling so widely, and I felt warmth surge through me. He walked around to his side and produced a small bag that had some drinks, chips and candy in it that he set between us as he looked over at me. “What’s your favorite?”
I thought for a moment as I looked at all of the colors and the variety. “I love the red roses and their smell. I think my very favorite are the tulips, though. We planted every year at the farm, and I loved those few weeks when they’d peek through the grass, and I made vases from them.” Sadness enveloped me for a moment as I missed my family but I looked at the flowers again. “Is this what men do for women when they’re dating?”
“The good ones do,” Aidan told me as he started the car for the last leg of the trip. “Are you okay?”
“I’m so happy, Aidan. I just wish that I could call my Mama and tell her that. She’d love these flowers.”
“You can bring her some back,” Aidan promised me as I looked over at him. Was I going to go back or find a way to make it in the world when he returned to Afghanistan? “If you decide to stay out in the world, you can plant some and bring them to her.” It was as if he’d read my mind.
I opened one of the drinks and took a long sip after I’d put the flowers carefully in the back of the car apart from the tulips. It was a sports drink, and I took in the sweet and sour flavor of the red juice as I looked at the end of the town that we were in. Aidan offered me the option of a quick trip to a state park or a zoo before we left Nebraska and I mulled the idea over. I loved walking around Gettysburg and seeing everything, but I had a special place in my heart for animals as well. The fact that he told me it was an aquarium as well intrigued me even further. I said that I wanted to go to the zoo.
Aidan got directions, and we made sure that everything was secured in the back of the car before we walked to the entrance and paid to get inside. I was like a child as we walked inside and I looked around as Aidan read aloud from the paper that we’d been given. We both wanted to see the lemurs, and we walked along as I delighted in seeing the little creatures swinging in the trees as they called across the exhibit to one another. We healed hands, and the sun warmed my legs as the pretty green skirt blew around my knees on the gentle wind.
I also loved the cage that had all of the cats inside of it, big and little. The cheetahs were beautiful as well with their sleek bodies and lovely spots. I caught Aidan smiling at me several times during the visit as I gasped and stared at the animals.
The aquarium silenced me. I had never seen such a thing. There were big tanks of water with sharks inside and Aidan hugged me as I pressed myself up against him and stared at them. I looked down in the big tank with various creatures that I could touch, and Aidan pushed me forward gently as he urged me to try it. He even got my phone from me and snapped pictures of me touching the soft and colorful sea anemone and the beautiful starfish as they remained stuck to their rock or even the glass. The feeling of touching them was amazing, and I made Aidan do it as I took random photos of him. He looked happy here. I memorized his handsome face as I snapped another photo of Aidan laughing as an anemone started to close around his finger as if he was a meal, from what the kind woman told us that worked there.
Once we were done there and let some children step in, he walked me around and told me all about the various fish and sea life there. I giggled at all of the penguins that waddled around their area and snapped a lot of pictures of them. The spider crabs were large and scary but behind glass as I bravely snapped a picture.
Aidan explained that I could find a lot of shows on youtube about sea life and learn from them since I hadn’t had the chance before now.
After we’d seen everything at the zoo, Aidan led me to the gift shop, and I walked around looking at all of the cute things that they sold. He insisted on buying me a penguin and a key chain with a starfish on it, and I kissed him as the young girl handed me the bag. “Thank you.” We left to finish our trip, and I smiled as I held my keepsakes and looked behind us. “Every place has one of these?”
“The bigger cities, yes.” He started the car, and I thought to myself that’d love to see all of them. Aidan explained that many zoos and aquariums helped the animals that were injured by offering them a safe home and studying them to learn more and I wanted to know everything about that. “We’ll see how many we can go to.”
“You read my mind,” I smiled at him as I stroked my soft penguin and looked down at him.
“It’s way too fun watching you discover the world. Wait until you have kids, Elsa. You’ll see what I see,” Aidan assured me as I frowned. I didn’t want to think about a life without him right now, and that was just too much to think about, but I allowed myself to think about the twins and imagined bringing them here to picture what he meant.
We stopped for a quick sandwich before we were pulling into Colorado and finding Angela’s house on the edge of a cozy little town. While Melissa’s was peaceful and pleasant, this was smaller with a beautiful yard filled with flowers and trees and a lovely front porch. We parked, and Aidan took our bags
from the trunk as I glanced sadly at my wilting flowers. “It was worth it to see the look on your face, Elsa.”
We walked up the path to the door, and he rang the doorbell as I looked over the sunny yard. I knew that it would be getting dark soon, and I looked forward curiously as a pretty blonde opened the door. She looked at Aidan with a huge smile and then gave me a curious look, which was similar to Melissa’s reaction as I smiled. “I can’t believe that you’re here!” She pulled him into his arms and a part of me imagined them together as I watched quietly from the side. “I’m Angela Jones.” She offered me her hand, and I took it as I told her my name and she ushered us inside.
There was a peace and comfort to this house, and I assumed that Angela hadn’t had kids since she seemed to live alone. Every room in the small cottage was a little paradise, and I imagined reading here or just looking into either yard since the back was prettier than the front. There was a deck with a modest cooker and chairs that overlooked flowers and a pretty pond, and I smiled as I told her how much I loved it.
“It’s my little slice of Heaven,” Angela agreed as she stood beside me in a loose pink dress and bare feet. I didn’t know what I expected, but she was very content and easy going as she led us into the kitchen. She kept smiling at Aidan, and I could see that she loved him much like Melissa. Even though she seemed to live alone, I didn’t feel any threat. She had everything that she needed here and she was just interested in catching up with him.
I wondered what it must have been like to see him broken and unhappy when she first met him. Had that been what made her fall in love with him? He was so outgoing here, and they laughed as he talked the way he had when I first met him. I sipped my wine from the pretty glass that she gave me and thought about how it wasn’t bubbly and sweet like the other drinks that I’d had but rather smooth and slightly sweet.