by Carr, K
Matt was holding the passenger door open for me, and I sent him a small smile before getting in and passing the bags to Dante who’d slipped into the back.
I watched Matt walk around to his side of the car, trying to gauge from his expression what his mood was like. I got nothing. His face was an aloof mask. He got in behind the steering wheel, his cool sidelong gaze reminding me to buckle up.
It was a quiet drive to mine. Quiet and uncomfortable, to say the least.
“Did you eat today, poppet?” Matt asked when he parked behind the Cayenne he’d bought me.
I had to think about it for a few seconds. “Yes, I did.”
“No, you didn’t, sweet cheeks,” Dante corrected from the back seat. “You took a bite from your sandwich, then got distracted by Lisa.”
That’s right. Lisa had issues with her landlord, and I had lent her my ear for a good, old-fashioned rant.
I unbuckled the belt and regarded Matt sheepishly. “I guess I haven’t eaten today.”
Matt didn’t say anything, the gleam of disapproval in his eyes said it all. Dante got the flowers and I got our bags while Matt opened up my front door.
“I’ll go put these in water,” Dante said on entry, and I dropped our bags on the couch while kicking off my sneakers.
Matt glanced at the pillow and duvet on the couch, a pleased smirk on his lips. Dante had slept on the couch last night, not that he got much sleep anyway. We had stayed up late hanging with Bret and Marie-Sol before their departure.
“I’ll get the guest room set up for you,” I called to Dante’s back, gathering up the pillow and duvet. I flashed Matt my empty smile and trudged upstairs. I needed to change the sheets in both rooms. Matt came up about ten minutes later, leaning against the door frame of the guest room as I smoothed the fresh, crisp sheets to my satisfaction. I gave the pillows one final plumping, then picked up the dirty sheets.
“I know it’s late, poppet, but would you like me to make you something to eat?” he asked.
“No, thanks, Matt. I’m not that hungry.” I eased past him, dumping the sheets in the hallway, then heading for my room. He followed.
“Are you sure, poppet?” he asked. “I’m fully capable of making you a sandwich, and you should eat something.”
I smiled at him, my first real smile of the day. He looked a dream, his black hair tousled around his gorgeous face. I liked his hair like that. It gave the impression of him being at ease. My eyes lingered on his lips, he hadn’t kissed me hello. I could do with a kiss. My eyes dipped lower. Dark-grey sweater clinging to the muscular lines of his arms and chest; casual black pants that drew my gaze to his—
“Stop lusting after me,” he teased, coming over to help me with the sheets. My smile grew further as we stripped the bed. Matt said he was getting me a new bed later this week, and I asked him if he was mad. He shrugged at me as I stuffed the pillows in fresh cases. I didn’t think it had anything to do with my bed being too small in his eyes, well not wholly. I think it was mainly because he knew Dante had been sleeping in here.
“Do you want to help me flip the mattress?” I suggested, without the slightest hint of sarcasm.
Matt nodded. “That’s a great idea, poppet. Last time I slept here, I swear those springs were poking me in the back. You’re definitely getting a new bed.”
I shook my head and hid my knowing smile. We flipped the mattress. Well, Matt flipped the mattress, I pretended to help. My arms felt achy.
There was a low knock on the half-opened door and Dante stuck his head around it. Matt stiffened before turning his back and starting to tuck the clean sheets over the edges.
“Madi, all right if I use the shower first?” Dante queried. He looked uncomfortable and I could guess the reason why. Normally he would walk into my room. My place was his second home. Tonight he’d knocked on the bedroom door, a first-time occurrence.
“Sure, D. Spare clothes are in the—”
“Bottom drawer. I know,” he quipped before pulling the door shut.
Matt spun around immediately, eyes narrowed and eyebrows at an unhappy level. “He has spare clothes here, poppet? Spare keys and spare clothes? You’re having a laugh, right?”
“Can we not do this right now, Matt? You said Friday. On Friday, you can argue with me all you want.”
His features softened and he nodded. “I did say Friday. Fine, but it’s on the list, poppet. Top of the list.”
We finished making the bed and I started tidying around my room under Matt’s gaze.
“Leave that, poppet. I want to talk to you for a moment.” He beckoned me over.
I paused, not liking the undertone in his voice. “About what?”
Matt rubbed his lower jaw and sat on the bed, patting the space next to him.
I shook my head. “I’d rather stand, Matt.”
“Fine.” He brushed my reluctance to sit next to him away with a wave of hand. “What’s the plan for tomorrow?”
“The plan?” I repeated, nervously undoing my pony-tail and tugging my fingers through my hair. I needed to shampoo and condition, but it was way too late to deal with my curls.
“Yes,” he said quietly. “The plan.”
“There’s no plan, Matt. Don’t you have work?”
He shook his head. “No. I told you I would be taking a few days off. So what’s your plan for tomorrow?”
Oh, no. Oh hell, no. “I’m heading to the cemetery with Dante, then chilling out, Matt. You should go to work. Aren’t you working on some big takeover bid? I thought things were—”
“Why haven’t you been sleeping?” he interrupted.
I blinked fast and answered automatically. “So I’m too tired to dream tomorrow.” Damn. He always caught me out. I belatedly realized it must be some form of tactic to startle someone into telling the truth. Take them unawares.
Matt got up and strode towards me. The skin on his face looked flushed, like he was getting annoyed. “Explain.”
I sighed loudly and sidestepped him. Matt grabbed my wrist, pulling me to a halt.
“Explain to me why you’re subjecting yourself to sleep deprivation, missing meals, generally not taking care of yourself, Madison.”
“Don’t do this, Matt,” I implored, trying to twist my wrist free. “Please, everything will be fine by next week. I told you I’ll be better next week.”
“Fuck next week.” Matt said in a cold, hard voice. “I want to know now. Don’t do this, poppet. Don’t shut me out. The past weekend, yesterday…the state you were in…bloody hell. Your behaviour is worrying. It scared me, Madison. You scared me. This,” he waved his free hand up and down my form, “is not normal. Tell me what’s going on so I can help you.”
I yanked my wrist free, inhaling deeply. “You can’t help, Matt. No one can. Look, go to work, don’t go to work; I don’t care. I love you, Matt, but I don’t need you right now.”
He looked as if I’d slapped him. Matt’s throat bobbed up and down while we exchanged tense stares. Then he said, “I need you. And you do need me, too. I am going to spend tomorrow with you—”
“No,” I interjected firmly.
Matt arched an eyebrow at me. “I’m pulling ranks, my sweet darling. I’m older, by default that makes me wiser. You have two choices, Madi. You can graciously accept my support and let me help you through this upsetting time, or you can fight me tooth and nail and still have to accept my support.”
The determination pouring off him signified his mind was made up. Matthew Bradley had spoken and, like he said, I had two choices: hard or easy.
“I like getting to the cemetery early. You should get some sleep as Dante and I plan on leaving at six,” I said in a defeated voice.
Matt exhaled loudly before pulling me into his arms. “Thank you, and I won’t pull rank on you again unless it’s completely necessary.”
I was too tired to care…
<><><>
Matt observed her from lowered lashes. She looked exhausted. Utterly exhaus
ted, and he knew she hadn’t slept last night. The pallor of her skin was strangely ashen. He never thought a skin tone like hers could lose its warm glow, but it had.
“Coffee?” He held the pot up and she shook her head. He turned to Dante, who sat on the other side of the table. “What about you? Would you like coffee?”
“Thanks, man,” Dante said, holding his mug out. Matt poured the coffee, noticing that like him, Dante’s gaze was never too long away from her empty features. Matt hid his worry behind a calm mask. It was as if the life had seeped right out of her. She kept glancing at her watch nervously, lips moving silently ever so often. It pained him to think of what she was going through, but it was best to just get through today. Once today was over, his poppet would be back to her smiling self.
“We should go,” she said abruptly.
Dante had raised the mug to his lips. He set the mug down and glanced at Matt.
Madi pushed her chair back, looking over at the flowers at Dante. “We should go now.”
“Okay,” Dante said.
“Of course, poppet,” Matt said.
She stood up and stalked over to the counter to get the flowers. “Right, then. Let’s go.”
Matt watched her agitated movements: her compressed lips; the flinching in her eyes. His poppet was in the grips of mental torture, her own private hell. Bollocks. Had she never truly come to terms with her parents’ deaths? Her behaviour the past few days indicated exactly that.
She held the flowers away from her face, as if she couldn’t bear inhaling the delicate fragrance, and walked out of the kitchen without a backward glance.
Dante looked over at him. “Today isn’t a good day for her.”
Matt nodded as they followed her out of the kitchen. She waited silently at the front door, never meeting their eyes. They left her home and headed for the Hither Green cemetery in Lewisham.
Matt could sense her despair the closer they got, and it was far more painful for him than he expected. When he parked, she exhaled loudly, flashed him a tight smile and said, “I’ll see you guys in a bit.”
He had planned on going with her, but that one sentence signified her desire to be alone.
“One hour, Madi,” Dante said softly as she opened the door, adjusted the flowers in her arms and nodded. She walked away.
Dante sighed loudly in the backseat and rubbed a hand over his face. Matt eyed him in the rear view mirror. Now they were alone, he could finally speak his mind.
“I know Madi views you as her closest friend,” he started coolly. “I respect that, Palmer. You two grew up together and you work together.” Matt’s grip on the steering wheel tightened. “But if you ever stand by and watch her get into the state she’s been in the past few days, if you ever encourage her to indulge in such behaviour…I will personally make it my business to make your life a living hell.”
Dante straightened up against the leather upholstery. “Who the hell do you think you’re talking to, Bradley? You don’t know shit about Madi, and you sure as hell don’t know shit about me. What? You think because you’re fucking her you know her? Man, fuck you. You don’t know shit. I’ve been by her side for decades.”
“Hmm.” Matt made a derisive sound at the back of his throat. “Yes, you have and, instead of being a true friend, you’ve done nothing more than enable her destructive behaviour the past few days. Do you even understand the definition of friendship?”
Dante’s face hardened as he glared at Matt’s eyes in the rear view mirror. Matt continued in a hard voice, “I’ll make it clear for you, Palmer. Madi is mine. I will do everything in my power to ensure she’s happy. If you get in my way, I will simply remove you from the equation. If you value your so-called friendship with her, I suggest you learn how to be a real friend. Otherwise, keep it strictly business between yourselves.”
“Do you think I’m afraid of you?” Dante scoffed. “What? You think because you’re some rich asshole that I’m gonna quiver at your threats?”
“You should,” Matt stated frigidly. “Trust me, Palmer. I am not a man you want to cross.”
Dante rolled his eyes and looked out the window. He remained silent, as did Matt. He’d said what he wanted to her friend. There was nothing more Matt needed to say.
“You think I don’t know it’s messed up?” Dante suddenly asked. “You think I haven’t tried to talk to her over the years? She won’t listen, not about this. It’s as if she’s stuck in this dark place…every fucking year I watch her fall apart. Then she goes back to normal, like she presses a reset button in her head and everything is fine. I don’t know why she does it. It got to the stage where I stopped asking and went along with it…because, sometimes, that’s what friendship is. If your friend is drowning in shit and refuses your help, you dive right in there with them so they know they’re not alone. You don’t know shit.” Dante turned back towards the window, his harsh breathing giving Matt a clear indication of how upset he was. “She told me once, I think she was ten, she said to me: ‘D, I’m broken inside and no one sees it.’ How the hell am I supposed to fix that? To fix her? Trust me, I’ve tried. I uprooted my whole damned life for her. I would do anything for her. But I can’t fix this. I don’t know if anyone can. You self-righteous bastard. You think what happened over this weekend was bad? You have no idea. This was nothing in comparison to how she used to be. You don’t know shit.”
Matt wasn’t going to back down, but the impassioned outburst from one of Madi’s oldest friends, her best friend, gave him food for thought.
“Help me understand,” Matt said quietly. “Help me understand so I can help her get better.”
Dante shook his head, peering gloomily out the window. “If I understood it, don’t you think I would have done something about it by now?” He twisted his head around so their glances met in the rear view mirror. “She’s afraid of something, something about that day, about today. She blames herself, and I honestly don’t know why. Survivor’s guilt, maybe. Whatever it is, it shuts her down. You happen to be in her life now to witness this. Next year you might not be, but I will. What you’ve seen the past few days, like I said, it’s nothing in comparison—”
The loud ringing coming from Madi’s bag broke Dante’s tirade. Matt saw his face fall for a second before it settled into a resigned mask. Dante reached forward to grab her bag and start rummaging through it before plucking out her mobile.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Matt said in surprise over the man’s bold behaviour. Matt felt further shock when he saw Dante key in the pass code. “How dare—”
“Hey, Aunt Cleo,” Dante said, holding a finger up to Matt in a shushing gesture.
“No, no, she’s doing okay. We’re at the cemetery now,” Dante said.
Matt arched an eyebrow at Dante’s words. His poppet was not doing okay.
“Yes, I’ll keep an eye on her.”
Matt’s eyes narrowed in annoyance. Bollocks to that. Matt would be taking care of her from now on.
“I know, Aunt Cleo. I’ll get her to call you later. Why don’t you go to bed? I know Madi won’t like thinking of you up at this time.”
Matt instinctively looked at his watch. Six forty-five am. There was a five hour difference between their time zones.
“I’ll tell her. Bye, Auntie.”
Dante ended the call with a tired sigh, then glanced at Matt who had twisted around in his seat to observe him.
“Madi’s Aunt,” he advised as he placed the phone back in her bag.
“Yes,” Matt said dryly. “I gathered that.”
“Look, I don’t want to get into anything with you. You’re Madi’s boyfriend for whatever reason, and I accept that. But you’ve got to accept that I’m not going anywhere, either.”
Matt pondered his words silently. It wouldn’t be easy but, if he wanted to, he could find a way to cut Dante out of Madi’s life. He was a Bradley, and nothing was outside his reach. But could he do that to her? She obviously valued her close
friendship with Dante. Hell. The man had keys to her bloody house. Was Matt secretly that envious of their bond that he would willingly fracture their friendship? He had no answer to those questions. All he knew was she was hurting, and he felt as if there was nothing he could do to protect her from it.
Then the skies opened up, and in typical British form, a downpour began.
“Shit,” Dante muttered, peering out the window.
Matt was reaching for the umbrella that came with Rolls-Royces, grasping the door handle to open it and go to her.
“You can’t, Matt.” Dante said, using his given name for the first time. “She’ll freak if she doesn’t spend at least an hour at their graves. She never comes here except for today. The first time we came here, three years ago, she sat there crying for five hours straight, man. Five hours. So I made her promise, one hour, no more no less. You can’t go.”
“What the fuck am I supposed to do?” Matt finally voiced his anger. He’d never felt helpless before, and it enraged him. “Sit in the bloody car while she gets soaked? Strike up a conversation with you about the state of the fucking economy while the heavens open up?”
“I don’t give a fuck what you do,” Dante replied in a voice as frustrated as Matt’s. “But you’re not going out there and intruding on her time with them. Right now, the rain is the last thing on her mind. We have to wait.”
Matt muttered a foul expletive and glared out the windscreen at the downpour. He checked his watch. She’d been gone seventeen minutes. Goddamn it. This was going to be the longest wait of his life.
<><><>
It didn’t stop raining the whole hour they sat in the car. Matt could see her figure walking over in their direction. He was out of the car, Dante following seconds behind, and hurrying over to her. He didn’t bother with the umbrella, it would serve no purpose.