by Caitlyn Dare
"Let's get him out of here." I know that voice.
I know. I should know... "Cole?"
"Yeah, you stupid motherfucker. I came to peel you off the fucking floor before you ended up dead. What the fuck were you thinking? You promised us you wouldn't do this again. That the last time was a one-off."
"I lied," I groan as Cole and another take an arm each and begin to guide me from wherever I was resting.
My eyes barely open, but it's enough to let in the stark electric light and make me wish I could go back into the darkness.
My ribs scream as they manhandle me. I want to demand they let me go, but I know that if I do, I'd just end up in a pile on the floor. They're taking more of my weight right now than I want to admit.
The noise of the crowd cheering for another fight that must be happening fills my ears for a few moments before the brisk air of the January night hits me and wakes me up more than before.
I moan as every single part of my body aches with the cold. A shiver rips through me. The sweat that was coating my body now turns my skin to ice.
"Quit being a fucking pussy. You put yourself in these kinds of situations then you need to be man enough to deal with the consequences." That's Ace.
Fuck. Neither of them should be dealing with me like this. They both have their girls and much better things to do with their Friday night.
"I could have taken him. I should have taken him."
"Bit late to try to be the big man, don't you think? You lost, bro. You lost bad."
A car door opens before they none too gently push me into the back seat. I don't even attempt to stay upright—I already know my ribs won't allow it—but what I don't expect is to find a soft, warm pillow for my head.
I snuggle into whatever it is, already feeling entirely too comfortable when I should be in agony.
I'm just about to open my eyes to see who it is when everything once again goes black.
Chapter Nineteen
Kennedy
“How is he?” Hadley’s head appears around the door. I didn’t even hear it open.
I’m exhausted.
After getting Levi’s message, the night had been a blur.
I’d called Hadley and asked for Cole immediately. He told me they’d handle it and hung up. But I couldn’t just sit there and do nothing. I hadn’t even realized what I was doing until I spilled out of the building and saw Cole’s car.
He’d come for me, and I’d never been more grateful.
But all the relief left me when I saw Conner lying there, bloody and bruised and barely conscious. We managed to get him home and I cleaned every cut and bruise, refusing to let anyone else touch him.
That was about four hours ago. I haven’t left his side since.
“He’s in and out.” Whatever Ace gave him earlier seemed to help. He’d practically force fed his brother the pills, but they settled him.
“You should try and get some sleep. I can sit with him.”
“I’m okay.” I glance at Conner again. He’s a mess. A broken, bloody mess... and all because of me.
Guilt gnaws my insides. I should have talked to him, I should have let him in. But I didn’t know he’d do this.
“I’m so sorry.” Hadley slips into the room, gently closing the door. “I didn’t mean to tell him. We got into it and it just came out. I never meant to betray—”
“It doesn’t matter.” All that matters is that Conner gets better and never does this again.
“If I’d have known he would do something so stupid, I would never have...” She trails off, staring at Conner. “James is going to pitch a fit when he sees him. Sarah too.”
“Are they always away so much?”
“Yeah, they go out of town a lot on business. I think it’s James’ way of trying to show the boys he trusts them.”
“That seems...”
“Backward. Yeah, tell me about it.”
We share a small smile. “I am sorry,” she says.
“I know. I’m to blame as much as you are. I should have told him the truth. I let him...” I swallow the words, trying to fight the memories of him fucking me into oblivion.
“For what it’s worth, I get it. I know what it’s like to need the pain, the hurt... I shouldn’t have interfered.”
I feel stripped bare under her sympathetic green gaze. “I still can’t believe he did this,” I say, changing the subject.
“Conner loves deeply, so it only makes sense he would feel deeply. He found out the girl he loves was hurt, and he couldn’t fix it. You hurt, he hurts. It’s not that hard to believe.” She gives me a small smile. “Are you sure you don’t want to get some rest?”
“I’m okay, thanks.” I want to be with him when he wakes.
“I’ll be just down the hall if you need me.” Hadley leaves me alone, and I get up and kick off my sneakers, climbing gingerly on the bed beside Conner. A small groan vibrates in his throat as I press my body as close to his as I can get without hurting him.
“K?” he whispers, but he sounds asleep.
“Shh, Conner.” I rest my hand on his arm. “I’m right here, and I’m not going away ever again.”
Light flickers across my face as I crack an eye open. “What the—” Memories of the night before slam into me one after another.
Conner is still sleeping soundly beside me. I ghost my fingers over his face. The bruising looks worse today, but some of the swelling has gone down.
“Why?” I whisper, my heart breaking all over again. “Why, Conner?”
“You should see the other guy,” he croaks.
“Conner, thank God.”
“I thought I was dreaming. I felt you... and I thought I was dreaming.”
“I’m right here.” I can’t resist pressing a kiss to his temple.
“Did I die and go to heaven?” A hint of a smile plays on his lips. “Fuck, that hurts.”
One of his eyes is swollen shut and the other is smattered with dark, ugly bruises.
“Why would you do this to yourself?”
“Because I needed to do something, K. I wanted to kill him. I would have... but he wasn’t there so...”
“You let someone beat you half to death?” Disbelief coats my words.
“I wasn’t supposed to lose.”
“Conner...” I pull away, only for him to wrap an arm around me and tuck me into his side.
“Fuuuuck,” he hisses with pain.
“Maybe I should—”
“Don’t you dare.” He sounds tired, but there’s a playful lilt to his voice that makes my heart swell.
Even in the darkest of skies, Conner finds a way to shine.
“I was so scared when I saw you lying there,” I admit. “I thought you were...” My voice cracks.
“Shh. I’m okay. I’ll be okay. It hurts like a bitch now, but it’s worth it. Having you here, like this.”
“I’m sorry.” I force the words out over the lump in my throat. “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you. I just couldn’t find the words... and I hated you. God, I hated you for leaving me with him and turning your back on me.”
With gritted teeth, Conner manages to shift slightly so we’re face to face. “I would never turn my back on you, K. You mean too fucking much to me. But after I got your message asking me to leave you alone, I figured I’d finally lost you.”
“I didn’t send you a message, Conner.”
“So who—” His expression darkens as he sucks in a harsh breath. “Warren.”
“He must have seen it and replied to you. He often went through my phone.”
“Fuck, babe, why didn’t you reach out to me? It almost fucking killed me, leaving you. But you chose him. After we... you picked him.”
“I didn’t.”
“W-what?” He blinks, wincing with agony. “What the fuck are you saying, K?”
“It was you, Conner.” I offer him a sad smile. “It was always you.”
After my confession, Conner held me until he fell back
to sleep. I finally crept out and got showered and changed into some clean clothes courtesy of Hadley. Now I’m sitting in the Jaggers’ kitchen, eating pancakes, while Ellen tends to Conner.
“Are we all going to ignore the fact that Con is upstairs, pissing blood?” Ace snarls the words, his anger swirling around us. “And my money is on you being the cause.” His icy glare cuts me to the bone, but I stand my ground.
I deserve his wrath, but he doesn’t know the whole story.
I just don’t know if I can tell them yet.
“Ace, relax,” Cole says, surprising everyone.
“Don’t tell me you’re siding with her? Conner was fine before she showed up and started messing with his head.”
“Ace,” Hadley warns. “There are things you don’t understand.”
“Hadley’s right, babe. You need to calm down.”
“Calm down?” he roars, slamming his fist against the counter. The plates jangle and rattle, and Cole’s juice almost spills but he snatches it up just in time. “He could have gotten himself killed.”
“I didn’t mean for any of this to happen,” I say, my heart beating hard in my chest. “I—”
“What? You what, Kennedy? Spit it out, because I’d love to hear all about how you screwed my brother ov—”
“Warren raped me.” The words pierce the air like a gunshot.
“Fuck,” Cole hisses.
“Warren didn’t just beat me that night... He... he raped me.”
Remi’s eyes shutter as she inhales a sharp breath. Hadley offers me a sad smile. But Ace... Ace looks murderous.
“It wasn’t the first time,” I swallow the lump in my throat, “but he’d never lost it like that before...”
“He... raped you?” Ace looks repulsed.
“Babe.” Remi lays her hand on his arm.
“I didn’t want anyone to know. Especially Conner.”
“I told him,” Hadley admits. “l let it slip, and I guess he couldn’t deal.”
“Really?” Ace hisses. “Fuck, Hadley. What were you thinking?”
“You need to back down, brother.” Cole moves to her side. “This isn’t Hadley’s fault. Just like it isn’t Kennedy’s fault. The only person to blame for any of this, is that piece of shit Warren.”
“Look, I’m—”
“Kennedy, dear,” Ellen appears in the doorway, “he’s asking for you.”
“We can talk about this later,” I say, unable to meet Ace’s murderous stare.
“Go,” Hadley says. “We’ll check in later.”
I don’t hang around, taking the stairs two steps at a time.
Outside Conner’s room, I give myself a second to catch my breath. I know there’s no going back now. Seeing Conner lying there like that, not knowing if he was dead or alive, has only cemented what, deep down, I already knew.
I still love him.
Part of me never stopped.
But somewhere along the way, love turned into hate, and the lines between our friendship began to blur.
I don’t knock, slipping inside.
“Hey.” He gives me a crooked smile. “I missed you.”
“I was barely gone an hour.”
“What were you all talking about?”
“You, mostly.” My heart is so heavy at the mess I’ve made. “Ace isn’t happy with either of us.”
“He’ll get over it. Come here.” He pats the bed and I go to him. “I don’t know what Ellen gave me, but I can’t feel my face.”
“That’s a shame.” I smile, gently stroking his jaw. “Because I really wanted to do this.”
Closing the space between us, I let my lips brush over his with the faintest touch. Easing back, I giggle when his hand curves around my neck, capturing me there.
“Not so fast, Lowe. I’m not done with you yet.” Conner kisses me deeply, letting his tongue slide against mine. I can taste the coppery residue of blood, feel the swelling in the pillow of his lip, but I don’t care, and neither does he.
“Fuck, Kennedy. I could die a happy guy right now.”
“Don’t ever say that.” I gently swat his chest.
“Too soon?” He chuckles, but then his expression turns somber. “This, K... this is how it’s always supposed to be between us.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You and me both.” The sadness in his words hit me, because no matter what we say or do from this day forward, it will never erase everything we’ve been through.
“What happens now, Conner?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. Every bone in my body hurts, and when I breathe it feels like my lungs are on fire, but waking up with you next to me, holding you in my arms… it makes it all fucking worth it.”
“You’re crazy, Conner Jagger.” I grin down at him because this guy, this big-hearted goofball, knows exactly what to say to make a girl feel special.
He reaches for my face, cupping my cheek. “But seriously, K. It’s you and me now. After I kill that motherfucker for ever laying a hand on my girl, we’ll ride into the sunset and live happily ever after.”
His eyes dance with humor, his mouth tipped in a playful smirk, but his cold tone makes a shiver run up my spine.
He’s joking.
It’s supposed to be a joke.
Only part of me isn’t sure it’s a joke at all.
Chapter Twenty
Conner
Kenny stayed at the house with me all weekend. She was the perfect nurse, bringing me food and drinks whenever she thought I needed them and making sure I took the pills Ellen left out for me.
Aside from the fact that I could barely move, and when I did my body screamed in agony, it was the perfect weekend. I had my girl by my side, and she was promising to never leave. Although we both knew that she couldn't keep that promise. Monday was approaching faster than I was ready for, and I knew she'd have to go back to the dorms instead of skipping out on class here with me like I wanted.
It wasn't until late Sunday night that the knock came on my bedroom door and Hadley poked her head in to tell me that Cole was taking them both back.
I felt like a pussy as I gripped onto Kenny's hand, not wanting her to leave, but a huge part of me was worried that once she had a little space, she'd change her mind and cut me out again.
We can't continue on this carousel we've found ourselves on. It's exhausting. She opens up a little and I think I'm getting somewhere at last, only for her to slam the door shut not long after.
I promised Ace and Cole that I wouldn't fight again the first time, but I've been back twice since then, and almost gotten myself killed. I've got to keep my promise this time. I refuse to be the one to put that concerned look in their eyes. They're meant to be living the life right now in the Bay with their girls, not worrying about me and my bullshit.
But the only way I can keep that promise is if Kenny talks to me, if she comes good on her word and this really is the beginning of something for us.
I need her.
I always have. And I don't think that's ever going to change.
Staring up at my bedroom ceiling, I’m not sure I have the energy to even get out of bed for a piss. Everyone aside from Ellen is out. James and Sarah jetted off the other day for some business trip, and everyone else is at school.
They'll have just started fourth period.
I blow out a breath and push myself to sit up. It hurts less than it did a couple of days ago, and I can at least stand now without my eyes filling with tears.
There's only one person who holds the power to make me cry in this world, and it's not the motherfucker who put me down on Friday night.
I make it to the bathroom to do my thing. I should shower, but I had help with the last one I took and I don't want to do it alone. Although I'm more than capable, it doesn't sound half as enjoyable as having Kenny rub me down.
As I pull the bathroom door open, the waft of freshly baked cookies hits my nose, and my mouth waters. Unable to resist, I embark on the long-ass, painful t
ask of getting myself down to the kitchen.
Ellen knows I can never refuse one of her cookies.
I wonder halfway down if that's why she's made them, to lure me out of my pit, as she put it the last time she came up with supplies for me.
"Ah, here is he." She shoots me a knowing look. I've been played. "Take a seat. They'll just be a minute to cool a little. Would you like a glass of milk?"
It makes me feel like a five-year-old, but I don't care because I agree, greedily gulping down the white stuff when she passes it over.
I devour six cookies before she cuts me off.
"I'm sure your girl wouldn't be happy if I allowed you to ruin your physique." She eyes me with a wink as she deposits the remaining cookies into some Tupperware.
"You don't need to worry," I say, tapping my hand to my stomach and instantly regretting it when pain shoots out from my ribs. I thought I'd broken at least one, but when James’ doctor friend made yet another visit to the house to check on me, he confirmed that they were just bruised, although even days after I'm not sure I believe him.
She shakes her head and chuckles at me as she begins cleaning the already spotless and clean kitchen once again.
"You owe that girl, you know that, right?"
"I do," I agree. I owe her more than anyone realizes. If it weren't for her, then I probably would have ended up hurt fighting long before now.
"So what's the plan? Once you're moving a little easier, of course."
"I... uh..."
"Oh, come on, Conner. I know for a fact that you've got a better imagination than that."
"Kenny has never been one for grand gestures. She's a quieter, understated kind of girl."
"So do something understated. I know you might want to climb up on the school roof and declare your love..." I raise a brow at her. "You would, and you know it."
"Yeah, okay, you got me."
"But do something that'll mean something to her. She's been through hell. She has no family and is stuck with this crazy lot—"