“How was he?” I asked Mrs. Nowacki, reaching down to pet Jasper.
“We watched late night Jeopardy! reruns. He got all the answers wrong.”
I grinned and handed her the box of pastries. “For you. As a thank you.”
With a smile of delight, she took the box from my hands. “Thank you. And how is your handsome mąż?”
“Recovering. He’ll have to be in the hospital for a few days.”
She shook her head. “He needs his own bed. He’ll recover much faster.”
“Oh, he won’t be leaving his bed for a week. Doctor’s orders.” And I was going to have to take care of him. Aidan very rarely got sick, and when he did, he turned into the biggest baby. For Aidan, a little cold became as serious as the plague. Recovery from an appendectomy would be interesting.
“Enjoy the pastries.” I gestured for Jasper to come, but he let out a low whine and then ran to Mrs. Nowacki’s side.
“We had fun, didn’t we?” Mrs. Nowacki said, petting Jasper’s head. “You come back and visit. Next time, don’t try to eat Aiko.”
“Who’s Aiko?”
“My cat.”
“You have a cat? Since when?”
“Since always. It’s good for a woman my age to have something to look after.” She tapped her head. “Keeps me here.”
I touched her arm. “You are always welcome to come over.”
She waved her hand. “I don’t want to be a bother.”
“You’re not a bother,” I said with a sincere smile. “Come over soon. Jasper would love it.”
Mrs. Nowacki thought for a moment and then nodded. “I make Hunter’s Stew. Secret family recipe. Hearty. It will help your mąż to get well.”
“He’d like that.” I opened the door. Jasper dashed out into the hallway. He pawed at our apartment door, wanting to get inside.
Before I could think too much, I embraced the older woman. And just as I was about to release her, Aiko hopped up onto the couch and licked a paw.
“Sibby,” Aidan whined. “Sibby, I’m thirsty.”
I briefly closed my eyes, remembered that I loved my husband, and then went to tend to him. There should’ve been a rule that hospitals weren’t allowed to release sickly husbands into their wives’ care. It had only been a few hours since I’d gotten him home with Caleb’s help, and already I wanted to drop him back off. Every time I sat down, Aidan called for something else.
Was it bad form to spike your husband’s tea with NyQuil to knock him unconscious?
“Help! I’m parched!”
“Coming!” I called back. I went into the kitchen and grabbed him a glass of water. Aidan was propped up in our bed, Jasper sleeping on my side and keeping Aidan company. The dog hadn’t left Aidan’s side since he’d gotten home.
I handed him the glass of water. He stared into it. “It doesn’t have ice in it.”
“No, it doesn’t. Do you want ice?”
“Yes, please.”
I took the glass back to the kitchen and added a few large ice cubes before bringing it back.
“It’s too cold to drink now.”
“So you want less ice?” I asked in an overly sweet tone.
“Yes.” He gave it back to me.
I reached into the glass and pulled out a couple of ice cubes. “There. All good, right?”
Aidan wisely didn’t say anything; he took the glass and drank the water.
“Anything else I can do for you?”
He shook his head.
“You sure?”
He nodded.
With one last long look, I left the bedroom, dumped the cubes in the kitchen sink, and went back into my office to get back to work. I’d finally found a great editor to work with, and she currently had my manuscript. Now, I was fielding graphic designers for my cover. It was an interesting evolution—it was up to me to tell them what I wanted. They hadn’t read my book, so I had to find a designer who had a good eye, but also one who would bring the vision I had for my cover to life.
“Sibby!” Aidan called.
I put my forehead to my desk.
“Sibby, I’m hungry!”
Of course he was hungry.
“Okay!” I called back to let him know I’d heard him. I was never getting any work done ever again. Maybe I should’ve taken Aidan’s mother up on her offer—she’d volunteered to come to the city to look after Aidan. I’d brushed it off, but for the sake of a healthy marriage, it might be necessary.
“Sibby! Can I have marmalade on my toast?”
“Sure!” To myself I stated, “He’s the father of my unborn child. He makes cute puppies. A body part ruptured. He’s allowed to be insufferable.”
“Sibby!” Aidan called again. “I need you.”
“The father of my unborn child is a dead man,” I told my computer screen. I got up and went to Aidan. He was scratching his beard, staring out the window. Snow, any day now.
“You bellowed, my love,” I stated, trying to keep the sarcasm from my voice.
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For all that you do. I love you. I know this isn’t easy. I know I’m a big baby. But I love you, and you’re gorgeous, and I can’t wait until I’m well again so I can take care of you and Pierogi.”
My eyes misted. “Damn it.”
“What?”
“You weren’t supposed to be sweet or apologize. You were supposed to be annoying, and I was supposed to yell at you.”
“You can still yell at me.”
“You can’t yell at an invalid.”
“I’m not an invalid.”
“Could you get up and fight me?” I demanded. I held up my fists. “Put up your dukes.”
“You’re in fine form today.”
“I had an acai smoothie.” My tone changed. “I’m really sorry.”
“For?”
“For not being patient.”
“I haven’t made it easy, have I?”
I shook my head.
He sighed. “I’m going crazy. Caleb is running the bar. He’ll have to handle the ordering, tend to customers, everything—while I’m in this bed.”
“Anything you can do to change your situation?”
“No.”
“Do you trust Caleb?”
“Yes.”
“Then relax.”
“You shouldn’t be waiting on me hand and foot,” he stated. “Call my mom.”
“Nope.”
“But—”
“I got this.”
“You’re trying to release a book.”
“I’m aware.” I smiled. “Maybe you just…not call me every five seconds when you need something.”
“I miss you.”
“You do?”
He nodded. “Can’t you take the day off and rest with me?”
I looked at Jasper snuggled up against Aidan. And then I looked at my husband. His beard was long, and his neck was due for a shave. His hair was mussed, but his blue eyes were clear.
“Yeah,” I said, climbing into bed next to him. “I can take the day off.”
“What do you want to watch?” he asked.
“Nope. You choose. You’re the sick one.”
“I don’t want to tell you.”
“We’re married. We have no secrets.”
“Oh, I have secrets. And I have guilty pleasure TV shows.”
“Let me guess.” I smirked. “Cops?”
“Nope.”
“Antique Roadshow.”
“Try again.
I thought for a moment and then grinned. “Keeping up with the Kardashians.”
“Damn it! How’d you guess?” he demanded.
“We are married,” I reminded him.
“Right. So can we watch it?”
“I guess. But you have to promise not to tell anyone we did this. I’ve got street cred to think about.”
“You? What about my street cred? I’ve got a beard. And I wear flannel. Caleb would never let me l
ive this down.”
I held up my pinky. “I swear to keep this until my grave or let a subway rat feast upon my fleshy remains.”
Aidan wrapped his pinky around mine. “I swear.”
Chapter 28
#thebestpartofwakingup
“Before I leave, do you need anything else?” I asked.
Aidan glanced at the bed. Within reach were a water bottle, an L.L. Bean catalogue, his laptop, his phone, and the TV remote. Jasper was on his back, legs spread eagle, enjoying doggy dreams.
“I think I’m good,” Aidan said with a boyish smile.
I ran my hand through his hair and then leaned down to kiss him. “Doctor cleared you for real food. I was gonna pick something up on the way home. What would you like?”
His eyes dilated. “You.”
I kissed him again. “Doctor didn’t clear you for strenuous activity yet. A few more weeks, champ.”
“My own wife, cock-blocking me,” he teased.
“I promise to make it up to you.”
“Yeah? How?”
“I asked the doctor if we could do other things…”
He looked hopeful. “Please give me good news, Gertrude.”
I whispered something filthy in his ear. “After I get this cast off, I plan to make you really happy that you married me.”
“Go to the doctor. Go to the doctor now.”
I laughed. “I should be home in a few hours, okay? Text me what you want for dinner.”
The first snow flurries of the season were falling when I stepped out of the apartment. I was bundled from head to toe, but I still grumbled on my walk to the subway.
Aidan had been bed bound for three days, and already I was completely exhausted. Even though he’d gotten less needy, it was difficult being the only one to walk Jasper, tend to Aidan, and figure out my book stuff.
How the hell did single parents do it? They should get a freakin’ medal.
The subway ride into Manhattan to my doctor’s office would take about forty-five minutes. I thought about reading, but lately, reading while on a train gave me motion sickness—and I’d been sick in enough public places.
Leaning my head against the subway car wall, I closed my eyes. The train went around a curve, and immediately it slowed down until it came to a halt. Trains frequently stalled, and it was no cause for concern, but when we didn’t move after a few minutes, some of the commuters started to grumble.
The intercom switched on, and the conductor’s voice boomed, “Ladies and gentlemen, please be patient. We should be moving shortly.”
“Fucking train,” the middle-aged guy next to me complained.
I silently commiserated with him. Thankfully, the subway car wasn’t completely packed, so I didn’t feel like a clown in a clown car.
It heated up, and I removed my hat and scarf. When that only gave me marginal relief, I unzipped my coat and tugged at my turtleneck.
“It’s hot in here, right?” I said out loud.
A few people looked at me. One shrugged and another said, “It’s not that hot.”
As my body temperature continued to rise, so did my panic. I dug around in my purse for a bottle of water—these days, I never left home without it. I drank half the thing in one go. Screwing on the cap, I realized I had to pee.
“Crap,” I stated. My hands were turning clammy, and I was squirming in my seat.
The guy next to me glared.
“Sorry,” I said. “But I’m pregnant—and I have to go to the bathroom.”
Apparently saying I was pregnant was my get out of jail free card. His scowl dissolved. “How long do you think you can hold it?”
“Uhm, about five minutes? If I think about something else—maybe seven.”
He stood up and moved his way toward the intercom at the end of the subway car. “Hello? Hello, can you hear me?”
There was a crackling on the other end of the intercom, and then the voice of the conductor came through.
“We’ve got a situation,” the guy said. “There’s a pregnant woman in this subway car, and she’s gotta go to the bathroom.” He looked at me. “You doing okay?”
I hunched down in my seat when other people looked in my direction. “Yeah, doing okay—nope, wait, I lied.” I was definitely on the verge of peeing my pants.
Oh God. Puking humiliation, I could get over. Not so much with urine.
“What do you mean you don’t know the hold up?” the guy yelled at the intercom.
Sweat broke out along my brow. I crossed my legs and bent over, trying to relieve the pressure in my abused bladder.
“Someone talk to me!” I yelled. “Distract me!”
“You don’t look pregnant,” a young college guy said. “I think you’re making it up.”
“You’re an idiot,” an older woman said. “Anyone can tell she’s pregnant.”
I looked up. “What do you mean you can tell I’m pregnant?”
The older woman shot a glance at my stomach.
Great. So on top of embarrassing myself in public, I’d also been eating one too many ice cream sundaes. Apparently those six and half pounds all went to my belly.
The man came back to my side and put a hand to my shoulder. “You don’t look good.”
I moaned. I wouldn’t make it. My eye caught the Folger’s label on a red container nestled in a plastic grocery bag, and an idea sparked.
“I’ll give you twenty bucks for that Folger’s container,” I said to the woman carrying the grocery bags.
“Sold!” The woman dug out the Folger’s container and handed it to me.
“What are you thinking?” the man beside me asked.
I opened the Folger’s container and ripped off the seal. “I’m gonna pee in this thing.”
“You’re kidding.”
I shook my head. “I need a few volunteers to stand in front of me.” I headed for the corner of the train where there was no seat, only a handrail. Five people made a human wall of privacy.
“Let’s just hope the train doesn’t suddenly lurch,” the guy muttered.
“Gotta keep the faith,” I called, tugging at my tights.
Just as I was standing after managing the awkwardest of all squats, two cops pushed open the doors between cars and stepped inside.
The red-haired one looked at me. “What’s going on in here?”
“You will not believe the afternoon I just had,” I said, coming into the bedroom. I reached down to pull off one of my boots and then thought better of it. Jasper was looking at me like he needed to go outside.
“I have a pretty good idea the afternoon you had.”
When I frowned, Aidan turned his laptop toward me, showing me a YouTube screen. He pressed the space bar and immediately the five people that had shielded me from prying eyes while I peed in a Folger’s canister came into view.
“No,” I whispered. “No, no, no.”
I watched video Sibby stand up just as the cops came into view.
“Close it,” I demanded. “I don’t need to see anymore. I know how it ends.”
It ended with me receiving a public urination summons. I now had to go to court to pay a fine.
“At least it’s not a criminal offense,” Aidan stated, trying to hide his smile.
“Can you not be Mr. Glass is Half Full? This is not funny.”
“It’s sort of funny. Okay, a lot funny.”
“Why are you so calm about this?” I demanded.
“Sibby,” he said. “Guys pee in public all the time. It’s not a big deal.”
“It’s a huge deal. Embarrassment and law breaking aside, this video is on the Internet!”
“You like your life on the Internet.”
“This is bad publicity. People don’t like to support criminals.”
“I could make so many political jokes it’s not even funny.”
I rolled my eyes. “Focus. Please. This could ruin me.”
“Or—you can use it to your advantage.”
�
��What do you mean?”
“I mean, make a public statement. Go on Stacy’s YouTube channel. Or your own Instagram account. You have enough followers. Just explain yourself.”
“Hmm… Yeah. I guess I could say, with the help of some nice people, I was able not to pee my pants.”
“Or maybe something more eloquent? You’re a writer, right?”
“Right.” I thought for a moment. “I got nothin’.”
“Just say that you don’t normally condone this kind of behavior, but there were extenuating circumstances.”
“Right. The train had stopped and even the conductor didn’t know when the issue would’ve been resolved.”
“See? There you go. Also mention the nice people who helped you. Mention you’re pregnant, and mention that the cops were nice.”
“Good. This is all good stuff.” I paused. “Can you repeat all that?”
He raised his eyebrows. Jasper woofed, letting me know he needed to go out. After I took him out for a quick break, I ran into Mrs. Nowacki in the hallway.
“Hi,” I greeted. “How are you?”
Jasper ran up to her and wagged his tail. She gave him a good scratch under his chin and said, “I make a cake for your mąż. I bring it over once it’s cool.”
“Thank you.”
She touched my wrist. “You are free.”
I nodded. “Got it off this afternoon.” It felt weird to be without the cast. I wouldn’t have to cover it to shower. “Have a good night, Mrs. Nowacki.”
After letting Jasper off his leash, I fed him dinner and then put the groceries away. I went into the bedroom and flopped down on the bed. Aidan held out his arm, and I scooted into the nook of his body.
“What can I do to cheer you up?” he asked.
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Don’t make me cook,” I said.
“No cooking. What else?”
“I’d love a foot rub.”
“Grab the lotion. What else?”
I sat up and reached for the lotion on my nightstand. “I think you know.”
“Really?”
“Yep.”
He sighed. “Thai food and Legally Blonde.”
I nodded vigorously. “My soul hurts.”
“Okay, okay, I know when I’m beat. Just don’t tell Caleb I lost my dude card today.”
Tales of a Sibby Slicker Page 19