“Whatever you want.”
I ran a sponge across the counter and then started the dishwasher. Filling Jasper’s water bowl, I looked over my shoulder. Husband and dog were on the futon, snuggled up together. It was a perfect picture, and it made me think about next year when it would be the four of us.
Shaking my head, I dispelled the image. But it was a nice picture all the same.
I made it through half the movie before I fell asleep, and sometime during the night, Aidan got me up from the futon. “How did you fall asleep during Jaws?” he marveled.
“Hormones.” I pushed my head into the pillow, already curling up and wanting to sleep for days.
“I’m gonna take Jasper out.”
I started to get up. “No, I’ll do it.”
Aidan gently rested his hand on my shoulder, and I plopped back down into the plush foam top. “I need some air. I miss outside, and it’s time for me to try stairs. You rest.”
I wasn’t going to fight. “Okay,” I murmured. I didn’t hear him leave.
I pulled on my giant black parka, the one with the faux fur trimmed hood, and turned to Aidan. He zipped his coat slowly, shaking his head when he saw my getup.
“It’s not that cold,” he said. “Oh, that’s right. It’s below seventy, which means you’re practically an icicle.”
“You know the movie Aliens?”
“Yeah.”
“You know when the alien opens its mouth and a tiny tongue alien pops out?”
He smiled, dimples flashing. “Yeah.”
“They modeled that after me when I get cold, and they toned it down a little.”
Aidan laughed, a deep belly laugh that had me instantly worried. He was up and moving, more and more each day, but I was still concerned about his recovery. We’d gone to see the doctor a few days prior, who checked the surgery site and removed the stitches. Still not cleared for the horizontal hora, and we were both feeling…antsy. To the point where we’d started snipping at each other. We needed a good romp to set us right—and with all the extra hormones running through my body, I was in danger of devouring him. He might not be able to walk once I was through with him.
I sighed.
“What’s that sigh mean?” Aidan asked, handing me my scarf.
I took the plaid and wrapped it around my neck. No way was any cold air getting to my skin. “I think you know.”
“I don’t—ohhhh.”
“I need the doctor to clear you like, now.”
He grabbed the zipper of my coat and tugged me to him. “I think we need to go somewhere this December. How do you feel about Christmas in Puerto Rico?”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Escape the holiday fray. Lie on a beach. Do lots and lots of dirty stuff.”
“What do we do with Jasper?” I reached for my bag and slung it across my chest. “Mrs. Nowacki can’t handle him for a long time.”
“We’ll take him upstate. My parents would love to have him.”
“Turn him into a country dog.” I smiled. “Okay. I’m in. Puerto Rico. Tan skin here I come.”
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” he quipped.
I swatted his behind in good humor. To Jasper I said, “Be a good boy while we’re gone.”
Aidan locked up the apartment, and then we took the stairs slowly. When we got to the foyer, I called an Uber. Aidan leaned against the wall to catch his breath.
“You okay?” I asked and put a hand to his chest.
He covered my hand with his. Nodding, he pushed away from the wall. “Caleb will definitely kick my ass at basketball now.”
“You’ll get your stamina back.”
“I can only hope.”
“I was talking about basketball.”
“I was talking about sex,” he pointed out.
“Gee, ya think?”
The Uber arrived, and Aidan held the back door open for me. I scooted in and he followed, though his movements were slow. This was the most movement he’d had in weeks, but there was no way he’d have missed this appointment. I’d rescheduled my ultrasound twice already. If I’d rescheduled it again, it would’ve had to be for after Thanksgiving, and I didn’t want to wait.
Aidan reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze. We were quiet on the ride into Manhattan. Traffic was a nightmare due to the looming holiday travel, and people taking time off early in the week, but I wasn’t about to let Aidan traverse the subway system. It would’ve been too much.
We finally arrived, and even though we were five minutes late, Dr. Hayden was behind. I checked in with the smiley nurse in pink scrubs with neon pink hearts.
“There’s a lot of pink in here,” Aidan whispered when I took a seat next to him.
Guess he’d seen the nurse. And the walls. I looked around. “Yeah. Why do I feel like I’m in one big square vagina?”
Aidan burst out laughing, causing a few heads to look in our direction. He clutched his side and pressed a hand to his mouth, but laughter still escaped.
I shot an apologetic look to a woman who appeared ready to drop. Her belly was huge, and her belly button was visible through her shirt. Was that how I would look? Would I be even bigger?
The nurse called my name and held open the door that lead to the exam rooms. Aidan followed. She drew my blood, making small talk.
“Are you going into the stirrups today?” Aidan asked once we were alone. “Because that might impact our sex life.”
“You don’t think watching your child’s head come out of my birth canal will impact our sex life?”
“Well played.” Aidan looked around the room, his gaze resting on the plastic models of the different stages of fetal growth. He reached up to grab one, but I stopped him.
“You look with your eyes, not your hands,” I said and then immediately balked. “Oh, God. I just became my mother. Sorry. Pick up that one, and we’ll play catch with it.”
Aidan was just getting ready to pick it up when the door opened, and Dr. Hayden walked in. She was in her early forties, her brown hair twirled up into an elegant chignon. She smiled warmly at both of us and set my chart on the exam counter.
“Well, let’s hear a heartbeat,” she said with enthusiasm. She had me lie back on the table as she asked me a bunch of questions, nodding at my answers.
I lifted my shirt and pulled my yoga pants down to expose my lower belly. Dr. Hayden squirted cool gel across my skin and turned on the ultrasound machine. She put the wand to my stomach, and after a few seconds, we heard the rapid beat of a heart. I looked up at Aidan who looked glassy through my teary eyes.
With a gloved finger, Dr. Hayden pointed to the screen. “There’s your baby. I’ll give you two…” She frowned as she trailed off.
“What is it?” Aidan asked. “Is something wrong?”
“No, not wrong,” she said slowly. She moved the wand to another part of my stomach. The heartbeat sounded again, but there was also what sounded like an echo. Dr. Hayden looked at the monitor and then back at me. She smiled. “Congratulations. You’re having twins.”
Chapter 31
#doubledoubletoilandtrouble #myuterusisnotaclowncar
“Twins?” I repeated. “As in two?”
Dr. Hayden smiled gently. “Yes.”
“I’m having two babies. There are two babies growing in my uterus. There are two babies that are gonna come out of my—two?”
“Two,” Dr. Hayden said. “Any history of twins in your family?”
“No,” I said.
“Nope,” Aidan said. “Not in my family either.”
“Are you sure?” I asked the doctor. “I mean, it’s really too early to tell, right? I mean, you could be wrong.”
“I have to wait to look at your blood work—but I’d guess your HCG levels are high, which is usually a multiple birth indicator. Plus, combined with the extreme fatigue, extreme morning sickness, not to mention the amount of weight you’ve gained so early on…”
She put a hand to my arm. “I’
ll give you both a minute.” Dr. Hayden left the room, leaving us alone again.
I pulled down my shirt, hauled up my pants, and then got off the exam table.
“Sibby,” Aidan began.
“You are so fired,” I snapped, grabbing my parka and purse. I heard him sigh as I stormed out of the exam room.
Twins? I was having twins?
Sibby’s Fucking Law at its finest.
My phone vibrated with a text. Annie.
How’d the ultrasound go?
I shoved my phone back in my pocket.
“Mrs. Kincaid, would you like to schedule your next doctor’s appointment?” the nurse wearing the pink heart scrubs asked.
“I’ll call.” I shoved my arms into my coat. Not bothering to wait for Aidan, I left the doctor’s office, took the elevator to the lobby, and stood there, staring out the large glass windows at the street traffic. Car horns, people yelling—none of it registered as my mind tried to process.
The elevator doors dinged, and a moment later, I felt Aidan stand behind me.
“Am I allowed to touch you?” he asked.
I thought for a moment and then nodded. He wrapped his arms around me from behind and rested his chin on my head. We stood like that for a moment, before I stepped out of his embrace.
“I need to walk,” I told him. “Alone.”
“Okay.” He didn’t sound happy.
“Can you get home by yourself?”
“Yeah.” I took a step toward the revolving door. “Sibby.”
I looked at him. His hands were in his coat pockets, his eyes bright. “I love you.”
Inhaling a shaky breath, I turned and walked out.
“Hit me, barkeep,” I said.
“You only say ‘hit me’ at the black jack tables,” Zeb stated. “And I’m not a barkeep because this isn’t the wild wild west in the 1800s.”
My eyes rested on the empty shot glass. Zeb sighed, took the shot glass, and filled it with cranberry juice.
“This is your sixth one,” he said, putting it back in front of me. “I might need to ask for your keys.”
I downed the shot of sweet tart cranberry juice and slid the empty glass along the bar. After I’d left Aidan at the doctor’s office, I’d walked west. About fifteen blocks later, I’d given up walking and caught a cab to Zeb’s quaint restaurant. I’d plopped my jiggly butt on the stool in the corner and refused to talk. He was filling in behind the bar because a bartender had called in sick, so he was relentlessly pursuing the line of conversation—the line of conversation I didn’t want to talk about.
“I’m cutting you off until you tell me what’s going on.”
“Went to the doctor today. First trimester ultrasound.”
“Oh, God, Sibby. Is everything okay?” He placed his hand on mine, and I instantly laced my fingers through his.
“I’m okay. Everything’s fine.”
“Then why—”
“Twins. I’m having twins.”
Zeb didn’t say anything, and then he let out a laugh. “Of course you are.”
I glared at him. “It’s not funny.” My response only made him laugh harder until he pulled his hand away so he could bend over the bar.
“Twins,” he repeated. “Damn. That’s hilarious.”
“It is not!”
“It is! Oh man, this is gonna be so good.” He shook his head. “Why aren’t you happy?”
“Happy? I was just getting used to the idea of one. But two? Two babies? Two of everything?”
He scratched his jaw and looked thoughtful. “Twice the fun? Twice the laughs?”
“Twice the poop, twice the puke.”
“You’re overwhelmed,” he pointed out. “Did you talk to Aidan?”
I lowered my forehead to the bar. “No. I ditched him at the doctor’s office.”
“You ditched your recovering-from-an-appy-husband after you guys just found out you’re having twins?”
“I’M FREAKING OUT!”
He shook his head. “Give me your phone. Right this minute.”
“What are you going to do?” I asked.
“I’m going to call your husband.”
“No!”
“Unlock your phone, Sibby.”
“No!”
“You’re being a butthead.”
“You’re the butthead.”
An older couple sitting at a table near the bar area looked at us. Zeb called out, “She’s having twins, and she’s nervous about it.”
“Mazel Tov!” the older gentleman called.
“Two is such a blessing!” the woman added.
“What are you drinking?” Zeb asked. “Next round is on me.”
The couple grinned and then went back to eating.
“Don’t call Aidan,” I said to Zeb. “I’ll call him.”
“I wasn’t actually going to call Aidan. I can do that from my phone. I was getting you an Uber.”
“Oh. Yeah. Probably for the best. All that Vitamin C is rushing through my veins.”
An hour later, I walked into the apartment, but Jasper and Aidan were gone.
I sent Aidan a text letting him know I was home. He didn’t reply right away, and so I set my phone on the coffee table. He was walking Jasper, no doubt. I wandered into my office and plopped down onto my office chair. Swiveling, I took in the space. I’d made my peace with making it a nursery—and I’d even started looking at Pinterest for nursery room inspiration. One baby in here would’ve been doable in the short-term. But two?
We didn’t have the space for two. Not in this apartment. Aidan hadn’t broached the subject again about getting a place upstate, but it was time for that conversation again.
I heard the apartment door open, and I got up. Aidan was setting Jasper’s leash on the front room table as I came into the living room.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey.” He shrugged out of his coat and hung it on the hook by the door. Bending over, he lifted one foot to unlace his boot.
“I’m sorry.”
He continued to take off one boot and then the other. “Okay, you’re sorry.”
“And you’re pissed. You have every right to be.”
“Do I?” he asked. “Thank you. I’m so glad I’m entitled to my feelings.”
I flinched.
“Is this how it’s always going to be? You get news you don’t want to deal with and you run?”
“I needed space, and time—”
“And what did I need, Sibby? Did you stop to think about what I needed?”
My shame intensified, but I held his gaze. “What would you like me to say, Aidan?” My tone was soft, curious. “Because I apologized and—”
“An apology is not enough,” he growled. “We found out we’re having twins and instead of celebrating, instead of holding each other, you left. Why do you keep leaving me?”
What did I say to him? How did I tell him that even though we were expecting twins, I felt like we were experiencing different emotions, different journeys. I wasn’t negating Aidan’s feelings, not his excitement, his enthusiasm. But his emotions weren’t mine.
Was I happy?
Yes.
Was my fear sometimes greater than my joy?
Definitely.
Would I change anything?
No. Not at all.
“Have you ever been pregnant?” I asked him.
He blinked. “No.”
“Neither have I. This is all new territory for me. It’s new for you, too. I’m not disputing that, but Aidan, I’ve got two babies growing inside me. I’m responsible for their well-being. And there aren’t enough books or advice out there that will make me feel any less terrified that I’m gonna fuck this all up.” Aidan reached for me and pulled me into his arms. I spoke against his chest. “I don’t mean to run. I never want you to think I’m leaving you, but sometimes, I need more than the space in my head.”
“You need physical space.”
“Yes.” I hugged him closer. “Not
right now, I don’t, though.”
“I wish,” he sighed. “I just wish I could take some of your worry for you, but I know I can’t.”
“No, you can’t. But I’m glad you’re my partner.”
Jasper woofed. I pulled back and looked at him. His tail was wagging, his tongue lolling. I patted my thigh, and he trotted over to lean against me.
“We can’t stay here,” I said a moment later. “No matter how much I want to. This apartment…”
“Yeah.”
“So what do we do?”
“What do you want to do?”
“Honestly? I want to take a nap.”
Aidan smiled. “I think a nap sounds like a really good idea.”
There was a reason you didn’t take naps at 8 p.m. For one, it wasn’t a nap if you slept the entire night through. From the moment my head hit the pillow, I was out. I woke up the next morning with Aidan spooning me from behind and Jasper curled up next to my belly. I would’ve gladly stayed there, but I had to pee. I scooted out from underneath Aidan’s arm and gave Jasper a pat on my way to the bathroom.
While I was brushing my teeth, the intercom buzzed. Frowning, I glanced at my cell phone resting on the sink. It was seven thirty in the morning. I headed for the living room.
Aidan came out of the bedroom, scratching his arm and yawning. “Did you order anything?”
I shook my head, toothbrush resting against my cheek. “Do they deliver stuff on Thanksgiving?”
Aidan went to the intercom. “Hello?”
“Hi, sweetie!” Aidan’s mom called.
Aidan glanced at me as he answered, “Hey.”
“Will you buzz us in? Your father is struggling with the turkey.”
“I am not,” Aidan’s father grumbled.
Aidan released the intercom and pressed the unlock button.
I removed the toothbrush from my mouth. “Why are they here? And why do they have a turkey?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know.”
A few moments later, the door to the apartment burst open, and Aidan’s parents crowded into the living room.
“I got the turkey,” Aidan’s father boomed, holding up a covered roasting pan. “Shot it myself.”
Nancy shrugged out of her coat and hung it by the door, and then she bent down to give Jasper some love. He was itching to go outside, yet he was excited by the arrival of new people. After she greeted her grandpup, she embraced me.
Tales of a Sibby Slicker Page 21