by E. J. Mellow
— 18 —
TIME SEEMS TO pass in a blur of waking up to go to work and waking up to train for Terra. And when I say train, I mean in both my worlds. Rae, in addition to now being semi-difficult to look at with a straight face, mysteriously retains a copy of my apartment key, something I think Becca was the unknowing culprit of providing, and takes it upon himself to sporadically get me up at the butt crack of dawn for runs. I’ve never been less pleased about something in all my life. I think it even trumps the time I learned I needed to keep my braces on for my freshman year of high school. Hell, I’ll put braces back on if it means no more Raes before sunrise, which yes, I realize is also an amazing name for a band. Nevertheless, the actuality of it sucks something awful. So I naturally attempted to booby trap my door to keep him out, but besides making him now hate one of America’s greatest holiday movies ever made and the inspiration for most of my ideas—thank you, Kevin McCallister—I got myself stuck with an extra mile on those particularly creative mornings. Gross.
Surprisingly, what I thought would be the hardest part of all this—lying to Becca and Jared—has turned out to be quite easy. I’m not proud of this fact or really sure what that says about me, but I’m beginning to learn when not to overanalyze. Terra knows, I’ve got enough on my mind already.
Because when I fall asleep, I am once again reminded of my responsibility and a certain man that confuses me at every turn.
I don’t see Dev as often as I’d like, given that I’m usually training most nights with Rae—again, feelings I’d rather not overanalyze—but when I do see him, he keeps our encounters friendly and professional. No more inappropriate comments or situations that have him slowly leaning in to kiss me and, maybe more importantly, a certain name hasn’t been uttered since Aveline last spoke it. Because of all this, I’ve begun to wonder if our past stolen kisses are exactly that, the past, and if that little speech about not being my friend while pressing me up against the wall was just a wine-induced slip of the tongue. As I stand in the same room as him looking over a map of Terra with a few council members, I’m left to believe that it was. Besides a quick hello when I entered with Rae, he hasn’t glanced at me once. Even though it stings, I know it’s probably for the best.
“Patrols say that a larger group of Metus have moved into the Lost City to the northwest of here.” Alexander, who I’ve learned is one of the heads of Security, points to an area on the screen. Alex typically ignores me at these things or acts as if my presence is the equivalent to finding a bug in his morning wheatgrass shake.
Standing around a table, we study a digital projection of Terra Somniorum that floats in the middle. Most of it makes no sense to me because the areas are all marked with the strange Latin lettering, something I still haven’t been taught and I suspect is intentional. What I can tell from the map, however, is that this world is massive, endless, and I know we’re only looking at a very small area of it.
“That means they’re advancing from Terra Diavolo.” Dev scratches his stubble-filled chin.
“Yes, but what I want to know is, why? What are they planning?” Alexander leans on the table.
“Until we can learn more, we mainly need to act on that fact alone—that they are.” Dev turns to two Nocturna behind him. “Put together a scouting mission to find out exactly how many we’re dealing with and what part of the Lost City they’re inhabiting. We can plan to engage from the other angles.”
With a nod, the man and woman leave.
The meeting continues in a similar fashion, and I tune in and out as I lean over the map, studying it again. I hone in on the pulsing orange mass that represents the group of Metus being discussed. While the violence on Earth has gotten a little worse, it’s been nothing like here. Almost every night there’s something that needs to be taken care of or planned or double fortified. On Earth there’s definitely been horrific acts of random violence, but only an above-average amount of terrorist threats, and I say only because while, yes, this is making everyone a bit on edge, there hasn’t yet been any actual action. Something I’m determined to hold off as long as possible. Thankfully, I’ve been allowed access into a few of these security meetings, helping me learn way more than my predecessors ever had about the land of Terra and the movement of the Metus. I have a feeling my admittance is mainly due to Dev and the weight he’s able to pull around this place.
Though these meetings have occasionally acted as detours in my training, I’ve still managed to keep up in both my physical and energy teachings. The only thing I haven’t done more of is collect Dreamers’ memories. After asking Elena about this and if I could get the memory from my most recent predecessor, she simply explained it was too dangerous to receive any of them unless I was induced back into sleep. When I asked if I should then prepare for another visit like that, her evasive response was merely, “Soon.”
“Molly, did you hear what I said?” Rae asks beside me.
I blink, realizing that the meeting has ended and most of the people have left. Dev stands in the corner, talking to Alex.
“Uh, no, sorry, I missed it.”
Rae studies me a moment and then follows my flickering glance that seems to always rest on Dev, a Dev who’s doing a fine job of not returning the gesture.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Rae nudges my side, returning my attention to him.
“How much longer do I have until I wake up?” I ask.
“I’d say about an hour or so, why?”
“Want to go to Anima?”
“You hungry?”
“Not particularly, but I’m sure you are.”
He grins. “That goes without saying.”
“Great.” I head for the door. “Then let’s go.” It takes all my effort not to look back.
I absently watch Rae devour a plate of fried calamari as we sit at Elario’s restaurant. I’ve been relatively quiet for the meal, too busy brooding on the reasons for Dev’s change in attitude. Trying to figure out what made him go from the all hot-and-heavy Molly, I want you to acting like I’m last week’s gossip rag.
“You shouldn’t let it bother you.”
I glance to Rae. “Let what bother me?”
He wipes his mouth with his napkin. “Dev acting the way he is.”
“So you’ve noticed it too?”
He snorts out a laugh. “Who hasn’t?”
“What’s up with him then? Did I do something wrong?”
“I think he’s trying to respect the fact that you have feelings for someone else.”
My brows rise. “Jared?”
“Who else is there?”
“Well, he doesn’t need to completely avoid me to respect that.”
“I think he does.” My confused expression causes Rae to smile. “What I’m trying to say is that I don’t think he knows how to just be friends with you.”
“Funny, he once said something similar.” I push around the food on my plate.
“Give it time, Molly.” Rae pats my hand. “I’m sure you two can work up to being friends eventually.”
“Yeah,” I say halfheartedly, wondering if that’s in fact what I really want. But what other relationship could we have? We’re not from the same world. Plus there’s Jared, who’s been so good to me, good for me. And I do have feelings for him. Even if they might not be on the same level as his, don’t we still deserve a chance for me to get there? Through all these thoughts, Aveline’s words about not hurting Dev resurface. Would that really be our fate, me inevitably causing him pain? I know deep down it’s probably best for all parties if I don’t attempt to find out.
Rae and I end up walking through a small park in Anima as my time before I wake up winds down. Becca’s birthday is coming up in a month, and I’ve been helping him with a few ideas of what to get her. As he tells me some of the options he’s thought of, I can’t help but feel a tad bit jealous of them. Even though Becca has no idea about who or what Rae really is, their relationship seems so simple. That he can travel to my world
and be with her for as long as he wants seems unfair compared to the limited time I get in Terra, not to mention that Dev can’t leave at—Stop it!
I shake my head.
Stay focused. Dev and I are not a thing.
“I was thinking that renting a sailboat for the day might be the best way to go, then maybe a nice dinner somewhere downtown.” Rae continues to mull over ideas as we pass under an ivy-covered bridge and enter a more secluded section of the park. Couples are nestled here and there in certain nooks, and I’m about to tell him we should probably turn around, when I catch sight of a familiar figure near a column in the corner.
One of his hands rests on the marble structure where a girl leans, smiling up at him. His fingers play with one of her earrings, and he says something that causes her to laugh and then blush.
In that moment the world teeters, and a wave of nausea collides with my gut. I take a staggering step back, bumping into Rae.
“Whoa, you okay there?” He steadies me. “What’s wrong? Did the food not agree with…” Rae trails off as his eyes find what I’m staring at. “Collö,” he says under his breath and lightly tugs on my arm. I barely hear him say we should leave as a whooshing sound fills my ears and I’m locked into watching the girl slowly lean into the man, and the man lets her. The moment their lips touch, my heart cracks, and I’m choking, choking, and then falling. Falling into an explosion of white that recedes into my apartment. I lie paralyzed in my bed, and even though I’m now awake, I don’t have to close my eyes to see the vision that has left me shattered. The vision of a girl kissing Dev and of Dev kissing a girl.
As a tear rolls down my cheek, I realize that Aveline’s wrong. Either way, pain is inevitable.
— 19 —
I’M GRANTED A reprieve from seeing Dev after that night. Rae has consumed most of my Terra visits and, if not him, then Elena. I think Rae’s purposely planned it this way, and I’m eternally grateful. I know I’ll eventually need to be around Dev and face the emotions that came from seeing him with a girl, but I’m not exactly in a rush to do so. I never thought it would hurt as bad as it did to find him with someone, given that I’m with Jared and Dev and I owe each other nothing in that regard, but I’d be lying to say it didn’t leave me clamoring to remove the knife that seems to have found its way into my heart.
I feel like a zombie for the next two days and unfairly snap at Becca at work when she asks me what’s wrong.
But now as I wait for Jared outside of his office, I find the strength to lock away those particular melancholy thoughts, just like I do after many hard nights in Terra. It also doesn’t hurt to catch sight of Jared pushing through the doors of his building, head thrown back, laughing with a coworker. I can’t help the sides of my mouth from curling up as I watch him talk to his friend, his grin infectious. As if sensing an onlooker, he turns, clear hazel eyes finding mine and warming. Patting his peer on the shoulder, he makes his way toward me, his three-piece gray suit showcasing his lean body with each step.
“Hi, beautiful.” He bends down for a kiss. “Did I keep you waiting long?”
“Nope, got here a few minutes ago.”
“Good.” He wraps an arm around my shoulder. “As much as I love you in those heels, I know they have a countdown for comfort. Wouldn’t want you wasting any time in them.”
I breathe out a laugh. “How thoughtful of you, but don’t worry. The timer still has a few hours left.”
“Perfect, then maybe we should skip dinner and use up the rest of those heel hours at my place.” His gaze is every bit trouble and every bit serious.
I shake my head while fighting a grin. “As much as Becca would normally pardon such a reason for cancelling our double date, unfortunately tonight is not one of those times. She and Rae have been waiting for weeks to get into this restaurant.”
“How are they both not a thousand pounds?” Jared intertwines our fingers as he walks us to the curb to hail a cab. “They always want to go to places with twelve-course meals.”
“I think the more important question is, how are we not a thousand pounds for being forced to go with them?”
“Oh, well, that’s because I always shove some of my food onto Rae’s plate when no one’s looking.”
My mouth pops open. “No you don’t!” The mischievous gleam that grows in his eyes causes me to bark out a laugh. “Oh my God, Jared! That’s hilarious. And genius.”
“Thanks.” He puffs out his chest with pride just as a cab pulls up. “And don’t worry, young grasshopper.” He opens the door for me. “I’ll teach you the ways of the dinner ninja on the ride there.”
I clap my hands together before slipping into the backseat. “Tonight is going to be awesome.”
And just as predicted, it is. Not only was dinner amazing, with the food being delicious, but also because Jared and I left without needing to be rolled out in wheelbarrows. His stealth with a spoon and misdirecting people’s line of sight was honestly next level. He somehow managed to take care of both of our excessive meals with no Becca or Rae the wiser. If anyone had threatened our cover, it would have been me, since I caught myself more than once about to applaud in exhilaration after his extra-sly food drops. It was truly one of the best dinner shows I’ve been to. Not only did it distract me from my usual constant thoughts of Terra, but as I now sit down in the movie theater, part two of our double date, I can lean back in comfort rather than misery from overeating. I need to remember to high-five Jared later.
“Okay, I was able to convince the boys to get snacks.” Becca plops down beside me, impatiently pushing back her curly apricot hair.
I groan. “Seriously, Bec? We just had dinner. We do not need snacks.”
She waves away my comment. “Whatever. I needed some girl-on-girl time with you.”
“Oh, well, I’m flattered, but you know I don’t roll that way.”
“Please, you only wish you were so lucky to get some of this.” She wiggles her hips in her seat.
I snort out a laugh. “Oh yeah, I’m definitely missing out.”
She flashes a crooked grin before growing serious. “I really do need to ask you something, though.”
“Okay, shoot.”
She takes a deep breath. “I think something’s wrong with Rae.”
My hands inadvertently tighten in my lap. “What do you mean?”
“I think he might have insomnia or something.”
“Insomnia?”
“Yeah. I’ve never seen him sleep.”
My burst of laughter draws annoyed glances from nearby moviegoers.
Becca smacks my arm. “Molly, I’m serious!”
“Yeah, and apparently also violent.” I rub my bicep.
“You’re absolutely no help.” She turns forward with a pout.
“Okay, okay.” I tuck away my smile. “Sorry, it just sounds a bit ridiculous. What do you mean you’ve never seen him sleep? And why on earth would you want to?”
“Well, I didn’t at first, because who looks out for stuff like that?”
“Apparently you.”
She narrows her gaze at me before continuing. “But then I started noticing that when he sleeps over, I’m always the first to fall asleep, and in the morning he’s the first to be awake.”
“That hardly means he’s an insomniac,” I say while making a mental note to tell Rae about this slipup.
She huffs. “You just have to be there, I guess. I’m telling you, something’s going on. I’ve also been hinting that we should go away one weekend, but he always dodges it. Says he can’t because of work, but he never works the weekend, so I don’t know what he’s talking about.”
I do. Right now Rae needs constant access to get back to Terra in case something happens, and he’s also been assigned to look after me. A trip like that, though short, would never be allowed. And even if they went on vacation to another place that had a portal, how would he explain his absence if he needed to leave? Yeah, it just wouldn’t work.
“Well, ma
ybe he’s on standby or something.” I glance behind us, hoping the boys come back soon.
“Then why doesn’t he just say that? No, I think something’s up.”
“Like what?”
She frowns. “I don’t know…just…something.”
I place my hand on top of hers. “Bec, even if there is—which I highly doubt—I know one hundred percent that it has nothing to do with how he feels toward you. I’ve never seen someone as smitten as Rae.”
She smiles, a bit of her worry melting away. “Yeah, I’ve got him tied around my finger a little, don’t I?”
“More like tattooed.” I nudge her side and she laughs.
“What’s so funny?” Jared asks as he and Rae make their way into their seats beside us. Thank you, timing gods.
“Nothing,” Becca quips as she takes the popcorn from Rae. “Good, you got the tub. I’m starving.”
“We just ate dinner.” Jared eyes her with disbelief.
“That was like, thirty minutes ago,” she scoffs and begins to shovel handfuls into her mouth.
Rae wraps his arm around her with pride while Jared and I share a look of fear. Both, I’m sure, wondering if we should make a run for it now or wait until the lights dim. Either won’t save us from the future of eating with these food Hoovers. But the way I see it, as long as I still have Jared to hocus-pocus part of my meal away, I should be fine.
— 20 —
THERE NEEDS BE a way to retrieve brain cells once you’ve been robbed of them after a particularly mind-numbing day at work. Or at least a note of apology.
Dear Molly,
Sorry to have taken up extremely useful brain storage to make room for that electric keyboard hold song that was playing while you waited two hours for IT to pick it up. It will most likely happen again tomorrow.
Always thinking of new ways to torture you.