by E. J. Mellow
I rub my eyes. Maybe I’ll conjure up a hot tub on the roof and soak in that for a while.
A light knock raps on my door, and I jump.
“Molly? It’s me,” Dev says from the other side.
I chew my bottom lip, wondering how I should handle this. “What do you want?”
There’s a moment of silence, and then my doorknob begins to turn.
Shit. I didn’t lock it.
Dev steps in and stops, surprised at finding me right there.
“Are you okay?” he asks, coming all the way in and closing the door behind him. We haven’t stood this close in a while. I forgot how tall he was, and his scent wraps around me like a desire-filled embrace. I switch to breathing out of my mouth, which only makes it sound like I’m panting. Great.
“I don’t remember saying you could come in.” I scowl.
“And I don’t remember you saying I couldn’t.”
I let out a sigh and turn away because a small part of me wants to smile at that, but there’s a larger part that really, really doesn’t. “What do you want, Dev?”
“To talk. We haven’t seen each other in a while.”
“And whose fault is that?” I glance over my shoulder to see him casually inspecting the row of random knickknacks on my dresser—a chipped piece of marble from the stairs at City Hall, a dimming wristband from my night at Vex, a discarded boot string, the list goes on. I’ve unintentionally started to gather things from places I’ve been in Terra. Maybe I’m a hoarder after all.
“I wouldn’t say it’s any one person’s fault,” Dev says while picking up a wooden utensil I took from Elario’s. Okay, maybe klepto is a more accurate diagnosis. He grins before placing it back. “We’ve both had pretty packed schedules.”
“That never seemed to be an excuse before.”
Blue eyes find mine. “I didn’t realize it was bothering you so much.”
“I—it’s not bothering me.”
“Then why are you mad?” He slowly walks toward me, my room shrinking with each step.
“I’m not…that’s not what I’m…isn’t Aurora waiting for you?”
“She left.” His gaze never leaves mine.
“Your date over so soon?” What am I even saying right now?!
He stops a few inches away, and I realize I’ve forgotten how hypnotizing it is to be on the receiving end of his attention. I hate that I like it, hate that I’ve grown to need it.
“Is that what you’re mad about? Aurora being here?” He tilts his head to the side.
“No.” Yes. Maybe. I don’t know!
“But why would that bother you?” he muses, more to himself, ignoring my answer. “Why would you be jealous of a friend hanging out with a girl?”
I snort. “Dev, I am not jealous.”
“I mean, you have a boyfriend,” he continues. “So what’s there to be jealous about?”
“I said I wasn’t and I…I…” I swallow, my heart doing butterfly kicks as I search for a way to answer him. Knowing it’s fear that’s keeping me from telling him the truth. Fear of how much more intense this thing between us would become if we let it happen. If he even still wants me.
I don’t think you’d hurt him. I think you’d kill him.
Would I? Would he? After all, we all know what happened to Icarus.
“What are you trying to say, Molly?” Dev pushes.
I take in a deep breath. “That I don’t.”
“You don’t what?”
“I don’t have a boyfriend. Not anymore.”
His eyes spark like flint being hit, and my chest rises and falls, rises and falls as I watch the side of his mouth slowly tip up, a king about to conquer a land.
“I know,” he says.
And then he’s on me.
— 22 —
WE’RE FREE-FALLING. Down, down, down we plummet. The only thing that matters in our descent is his lips, his hands, his body. We hit my mattress, and my eyes briefly open to see the Navitas in the fixtures above sparking like lightning, churning like a storm. It feels what I feel, somersaults the way my blood rushes through me.
I gasp as Dev’s hands search, explore—his lips never leaving mine. His touch is searing, branding, my soul nothing but pure euphoria as I give in, allow myself to finally have what I’ve wanted since the moment I saw him, all without the restraints, without the guilt.
Thud, thud, thud. My heart pounds in my chest, in my ears, in the room as his body surrounds me, covers me, presses down with a claim. With every kiss he’s telling me I’m his now. With every touch, he’s saying forever. And my body answers him. Yes, yes, yes. Forever.
It’s all a blur, a whirlwind of months of desperation. He’s removing my boots, my shirt, my pants. With every layer, he also takes a part of my reserve, a piece of armor I fortified against him. Against this.
“In all of Terra…” His gaze devours me from where he stands at the edge of the bed. “You’re so beautiful.”
I feel bold under his praise, and I smile. Sitting up, I help remove his shirt, his pants, and smooth my hands over his abs, up his broad chest, taking in every perfect piece of him. “So are you.”
With a growl he’s on me again, worshiping every inch of me. “Molly,” he says over and over. Molly. I bask in it. Lose myself in it until he’s hovering above me, a silent question in his gaze, one that I silently answer. Slowly, gently, we remove our individuality and on a gasp, we’re nothing but a tangle of cells, a melting of atoms moving together. Every time I breathe out, he breathes in. With each moan there’s a sigh. With each ask for more there’s a give. He lifts me up like I’m made of air and holds me against him, never stopping as he fills me over and over. He’s all consuming, his bright-blue eyes dominating as his fingers knead into my skin. His teeth run along my collarbone as he grabs my breast, and I forget my name, my purpose, forget which dimension I’m floating in. There’s only here, this, us, now. Skin gliding over skin. Sweat mingling with sweat. Until, with fingers intertwined and both our names on one another’s lips, we collide and then burst apart.
The room shimmers with the stars that take up space in my head, and I watch them with a lazy smile. Dev’s still smothering me with his body, and I marvel at how natural it all feels—his labored breath against my neck, my hands running patterns on his back, the way our chests rise and fall together.
My eyes catch on something in the room, and I begin to giggle, taking a better look around.
“That’s not exactly a sound that feeds a man’s confidence after what we just did.” Dev’s head lifts up.
“Like you have a problem with your self-esteem.”
“Well…actually, some people tend to think it’s too big a problem.” He smiles wickedly.
“Ugh.” I smack his shoulder. “Don’t ruin the moment.”
“Oh, are we having one of those? Sorry, let me get back into it.”
He places his hands on either side of my head and stares into my eyes, his slowly widening with each second till he looks like a crazy person.
“Dev!” I push his shoulders with a laugh. “You’re so weird!”
He chuckles with me and then cuts us both off with a kiss.
“Is that what made you laugh before? Realizing too late how weird I am?” he asks.
“No, I was laughing because I kind of made a mess of the room.”
He tilts his head to look where I am. Along with the shimmering orbs filling the space, all the furniture is thrown about, and somehow our bed got moved to the center of the space.
“Well, I knew I had skills, but—”
“Careful, don’t give me reason not to do this again.”
His eyes meet mine, their color so clear, so happy, that I have to take in a deep breath. “Oh, trust me. We’ll be doing this again.” He kisses me. “And again”…another kiss…“and again.” I smile against his lips. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for you.”
I swallow the emotions crawling their way up my throat. �
�But I thought you just wanted to be friends?”
His features flash to incredulous so fast that I laugh so hard, I snort. With a grumble, Dev rolls us to the side. “You made me insane with the ‘just friends’ thing.”
“Well, now we’re even on the making-each-other-insane camp.”
His eyes glint amused, and he holds out his hand for me to shake. “Truce?”
I bite back a grin. “Truce.”
—∞—
Peering through a clear glass window, I take in the new terrain as Dev maneuvers the hover car over a barren sea of sand. We’ve only been driving for twenty minutes, but at this speed I know we’ve covered a large distance.
“Where are we going?” I ask.
“Patience,” he says, pulling my hand into his, and I glance down, grinning at the connection. I know it’s probably wrong to be so happy so soon after Jared and I ended things, but I try not to dwell on that. Instead I allow myself to feel all the joy in this moment, all the peace.
“What are you thinking about?” Dev asks.
I turn my gaze from the window and take in his sharp profile and the majestic quality of his blue eyes as they flicker my way.
“How happy I am.”
His genuine smile is radiating, never ceasing to take my breath away. He kisses the top of my hand. “Good, you deserve to always be happy.”
“Why Dev, you secret romantic you.”
He shoots me a wink. “I have my moments.”
I chuckle and tip my head back, watching the zipping stars through the glass, the gentle rocking comforting. The sky is night for miles and miles.
“Dev?”
“Mmm?”
“Have you ever seen a sunrise?”
He glances my way. “Once in a video, a long time ago. Why?”
“Just wondering.”
We continue to drive in companionable silence, the car dipping and gliding over the sand dunes, and I keep my gaze straight, watching the dark horizon.
Softly, slowly, an orange glow begins to peek through at the farthest hill.
Dev’s breath catches, and I watch him from the corner of my eye as his face is gently bathed in yellow, warmed with light. His eyes grow wide, full of wonder as the car slows to a stop.
With his hand in mine, we watch the sunrise. Watch as it grows and expands, painting the land with colors it’s never seen before—he’s never seen before.
When it reaches its full ascent, I comb my fingers through the back of Dev’s hair, turning his face toward mine. His eyes shimmer with unshed tears as he regards me like I’m a greater wonder than the sun in front of us. “Thank you.” His voice is rough with emotion.
I smile. “I can be romantic too.”
His responding laughter is soft and rumbling. “You’re much better at it,” he says before taking me in his arms and kissing me.
We stay locked like this long after the sun sets.
— 23 —
DEV SPEEDS AROUND giant boulders that now cover the desert landscape. I still don’t know where we’re going, but the Navitas in me started to thrum a couple of miles back.
“It’s right around this bend,” he says.
I lean forward in anticipation, wondering what was so important that he dragged me all the way out here. As we draw nearer to the rocks’ end, my breathing grows quick, like my body knows what’s coming even if I don’t. Blue waves of color peek out from the boulder’s edge, and as soon as we round it, we’re washed in light.
I squint at the sudden accosting, and then my eyes grow wide as my mouth falls open. “What in all of Terra…”
Before us is a giant ocean floating above the land. It emanates bright blues and whites and rainbows of color. The miles-wide liquid shifts like an amoeba, and I crane my neck, taking in its colossal height—it has to be at least thirty floors high. With my head tilted back I notice all the stars above falling. Like a meteor shower they rain down and crash into the mass, two magnets colliding.
“Welcome to the Sea of Dreams,” Dev says, stopping the car and pushing a button so the glass around us falls away.
With the hit of fresh air, the energy coming off the Sea wraps around my cells, and I become momentarily lightheaded. Whoa.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m just…taking it all in.” My eyes remain locked onto the majestic mass. “Can we get out?”
“Of course.”
Jumping from the car, we make our way forward, and I marvel at how the Sea floats above the sand, never truly touching the ground. It’s almost like a ginormous bubble of Navitas jelly. I feel so tiny in front of it, and I smile knowing no other Dreamer I’ve received so far has experienced this.
“You like?” Dev asks.
I turn to him. “Are you kidding? I love.”
His proud grin beams. “This is where you all go to dream.” He points to the endless falling stars. “Your unconscious minds seeking the Sea of Dreams.”
“It’s so beautiful.” I walk closer to it, and the Navitas in me jumps again, a constant internal buzzing at being so close to such a power. “So it just floats like this?”
He nods. “It has a tendency to move around and is always shifting in size. No ground would be able to contain its constantly adjusting form.”
A flashing light along the perimeter of where we stand catches my eye. “What’s that?”
Dev squints at where I’m pointing and then reaches behind to his Arcus holder. A small round object pops out, and with a twist it starts to blink like the light in the distance. Dev raises it above his head. “That’s a Nocturna guard,” he says. “They’re set up all along the border in small moveable camps.”
“Protection against the Metus?”
“Yeah, they stay out here for longer rotations than those around the city. Normally the Sea would devour any Metus that tried to harness Navitas straight from it, considering how highly concentrated it is. But now with all the signs of the Metus evolving, we’d rather be safe than sorry and guard it, for the time being.”
“Good plan.” I take a step away from the potent energy.
Dev settles himself on the ground behind me, gesturing for me to join.
Taking a seat, I cup a pile of sand in my hand, letting the grains sift through my fingers as I watch the mesmerizing colors dance inside the Sea. Every few second there’s a sparking of light within, matching when stars collide.
“I can’t believe this place exists,” I say, not really sure if I’m talking about the Sea or Terra itself.
“It is pretty amazing.” Dev leans back.
We sit silently for a while, taking in the sound of each Dreamer making contact with the mass, a sigh on the wind.
After a time, I glance at Dev. “Can I ask you something, about earlier?”
“Of course.”
“Did Rae tell you? About…”
His gaze finds mine. “Yes.”
“How long did you know?”
“The night it happened.”
My brows shoot up. “And you didn’t say anything?”
“I don’t recall you rushing to tell me yourself.”
I press my lips together, conceding to his point.
“I wanted to give you the time you needed,” he continues. “If you were truly going through a heartbreak, I wasn’t about to be a rebound. Though”—he slowly peruses my body—“I don’t think I’d put up much of a fight if you came to me begging for a release.”
“How very chivalrous and…crass of you.” I purse my lips, and his responding smile is crooked.
Lifting a hand, he brushes my cheek. “Are you though?” he asks, serious once more.
“Am I what?”
“Experiencing heartbreak?” His eyes hold a wariness, waiting for my answer.
I think about his question, think about what exactly the pain in my chest is from when I think of Jared. “No,” I say, and his muscles relax ever so slightly. “I realized that most of my sadness is from guilt. I was holding on to that relations
hip for selfish reasons. I needed some semblance of normalcy.” I breathe out a humorless laugh. “The irony of which isn’t lost on me given how long I hated how ‘normal’”—I air quote—“everything in my life was.” Studying the ground, I play with the sand by my side. “I did care for him though, and hate any pain I’ve caused him.”
“I’m sorry,” Dev says, lacing his fingers in mine, grains falling into the crevices.
“For what?”
“That you’re experiencing any sort of sadness.”
“Since when did you become so understanding?”
A small smile plays on his lips. “I have my moments,” he says, and I can’t help but grin at the line he used earlier tonight.
The two of us fall into a companionable silence again, Dev tracing the outline of my hand, over and over, as if this is how we’ve always been—years of togetherness to create such a comfortable pocket of time. Eventually new thoughts enter my mind, and I bite the side of my cheek, unsure if I really want to bring this up now, but it’s been nagging me too much to ignore.
“Can I ask you something else?”
He nods, still mesmerized with drawing patterns around my fingers.
“Are you…seeing someone?”
His gaze whips to me, brows pinching in. “Why would you think that?”
I swallow. “Well, I, uh, saw you with a girl. In Anima.”
“A girl…” He glances off in the distance, connecting the dots. “You saw that?”
I nod, the memory still spurning a sweep of jealousy I’m not proud of. I just don’t want any more uncertainties when it comes to him and me. It’s a waste of time, considering it’s already taken us so long to get to this particular moment.
“She…was a distraction,” he says after a moment. “If you wanted to truly stay friends, I was trying to respect that. I thought that if I was with someone too, it might help things.” He rubs his chin and studies the ground intently.
“Did it?”
He smiles, as if I said something funny, before meeting my gaze. “No, Molly. It only made me angry with you.”