The Divide

by E. J. Mellow

  “But I don’t understand…” I’m nothing but a hollow vessel, a robot now gathering information. “Why?”

  He shrugs. “They say it’s always been this way, a chance to give us a normal life. And it’s not like we could keep fighting the Metus our whole lives. That’s what the next Dreamers are for.”

  “But…I just got to Terra,” I say in a small voice and watch as his eyes fill with sorrow. He squeezes my hand.

  “I know, sweetheart.”

  None of this makes sense. How can I have less than a year left? The big battle hasn’t even begun yet. My mind is rejecting any of this from seeping in, protecting me as long as it can. “How does the choice work?”

  He sits back, contemplatively. “From what I remember, you’re able to travel to Terra in your full human form for only that day. I honestly forget most of the specifics—it was so long ago, but something about our molecular makeup aligning then. This gives you the choice—portal to Terra and wait for the door to close to Earth, or stay in Earth and let go of Terra.”

  “And you chose Earth?”

  He nods. “I had just met your grandmother. I wanted a normal life. I was sick of war and, like I said before, I only experienced a very select portion of Terra, from the sounds of what you’ve seen.”

  “So…what happened after?”

  “Well, all of it, the dreams, the memories of Terra, the next day, it was just”—he snaps his fingers—“gone.”

  —∞—

  My throat burns, a dragon about to spit fire, and I run faster and faster. My destination—does it really matter anymore?

  I quickly left my grandfather back in my room after reaching my limit for what I could hear. I finally felt the tears, the overwhelming hopelessness and confusion that was threatening to devour me whole, and I needed to get the hell out there before I let the waterworks free. I’m so over crying. It gets you nowhere. Doesn’t bring back Alec, doesn’t win this war, and doesn’t stop the ticking clock now counting down the seconds I have left in one of my worlds.

  What I do let out is rage. Deep, mind-consuming rage. Toward Elena for keeping me in the dark, toward fate for letting Dev into my heart, and toward the injustice of getting thrust into a life, forced to accept a completely new home, only to have it ripped from my fingers.

  Thud. Thud. Thud.

  My sneakers hit the asphalt at the pace of my pounding heart.

  Thud. Thud. Thud.

  What am I going to do? How can I give up Terra, have my memories wiped clean of Dev? Could I really live with never seeing my family, or Becca? An unbearable pressure builds in my lungs.

  Thud. Thud. Thud.

  I quicken my pace and turn off the road onto a forest path. The air is cooler under the canopy of leaves, and I breathe in the crispness, trying to force a calm. When running became therapeutic is beyond me. All I know is that I have no idea what to do once I stop.

  I round one of the trail’s bends and slow, when I suddenly sense a presence behind me. Turning, I expect to find Rae, but the path is clear. I come to a complete stop when I catch sight of something nearby darting behind a close cluster of trees.

  “Hello?” I call out, trying to even my heavy breathing.

  Silence.

  “Rae?”

  A snap of twigs has me spinning to the other side. I squint, thinking I see a form vanish behind a boulder, but it disappears so fast, I’m uncertain. My heart works in overtime.

  “Hello?” I call again and begin to backpedal. Birds caw, there’s a shuffling of squirrels, but no one else makes his or her presence known. You’re being paranoid. There’s no one there. Just to be on the safe side, I turn back and make my way home, my steps somehow even faster than before.

  I pull my internal wall up as I jog into my neighborhood and see Rae running toward me. “What the Metus? Why didn’t you wait for me?”

  “I couldn’t.” I keep moving past him, and he turns to catch up.

  “Are you okay? What happened?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Are you sure? You look like you’re out for murder.”

  “I kind of am.”

  He grabs my arm, tugging me to a stop. “Tell me.”

  I pull out of his grasp and keep walking.

  “Mol—”

  “Did you know about the cutoff?” I spin around.

  He frowns. “The what?”

  “The cutoff. On my twenty-fifth birthday I have to choose either Earth”—I swing my arms widely to our surroundings—“or Terra. Losing one permanently.”

  “Oh, that.”

  Everything disappears…the houses, the sun, the ground beneath me. There’s just me and Rae and his complete and utter betrayal. “What?!” I scream.

  He flinches, shocked at my quick anger. “Yeah, I thought you knew?”

  “How in all of Terra would I have known?! None of you Vigil tell me shit!”

  “Molly.” Rae glances around. “Can you lower your voice? It’s eight in the morning.”

  “No I will not!” I take purposeful strides toward him, and he backs up, his eyes wide. “Why haven’t you mentioned this before?! How could this not have been in your briefing? What’s wrong with you? What’s wrong with all of you?! Were you not going to give me the chance to decide myself? Were you just going to let me turn twenty-five and then forget everything?!”

  “Molly, Molly, please calm down.” He raises his hands to ward me off. “I thought Elena told you. I swear. She’s the one who’s meant to tell you.”

  I’m a panting bull ready to charge. I want to scream, scream and destroy something. What’s happening to me? I have a twisted desire to see something more torn apart than myself. I swivel away with a growl. I don’t know what to believe anymore, what to think about any of this. Every moment I think I’ve got a hold on what I’m doing, what Terra is, the sands shift, and I get covered, suffocated.

  “Did you tell Dev?” I force myself to ask, not knowing if I can take the news.

  “No.” He shakes his head. “I haven’t said anything to him. I didn’t think it was my place.”

  It’s impossible now, impossible to think clearly about any of this. It’s too much. I look up and know my eyes hold nothing but desperation and sorrow. “Rae, what am I going to do?”

  — 32 —

  THE REST OF the day passes in a surreal blur. I walk around projecting the image of normalcy. I smile when I’m meant to smile. I answer questions when they’re directed at me, and most importantly, I tell my grandfather I’m fine when he asks how I’m doing, not wanting to upset him any more for being the one to have told me. I see how his worry wears on him, and at his age he doesn’t need the extra stress. The last thing I could handle is for him to get sick.

  The one thing I can’t fake though is my anger toward Rae, so I ignore him as best I can. I still have a hard time believing that he thought I knew—if he did, why wouldn’t he warn me before getting involved with Dev? At least mention it once. Watching him and Becca cuddle on the floor gives me my answer. If he thinks they have a future, I’m sure in his twisted optimistic brain he believes Dev and I do too. But the only future in which that’s possible is if I give up this one.

  My surroundings suddenly shift in depth, and I feel like I’m standing outside a window display looking in. I study my mother, lazily thumbing through her magazine, her feet resting in my father’s lap as he absently rubs them while reading work papers. My grandfather sits in his corner chair, talking with Rae and Becca, who are cozied up on the carpet next to him. My gaze bounces around the room, taking in the pictures on the wall filled with my parents and me, to my framed childhood drawings. What would happen to them if I chose Terra? What would my parents think of my sudden disappearance? Could I live a life where I never stepped foot in this house again? Would I forget about this life like I would forget about Terra? It seemed like such an easy choice for my grandfather. But for me, it’s not a choice at all. No, for me it feels like a death sentence. I me
rely need to pick which life I want to kill.

  “Molly, what’re you doing over there?” Becca asks with a laugh. “You’ve been holding our drinks for the past ten minutes like a zombie.”

  I blink back into the room. “Sorry.” I walk to everybody and hand them their drinks off the tray.

  “I wish you all could stay longer.” My mom pouts, putting down her magazine and sitting up. “It feels like you guys just got here.”

  “Trust us.” Becca takes a sip of her beer. “We all wish we could stay too. I could totally have a few more days, or years, off work.”

  “Work hard now—play hard later.” Rae pulls on one of her curls.

  “Precisely.” My dad nods. “Keep this one around, Becca. He’s wise beyond his years.”

  My grandfather and I share a look as if to say, if he only knew.

  Even though I’ve kept my distance from Rae, I know that he and my grandfather have been able to talk. While my mood has only plummeted into the pits of hell since this morning, my grandfather’s seems to have done nothing but risen, and who can blame him? I practically exploded with relief after learning Terra was real, so I can only imagine the sense of reprieve and accompanying nostalgia that he’s experiencing upon learning that all his sudden resurfacing memories are true.

  Taking a long pull from my drink, I let my own personal dread in about going back to New York. Not only is work the last thing on my list of priorities, but I now have a desperate need to be around my family as much as I can. The months I have left before my choice feel like nothing but seconds for such a large decision. How will I be able to live every day without being consumed by these thoughts? Terra knows I already have enough on my mind. I swallow back the lump that forms in my throat. None of this is fair, but I guess no one ever said life is.

  —∞—

  Later that night, I drift in the darkness longer than normal, my mind restless and unsure of where to travel. Eventually the scent of night filters through the void, a touch of cool, and I open my eyes to the spinning sky, the edge of my tree’s canopy partly masking the view. I lie there for a moment, replaying the first time I awoke here and the two people who greeted me. How long ago that feels…how much has changed since that night. I keep still, studying the passing stars above. Even after I change my clothes to the Terra uniform, I stay frozen. I don’t move when I sense a form walk to my side.

  My new companion watches me for a moment before lying down beside me. A familiar scent caresses, surrounds, and I close my eyes, not realizing until now just how much I’ve grown to associate it with safety, with calm.

  “Hi,” I eventually say.

  “Hi,” he returns.

  “I’ve missed you.”

  He’s suddenly above me, two cerulean jewels gazing down. “I’m never far.”

  I manage a small smile and rest my hand against his stubble-filled cheek. “I know.”

  His lips find mine, and my worry momentarily slinks away. His touch is gentle, lingering, at opposites with what I currently need, and with a moan I pull him closer. I want more. I want everything. My fingers dig into his back, glide under his shirt, and rake along his skin. He groans and gathers me into his arms, pressing down so heat blossoms between my legs. My heart races as he slips off my top and then his, our mouths colliding again. He moves to my throat, and I glance up to the sky on a gasp, feeling us spinning just as the stars shoot by. We stay locked in this dance, each second tumbling further into each other’s arms, falling deeper into obscurity. This man has quickly grown to be my everything, and as we become connected, I desperately push away the thoughts that might force us apart.

  “We need to get you to Elena.” Dev traces the outline of my face.

  “I know.”

  “That usually involves moving.”

  “I know that too.”

  He smiles. “So why aren’t we?”

  “Because I need to press Pause for a second.”

  His brows crease. “Everything okay? Did you talk with your grandfather?” My hesitation causes Dev to sit up. “Molly, what’s happened?”

  Even though his concerned gaze has me wanting to spill everything, I can’t seem to tell him right now. I know it’s unfair to him, but I need more time with this on my own. “Nothing.” I interweave my fingers with his. “We talked. It was nice to hear about his experience here and to share with someone from my world about it all. Someone who’s been through it before.”

  “So he remembers?”

  I nod. “And you were right about Hector.”

  “Really?” Dev asks, astonished. “Did he say what happened?”

  “No, we didn’t have time to get into specifics. There was so much to talk about. I asked him about the Conscious arrow.”

  “And?”

  “And he had no idea about them either. He knew the Vigil had some things that stave off our powers. From what I gathered from his memories and a few other Dreamers’, I think I know what some of those countermeasures are,” I say and explain the depowering cells and the lightning-bolt symbols that cover certain doors and armbands of the Nocturna and Vigil guards. How it keeps me from using my powers on them.

  He looks off to the glowing city. “They updated the guards’ uniforms to include them a few decades ago. They said those bolts indicated certain security forces. I had no idea they were also an armor.”

  “Why don’t you wear one?”

  He shrugs. “Patrolling Nocturna never acquired them, for some reason, but maybe I should request one.” He turns to me with a side smile.

  “Just don’t piss me off, and you’ll be perfectly fine.” I bop him on the nose with my finger, and he grabs my hand, bringing it to his lips.

  “Noted,” he says and kisses my open palm. My body instantly warms, starting from where his soft mouth presses against my skin. “As much as I’d love to sit here with you all night, we should go.” He helps me to stand. “Elena and the Vigil elders won’t be pleased to have been kept waiting.”

  “Then I’ll just remind them who was shot at with one of their weapons. We’ll see who deserves to be the most unpleased then.”

  The corner of Dev’s mouth quirks up. “I like when you’re feisty.”

  “Then you should see me when I’m irate.”

  “Oh, I have.” He leans in close, his warm breath caressing the side of my neck. “And we’d need more than tonight for me to show you what that does to me.” For the second time in so many minutes, Dev momentarily allows me to forget my worries, distracting me by the flash of wickedness in his eyes. I only wish the distraction could last a while longer.

  —∞—

  “How was it?” Dev greets me outside the chambers of the Vigil elders.

  “Actually, extremely boring. They talked in circles and had so much political protocol, I almost nodded off.”

  His brows rise. “And that’s coming from someone who’s already asleep.”

  “Exactly.”

  “So was there any development on who could have attacked us, or was the meeting a total wash?”

  “Well, they gathered a list of the Vigil scientist who developed it, who they’ll question, but nobody thinks it could be one of them. There’s nothing for them to gain by cutting me off.” One Vigil elder was like a broken record on this particular point, and it took all my effort not to lash out with the fact that I might be getting cut off anyway, Conscious arrow or not. I haven’t had the proper moment to confront Elena about this yet, but with my snippy attitude toward her tonight, it doesn’t take an omniscient semigoddess to understand something’s bothering me. And speaking of…

  “Dev.” Elena nods to him in greeting before turning to me. “We need to head to the Center. You’ll be waking up in a couple of hours, and I need to show you some of the Dreamer inventions.”

  “You don’t need to be so PC about it, Elena. I know what they are. You can call them weapons.”

  “Actually, I can’t,” she says, ignoring my tone, “because they aren’t all weapon
s.”

  “They aren’t?”

  “No. Some have been developed to help you.”

  “Oh.” Talk about taking the piss out of you.

  She turns to Dev. “I’m sorry, but you won’t be able to join for this.”

  His brows pinch in. “Why?”

  “Because of the recent events, security is even tighter around these devices.”

  Dev laughs. “You don’t actually think I’d use them against Molly, do you?”

  “I’m sorry, but she’ll meet you after.”

  “Elena—”

  “It’s not open for discussion.”

  The level of tension between the three of us just skyrocketed. Oh boy. Touching Dev’s shoulder, I give him a reassuring smile. “It’s okay. If I don’t wake up, I’ll come find you after.”

  He stares at me for a second, and then he’s tugging me into his arms, his lips pressing firmly to mine. We stay locked like this, him kissing me in front of everyone, kissing me very inappropriately in front of everyone, before he’s gently setting me down, my legs left unsteady—a melted gummy worm found inside a kid’s pocket.

  “Was that really necessary?” Elena purses her lips as she glances around to our silent audience of Vigil elders.

  Without turning his gaze from mine, Dev says, “Yes.”

  Even though I’m smiling as I walk away, internally I’m growing into a panicked mess. Every moment longer I spend with Dev is another cord tethered tight, another connection I can’t imagine living through if it ends up getting cut.

  — 33 —

  MY NOSE CRINKLES from the sweet metallic scent of energy mixing with a cleaning product. The white room we stand in is blanketed with rows upon rows of alien sleek contraptions floating inside hologram boxes. Following Elena, I study the devices while an accompanying Vigil scientist explains their various purposes. Not only are there arrows made to contain the Conscious serum, but also guns, syringes, knives, and creepy spiderlike robots that can squeeze into any sort of crack to get at their victim—basically, any weapon that can cleanly and efficiently inject the concentrated liquid into my chest.