by E. J. Mellow
“Is the altered Navitas in these the same that’s in those glowing lightning bolts? The ones that prevent my powers from working on the things they cover?” I ask, tapping the side of the hologram box that contains the mechanical spiders. They rapidly spring to life and start clambering all over each other. Whoops. I step back.
“It’s similar in that it acts as a repellent, but not quite the same mixture of energy.”
I nod, not needing any more detail than that. It’s not a secret that chemistry was never my strong suit.
“Here, let me show you some of the things we’ve developed to help you.” The Vigil excitedly walks to another row, and I follow, taking in the new equipment. Some of it is familiar—having experienced past Dreamers using them—while others hold no recollection. One of those things being a crisscross-strapped black vest. The scientist holds it up for me to take.
“We just put the finishing touches on this.”
I expect it to be heavy, given its durability, but it’s like holding a silk scarf. “What is it?”
“It’s a replenishing vest. Almost like a power-up for your energy. It can also convert any Metus hits you take into Navitas you can use.”
“Whoa,” I say with wide eyes. “Can I try it on?”
“Of course.” He fumbles, placing down another contraption he was going to show me. “You can test it out too. We haven’t been able to see the vest at its full potential yet because it needs, well, it needs you to operate it properly. We have a testing room right through here.” He leads us into a circular white chamber where an orb of Navitas rests in its dome, similar to the space where Elena and I do my energy training. I’m helped into the vest and given instructions on how I can absorb some of the prefilled Navitas in the material and gather more from the nearby energy floating above me. And if I’m hit with any Metus sludge to the chest, it can break down its energy and transfer it to be used to my advantage. Elena watches from the side as I walk to the center of the room, targets already popping up in the distance.
“Can you feel the Navitas in the vest?” The Vigil asks, and I nod, sensing the pulsing energy that swims in the fabric covering my back and front. “Good, good. Now all you have to do, in theory, is channel it into yourself and use it however you like to take out the targets.”
“In theory?” I turn to him with an arched brow.
“Well…yes.” He blushes slightly. “Like I said, none of us could test it fully to see if it works when worn by someone like you.”
Awesome. I glance to Elena, silently asking her what my next move should be.
“Go ahead, Molly. Raymond is one of our very best Navitas engineers.” Raymond’s chest puffs out so far it threatens to pop his top shirt buttons.
Facing forward, I shake away the nervousness that I could blow myself up instead of my targets and concentrate on the energy encircling me. It’s similar to when I’m around any concentrated Navitas—the pull to be connected, used—but what’s different is I can sense the material acting as a sifter, allowing me to carefully monitor how much energy I take in or hold back.
The objects in the distance continue to appear and disappear in random order, and I call up my own energy first. Raising my hand, I twirl around to take down target after target, sensing when each approaches. After loosening up, I test taking from the well of Navitas strapped to my chest. Holding out two hands, I’m almost knocked back by the force of energy that shoots forth. Holy death beams.
Taking a steadying step, I glance over to Elena and Raymond. “That was awesome!”
Raymond’s smile nearly splits his face in two. Elena merely nods her approval. Facing forward again, I continue to take bits of excess energy, easily evaporating every threat that comes at me. The headache that normally comes from using so much Navitas at once never arrives, and my breathing’s not as labored. I grin like a kid on Christmas morning. After a couple more hits, Raymond announces that he’s turning on the Metus simulator to test the rebound capabilities.
“You’re going to have to go against your basic instincts to attack with this one. Let them hit you. You’ll see how it will reverse the impact.”
I nod and ready myself. A very realistic version of a Metus materializes before me, sans the garbage can of stink—thank goodness—and charges. It rips some of its flesh free and lobs it straight at me. I clamp down on my jaw, preparing myself for the sting, but it never comes. Instead, like a magnet, the vest pulls the flaming ball toward my chest and swallows it completely, as if it was thrown into a black hole. My vest grows warm and glows bright white before I’m suddenly jolted with an excess of energy, every one of my cells filling to their capacity. Unprepared for such a large collection of power, my back arcs and out shoots a burst of Navitas right from the spot I was hit. It collides straight into the Metus’s head, quickly blowing it apart.
The room falls quiet as we all take in what just happened.
“Well,” I say on an outtake of air, turning to my two wide-eyed companions, “I’m not gonna lie. I kind of feel like a superhero.”
—∞—
After finishing up with Raymond, who immediately starting bragging to all his peers about what he just witnessed, Elena and I walk the halls of the engineers’ lab. The area is laid out in a complicated network of glass partitions and invisible doors separating each experiment with an air-controlled, soundproofed barrier. Around the perimeter are the giant domed spaces for testing equipment, along with smaller rooms that house various contraptions.
Peeking into each door we pass, I’m slowly drumming up the necessary energy to finally confront Elena about what my grandfather told me, when I see something that causes me to stop. In one of the smaller chambers with the lights turned off—the area seemingly forgotten—are two white pods. They’re similar to the white coffin I lay in back at the Village Portal Bookstore, but these are connected to one another by thousands of small wires and have two domed glass coverings.
“What’s in there?”
She glances to where I’m looking, before walking on. “A closed experiment.”
I take one more look at the pods before double-stepping to catch up. “What kind?”
“One that went on for too long and should never have started in the first place.”
I roll my eyes. “I thought the point of bringing me here was to stop with the evasive answers?”
She stays silent.
“Would you have even agreed to show me all this if I had never gotten attacked by that Conscious arrow? I mean, past Dreamers knew about some of these things, so why hide it from me?”
“I’m not hiding anything. You needed to properly pass your energy trainings to get to this point. It all takes time, Molly.”
“Yeah, time I recently found out I don’t have much left of.”
“You’ll be back tomorrow night, and we can continue with your training then.”
“I’m not talking about waking up, Elena.” I stop, forcing her to look at me. “I’m talking about the lovely present I’ll be receiving on my twenty-fifth birthday.” Elena’s features grow marble-still. “Yeah, I know about the cutoff,” I say, feeling my suppressed rage slowly boil up again. “But what I don’t understand is why the hell you never told me about it.”
She blinks at me before grabbing my arm and pulling me into a side room, closing the door behind her. “You spoke with Robert.” It’s not a question.
“He said you should have told me by now.”
She scoffs in a very un-Elena like way. “He doesn’t know anything about what I should or should not be doing.”
My eyebrows creep up my face. Um…
“I didn’t want to add anything else to your plate.” She goes on. “You came to us very late for a Dreamer. Most have years here before this subject is even broached. You’ve had to rapidly take in and adapt much quicker than any Dreamer before. I didn’t want your attention to be sidetracked by this.”
“So it’s true. There’s a cutoff?” My stomach threatens to re
lease its contents when she nods. One of the reasons I was postponing this conversation was because until Elena confirmed my worst fear, I could still pretend it was all a mistake, an old man’s mix-up. But now it’s real, set in stone, the law, and I have absolutely no idea what to do. “There has to be a way to push it,” I say, stepping back. “I can’t be cut off in less than a year! What if the war doesn’t even start until after? Why was I brought on so late?!”
She places a hand on my shoulder, steadying me, and a wave of calm passes from her touch throughout my body. I frown. “That’s only a temporary fix, Elena.”
“Yes, but your anxiety was about to wake you up.”
I relax my shoulders, giving in to her momentary sedative. “My grandfather said that my Terra memories would be erased if I choose Earth.”
“It’s to preserve our anonymity, and really, your sanity. Giving you a chance to live normally in the world you’ve chosen.”
“But what happens if I choose Terra?”
Elena’s gaze locks with mine. “Is that something you’re considering?”
“I don’t…I don’t know what I’m considering. I just want to know my options for each situation.”
She studies me a moment longer before speaking. “I’m not completely sure what will happen to your memories of Earth. No Dreamer has ever chosen Terra for us to know.”
“Why?”
“That’s not really my place to say for certain, but I’m sure it has something to do with only being confined to our facilities and battles with the Metus. Like I mentioned when you first got here, none were sent to us as you were.”
“So is the reason why none of the Dreamer memories you’ve give me go into old age because they were cut off from here before then?” She nods, and I exhale a relieving sigh. At least they didn’t all die here… Or—“Have any of the Dreamers been killed in Terra?”
Elena presses her lips together—a contemplative gesture.
“Tell me.”
“There have been some known tragedies.”
“Some known—Elena.” I let out a huff and shake my head. “Stop sugarcoating everything. Say that they died if that’s what happened—could happen to me. This piecemeal briefing procedure of yours really sucks.”
“By your constant reactions to each piece, I would have to disagree.”
I shoot her a glare.
“Molly, you have to trust that I’ve been going about this because of my centuries of experience in dealing with your kind.” My mind trips up when she says centuries. “You are not the first Dreamer to have reacted this way. Even when I’ve told them years before their cutoff, none took it very well.”
“But they still all chose Earth?”
“When it came down to it, yes. Like I said, all they knew here was training and war.”
I turn away, rubbing my forehead. None of this is really helping.
“But you,” she continues, “you have seen so much more. Everything about you here is unique. Waking beyond the Containment Center, your heritage, the strength of your power—”
“You want me to stay.”
“I want you to consider all your options.”
“Options? How is robbing my parents of their only child an option?”
“We would fill their memory of you with something else, so they wouldn’t even realize they had a child to lose. Everyone’s memory of you would be altered, in fact, if that’s what you wished.”
I snort an incredulous laugh. “God, you’re lucky I’m still on this calming high, because I’m pretty sure I’d be losing my shit right about now.”
She stands unfazed. “It’s a lot to take in, I know. It also might not seem so, but you still have time before this decision. Much can happen.”
I shift on my feet, annoyed at the numbness that still rings along my skin from Elena’s touch. Yet without my anxiety clouding my thoughts, a seed of deep-buried desire surfaces, and as I stare out at nothing, it slowly grows into something bigger, something that I know once I have my feelings back will terrify me. Because there’s a part of me that’s actually considering this place. This place as my forever.
— 34 —
WE LEAVE MY parents early on Sunday for the long drive back to the city. My hugs were held extra-long from not knowing when I’d be back to visit, but promising it would be soon. My grandfather and I were able to talk briefly in the morning about what happened in Terra that night, about Elena confirming the cutoff, and the equipment I was shown by the Vigil engineers. He asked me to call him whenever I needed to talk, which I assured him would be often. He also told me that whatever I ended up deciding in the end, it would be the right choice. Unfortunately, that unconditional support helps me zero percent. In a twisted way, I wish I wasn’t allowed a choice. That someone would just tell me I’d be either cut out or made to stay in. Then I could at least figure out how to come to terms with either. Now I feel like I’m floating in purgatory, and purgatory kind of sucks.
“Thanks for inviting us, Mols.” Becca adjusts her seat to recline, giving her better access to Rae, who sits behind us. “I love your family.”
“Of course,” I say. “And it’s a little too obvious how they feel about you.”
“Yeah, that’s because I’m the only one that can keep up with your mom when she’s in wine mode.” Rae chuckles, causing her to turn around. “What did you think of the Speros? You and Charles were palling it up watching movies together.”
“We share an affinity when it comes to action films.”
“Well then, you and Molly probably get on really well. She’s a fiend for them. You’d never know though, because she’s such a gentle little bumble bee.” Becca tugs on my ponytail.
“Bees sting, you know.” I glance at her from the side.
“Yeah, but it’s only when they’re forced. They don’t inherently want to be violent.”
“Oh yeah? Why’s that?”
“Because then they die.”
Rae and I lock eyes in the rearview mirror. Clearing his throat, he leans forward, draping an arm over her seat. “So, babe, you excited for your birthday this week?”
“Um, duh.”
He chuckles. “And you’re sure you just want to do the bar thing?”
“On my actual birthday, yeah. But I, of course, won’t mind something one-on-one later that weekend.” She flashes him a flirty smile, and I make a gagging sound. “Oh stop.” She smacks my arm. “Just because you’re humdrum single now doesn’t mean you can poo on my shmoop parade.”
“Shmoop parade?” I quirk a brow at her, and she rolls her eyes.
“Rae, please explain to Molly what a shmoop parade is.”
“Uh, yeah, pass.” He sits back. “I’ll leave the education to you, babe.”
She sighs, feigning annoyance. “I always have to do everything around here.”
“It’s okay. I think I’m fine never knowing what that is.”
“Don’t be so sure.” She creepily walks her fingers up my shoulder. “Everyone likes a good shmoop.”
“Ick.” I shake her hand off. “Rae, when we stop for food, you two are so switching seats.”
—∞—
The following week of work moves at a snail’s pace, per usual, while my nights continue to be filled with constant Metus attacks. None are as large as when we got ambushed at the Sea of Dreams, but all popping up just as unannounced in major areas around Terra—larger outpost generators, small Vigil towns outside the walls. Dev and the security team rack their brains on how none of the stations caught the Metus approaching, some whispering that this is a new ability of the Metus—being able to cloak themselves in shadow. I pray to any and all the gods residing in this universe that this isn’t the case. I also convince myself this is the reason I still haven’t mentioned anything to Dev about the cutoff—there just hasn’t been the proper moment. Not that there really is ever a good time to tell the person you’re most assuredly falling in love with that he may never see you again, and there’s nothin
g he can do. It all still feels so unreal, too sudden. I need more time with it. The bitter irony of which is all too apparent.
By Wednesday I’m exhausted. Becca’s birthday drinks are the following night, and if I don’t get somewhat of a relaxing sleep, I might be caught passed out on the bar, and not for fun reasons.
I meet Dev at our usual zipline platform along the wall and immediately fall into his embrace. As his strong arms hold me to him, I breathe in his unique scent, wondering if there will ever be a time where it doesn’t coat my cells with calm and tingle my nerves with the desire for his touch.
“You look tired,” he says, smoothing back my hair.
“Because I am.”
He kisses the top of my head. “Follow me.” Taking my hand, he leads me to the zipline.
“Don’t you need to do rounds?”
“Aveline and I did them earlier.” He adjusts the cables. “And I got you out of training tonight. If all goes well, I have something else planned.”
“What?”
He gives me a lazy smile. “You’ll see” is his only response before he jumps onto the line and zips off. No longer needing to raise the platform, it only takes me a moment to follow.
Careening past buildings that are unfamiliar, never having traveled to this part of the city, we dip and swerve on the cable as other Terra inhabitants cross our path. The line takes us high above the city, where a majority of skyscrapers stretch to the sky. My form is reflected back as I speed past seamless glass windows, and people are mere specks on the ground below. I close my eyes, taking in the air weaving through my hair, rushing across my skin. It’s moments like this, suspended above the world, that I truly feel free. No worries touch me up here, and I wonder if this is how birds feel when they take flight. For a splash in time I think…I think perhaps I’d like to let my hands go and see if I could set my own course for once. There’s a rush in my belly, a heat that swirls to my head, cooling, provoking. Do I dare? Could I wake in time if it didn’t work? Tentatively, with the desire ever present in my mind, I loosen my grip one finger at a time, my throat dry in anticipation. I have no idea what has caused such recklessness, why I test this now versus the hundreds of times I’ve taken the zipline, but something about the recent trying days and all that I’ve come to learn has set a wild card free. I want to live as fully as I can in this world, this place that seems limitless to my abilities, and if I am the most powerful, why not see?