by E. J. Mellow
“Why would he do that?” Kelly asks, clearly confused.
“Kelly.” Steph lightly taps his arm. “That’s not our business.”
“But—” A quick glare from her shuts his mouth.
Steph leans toward me. “We’re sorry to be so nosey. We just wanted to make sure things wouldn’t be awkward tonight.”
I tilt my head. “Tonight—what do you mean?”
“Uh…Becca didn’t tell you?” Steph and her husband share another glance while I start piecing the puzzle together. Oh no, she didn’t.
Excusing myself, I search for the girl whom, if it weren’t for her current celebration of being born, I’d murder. Finding her as she just finishes taking a shot with a group, I tug her into a corner.
“Hey.” She pulls her arm from my grasp and works to steady herself on her four-inch heels. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Jared’s invited tonight?!”
“Oh.” She pushes a pocket of air into one of her cheeks before expelling it. “That.”
“What the hell, Bec?”
“Listen.” She places a hand on my shoulder, and I’d shrug it off if it didn’t seem like she needed it there to stabilize herself. “I didn’t purposefully invite him. It sorta just happened.”
“How on earth does inviting my recent ex-boyfriend sorta just happen? And why didn’t you tell me?!”
“Mols, it’s gonna be okay. He’s probably not even going to show. I went to have dinner at my sister’s, and he was there too. They were talking about my birthday drinks, and I felt rude not inviting him. There was nothing I could do!”
“Um, there were plenty of things you could have done. Like—oh, I don’t know. Not invite him.” I drag my fingers through my hair. “This is going to be so awkward.”
“Mols, it won’t. Trust me. You’re both adults. Plus, you seemed to have moved on. Rather quickly,” she adds with a mutter, and I glower. “Which is great!” she continues. “But like I said, he probably won’t come. I mean, it is my birthday. The best friend of his ex-girlfriend. He knows you’d be here. And the invite was one of those ‘oh yeah, you should totally come, but please don’t’ kind of thing. He’s an idiot if he didn’t get that.”
“Well, then I guess he’s an idiot.” My gaze falls to the front of the bar as my stomach drops. “Because he just walked in.”
— 37 —
WHEN I WAS a kid, I used to think that if I shut my eyes, I would become invisible. Close my eyes—disappear. Open my eyes—reappear. If I couldn’t see other people, then they couldn’t see me. Terra would have a field day with the magic of a nine-year-old’s brain. Now watching Jared slowly walk around the bar, and waiting for the moment when his gaze collides with mine, I wish desperately for my powers to function here so I can squeeze my lids shut and vanish.
“Just breathe,” Becca says from my side. “He hasn’t seen you yet, so we can just—” We both stiffen as he makes eye contact, lone gazelles spotted by the lion, and my heart thumps loudly in my head.
“Don’t you dare.” I grab Becca’s arm, sensing her about to flee. She mumbles a curse.
“Hi.” He stands before us, blond hair a little longer than I remember but just as tousled and attractive. His heather-green T-shirt shows off a deep tan and…other aspects of his body that I move my gaze away from. His grin is unsure but friendly.
“Hi,” I say back.
“Jared! So glad you came. I really didn’t think you would.” Becca smiles overgenuinely, and I keep myself from elbowing her in the ribs.
“Yeah, I thought I’d stop by for a second and wish you a Happy Birthday.”
“Aw, thank you. That’s so sweet. Oh look.” She waves to nobody behind Jared. “Some old friends just walked in that I have to go say hi to.” She grabs both of our shoulders. “You guys be civil now.” And then she skips away.
I mentally imagine a redheaded voodoo doll stuck with thousands of pins before returning my attention to Jared. We blink at one another.
“So.” He scratches the back of his neck. “This is awkward, huh?”
I let out a relieving laugh. “Yeah, just a bit.”
“I didn’t mean to ruin your night. I really did want to wish her a Happy Birthday, but I’ll admit, I wanted to see you more.”
What to do? What to say?
“You look beautiful, by the way.”
“Oh.” I gaze down at my dress. “Thank you.”
“How have you been?” His honey-colored eyes roam my face.
“I’ve been…okay.”
“Yeah.” He nods like he understands. “Me too.”
I comb over his appearance again, taking in his freshly shaven face and sun-kissed skin. He actually looks more than okay—he looks…well rested. “Did you just go on a vacation?”
His eyes widen. “How’d you know?”
“Well, you seem…” I gesture to his body. “Like you were lying on a beach with cucumbers on your eyes while being fanned by island girls.”
His familiar laugh causes an easy smile to escape me. “I wish about the island girls, and though I did have cucumbers, they were in my drinks rather than on my eyes. I went to Saint Lucia with a few friends.” His gaze momentarily flickers away from mine. “Needed to get out of the city for a while.”
“I understand.”
“Yeah, I suppose you do.”
A bit of an awkward silence settles in, and we both watch the partygoers around us, even though I know neither of us is seeing much of anything.
“Can I ask you something?” I take a sip of my drink, still facing away.
“Sure.”
“Do you regret ending things?” Feeling his heavy gaze, I finally turn toward him. His expression is pained, and I immediately wish I could take back my words, but I selfishly want to know that he is as okay with all this as I am.
“At first…at first I did.” He shoves a hand into his front pocket. “Those days right after, I felt like the biggest idiot. My finger hovered over your name, wanting to call so bad, but I never pressed it…and neither did you. But it was a good thing,” he adds quickly, seeing me frown. “After some time, I realized I really did mean what I said about needing more from someone. And I don’t regret telling you I loved you. I’ll never regret that.”
I swirl my drink, studying the reflective colors in the liquid before looking back at him. “I don’t regret it either. I’m sorry that I—”
“I know.” He flashes a small smile. “I’m just glad we can still be civil. Maybe the next time we bump into one another, it will be even less awkward.”
“If Becca’s there, I highly doubt it.”
He chuckles, allowing his tense shoulders to finally fall. “Speaking of, I should go say hi to Steph and Kelly.” He glances out to the crowd for a moment before returning his attention to me, his eyes now holding a new warmth. “It was really great seeing you, Molly.”
“You too,” I say, and I mean it.
Gently touching my elbow, he leans in and kisses my cheek, and I’m momentarily surrounded by his familiar scent. But this time it stirs nothing but an old ache of what once was. Giving me a final friendly grin, one that I return, he walks away.
Saddled at the bar, I push around the melting ice in my untouched drink. Jared only stayed for a little longer before I saw him duck out and make his final exit. As much as I didn’t have seeing him tonight on the top of my favorite-surprises list, I am glad we were able to talk peacefully. It seems there was more closure with this interaction than the last, and I’m a bit relieved to be able to shut that chapter for good. Now to just deal with what lies ahead. I snort. Yeah, only that.
“What did those ice cubes ever do to you?” Rae takes a seat next to me, and I stop stabbing at my cocktail.
“How’s the birthday girl holding up?” I ask.
“Look behind you.”
Glancing over my shoulder, I find Becca leading half the bar in a game of flip cup. Her team yells in excitement, the sound vibrating through th
e floor. I shake my head, smiling. “You can take the girl out of college…” I turn back around after a moment more of watching. Rae stares at me as if waiting for something. “What?”
He blinks. “Are you going to finish that sentence? You can take a girl out of college…and what?”
My brows lift. “Uh, it’s a saying. Don’t you know it?”
“What kind of saying is that? It goes nowhere.”
“No, I mean—yes, it goes somewhere. I didn’t think I needed to finish it because—oh, never mind.” I shake my head. “Just forget about it. Let’s move on. How’s your night been?”
“I could ask you the same thing. I saw you and Jared talking earlier.”
“Yeah. It was…fine, actually. Maybe a little awkward in the beginning, but it was good to see him.”
He nods. “I caught him before he left. Looked like he was doing okay.”
“Tan, right?”
Rae smiles. “Very.”
I laugh and place my elbows back on the bar, swirling my drink again.
“So…” Rae plays with the label on his beer. “Have you told Dev yet?”
I bite the inside of my cheek. “No. Not yet.”
“You will though?”
I glance at him from the side. “I should.”
He inclines his head. “You should.”
Taking in a deep breath, I slump my shoulders. “I still don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“We’ll figure something out.”
I turn to him. “We will?”
Rae twirls his now-empty bottle on the table. When it stops, the lip points at me. “Yeah,” he says, meeting my gaze, “I think we will.”
—∞—
The giggles haven’t ceased for the past five minutes.
“Are you sure you don’t want us to drop you off at your apartment?” Rae says while trying to keep Becca’s legs from making their way back out of the cab. Her laughter grows louder as he vise-grips her feet in the crook of his arm.
“Yeeeah, no thanks. Are you sure you don’t want to tell the driver her address and take a separate one?”
He scowls. “Funny.”
“Oh, I’m being one hundred percent serious.”
Suddenly Becca’s kicking stops, and she grows quiet. We glance at one another.
“Babe?” Rae tips his head into the backseat. Light snoring emanates out, and I press my lips together to keep from cracking up.
“Thank Terra,” he mutters, detangling himself and standing.
“Good thing she took off work tomorrow.”
He grunts his agreement. “She’ll be feeling this all the way till next week.”
“And you’ll be there the whole time to nurse her back to health.” I smile sweetly, and he groans.
Running fingers through his blond hair, he looks back at the cab. “She had fun though, which was the plan.”
“You did good.” I slap his large shoulder. “You make her very happy.”
He worries his bottom lip for a moment. “You think?”
I laugh. “Rae, I’m not even going to entertain that uncertainty. You guys are like peanut butter and jelly, spaghetti and sauce, chocolate chips in cookie dough—”
“Okay, okay.” He holds up his hands. “I get it. But now you just made me really hungry.”
“Shocker.”
He rolls his eyes. “All right, I think it’s time we got you a cab.”
“I’m going to walk, actually.”
“No.”
“Uh, yeah.”
“Molly, please don’t give me something else to worry about tonight. Since I can’t drop you at home, please just take a cab.”
“Where’s one of your men? Can’t they walk with me?”
“I didn’t think I needed them tonight because I thought someone wouldn’t be a hard-ass. I should’ve known better.”
There’s a moan from inside the car, and the cabby sticks his head out the window. “If she gets sick in here, you’re paying for this whole thing to be washed.”
Rae sighs, and I give him a sympathetic smile. “Get her home. I’ll be fine. It’s only a couple blocks, and I’ll even text you when I get to my apartment.”
He glances between me and the now-consistent groaning coming from the car. “Right when you get home.” He climbs into the backseat.
“Not a second later.” I salute.
“I won’t be in Terra tonight,” he says while closing the door and placing an elbow out of the window. “I’ll need to look after this one, but Dev will be waiting, and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“No worries.”
“And Mols?”
“Yeah?”
“Tell him.” He tucks his arm in. “Tonight.”
I frown, but nod and watch as the yellow cab pulls away.
— 38 —
THE AIR IS humid for early summer, and I twist my hair up and off my shoulders as I walk the busy sidewalks of the West Village. Thursday nights more often play out like Fridays in the city, and I smile as rowdy groups pass by, still on a mission to find their next watering hole.
Finding a clean-ish looking stoop, I momentarily stop to rub my feet and attempt to gather my wits on how best to tell Dev this seriously crappy news. Rae says we’ll figure it out, but which “it” exactly? How to let Terra go, or how to leave all my friends and family? Unless there’s a third option, I don’t see how either of those can be “figured out.” Forced to accept, sure. Unwillingly chosen, no problem. But figured out? I don’t think so. Maybe he knows something I don’t.
I snort.
Well, he obviously knows things I don’t. I bet there are still millions of secrets the Vigil are keeping from me. I rub my temples. This seriously sucks.
Slipping my heels back on, I begin my stroll again, my mind continuing to flip over. Telling Dev might actually be relieving. Ever since learning of the cutoff, I’ve felt like a giant vise has been pressing down on my chest. Like I’ve been stuck at the bottom of crystal-clear water, able to see the surface but unable to get there or knowing if I should even try. What will Dev say to all this? How will he rea—
A large form walks in front of my path, and my heart jumps, but besides clipping the side of my arm when passing, the figure pays me no mind. I let out a breath. Man, paranoid much? Still, I find myself glancing around. Rae’s making me so jumpy. Isn’t it bad enough that I’m constantly looking over my shoulder in Terra? Do I really need to be worried here too? Shaking off the feeling of unease, I quickly cover the last three blocks home.
—∞—
“Oh, pajamas, have I told you how much I love you?” Jumping into my bed, I nestle into the covers. As soon as I stepped into my apartment, I went straight for my comfy clothes, that is, only after shooting Rae a quick text letting him know I got kidnapped and am currently being chopped into tiny bits. His response was merely to ask which culinary school the murdering chef went to. Cheeky bastard.
Sighing, I close my eyes, more than ready to pass out. Using the technique Elena taught me for calming my thoughts, I count down from fifty in my head. Around twenty-three, my mind slips into silence. Blissfully it floats in the void of nothing, every part of me relaxed, calm, a gentle breeze carried through clouds. A minute goes by, then three, four—time disappears and glides in forever. Then there’s a familiar jolt, the nerve endings across my skin hum, and in a burst of white light I open my eyes to a vast sky covered with shooting stars. Grass brushes along my legs as a light breeze filters through the stalks, the quiet melody of a field dancing. Without moving, I know he’s there.
“How was Becca’s birthday?” His deep voice settles in and around me.
Rolling to my stomach and propping my head in my hands, I find Dev leaning against the trunk of my tree. His entirety is in shadow, except his long fingers, which peek out into the soft light. They rhythmically twirl a piece of grass.
“It was good. She was loaded by the end of it.” His deep chuckle warms my skin, and I crawl to his side, settlin
g beside him. “What’s been going on here?”
“So far it’s quiet.” He tucks strands of my hair behind my ear, his gaze roaming my face before resting on my lips, the corner of which tips up.
“Well, are you going to kiss them or just keep staring?”
Amused eyes find mine. “I’m definitely rubbing off on you.”
“I have a super-inappropriate and cheesy line in response to that, but to disprove your theory, I’m not going to say it.”
He tilts his head back and laughs. “Oh, now I’ve got to hear it.”
“Nope.” I sit up straight. “Opportunity lost. It goes with me to the grave.”
“Then it’s a good thing I’m the original mastermind behind super-inappropriate lines. Because I can certainly entertain myself with a few possibilities.”
“You forgot cheesy,” I say. “Inappropriate and cheesy lines.”
“Oh, I didn’t forget it.” His grin is sly.
“You’re ridiculous.”
In a flash of movement that has me letting out a surprised squeak, I’m suddenly straddling his lap. His hands run up and under my pajama shirt. “You not wearing a bra.” One of his eyebrows arc. “Now that can make me a lot of things. None of which are ridiculous.”
“Dev—”
He cuts me off with a kiss, his mouth gentle and slow—teasing, and I press myself further into him, wrapping my hands around his neck. All rational thought fizzles away as his thumb skims my breast, his fingers moving to encircle my waist. I let out a soft moan.
“I wish you were locked in tonight,” he whispers against my mouth. “I hate only having a few hours with you. They’re never quiet like this. I want more of this.” He kisses me again, and my heart squeezes, hearing his words. The vise presses down.
“Dev.” I lean back. His blue eyes, like a cool dip in water, regard me softly.
“Yes?” With his finger, he smooths the crease that’s formed between my brows. “What’s wrong?”