May Lynda’s bawling and laughing fits apparently sobered her up a bit. Her shoulders sagged and she looked defeated. “I guess I hadn’t really thought about that. I guess I thought about it only from my perspective.” She wobbled to her feet. “Thanks for cleaning up my mess. And for the laughter. It actually helped me, at least for a minute, to forget what a craptastic day this has been.”
I went back over and took her hands in mine. “Oh, honey, I’m so, so sorry. I hate that you lost your job. And your sister.”
She squeezed my hands, then quickly let go, plopping back down on the sofa. “It’s just so surreal, you know? I never expected Vivi to die. I mean, obviously, I thought she’d die when we were really old, but not now. Not when she had so, so much going for her. Oh, Marty, why did it have to be her?” The tears were back.
Clearly, she wanted someone to talk to. I quickly glanced at my watch. It was almost ten and I still had to go to the store. Thankfully, I’d had that little nap. I settled back down next to her on the sofa, trying to be consoling and comforting.
“I wish I knew what to say, but I don’t. Sometimes life just doesn’t make sense, you know? We just have to trust that it’s part of the plan.”
“I know. But Vivi, she had everything going for her. Smart, beautiful, talented. She made big money, too and hung out with all those famous people. Did you know that Beauline Tileman was her best friend? That just blows my mind! But Vivi, she wasn’t selfish or uppity. She was so generous to us. She planned to fly me and Izzy and Gramma out to Hollywood in the spring and we were all going to go to Hawaii next summer. Not to mention, she said that when she got her promotion to senior publicist, she was going to pay off my student loans. And Izzy’s, too.”
“Wow. That is super generous.” I’d figured, based on her clothes and the expensive Coletta bag that Vivi made big bucks, but obviously she was doing even better than I’d thought. Maybe I was in the wrong business.
We spent about twenty more minutes talking about Vivi. Well, May Lynda talked and I listened. Eventually, she ran out of things to say. Either that or her alcohol buzz made her sleepy.
She yawned and gave me a tentative smile. “Thanks, Marty. I, well, I just want you to know that I don’t blame you and I’m not mad at you. I mean, I sort of was, to be honest, but I’m not anymore.”
“I’m glad. I want us to be friends, May Lynda.”
We shared one last hug and I gathered my stuff up again.
May Lynda called out to me, just as I was about to get into my car. She stood at the top of the stairs, tiny and shivering. “Hey, Marty, can you do us a favor?”
“Sure, hon. What do you need?”
“Can you get Vivi’s stuff from the Riley’s? We have a million things to do tomorrow to plan for her memorial service and it would really help.”
That, I could do. I told her so and drove away, heading down the hill toward the grocery store, hoping that Beau and Delbert were getting along okay and trying not to be too happy that my days of having to put up with Giselle as my on-air partner were finally over. I wondered if I could talk Herb into coming up with a better name for the show once we hired a new person. Maybe he’d let Slammin’ Sammy switch to morning drive. That would be amazing. Unlike Giselle, Sammy was a real pro. Plus, we’d do a great job together. Probably we’d be leading the ratings for the whole metro market within a couple of months.
Yeah, I know. Tim sometimes says I spend as much time flirting with delusion and denial as I do with him. Much as it ticks me off, he’s right.
11
I had half-filled my cart with the items from Beau’s list and was busy planning how to approach Herb with my brilliant plan for the show when I wheeled around the corner and turned down the allergy medicine aisle. Engrossed in my imaginary conversation, I barely noticed when my cart brushed up against one parked in front of the pain medicine.
“Ouch!” my sister said as her cart rolled over her foot. “Excuse me, but...”
“Oops. Sorry, sis. Didn’t see you standing there.” I checked my watch. It was well after ten. Awfully late for Charli to be meandering up and down the aisles of the grocery store. “What the heck are you doing here so late?”
She sighed. “Waiting for a prescription. Jaelyn has another ear infection. I tried to call you, but you didn’t answer.”
“Oh, no! Poor baby. I hate that she’s sick again. Do you need for me to open the store tomorrow?”
“I’d really appreciate it. She can’t go to pre-school until the fever breaks. Not to mention, she’s super cranky.” She searched my face. “Are you doing okay?”
“I’m good. I mean, I guess. It’s horrible and awful and I just can’t help but feel sad and, I’ll admit it, angry. Not to mention exhausted.”
“I still can’t believe it,” Charli said. She asked me what had happened, so I filled her in on as many of the details as I felt comfortable saying in public. I also made sure I glossed over the fact that the goodie basket had been sent to Giselle and me. The last thing I wanted was for Charli to call my folks and even remotely suggest to them that I may have been the intended victim.
Thankfully, the pharmacist called Charli’s name over the intercom to let her know the prescription was ready for pickup before she had a chance to ask too many questions.
“I better get the rest of my stuff and get on home. Five-thirty sucks,” I said, backing my cart up so that I didn’t clunk into Charli’s again.
“When did you start drinking coconut water? And eating organic kale?” Charli asked, raising her eyebrows. She waved her hand toward my cart, then picked up the bottle of Denito shampoo. “Holy cow, Marty. I thought you used that cheap stuff. This costs like $25 a bottle. And the conditioner, too? Did you win the lottery and forget to tell me?”
I grabbed it out of her hand. Actually, it was $30, and that was for a tiny bottle. The conditioner, soap, and lotion were all the same price. I’d been surprised that the store even sold the brand since it was all so expensive.
“It smells good,” I said. “Tim loves it.” Actually, I had no idea how it smelled and Tim loved the scent of the cheap stuff I used, but Charli didn’t need to know that.
Thankfully, the pharmacist called Charli’s name again and she said goodbye and trundled off down the aisle. I waited until she was safely out of view, grabbed the very expensive brand of allergy medicine Beau had specified, run around grabbing the rest of the items, and practically raced to the register. The bill gave me sticker shock. It was $196 for the fourteen items on the list. Well, that plus the two tubs of ice cream, bag of toffee bars, and the carton of root beer I bought for myself. And, of course, the bag of kitty treats I’d picked up for Delbert. Thankfully, Beau had promised that once she got in touch with her agent back in L.A., she’d get a check sent to reimburse me for all of the stuff I bought for her. I sure hoped so since Christmas was coming and my credit card was already dangerously close to the limit.
I was munching on a toffee bar and swigging one of the root beers as I headed back toward my apartment, when I noticed the truck tailgating me. I waved for the driver to go around since they were so clearly in a hurry, but they didn’t. I flashed my lights. The idiot still stayed glued to my bumper. I thought about just tapping the brakes and letting them hit me, but I really didn’t need another accident, even one that wasn’t technically my fault, on my insurance record. I waited until I reached a wider spot in the road and pulled aside, intending to let them pass. The truck wheeled in behind me and both driver and passenger got out. It was Rose and Sugar, of course. I shifted into gear and gunned my engine, intending to shoot off down the road and out of sight, but a couple of cars rounded the bend and passed perilously close to us, so I slammed back down on the brakes and somehow managed to kill the engine.
Sugar banged on my window. I locked the door and rolled down my window just the slightest bit.
“What?” I tried to make my voice as rough and tough as possible. Mean Marty.
“Get out.
I’m fixing to finish what we started this afternoon,” she snarled.
“No. I’m not getting out. I’m tired and I’m going home and I don’t want my ice cream to melt. Not to mention, I don’t want to fight with you. I don’t understand why you’re trying so hard to start one.”
She stuck her fingers in the gap between window and frame, and gave my car a shake. “I said get out. What, are you chicken doo-doo or something? Scared I’ll kick your scrawny butt? Scared ‘cause your big ol’ dumb boyfriend isn’t here to protect you?” She bawked like a chicken and Rose joined in.
I attempted to restart the car, but it sputtered and coughed and refused to turn over. Sugar kept bawking and kept shaking the car. I finally reached my limit. “Okay. Okay,” I shouted. “You want a piece of me? You’ve got it!”
I unlocked the door and shoved my way out of the car. Sugar grabbed my arm and yanked, almost making me fall in front of an oncoming car. I scrambled out of the way just in time, realizing almost too late that fighting with a couple of old ladies in the middle of a busy road was probably not the smartest idea I’d ever had.
I reached the shoulder and took off, galloping up the hill as fast as I could go, Sugar and Rose in hot pursuit, both of them yelling obscenities at me. Thankfully, my training with Otey paid off and I was able to pull away from them after a few dozen feet. I checked back over my shoulder just in time to see a cop car, lights flashing, pull in front of my Mustang. Double crap. Every cop in town knew my car. I stopped and bent over, putting my hands on my knees while I caught my breath and, dreading it with every step, reluctantly headed back down the hill.
Officer Timothy Cornelius Unser, Glenvar Police Officer and exceptionally hot boyfriend of yours truly, scowled at me when I finally reached him. “Miss Sheffield,” he said, tipping his hat to me. “Fancy meeting you here. These ladies are just telling me that you tried to run them off the road.”
“That is absolutely, 100% not true,” I said. Okay, I shouted. I might have jumped up and down a couple of times, too. “They were tailgating me. I pulled over to let them pass and they accosted me.”
Sugar and Rose both started talking at once. The red flashing light on top of Tim’s police car and the dark shadows made them look sort of like maniacal clowns.
“Seriously, Officer? You’re going to believe that, that, hussy over us?” Sugar said.
Rose chimed in. “That there hussy, she’s been trying to pick fights with us all day long. We was over to sweet Bella’s house this afternoon to try and bring her some comfort in her time of great sorrow and this here tramp, you know she’s likely the one that kidnapped our sweet...” She suddenly stopped talking and gasped. “Oh! Sugar! I bet she done in sweet Bella’s sister, too!”
Sugar turned to Tim, her voice growing louder and louder. “You see here, Mr. Officer, sir, you best be getting your handcuffs ready. Maybe even your taser. Better yet, you might want to pull out your gun. This one, she’s a runner. She’s liable to skip town if you’re not careful.”
Tim listened to all of this, swiveling his head from one to the other. I’d, of course, filled him in on the two nuts after my run-ins with them on Sunday.
He smirked at me. “You know, you ladies might be right. She does look awfully dangerous to me.”
He reached for his handcuffs and dangled them a few inches in front of my face. “How about it, Miss Sheffield. You want me to use these on you tonight?” His voice was low and sexy, not cop-like at all.
I would have laughed at his silly innuendo except right when he said that, my mom, who’d evidently been driving by, noticed the hullabaloo, and pulled over to see what was going on, joined our cozy little group. Oh triple crap.
“Officer Unser, I’m sure that my daughter would want no part in having you handcuff her tonight or any night for that matter.” She’d clearly heard Tim’s joke and found it lacking, which meant that I’d hear about it from her later.
Tim’s handcuffs clattered to the ground. He stooped to pick them up, dropped them again, and finally managed to hang on to them the second time. “Uh, uh, hi Mrs. Sheffield. I was just, uh, you know....” Even in the dark with that red light flashing I knew his face was neon with embarrassment. Heck, Tim blushes around my mom even when he’s not embarrassed about having said something dirty or inappropriate.
“No, Officer Unser, I don’t know. Perhaps, though, one of you would like to fill me in on what’s going on. Perhaps I can help resolve the situation.” She turned to Sugar and Rose and gifted them with one of her patented smiles. “Why, hello, ladies. I’ve noticed you both paying your respects over at the Riley’s. So very kind of you.”
Here’s the thing about my mom: even when she’s lying through her teeth and the people being lied to know she’s lying, they still act like the believe her. I think it’s that accent, her tone of voice, her carefully chosen words. Or, maybe it’s just that they’re suckers.
Rose and Sugar bobbed their heads up and down, smiling and bobbing, bobbing and smiling at my mom. “Yes, we just love that boy so much and, well, I guess we felt like the best thing we could do was to be there for his family in their time of need,” Sugar said.
Tim secretly reached over and squeezed my hand while the others were distracted. “So, ladies,” he said, “if no one’s injured and there’s no damage to the vehicles, how about we just call it a night? Everyone be on their way?”
Sugar frowned. “Well, I, uh, I guess that’s okay. But you really should look into that one.” She pointed one of her talons in my direction. “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.”
Rose bobbed her head up and down some more. “That’s right. I don’t trust that there gal far as I can throw her.”
Mom started to speak, probably to agree with them, but Tim cut her off. “Don’t you ladies worry about that one bit. I will personally keep my eye on Miss Sheffield.” He emphasized the word personally and I bit my lip to keep from cracking up.
Rose and Sugar plodded over to the truck and pulled away, heading back down the hill toward town. Mom watched them go then turned back around to Tim and me. “Well?” she said. “What did you do this time, Martina?”
“Yeah, Marty? What did you do this time?” Tim demanded, hands on his hips.
“Me? I didn’t do a thing. Like I was trying to tell you, Tim, they were tailgating me and I pulled over to let them pass. My dad gum car died or I’d have been long gone before you got here. That Sugar, though, man she is bonkers. When I got out of the car, she shoved me in the road and I nearly got run over.”
When I get excited, I tend to wave my hands and arms around a bit dramatically. They were flying around like windmill blades.
Tim grabbed my right hand and gave it a squeeze. “I know. The woman that called it in is the one that nearly hit you. She saw what happened, but didn’t want to stop because she thought it was some sort of gang ambush. I think she’s been watching too many of those cable shows. Anyway, I’m glad you’re okay.”
Mom who’d evidently been gearing up for a full-blown lecture surprisingly let the wind out of her sails when he said that. “Me too, sweetie. Listen, though, you be careful. After what happened to Vivi Anne Conrad today and with Richard still missing, I’m worried about you. In fact, I got so worried when I couldn’t reach you that I was headed over to your place to check on you. Why haven’t you been answering your phone?”
“My phone? It hasn’t buzzed all night. I went to my car and pulled out my tote bag. My phone wasn’t in it. “Oh. I guess I must have left it at home when I went to the store. Sorry.”
Tim’s radio came to life with a call from the dispatcher, so he squeezed my hand once more and took off.
“Let’s go. I’ll follow you home,” Mom said. “Heaven only knows what might happen if those two fans of Richard’s return.”
Yikes. Mom following me home was the last thing I needed. I tried to think of some way to deter her. “Oh, no. I’ll be fine. It’s only a couple more blocks up the hill. It’s late, too.
Daddy’s probably wondering where you are.”
“Oh no. I called him and told him before I left my meeting that I was going to check on you.” She took hold of my arm and guided me toward my car.
Since tactic number one hadn’t worked, I played my trump card and went for Mom’s kryptonite. “Delbert will be so happy to see you!” Mom is deathly afraid of cats since she had a pet kitten go mad when she was a little kid.
Mom stumbled a bit, almost turning her ankle. “Oh. You know, it actually is pretty late. Since you have to get up early tomorrow, I guess it’s probably best if I don’t go inside. I’ll just follow you up the hill to make sure all is well and then head on home.”
Crisis averted. Well, that one anyway. The others that the queens of calamity unleashed on me? I’m not sure I’ll ever find my way clear of those.
12
A hurricane had evidently passed through my apartment while I was out and about. Books, magazines, clothes, shoes, and an empty cereal box littered the living room floor. A faint whiff of vanilla vape juice polluted my apartment.
“I told you not to do that in here,” I said to Beau after I put the grocery bags down. “I’m allergic. Also, I’d really appreciate it if you picked up after yourself.” I thought about kicking her out right then and there, but it was really late and I was exhausted and I had to work the next day. I should have listened to my intuition.
She did that eye thing she’d done before to gain my sympathy and darned if it didn’t work again. “Oh. I’m so, so sorry. I guess with all of the stress from Richie being missing and losing Vivi...” Her voice trailed off. “I promise, I’ll do better from now on.”
She wore my best pajamas and sat sprawled on the sofa, using my computer and swigging from the fancy bottle of champagne I’d been saving for Tim’s birthday. Her vape pen and a bunch of other paraphernalia junked up my coffee table. Delbert, still locked in the bedroom, mewled loudly.
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