by Scott, Raven
“Marcella, my darling.” She slid into the booth next to Carlyle, sinking deep, until her head couldn’t be seen over the top, and sighed a huge, exaggerated sigh. “How was your flight back?”
“About as bad as working in that shitty club for three years for nothing. Are you positive she doesn’t know I’m in cahoots with you, Carlyle, because I— ” Carlyle held up a hand to stop her, and Marcella’s expression darkened as she glanced around wearily. “I hate you.”
“That’s all I ask for, Marcella. Next time, don’t do anything stupid, and I won’t get involved. Do you have what I need?” Casting me a suspicious look, Marcella stuck her hand deep into her purse, and my mind whirled frantically, trying to put this together. Marcella. Illya had mentioned that name a few times, that she danced ‘because she liked it,’ but her parents were rich and . . .
And it was all a lie? That sucks.
“There won’t be a next time. I’m never doing anything for you ever again, Carlyle. That was horrible. I’ll never live that down. This is it. Done. Over. Never contact me again.” Carlyle chuckled, and Marcella stiffened as he grabbed her neck and forced her head up. Watching outside their little bubble, I would’ve thought it was almost romantic if not for her thinned lips and pale cheeks.
“What are you going to do when I contact you again? The only person that says ‘no’ to me is dead.” He held out his palm, and she stuck something in it before he let her go, and she couldn’t get up fast enough to run away. Arching a brow, I kept my mouth shut because, well, fuck this shit.
30
Illya
Eight Weeks Later . . .
Straddling Theo’s waist, I couldn’t help but smile as his palms dragged up my calves, and he grumbled deep in his chest.
“Fucking creep . . . watching me sleep.” His mumble tugged up the corners of my mouth, and Theo cracked open his eyes to stare at me blearily. Kneading the butts of my palms against his chest, I relished his tired, languish groan, and he reached to grapple my ass in powerful palms. “You mad at me? What’d I do to deserve this, huh?”
“I’m not mad.” My simple reply earned me a grunt, and I arched into Theo’s hands to hum as warmth pooled in the pit of my belly. His cock stiffened against my thigh, and I rolled my hips as he spread my bare ass cheeks. “Theo . . . ”
Ducking my head, I ground against Theo as tingles shot down my spine, and my chest tightened when I brushed my lips along his jaw. Strong fingers squeezed and groped my ass, and he buried his face in my neck to nibble deliciously. Hopefully, this morning, things would go farther. The notion in itself was exciting, and my core clenched as I popped my ass. Goosebumps blanketed my body when my folds wrapped around his cock, and he pushed down on my ass to slather my juices along his shaft.
“Are you sure you can handle me, Illya?” Gasping as Theo sunk his teeth deep in my shoulder, I braced my fists on the pillow under his head, and he caressed up my back. Shivers lodged between my shoulder blades, and I shuddered in expectation as I nodded against his cheek. “Yeah-h-h . . . I bet you think so.”
“P-please . . . ” My lips trembled against his ear, and Theo swept his fingertips down my back at my whimper. Reaching around my thigh, he pumped his cock, and excitement almost numbed me as I spread my knees. Palming his chest, I bit down on my bottom lip as pink crept up on my field of vision. My ribs warbled from the intense desire that battered them, and my juices seeped out of me as he slapped his cock my core.
“Why are you so fucking good to me, huh?” The growl caught me off guard, and I paused as Theo teased my entrance with his left hand. His eyes met mine, and he frowned under furrowed brows at what must’ve been a troubled look on my face. “What?”
“What about this is good, Theo? This is what happened last time, and the time before that, and the time before that. We almost fuck, but we never actually do. Do you not want to?” Sourness twisted his features, and I pushed down on his shoulders insistently. “It’s been weeks, and you won’t kiss me. You’ll stuff your cock down my throat, but you wo— ”
“Illya, we talked about this. Take your bandages off.” The fine hairs on the back of my neck stood up at that, and my nails dug into Theo’s shoulders as I frowned darkly. He reached for my face, but I pulled back, and I climbed off him with his glare strafing my back. “It’s not unreasonable to want to see you naked. Just because your last boyfriend was a spineless bitch doesn’t mean I am, too. In case you didn’t notice, I’ve got my fair share of scars, Illya.”
“Whatever.” Tiny, angry tears pricked my eyes, and I stood up to run both my hands through my hair roughly. The long, rich strands sucked the heat from my palms, but it just ended up zinging down my face and sternum to ball in my chest. “What’s the point?”
“Illya— ”
“No!” Whipping around, my face flamed as my hair sliced my cheek, and Theo stiffened with his feet on the floor. Pointing at the door with a trembling hand, I blinked back the sting in my eyes as my heart throbbed painfully. “Get out if you’re not gonna. You’re a fucking liar, Theo. Everyone I know is a liar. It’s been weeks— weeks— and all I get is . . . is . . . is your cock in my mouth? And you won’t even kiss me. What the fuck!”
Sputtering wildly from the force of my emotions, my ruined skin started to burn from the flames that licked down my neck. This time, my bandages couldn’t help me, and I heaved harsh pants as Theo stared at me with daggers in his eyes. His jaw clenched and released, the silence ringing louder and louder beyond the blood drumming in my ears. Goosebumps washed my arms, and my breath caught when he slowly stood up with a deep, stabilizing inhale.
“I told you before that I wouldn’t say ‘no’ to you, Illya. I wouldn’t take advantage of you, right?” Stiffening when he took a threatening step toward me, I gasped harshly when Theo grabbed my face with his good hand. His frigidly cold fingers sucked the heat from my cheeks, and his eyes blazed with icy sharpness that could cut steel. Short, sharp nails dug into my jaw, and a tiny sliver of fear lodged in my heart. “It’s been weeks, and all you get is my cock in your mouth? I won’t kiss you? That’s what you’re complaining about? Do I want to fuck you? Are you really that fucking stupid, Illya?”
My heart nearly stopped beating when he leaned in so close to my face, and I squeezed my eyes shut and held my breath in quivering lungs.
“I need it. I need your tight pussy around my fingers. I need to taste that slick juice. But you don’t want to give me all of you, Illya. I thought we had something deeper than skin.” Theo’s nasty snarl sent spit flying into my face, and I flinched when he bumped his right knuckles against my bad shoulder. “I guess I was wrong. You’re not obligated to show me yours, but I’m done investing more than you. If that’s all you really want— to get fucked without any of the rest— go ahead.”
“Stop it.” My whimper earned me a vicious growl, and Theo pushed me against the wall but didn’t press against me. The hairs on the back of my neck bristled wildly, and I squeezed my eyes tighter shut as his stubble rubbed my cheek raw.
“I thought we were beyond all this shit, Illya. Do you really want to give this up? Are we just together to break up? Over a toss in the sack? That’s what you want to fight about? Really? If that’s what you think— that I’m content not having all of you— then I’ll walk out that door and not come back.”
“I’m trying.” Theo was deathly quiet at my admission, and my muscles locked when he pressed his mangled palm against my chest. With the bandages, it didn’t hurt— his gentle, bare touch— and my eyes popped open to catch his.
“Try harder. I don’t know why you won’t take your bandages off, Illya, but you’re right, what’s the point of any of this if you still don’t trust me?” My heart hammered against his palm, and he tilted his head to brush his lips against my temple tenderly. “When you take your bandages off for me, I want you to do it because you trust me, not because you think it’ll get you laid.”
“I just want to be closer to you, Theo.” I was
so fucking pathetic, and his cheek twitched when he pulled back. Carefully releasing my face, he caught my gaze and held it in a vice grip as he scratched his jaw almost casually.
“Do you think you can get that close without compromising yourself? That’s the point, Illya. You can’t pick and choose. You can’t decide in one moment that something makes you vulnerable and then another thing, another moment. It doesn’t work like that.” An ugly blotch smeared across my lungs and strangled my heart, and I tore my eyes off Theo as shame crawled up my throat. He sighed heavily, cupping my cheeks in both his palms, and I pursed my lips thinly against the dense lump that tried to burst through. “I won’t wait around forever. If you can’t be as honest with me as I am with you, then there’s nothing more to say.”
“A-are . . . ” Clearing my throat roughly, I licked my dry lips heavily as anxiety bubbled up like thick, black tar in my gut. “Are you on-call today?”
“No.” The large gap between the fingers on his left hand shrunk a little as he caressed my cheek, and I ground my teeth. “Where do you want to go?”
“A cemetery.” My eyes flickered up to watch Theo’s expression from under my lashes, and he smiled so tenderly. “If . . . if I start anywhere, it’d be there.”
Reaching to wipe his saliva from my face, Theo traced my lips with his thumb, and I tilted my head to rest my forehead on his sternum. Closing my eyes as he cupped the back of my head, I inhaled a shallow breath of his musky smell and held it deep in my lungs.
“I know it’s different, Illya. You do this a lot, get all huffy about opening up.” Kneading my scalp, Theo pressed his lips to my crown as shame rattled my ribs at his mumble. “Trusting me will get you farther than this superficial shit.”
“I don’t think it’s superficial to want to be under you.” Taking him by the wrist, I dragged his palm down from my chin, and he tensed as he palmed my breast gently. Covering all his fingers with mine, I exhaled slowly, but my bandages kept the friction from his callouses from causing me any pain. It was almost symbolic, and he held my head firmer to his chest as his heart thundered against my eye sockets. “It doesn’t hurt like this.”
“It doesn’t feel good, either, does it?” No, not really. But Theo already knew the answer to his own question.
31
Theo
Glancing at Illya out of the corner of my eye, I pursed my lips against the frown that threatened to twist my face. Over the past eight weeks, things had stabilized for the most part. Illya was actually a little excited to do some corporate espionage, and I got two days off of my choosing a week. I hadn’t seen hide or hair of Mateo, but I knew he was around because, every so often, I’d hear one of the cleaning ladies talking about cleaning his pigsty of an apartment.
After the whole mess with Sylvie resolved, he seemed reclusive and quiet, which was a-o-fucking-kay with me. I liked the silence, and Carlyle wasn’t too bad to listen to, at the very least.
Tightening my grip on the wheel as we drove the rolling back roads toward Massachusetts, I rubbed my tongue against the roof of my mouth.
“You didn’t tell me you used to live in Mass.” Every time I thought we were getting a little closer, Illya would push me back somehow. She hummed softly from the passenger seat, and I craned my neck as I adjusted in my own. “Where else have you lived?”
“Just Springfield and in Mexico.” The short answer was more than I had a right to expect. I knew I was pushing buttons that I shouldn’t. Illya didn’t abandon her family— didn’t have that decision to go back and try to make amends— the way I had. Her whole family had been burnt to a crisp, and that really sucked.
But that was as much a determination as it was a drawback. I couldn’t have a part of her, even though it was mightily hypocritical of me. After all, it wasn’t like I had given her all of me, yet, either. That would entail showing her how easy it was to kill someone, to snuff out a life, and all that potential with no regrets and no lost sleep.
“When I came back from the Marines, I lived in Washington, D.C., for a while. That sucked ass. It was so expensive.” Maybe, it’d be better to keep my mouth shut, and Illya propped her elbow on the center console to stare at me. Her slender brows furrowed, and she puffed out her lips as I flicked on my blinker as we neared a stop sign. “What?”
“Since we’re doing this . . . I’m kinda nervous.” Arching a brow quizzically, I nearly choked on my own spit, and she frowned darkly out of my peripheral. “The only guys I’ve ever had sex with were so drunk they could barely get it up. I was always on top. Some times, I didn’t even have to take off my clothes if I wore a skirt. It’s just safer that way because there’s this time where they’re really grabby, and I can’t do that.”
“I already figured that out. Why do you think I go so far only to stop right before the good part?” Her mossy green eyes brightened at my admission, and I cleared my throat roughly; having a conversation like this was surreal. I never expected to have to explain myself to her. “Grabbing tits isn’t exactly something I think about, so I’ve been trying to get myself out of the habit. It’s frustrating, I get it, but you gotta have a little faith in me, Illya.”
“Ooh.” A grim smirk tilted my lips, and I reached to rub her head and ruffle her hair roughly. Honestly, Illya was really sad and pathetic, how she didn’t expect people to act with her interests in mind. It’d been months, and she questioned everything I did for her. She always expected to have to pay me back in some way. “I’m making this difficult, aren’t I? It was easier before Carlyle picked me up.”
“Do you have any family in Mass. now?” Changing the subject rather than agree with her and make it worse, I paused at the stop sign as Illya nodded. “Do you want to visit them, too?”
“Might as well. Do you ever go see your parents?” My cheek twitched at that, and I shook my head as memories flooded my mind’s eye. “Why not?”
“They’re still pissed at me about my sister. I mean, I don’t blame them. I wasn’t okay at the time, but Kelsie was still in the wrong as well. If I had to take a side, I’d take hers. I would’ve cut her fingers off. If I had the chance again, I’d do it without hesitation.” Inhaling deeply through my nose, I lifted my right hand to stretch my mangled fingers taut, and tension prickled up my arm. “I always hated her, stuck up bitch. It’s not out of character for her to say shit like that. I remember the day she was born. The fuck does she think that she’s better than everyone else just because she’s got the suburbia dream life?”
“I had little twin brothers. They both died in the fire when the roof collapsed. I’ve got a bunch of aunts and uncles on both sides, but Carol was relatively drama-free at the time. Now that I’m older, I don’t blame anyone for not taking me in. Everyone has their own problems, and despite being family, they’re not obligated to take me on. Especially with all the care I needed. That’s not fair to anyone.” The more she revealed, the darker, raspier, Illya’s voice became, and I reached into the cup holder to check the GPS on my phone with a low grunt. “Carol killed herself. I told you about that. Her husband took on her court case and didn’t try to contest it. He probably didn’t have any fight in him because of her death. In the end, she shirked it off onto others and got away scot-free.”
“So, what happened? To the money they owed you?”
“I dropped it. He didn’t even know what was going on. He thought she got a promotion and a bonus at work for some of the more noticeable stuff. I wanted to fuck her over, but she took the easy way out. He offered to pay some of it, or make a plan or something, but . . . it was about the money, but not really about the money, you know?” A harsh bark of shock escaped me, and I turned away from the road as Illya sat back with a heavy sigh. “I was young and stupid. I was already homeless, so it couldn’t get worse, or so I believed at the time. It’d be easy to get a job at McDonald's or whatever. I speak six languages, and that’s gonna get me somewhere. Well, it didn’t, but I couldn’t just go back. Fuck that.”
“How come yo
u always stick to your decisions unless I’m involved?” My tease earned me a slight push from over the center console, and I leaned back to stretch my leg a little. “No, seriously, though. Why do you make awful decisions and stick by them, but you waver on the good ones until they turn bad?”
“Maybe, I just like wallowing in my misery because it’s comfortable. The unknown is scary.” Snorting roughly at that, I shook my head, and Illya frowned out of the corner of my eye. “I don’t know. Maybe, it’s because I care about your opinion.”
I smirked broadly as Illya looked out the window, her hair falling over her shoulder to hide her pink cheeks. This was one of those moments that I always thought brought us a little closer— and then she’d fuck it up.
But, surprisingly, she didn’t disappoint this time, and I arched a brow when she huffed softly.
“I know I just said I didn’t blame him, but I still wanna kick him in the balls for being an ignorant ass.” Really, I couldn’t say anything about that. I’d never met the guy, but I couldn’t believe he was so trusting of his wife. Truthfully, a few grand of a surprise remodel would’ve been understandable, but tens of thousands of dollars?
“Where do your parents live, Theo?” The question threw me for a loop, and I reached to rub my head and neck in discomfort.
“Uh . . . I don’t really know, to be honest. They cut contact with me after all that shit.” My grumble of a reply earned me expectant silence, and I glanced over the center console as Illya stared at her lap intently under furrowed brows. “I’ve never thought of trying to reconnect with them. Are you gonna tell me I should?”