Underwater

by Brooke Moss

  “You never change your mind about anything.” My eyes were drawn back to the lake, and I examined the surface for a sign of something…anything. But there was nothing but water.

  “I’m sorry,” my mom said. “I’ve been suffocating you, and I can see now that you’re an adult. You’re absolutely capable of taking care of yourself.”

  I dabbed at my eyes, mascara soaking the sleeve of my sweatshirt. My mom was nuts. She chose now to have some sort of ABC Family bonding moment about my ability to look out for myself? While I was sitting here fighting the urge to roll my chair off of the end of the dock?

  She touched the top of my hair, stroking her fingers down the length of my long bangs. “This was a long time coming. I’m…I’m sorry. And I trust you now.”

  I didn’t dare bat an eye or move even a centimeter. I’d been waiting for my mother’s trust for so long, it felt like I was dreaming. Maybe the last few months had been a long, drawn-out, bad dream filled with love, kisses in the woods, mythological beings, water—lots of water—and danger…

  “Listen, I got you something.” My mom bent down and scooped up her shopping bag. “It’s for tonight.”

  My stomach seized. “I told you I’m not going.”

  “You can’t stay at home just because your boyfriend doesn’t want to take you anymore.”

  I covered my face when my eyes filled again. “Mom, I can’t…it isn’t that he doesn’t want to, he…he…”

  She pulled a dress out of the bag and held it up. “Look at this dress. I saw it in the window of Meredith’s.”

  I sucked in a sharp breath. Meredith’s was the premier secondhand boutique in downtown Sandpoint that all of the high school kids frequented for vintage chic outfits. “I used to shop there all the time. Before.”

  “I know.” My mom smiled, her eyes twinkling. “I had hoped you’d consider this dress a peace offering.”

  It was gorgeous. Deliciously retro and had the perfect A-line skirt to cover up my wimpy legs, without being bulky and dragging under my wheels. It was made out of a nude taffeta, with a black lace overlay, and capped sleeves. I loved it.

  “Mom, it’s gorgeous.” I reached out to touch the starched lace. “What about Evey?”

  “Evey’s going to wear the dress you wore to prom your sophomore year. She can have a new dress for her senior prom. This time it’s your turn.”

  “I don’t know what to say.” Emotion tickled the inside of my nose, threatening to make me cry. Again.

  “It will look great, especially since you insist on wearing your hair black.” My mom flared her nostrils at my messy hair.

  Oh, well. You could take the mom out of the crank, but not the crank out of the mom. At least we’d come to some sort of peace. “I…thank you.” I smiled up at her and felt my eyes leaking again. “But I told you. I’m not going.”

  My mom rested the dress on the length of my body. It almost looked as though I were wearing it. I almost didn’t mind the fact that it was surrounded by the metal, leather, and rubber of my chair. Almost being the operative word.

  Her tone was kind. “Even if you don’t have a date, you are wearing this dress, and you are going to have fun with your sister, Hayden, and all your friends. You deserve it. And I won’t take no for an answer.”

  Looking down at the fabric, my resolve started to crumble. Saxon had only ever seen me in jeans, leggings, and hoodies. It would have been amazing actually to show him that I could clean up nicely. And to see him in a suit…I squeezed my eyes shut at the imaginary image. The clenching sensation in my gut started up again, and I hunched over in my seat.

  “You have to keep living.” She touched my shoulder. “He’s just a boy. There will be others.”

  It was impossible to explain to my mother that there would be no other boys. Even if there were…five, ten, fifteen years down the road…there would never be another Saxon. We were a key and a lock, a perfect fit. This I knew for certain and with absolute surety. I looked at Pend Oreille again, and the surface of the water remained blank.

  Maybe if I went and showed my parents I was OK—despite the fact that on the inside I was crumbling into pieces—my parents would give me a little bit of freedom. Freedom to be alone once in a while. Freedom to mourn Saxon the way I needed to.

  “OK.” My voice was hoarse. “I…I’ll go.”

  * * *

  “Ev, you’re gorgeous.” I rolled away from my sister a few feet so that I could look at her from head to toe.

  My kid sister was a hottie hiding beneath glasses and an extensive T-shirt collection. Her blonde hair was hanging down her shoulders in loose waves, then pinned back with an ornate hair barrette covered in rhinestones. She’d filled out my short red dress like a pro. And after arguing with me for a half an hour, she finally allowed me to put some mascara and blush on her face. When she joined the rest of the family in the living room, I realized that my sister kind of resembled a Barbie doll.

  Well, maybe not a Barbie. Yet. More like a really fine Skipper doll.

  My dad rubbed his eyes tiredly. “I’m going to get my gun.” His first words of the night. He’d been glowering in the corner for hours while my mother hovered around us in a fog of hairspray and perfume.

  “Stop it.” My mom said sharply. “She looks darling.”

  “I’m gonna puke.” Declan barely looked up from his place in front of the television.

  “Shut up,” Evey hissed, her cheeks pinking.

  “I don’t think darling is what she’s going for.” I caught a glimpse of my hair in the glass doors on my mother’s china hutch and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. My eyes were still puffy, but I’d managed to cover most of the redness with foundation. That was as good as it was gonna get for me. “I think smoking hot is what she’d like to convey.”

  My father sat up straight on the couch. “Excuse me?”

  “Am not.” Evey shot me a glare, then turned to our dad. “She was kidding.”

  “No, she’s not,” Declan declared smartly. “Evey’s got a boyfriend, Dad. Just like Luna.”

  A pain shot straight into my heart, and I had to press my lips together to keep from crying out. Evey stepped between me and the rest of the family. “He’s not my boyfriend. We’re just friends.”

  “Listen,” Mom said, fiddling with her wedding ring. “We’ve discussed it and decided that your curfew for tonight is midnight.”

  Evey nodded like the obedient child she was, and after a few beats, I did, too. If I hadn’t been sinking into the depths of despair, I would have pointed out that midnight was entirely too early for an eighteen-year-old to have to come home on prom night, but because I didn’t really want to be going anyway, I decided to keep my thoughts to myself.

  My father stroked a hand down his trimmed goatee. “Your mother and I are going to take you to breakfast in the morning. We’ve got…” He paused and glanced at my mother, who remained unmoving. “Something to discuss with all of you.”

  It was time for the divorce conversation. You know, the whole “Mommy and Daddy still love you, and we promise this isn’t your fault” conversation. I was too close to falling apart to share my initial thought, which was, Yeah, freakin’, right. Instead, I rubbed my fingertips on my temples. I couldn’t shed another tear in front of my parents or they were going to throw me in a psych ward, stat.

  Sensing my discomfort, my mom hopped up from her perch on the arm of the couch. “Luna, you’re looking gorgeous too.”

  I swallowed what felt like a ball of broken, sharp toothpicks clumped in my throat and forced a smile. “Thanks. I took out the nose ring. Thought you’d appreciate that.”

  “I do.” She smoothed down the front hem of my dress hanging over my ankles, and beamed at me. “That dress is perfect for you.”

  “Agreed.” I laughed weakly. I hated to admit it, but my mom was right. It was as if it’d been made for me. When I’d smoothed my hair into pin curls that framed my face and gone with subtle makeup for the night, t
he whole look came together like magic. Too bad it was all a waste and all I wanted was to climb into my pajamas and fall into bed to sleep for, oh, I didn’t know, a week possibly.

  “So when is Hayden going to get here?” My dad stood up and stretched, the sports page crumpled in his hand. “Do I still have time to clean my rifle?”

  “Knock it off, Dad,” Evey said as a knock sounded on the door. Though she did her very best to cover it up, she practically floated off of the hardwood floors. “He’s here!”

  My father, Evey, and Declan all charged the backdoor like wild animals, but my mom and I lingered in the living room. Suddenly going to the prom and distracting myself for a few hours was a daunting task. It would be easier to stand up out of my chair and walk across the room than go to this friggin’ dance.

  My mom covered my shoulder with her hand and squeezed. “It’s OK, honey. This hurt will go away eventually.”

  I wasn’t sure if she was telling herself or me, but decided it didn’t matter. Nodding, I pulled my fingerless gloves out from underneath my thigh. Screw fashion. “OK, Mom.”

  Right as I put my hands to my wheels, Evey thundered into the living room. “Look who Hayden found outside!” She grabbed the handles on my chair and shoved me into the kitchen.

  The dull ache in my heart dissipated, and in an instant, my whole body felt lighter. My breath hitched in the back of my throat.

  Saxon stood in the doorway in a dark gray suit. His tie was still untied, and he wore his thick boots under the slacks, but his brown hair was combed back from his face in what appeared to be an attempt at looking preppy. There were bruises all over one side of his face and neck, and the knuckles on both of his hands were scraped raw and bloody. His wounds were surrounded by the puffy, white skin flaps of a person forced to remain submerge in water for days on end.

  My father glowered at Saxon as if he’d come into the house with a bomb strapped to his chest, but I didn’t care. I just covered my mouth to hold in the barrage of questions, feeling my heart hammering against my ribcage. My family and Hayden all stared at him as though he were a ghost. Maybe he was.

  “Sorry I’m late.” Saxon’s deep, smooth voice betrayed the battered appearance of his puffed, split lips. He held up the end of the dark red tie around his neck. “I didn’t know how to tie one of these.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  “Your face…hold still.” I secured Saxon’s chin with my hand and pressed the premoistened wipe Hayden had fished out of his glove compartment against the cut on his lower lip.

  Hissing, he pulled his face back. “Ouch.”

  “I know. I’m sorry.” Pulling his face close again, I dabbed some more. “I’m just trying to clean these up a bit.”

  “You look beautiful tonight.” Saxon kissed me quickly, then cringed. “Ow.”

  “Thanks. Don’t kiss me if it hurts.”

  He stroked a hand down the length of my arm. “It seems I can’t help myself.”

  “That’s what got us into this whole mess, you know.” I unfolded and refolded the wipe. “Maybe you wouldn’t be so beaten up right now if you’d stayed away from me.”

  “That’s not funny.” His aquamarine eyes locked on mine as I worked. “I missed you. Every single second.”

  “I know.” I stopped dabbing and simply looked at him. “I thought I would never see you again.”

  Saxon’s throat moved. It was somewhere between a swallow and a gulp, and it sent my stomach rocking. My eyes flicked past his shoulder to the entrance to the hotel where kids from my high school filtered in by the dozens, their multicolored dresses and cummerbunds catching the light from the wrought iron lamps lining the sidewalk.

  Looking through the open car door, I smiled at Evey and Hayden. “You guys should go. We’ll be in soon.”

  Hayden scanned the trees surrounding the hotel parking lot. “Are you sure? We can wait.”

  “I don’t want to leave you two alone.” Evey chewed her lip. “You know, in case someone comes looking for Saxon.”

  Saxon shook his head. “We’ll be right behind you. I’m fine.”

  Evey held up her phone. “You’ve got your phone, right?” She asked me.

  “Yup.” I tapped my purse on the seat next to me. “Go. We’ll see you in a minute.”

  Hayden guided Evey across the lot and through the doors, his hand on the middle of her back. I had to give it to the prom committee. They’d chosen a gorgeous location for the prom. A half hour out of town, in an old Victorian-style hotel carved back in the woods, away from the road. Away from everything.

  I was glad they’d finally left. I wanted a moment alone with Saxon. No, I needed a moment alone with him, before we thrust ourselves into what would surely feel like the set of a teen movie for the next few hours.

  In the waning light, I recognized something different about Saxon. His eyes—despite the fact that he was smiling and talking—were filled with sadness. And Saxon’s smile—that beautiful smirk that made my insides dance—lacked all joy. When kids whooped and hollered in the parking lot, he startled. When one of Hayden’s friends tapped on the car window upon our arrival, Saxon had grabbed the door handle and nearly jumped out of the car before we’d stopped moving. There was so much fear exuding from him, it was practically palpable.

  “What’s wrong?” I set down the wipe.

  “Nothing.”

  He dropped his gaze away from mine. He was lying.

  “Sax.” I ducked down a little bit, so he was forced to look at me again. “Do you want to get out of here? We can skip, I—”

  “No!” His voice was sharp. “This is where I want to be.” He laced his fingers with mine, wincing when his scraped fingers bent, and pressed a kiss onto my wrist. “I want to be here with you.”

  “What happened down there?” I stroked a thumb across a healed scratch on his forehead. “I mean, obviously, they had a change of heart. They let you go, right? What made them change their minds?”

  “Luna, I…” His words trailed off, and he pressed his sore lips to mine. His kiss was barely more than a flutter. “Argh…that hurt.”

  “I can imagine.” I wiped off the lipstick I left on his mouth. Saxon’s eyes darted from one car window to the next, searching for something. “You’re acting weird.”

  He leaned forward until his forehead touched mine. “I’m sorry. I’m just on edge. But I’m so glad to be here with you. I wouldn’t have wanted to miss this night with you.”

  “I’m glad to be here with you too. I was so scared. I thought I’d never see you again, but I had to fake being OK so that my parents wouldn’t freak out. I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared.”

  He closed his eyes as though my words hurt. “I never meant to scare you. Or hurt you. Or cause any of this danger for you, Evey, and Hayden. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to apologize to you enough.”

  “Hey.” I took his face in my hands. “Wait a sec. Relax. We’re fine. Everyone’s fine. You’re here now, so everything is going to work out. Right?”

  He didn’t say anything. I waited…three seconds, five, ten. But he just sat there staring at me.

  “They let you go, right?” My voice came out scraggly. “Or…um, did Isolde sneak you out?”

  He looked out the window of the car, his light eyes scanning the thick trees surrounding the parking lot. “You look beautiful. Have I already told you that?” His brought his eyes back to mine and touched the end of my nose with his finger. “I miss your nose ring.”

  “I’ll put it back in when I get home.” My skin warmed under his touch. “Stop changing the subject. You’re a nervous wreck. What’s going on?”

  Something changed in his face. It was tense and burdened, his features wreathed in despair. “I need to tell you something.”

  I felt frozen in place, the gravity of the situation pressing me into my seat. “The Council didn’t let you go, did they?”

  He looked down, and when he answered, it was inside of my mind, his voice deep
and quiet, despite the thumping music. No.

  Wringing my hands, I sucked in a sharp breath and held it. “Did Isolde bring you here tonight? To…say goodbye?”

  He looked up at me and nodded. Just once.

  I started to panic. My breaths were labored, and it felt like someone parked a Buick across my chest. I grabbed both of his hands. “No. Saxon, no. Please tell me this is a joke. Please…”

  He pressed a kiss to my forehead. “I wish it were.”

  “This…isn’t happening…” I huffed. “We’ve…got to…run. Do you…hear me? We’ve got to…get…the hell out…of here.”

  He enveloped me in his arms. There was no heat radiating from his touch. Not this time. Just fear. And lots of it. Isolde asked the guards if she could see me, and when they refused, she started a fight. She hit one of them over the head with a rock, and there was a ton of blood. They tackled her to the ground, and when their focus was solely on her, she screamed for me to run.

  I closed my eyes. “I take it that’s where you got all of your latest bruises?”

  I got into a scuffle leaving the holding area. I think Ian may have escaped during the chaos too.

  “Great.” I bit my lip. For one entire hour I’d actually thought we might be safe, and now that hope was as dashed as my childhood dream of becoming a ballerina.

  He held me at arm’s-length. They’re not going to put up with him running away many more times. If he keeps it up, he’ll be considered a liability, and they’ll terminate him.

  “Will they feed him to the Mere Monstrom too?” I snarled. His skin paled to a ghostly white. “What? I’m not supposed to know that, am I? Well when Isolde is the one keeping secrets, you have to prepare yourself for leaks.”

  His eyes softened. I didn’t want you to find out this way. I wanted to tell you at the end of the night. After you’d had a perfect evening.

  I gaped at him. “You thought that the best way to top off a romantic night at the prom was to tell me that my boyfriend is going to be sacrificed like an animal? Why are we here?” When he took a breath to reply, I interrupted. “And I don’t mean here, as in the hotel. Why the hell aren’t we at the Greyhound depot buying tickets as far away as we can get?”