Riki shrugged. “Well. You’re the important one, aren’t you?”
A flare of anger sparked inside Tanya and then died. Riki’s voice was sincere. Her words had not been meant as a jibe. “You’re just as important as me.”
“Except there’s no point in me going back to Westernfort without you. I’ll just get strung up. You’re the important one, because even if you go back alone, you can tell people it wasn’t me who handed you to the Guards.”
“Is that really so important to you?”
“Wouldn’t you want to clear your name?”
“Yes. But I’m not sure I’d be so quick to die for it.” Tanya smiled, trying to show her good intent. “I think you’re selling yourself short. I think you’re the sort of Ranger who’ll risk her life for her comrades. And I wanted to say thank you.”
“It’s...” Riki clenched her fists, clearly battling some emotion. “Promise me something?”
“I’ll try.”
“If anything does happen to me. Promise you’ll go and see my mother in Ginasberg, Kavita Sadiq. Tell her everything. I didn’t betray you and I helped you in Landfall. Tell her she doesn’t need to be quite so ashamed of me.”
“Your mother? Surely she’s the one person I wouldn’t need to tell. She must know you wouldn’t have done it.”
“No. She’s the reason I have to go back. I’ve got to say I’m sorry to her. I’ve been...I’ve...” Riki was struggling.
Tanya frowned, trying to put herself in Riki’s position—not easy, since she knew that neither of her own mothers would have doubted her for an instant. Was Kavita Sadiq really so mistrustful and hard-hearted when it came to her daughter?
“Why do you need to say you’re sorry to her? What have you done?”
“Everything.”
“Such as?”
“I’ve tried to hurt her. I was angry. I thought it was her fault our family got split up. But it wasn’t. In Landfall, my sister told me—” Riki broke off and raised a hand, shielding her eyes.
“Riki?”
“My gene mother. She was the one who informed to the Guards. She wanted my birth mother caught and executed, so she’d get custody of me. One of my mothers tried to get the other one killed, over me.”
Riki’s fingers tightened over her eyes and her shoulders were shaking. Feeling shocked and confused, Tanya scooted to Riki’s side and put a supportive arm around her. “That’s awful. But it isn’t your fault. I don’t see you’re the one who needs to apologize.”
“I do. I’ve been nothing but a bitch to her. That was why I used to steal and smash things, and fight. Because I knew it hurt her. And when I got in trouble and got a beating for it, I never used to care, because she’d cry more than me.” Riki’s words were coming between sobs. “When she heard about you and the Guards. And they blamed me. It would sound like I’d finally gone to the limit. Done something really bad, just to hurt her. And she nearly got killed because of me.”
Not knowing what to say, Tanya stroked Riki’s back. To her surprise, Riki turned and burrowed into her, crying. Tanya held her gently, remembering the bruise, but Riki seemed beyond noticing such minor issues.
“I’ve made a fucking mess of everything. But if I do just one thing right in my life, I’ve got to go back. I’ve got to tell Mom how sorry I am.”
“Hush. It’s all right. We’ll get back. You’ll see her. And I’m sure she knows. She’s your mother.”
Tanya was unsure what she was saying, but it had a calming effect. She rubbed the back of Riki’s head while the sobs faded to intermittent shudders. The tension slipped from Riki’s body, although her face remained buried in Tanya’s neck.
Tanya stared over Riki’s shoulder, into the dark forest. The nearest trunks were painted orange by the firelight, but night had claimed the rest of the world. Tanya knew Riki’s disclosure was because of feeling emotional and weak from her injury, rather than anything to do with personal trust. However, Tanya was pleased that she was the one Riki had unburdened her heart to, even if due purely to circumstance. More about Riki now made sense. And of course, it was nice to have the excuse to sit by a warm campfire, holding her.
*
A gissard was screeching its morning challenge to the world. Riki opened her eyes. Dappled dawn sunlight fell obliquely through the trees, making dust shimmer in the air. Already the night chill was fading. It was going to be a warm day.
Riki crawled from her blankets, then stood and stretched. The bruise on her left side made only the faintest complaint. In just five days it was almost fully healed, thanks to Tanya’s help. Tanya had been modest about her ability. She might not have enough control to count as a healer, but she certainly belonged in the section of the population who could put the skill to some practical use.
Riki’s eyes settled on Tanya, who was still sleeping. Maybe the encounter with the spadehorns had not been a bad thing. It had got them back on friendly terms. Riki still felt awkward when she remembered breaking down on the evening after the attack, but telling someone about her mothers had been cathartic. Finally saying it aloud had helped Riki put her mistakes into perspective. She felt more positive about her future. She was still unsure where she wanted to go, but understanding where she had been made a good starting point.
Tanya had also responded supportively. A solid level of trust now existed between them. As they rode, they chatted and joked easily—apart from Riki being hampered by awareness of just how attractive Tanya was. Even now, watching her sleep, Riki felt her insides melt into goo.
Riki could not restrain a grimace. She was worried that, before long, she would say something and wreck their friendship. After all, she had screwed up every other personal relationship in her life. What made her think she would not do it again? Riki was certain that revealing just how much she liked Tanya would be a major mistake.
Or would it? Tanya had been happy to hold her hand back in the temple. Was that just due to fear about returning to the Intelligence Corps dungeon? And what had Tanya been getting at that first night in the Wildlands? Riki chewed her lip nervously. Perhaps she should say something. Test Tanya’s response. Even if she was uninterested, she might still feel flattered. Maybe it would not be a disaster.
Riki’s stomach turned to ice. She knew there was no way she would have the courage to face a rejection. She was fairly sure she would not have the courage to deal with an acceptance. Saying nothing was safer all round.
Tanya’s eyes flickered open. Riki realized she was staring and quickly shifted her gaze to an innocuous patch of ground.
“Morning,” Tanya spoke through a yawn.
“Morning.”
“Been awake long?”
“No. I’ve only just crawled out of bed.”
Tanya rubbed her face and sat up. “Whose turn is it to sort out breakfast?”
Riki grinned. “Yours.”
*
By midday the temperature was soaring. Tanya felt sweat trickling down her sides and sticking her clothes to her body. They were riding through mature woodland, mainly yellow cedars. Skirrales were leaping around in the branches overhead. The ponies’ hooves sounded hollow on the open forest floor.
Their route descended into a steep valley where boulders protruded from the hillside in buttresses. A break in the trees afforded views over the lowlands to the west. At the valley bottom, a river cascaded through a series of rock pools. The banks were lined with grass and the clear water looked better than inviting.
Tanya turned to Riki. “How about we stop for lunch? The ponies can graze, and we can have a swim to cool off.”
“Yeah. Okay.” Despite her words, Riki sounded uncertain.
Tanya swung her leg over her pony’s rump and jumped down, then strolled to the waterside. “I want to swim first. I’ll enjoy my food more if I’m not so sticky.”
She glanced over her shoulder. Riki had also dismounted and was standing a few steps away. She looked apprehensive but nodded an agreement when she saw Tanya w
atching.
Tanya turned back to the water and began undoing the buttons on her shirt, while her thoughts trotted along a line of speculation. Riki was decidedly ill at ease. If the wilderness expert had spotted anything dangerous, she would say, so it had to be something she did not want to discuss. Was it that Riki could not swim? Or was it a general reluctance to take her clothes off?
Tanya caught her lip between her teeth, trying to think dispassionately, although with the way her emotions were running, the subject was not one she could be impartial about. However, as she recalled their journey, apart from when she was applying the deadwort, she had never seen Riki wearing anything less than a full set of clothes. Tanya knew she would have remembered if she had.
Tanya bent and untied her boots. Had Riki always been so coy? She tried to remember back to when they had been with the other members of the patrol. Rangers in the Wildlands were living on top of each other for months on end. Just in the daily run of things, people would wander around in varying states of undress. How had Riki been then? Excessive prudery or exhibitionism would have drawn comment. The fact Tanya could remember nothing implied that Riki had behaved like everyone else.
So what had changed? The obvious answer was that there were just the two of them, and she and Riki were no longer enemies. Why should this make a difference? Riki was clearly nervous. Was she frightened that Tanya was going to jump her? To be honest, such a concern would not be totally unwarranted.
Tanya slipped off her boots, stood, and unbuckled her belt. The last of her clothing landed on the grass around her ankles. Tanya stepped out of them, took three running steps, and jumped into the water.
The shock of the cold punched through her thoughts, driving all else away. Tanya surfaced and turned onto her back, staring up at the perfect blue sky. After the heat and stickiness of the ride, the water was wonderful. For a while, she simply enjoyed the sensation of floating and watching black dots of birds wheel overhead, but then her gaze drifted down.
Riki was standing motionless, waist deep at the edge of the pool. Her eyes were transfixed on the spot where Tanya’s breasts and stomach were breaking the water, seeming oblivious to all else, but abruptly her gaze shifted and their eyes met. Immediately, Riki dived underwater, but not before Tanya had seen the hot blush sweep over her face.
Tanya kicked out toward the far side of the pool. Conjectures, hopes, and questions again dominated her thoughts. But she had gotten one answer—Riki could swim. And it was the second time that day she had caught Riki watching her. The first had been that morning, when she woke. Through slit eyelids she had seen Riki staring at her.
Riki’s feelings about her had clearly changed, just as her feelings for Riki had changed. But had they changed in the same way? Riki seemed to like her. But how much and in what way? If Tanya had caught anyone else looking at her as Riki had just been doing, she would have had no trouble answering that last question. It did not make sense. Tanya remembered the response when she tried to sound Riki out before. However, the message she was getting now was that trying again might be worth the attempt.
Tanya stopped swimming and started treading water, wondering if she had really reached the decision that she thought she had. She sighed; her head was in a state. Closing her eyes, Tanya let herself sink underwater. Maybe the cold would bring her to her senses. Or maybe she would go ahead and risk alienating Riki again.
Why did life have to be so complex?
*
The first stars pierced the darkening sky. Tiny Laurel was rising full, while the larger half-crescent of Hardie was sinking in the west. Riki rested back on her elbows and stared at the moons, then turned her gaze to the campfire they had built to cook dinner over. The temperature was dropping with nightfall, although the air was still pleasantly warm. Should she let the fire go out? An hour might pass before they wanted its heat, and by then she and Tanya would be asleep, wrapped in their separate blankets.
Riki stared at the dying flames, but she no longer saw them. Weaving through the fire came the vision of Tanya, swimming at lunchtime. Riki felt her body loosen as another tactile image swept over her, this one imagination, not memory—the image of what it would be like having Tanya’s body close beside her and sharing her blanket. The flames engulfed Riki’s eyes as the fantasy drew her in.
“How far do you think we’ve gone?” Tanya’s voice broke into Riki’s daydreams.
“Pardon?”
“I asked how far we’d gone, in terms of getting back to Westernfort. But by your face, I’ve dragged you away from somewhere really nice, so if you want to go back there, just ignore me.”
Riki swiveled around and sat upright, cross-legged. She struggled to pull herself into the real world. “No. It’s okay, um...I’d say we were doing all right. We’re, er...”
Tanya laughed. “And now you’ve gone red. Dare I ask what you were thinking about? Or should I just guess?”
Riki ducked her head, feeling her cheeks burn, even though Tanya had said what, rather than who. She mumbled, “You’d probably guess right.”
“It’s okay. My own thoughts go there from time to time. Although thinking is nowhere near as much fun as doing.”
Tanya’s eyes were fixed on her. Riki knew it without looking. Did the statement count as flirting? Riki’s pulse leapt and a coil of alarm knotted her stomach, but this time she refused to let it paralyze her. She forced her back to straighten and lift her head. Yet, despite her determination, she could not make herself face Tanya.
“No. I suppose not.”
“Suppose? Aren’t you sure?”
“No.”
“What are you unsure about?” Tanya’s tone had changed. No longer teasing, she sounded soft and earnest, gently probing.
Summoning her resolve, Riki turned her head. Her eyes locked with Tanya’s, less than a meter away. The shock ripped through Riki as the rest of the world vanished. The intensity on Tanya’s face left no room for doubt. This was it. This was serious, and there was no backing away. Tanya was making a play for her, and Riki’s only options were to accept or to run—and how would she live with herself if she ran?
Riki fought to control her voice. “At the moment? What to say next.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to say the wrong thing.”
Tanya slid closer. Riki uncrossed her legs, straightening them, so they would not get in the way. Tanya continued staring deep into her eyes. Riki’s heart hammered against her ribs. She had never realized that breathing could be such a difficult activity. Something was not right with her lungs, but she could not free enough attention to work out what the problem was.
“What sort of wrong thing are you worried about?”
“Some stupid comment that would make you back away.”
“You don’t want me to?”
“No.”
“Then do you want some good news?”
“What?”
“You don’t have to say anything.”
Tanya was close enough for her hand to slip around the back of Riki’s neck, a soft contact that triggered shock waves down Riki’s spine. Panic made a final attempt to freeze Riki, but her muscles were no longer capable of resistance. Her eyes closed. She flowed under the pressure of Tanya’s hand, coaxing her forward until their lips met.
Tanya’s mouth molded against hers. Riki heard herself moan. Her body rippled and dissolved. She clung to Tanya, an anchor in the chaos. The tip of Tanya’s tongue teased Riki, pressing between her lips and running along her teeth, prying them open. Riki responded, opening her mouth and letting Tanya’s tongue enter—a taste/non-taste that was nothing, and yet overwhelmed all other senses.
Riki’s head was swimming. She was not surprised when her back touched the ground. Tanya had lowered her to the grass, their kiss unbroken. Riki’s body was helpless, clumsy, but she could no longer fall. Her grip on Tanya’s shoulders loosened, freeing her hands to explore the warm contours of bone and muscle. Riki was amazed. S
he had known how much she wanted to touch Tanya, but had not realized how much she needed to.
In turn, Riki was aware of Tanya’s hands, sliding down her side, pulling up her shirt and burrowing beneath. Tanya’s fingers were firm and sure. The touch on Riki’s skin flared through her, redefining her body. Tanya’s hand advanced, sliding over Riki’s stomach and cupping her breast.
Panic erupted. In alarm, Riki grabbed Tanya’s wrist through the cloth of her shirt. Tanya broke from the kiss and raised her head. At first, her expression was dazed, but surprise hardened it.
“Is something wrong?”
“I just wanted to say I...” Riki gasped. “I was always in trouble as a kid, at Ginasberg. The other kids. Their parents. They wouldn’t have anything to do with me.”
Tanya frowned, plainly bewildered. “What?”
“I never had any friends or...” Riki knew she sounded like an idiot. “I’ve just never...”
Tanya’s face knotted in confusion and then cleared. Her eyes narrowed. “You’re saying you’ve never done this before?”
“No.”
“Never?”
“You’re the first person I’ve kissed, apart from my mothers and sisters.”
Tanya dipped her head. Her mouth joined with Riki’s, moving slowly, deliberately. Her tongue slipped between Riki’s lips, caressing, teasing, arousing. She raised her head again. “You’ve kissed your mother like that?”
“No.”
“Then it doesn’t count.”
“I know. That’s what I mean. I don’t want you to think, or expect...or...” Riki ran out of words.
“What I’d expect from a bad—” Tanya broke off. Her eyes met Riki’s. Her expression changed from humor to affection, and then to something like wonder. “Don’t worry. I’ll go slowly. And any time you want, we can stop.”
“You’re okay with that?”
“I think it will kill me. Even so, I promise I’ll stop whenever you want.”
Dynasty of Rogues Page 27