The Nurse's Child

by Abigail Gordon

  'Really?' he commented in the same detached tone. 'I would have preferred to be the judge of that.'

  'Oh, yes? And have had to leave Amelia on her own while you came here?' she sparked back.

  'I could have brought her with me.'

  He was being difficult and knew it. Instead of congratulating her on thinking it through, he was splitting hairs. He knew the extent of her competence and so far hadn't enquired about the young patient's progress, but the happenings of the night before were still uppermost in his mind. It had been eventful to say the least.

  First of all there'd been the magical moment they'd shared at his place, followed by the horrific crash, where they'd been together again but under very different circumstances. Then Freya's abrupt departure just as he'd been about to risk everything by telling her the truth about Amelia.

  All of that, followed by a restless night, had made him less than his usual reasonable self on this cold winter morning. But, he reminded himself, if he was feeling less than chirpy, what about her? Freya hadn't even been to bed. With her usual aplomb she'd been carrying out her duties to the girls at Marchmont.

  'I'm sorry,' he said in a more conciliatory tone. 'So what's the verdict?'

  'I don't know yet. There were all the signs of mesenteric lymphadenitis which, as we both know, is sometimes mistaken for appendicitis. Rebecca had swollen lymph nodes in the neck and during the last few days had been suffering from a throat infection. When I left she was improving, but the hospital is keeping her in for a few more hours to be on the safe side.'

  'Right. So how about you getting some sleep, Freya? Matron will be around to keep an eye on things.'

  'Mmm. I might do that,' she told him. 'By the way, while I was at the hospital I enquired about our two accident victims.'

  'And?'

  'Both are serious in Intensive Care, but are hanging on. So far the lad with the trapped foot has still got his limb and they're hoping for it to stay that way.'

  'Good. In that sort of situation we can only all do our best.'

  'Which we did.'

  'Yes, we did.'

  As Amelia ran on ahead of them, he gave Freya a gentle push towards the main doors of the school. 'And now, Sister Farnham, go and get some breakfast before you catch up on your beauty sleep. Doctor's orders. Not that it is diminished in any way.'

  'What?'

  'Your beauty.'

  Freya gave a dry laugh.

  'Flattery will get you nowhere after last night.'

  She watched his eyes darken.

  'If you hadn't been in such a rush, I would have explained.'

  'You don't need to explain,' she told him. 'I know how you felt about Jenny. But, you know, I would be prepared to wait until you were ready. I'm not going any where... not at the moment anyway. But if you don't feel the same then there's no point in me saying anything further.'

  It wasn't the time or the place to tell her that she was never out of his thoughts and that it was something much more disturbing than memories of Jenny that were holding him back, so he merely said, 'I'm pleased to hear you say that you'll be sticking around but, Freya, I have to go, or not only will I have a room full of the sick and suffering to deal with, they'll have developed the fidgets as well.'

  'Yes, of course,' she said flatly. 'First things first.' And before he could say anything else she did as ordered and pointed herself in the direction of the dining room.

  She was relieved to discover later in the day that she'd been right in her diagnosis of Rebecca's illness. The stomach pain was abating and there was no further cause to suspect appendicitis.

  So at least she'd done something right, she told herself. It was only in the Haslett stakes that she got all wrong. Another time she would keep her feelings to herself.

  Richard rang in the middle of the afternoon and unintentionally made matters worse.

  'I forgot to mention when we spoke earlier that Amelia tried on her new top last night and I was somewhat stunned,' he said pleasantly enough, then followed it by saying, 'I can't see the headmistress allowing it. Couldn't you have persuaded her to choose something more suitable? Her mother would never have allowed her to buy it.'

  'Yes, well, I'm not her mother, am I?' she said levelly. 'Most girls buy clothes that are too old for them at Amelia's age. What did you expect me to do—spoil her day? She has enough in her life to make her miserable at the moment.

  'I agree the top is ghastly, but if wearing it makes her feel good, can't you just grit your teeth and put up with it? As for the head, she isn't as easily shocked as you think. There'll be lots of the girls unsuitably clad at the Christmas disco. After all, there are going to be boys there! Those creatures that the boarders hardly ever see.'

  There was silence for a moment when she'd finished speaking and his comments, when they came, gave no clue to what he was really thinking.

  'So, do I consider myself told off by someone who is always right?' he asked.

  'Yes,' she said implacably, and bade him goodbye.

  She didn't blame Richard for feeling as he did. Until she began to fill out, Amelia was still as she'd appeared that first time they'd met, all bones and teeth, but she would see herself as beautiful on the night of the disco and that was all that mattered.

  CHAPTER SIX

  The end of Freya's first term at Marchmont was approaching. On its tail would come Christmas. A couple of days before the pupils went their separate ways for the holidays, the long-awaited festive disco was to take place.

  There had been no further comment from Richard about the offending garment, and Freya was waiting with wry amusement to see what happened on the night.

  As the days went by excitement reached fever pitch. Whether it was the same at the nearby boys' boarding school she didn't know. But there had been one or two clandestine meetings between boarders from the two seats of learning that had come to the notice of the teaching staff and she'd thought that the attraction between the sexes never changed. It was as natural as breathing, whatever the age group, but even more so with adolescents.

  On the day of the big event Richard appeared at the sanatorium early in the morning after he'd dropped Amelia off, and when she saw his expression Freya wondered what was wrong.

  Amelia had seemed all right the day before, so hopefully it wasn't anything to do with her, but obviously something was on his mind.

  As she eyed him questioningly, he said, 'I need your advice. Can you spare a few moments?'

  'Yes,' she said evenly. 'I'm having a quiet day for once.'

  Her heart sank when he said, 'It's about Amelia.'

  'What about her?' she asked quickly. The child might not be hers but there were times when it felt as if she was.

  'Alice has invited her to spend Christmas with her.'

  As relief swept over her she almost said, Oh, is that all?

  But the implications of what he'd said were sinking in. This was their first Christmas since losing Jenny and it was going to be painful for both father and daughter.

  Her mind was racing. Maybe Alice with a wisdom beyond her years had found a way for Amelia to cope with it. But what about Poppy and Miles? Did they know about the invitation and would Richard want her to be away from him at such a difficult time? And, most important of all, did Amelia want to go?

  'I need to speak to your friend,' he was saying, 'to find out if she knows about Alice's suggestion. If she has no objection, I want you to tell me if you think it's a good idea as you know them and I don't.'

  'Poppy and Miles are delightful people. They know that Amelia has lost her mum and will do everything they can to make her feel loved and wanted. But does she want to spend Christmas with them? And what about you, Richard? If she goes, you'll be on your own.'

  He shrugged. 'That doesn't matter. All I care about is what's best for her. I've been forging ahead with preparations to try and make it as much as possible as it was when Jenny was here, but I know it will be a poor imitation.

  'And, ye
s, Amelia's really keen to be with Alice over Christmas. There's no problem there, but I needed to talk to you first.'

  Freya picked up the phone and handed it to him.

  'Ring Poppy now and have a chat. I'm sure she'll be only too pleased about the arrangement. For one thing, Amelia will be company for Alice. And I won't be far away. My apartment is only a mile or so from where they live. I can take the girls out and will keep you informed about how she's settling in.'

  'Yes, that would be good,' he said with a tight smile, and she thought that maybe he was thinking that everyone would be having a nice time except him. Or was it a case of him feeling that she and her friends were taking over?

  As Richard dialled the number she'd given him, Freya went down the corridor to Matron's room. There might be things he wanted to say that weren't for her ears, and Poppy was certain to ring her later.

  When she returned he was standing with his back to the door, gazing out over the school grounds.

  'So, how did it go?' she asked.

  He swung round, still looking sombre.

  'Fine. Like you said, they'd be delighted to have her. Do you think I should let her go, Freya?'

  'Yes, I do,' she told him with equal seriousness. 'I know it will be a wrench, but she'll love it... And I do promise that I'll keep you posted.'

  'When are you leaving for home?'

  'Monday morning. I could take the girls with me to save Poppy and Miles coming for them. Why don't you come with us? You could see Amelia settled in, then.'

  She watched his expression lighten.

  'Yes, I could. If you wouldn't mind delaying it until after morning surgery. Garth could take the early evening one for me. And once you are all safely in London I could travel back by train in the evening.'

  Freya went across to stand in front of him and as he looked down into the eyes that were so like Amelia's he said, 'Meeting you has brightened up my life. I wish circumstances were different.'

  She reached out and took his hands in hers, totally unaware of the circumstances he was referring to, and told him softly, 'Don't say that. You are everything a father should be, Richard. If only mine had been like you, I wouldn't be forever searching for what I gave away.'

  'You don't know what I'm really like, Freya,' he said flatly. 'My halo has slipped somewhat.'

  'I don't know what you mean by that but, as you are aware, I'm no saint myself,' she told him. 'So why can't we move on, instead of being in a state of limbo? Or is it that you don't want me?'

  'Of course I want you! You're constantly in my mind. The moment I touch you I'm lost.'

  'I'd prefer you to feel "found", rather than lost,' she said whimsically.

  'Oh, Freya,' he groaned, reaching out for her. 'What am I going to do about you?'

  'How about this for starters?' she suggested, lifting her mouth to his. And as they grasped the moment, knowing that at any second they might be interrupted, Freya knew that if one part of her life was never going to find fulfilment, she had found the man who could make her happy. And if what he said was true, Richard wanted her as much as she wanted him.

  But even as the thought took over her mind he was shaking his head and gently putting her from him.

  'Some time in the near future I need to have a serious talk with you,' he said gravely. 'When there's no risk of interruption and when Amelia isn't around.'

  'All right!' she replied. 'But, Richard, don't keep using me for moments of fragmented passion and then fobbing me off. I'm not prepared to stay around for that sort of treatment. When are we going to have this big discussion that you're insisting on? Because the rest of today is spoken for with preparations for the disco and tomorrow you'll be getting Amelia ready for her stay in London while I do all my last-minute chores here. Then Monday morning I'm driving us all to London.'

  'It can wait.'

  'No, it can't! If you're not prepared to tell me what's on your mind now, I don't want to know!'

  'Oh, you'll want to know when you hear what it's about,' he prophesied grimly. 'But I need time, Freya.'

  'Take all the time you want!' she cried. 'But don't expect me to be around when you decide to do me the honour. And now, if you'll excuse me, I've been asked to help with the decorations for tonight.' And pushing past him, she went.

  So that was that, Richard thought as he drove back to the practice. He was pleased that Amelia would be spending Christmas in a happier atmosphere than at home and content that Freya would be near her daughter. Unknowingly maybe, but near her nevertheless.

  The opportunity had been there today to tell Freya that Amelia was hers, but he'd avoided the issue again, with the result that she thought he was playing hard to get.

  He wasn't a coward, but there was no way she would be asking if he loved her once she knew the truth. She would loathe him for his deceit. So who would blame him if he kept putting off the moment of truth?

  There was a clear-cut answer to that question...she would.

  Freya was relieved to see that Amelia didn't look as bad in the top as she'd expected. A teenage-type necklace that looked like pieces of string joined together by beads took away some of the bareness around her neck. Her hair was nicely done and fastened back with clips in the shape of bows that were the same colour as the top. The rest of her outfit consisted of tight jeans and the inevitable clumsy shoes.

  Richard had brought Amelia to the disco and would be staying, as all staff connected with the school were invited. Freya was disenchanted with him after their meeting earlier in the day, but she sympathised with the relief that he must be feeling on discovering that many of the girls in Amelia's age group were wearing similar clothes.

  For herself she'd chosen to wear black leather trousers and a blue silk top that matched her eyes. It had long sleeves and a wrapover front that tied at the waist and, with high-heeled black sandals to complete the ensemble, she looked more like Kensington than the Cotswolds.

  'You look really cool,' Amelia told her admiringly when she went to greet them.

  Her father said nothing, but there was a look in his eyes that said, All right. I get the message. But I'm still out of bounds where you're concerned.

  'Are you packed, ready for Monday,' Freya asked.

  'Yes. I'm really excited!' Amelia told her, and as someone called across to Richard she whispered, 'But what about Dad, Freya? Who's going to look after him?'

  'He's going to be all right,' she assured. 'He has his friends to keep him company.'

  That brought forth the famous scowl. 'You mean Anita.'

  'Well, yes, and Charlie and his wife...and Annie will be there to cook for him. All your dad is bothered about is you. If you're happy, then so is he.'

  Having been reassured, Amelia's thoughts were winging on with the butterfly mind of an adolescent.

  'You live near Alice, don't you?' she asked.

  'Yes, I do,' Freya told her.

  'So you'll come to see me while I'm there.'

  'Of course. I've told your dad that I will.'

  That seemed to satisfy her and off she went to seek out Alice and her other friends, leaving Freya to observe that it was Anita who had called Richard across.

  'Are you not dancing, Sister Farnham,' a voice said suddenly from behind her, and she turned to find Garth eyeing her with undisguised appreciation.

  'Not at the moment,' she told him coolly, 'but I intend to shortly.' And because Richard was being monopolised by Anita and it looked as if she was going to be lumbered with his pushy junior, she said, 'I'm surprised to find you here.'

  Unabashed at the inference that he hadn't been invited, he said breezily, 'I came to give Richard a message, which I have done, so if you want to get up and dance, I'm your man.'

  'Thanks just the same, but I prefer to dance on my own,' she told him, and, sauntering onto the floor, she joined a group of sixth-formers who were writhing rhythmically to the loud music.

  She saw that Richard was watching her with a half-smile on his face and thought,
He thinks I'm trying to prove something, and he's right. I'm showing him that I'm my own woman. That although I'm in love with him and keep getting the cold shoulder, I can rise above it. If he wants to spend the evening talking to Anita, he can.

  When she looked up again he was moving across the dance floor towards her as if he'd read her mind, and her heart began to race. Without speaking, he took her hand and pulled her towards him and then they began to move together amongst the threshing throng.

  'What did you say to Garth?' he asked as she matched her steps to his. 'He went off looking rather chastened.'

  'I said I didn't want to dance with him, that's all.'

  'He wouldn't like that.'

  'Maybe not, but I find him extremely pushy.'

  'Yes, he is. But he's got the makings of a good doctor.'

  Freya laughed up at him, happy now she was with Richard.

  'I'm sure he has. Let's just say he's a bit immature for me. I like older men.'

  'Like jaded widowers who don't know their own mind?'

  'Mmm, like that. Do you know any?'

  'Yes, I know one very well and at the moment he's not being too impressive.'

  'Why can't I be the judge of that?' she asked with unconscious entreaty.

  'Because you are uninformed, Freya. One day soon I'm going to tell you something that will change your life for ever.'

  'Don't patronise me, Richard,' she told him in a low voice. 'If you love me, tell me now.'

  'I can't. Maybe when you come back after the Christmas holidays we'll have a straight talk.'

  'What is there to talk about?' she asked angrily. 'You're making falling in love sound like a business merger.'

  'Freya, please, bear with me. It may appear as you say, but I do have my reasons and they are bound up with those I love. Can't we just be friends for now? Above all I want to be at peace with you.'

  She nodded. There wasn't a lot she could say to that. At least he was in her life. She should be grateful for that. But once Richard had deposited Amelia with Poppy and Miles he would be catching the train to go back home and she wouldn't see him again until after the New Year.