‘Jasper, I want to offer my sympathies for the loss of your wife. I know I’m not alone in feeling for you and your family; the whole of Australia has been touched by Claire’s horrific accident, which ended with your daughter Anaya being delivered by caesarean section.’
He nodded and muttered ‘Thanks,’ even though she’d already uttered almost exactly the same sentiments when she arrived. This bit was for the camera, which somehow made it feel less genuine. He had to work hard not to clench his hands into fists. It all felt so wrong—sitting here, talking to strangers about Claire’s death and their personal business.
‘Anaya was born at thirty weeks gestation and required assistance feeding and breathing. How’s she doing now, two weeks later?’
Jasper swallowed, a rush of love coming over him as he thought of his baby. ‘She’s thriving.’
He looked to Harper and she smiled, encouraging him to continue.
‘The doctors removed the respiratory support on Friday and now Anaya’s breathing well on her own. Yesterday they transferred her from a heated incubator to a normal cot because she doesn’t need help regulating her temperature anymore. And today, we’re going to try to feed her with a bottle for the first time.’
Jasper willed away the emotion that welled in his eyes at this prospect.
‘That’s wonderful,’ Helen said. ‘How long do they expect Anaya to be in hospital?’
‘Another month, perhaps a little longer.’
‘I can imagine you have mixed feelings about that,’ she said.
Jasper frowned. ‘What do you mean?’ He couldn’t wait to move back home with Anaya, to stop living out of a suitcase and to have her with him twenty-four seven.
‘Having a baby is undoubtedly one of life’s biggest joys, but losing a spouse is at the opposite end of that spectrum. There must be an internal war going on inside your head, grief fighting happiness. And bringing your baby home without your wife is going to be tough.’
‘Yes.’ His fingers went to the wedding band on his left hand. He knew the interviewer wanted more than one-word answers but he couldn’t find the words to explain how he felt.
Helen pulled a tissue from the box beside her and leant forward to offer it to him but he shook his head. He got the feeling she wanted him to shed a few tears—that would make good television—but he wouldn’t cry because she wanted him to.
‘Tell us about how you and Claire met,’ she said after a few seconds silence.
And so he did. It was good to speak about Claire. Remembering things they did together made him feel alive again, and by the time she asked him about Claire’s infertility, the answers came easily. He explained how she’d suffered ovarian failure due to treatment for childhood cancer, but that she’d desperately wanted to experience pregnancy and have a child of her own.
‘And that’s where Harper came in?’ Helen asked. Before he could reply, she turned her gaze on Harper.
‘Egg donation is a gift in Australia and therefore not as common as it is in some overseas countries. What made you—a married career woman with no children of your own—decide to donate your eggs?’
‘Well, I …’ Harper hesitated and Jasper’s heart went out to her as he watched her search for an answer. Until that moment, he hadn’t imagined that this would be as difficult for Harper as it was for him, if not more so. Her reasons for donating were personal, and she wouldn’t want to air her dirty laundry on national TV.
Just when he thought she wasn’t going to be able to answer, she did.
‘My husband and I agreed when we first met that having a family wasn’t a priority. Samuel has a large family of nieces and nephews, so we got our kid fix with them and we are both dedicated to our careers. We didn’t think we’d have the time to give a child what it needs and didn’t want to enter parenthood unless we were a hundred percent certain. But then one day I had some guests on my show who were having a baby with an egg donor and I thought perhaps it was something I could do to help a similar couple.’
‘What did your husband, your family and friends think of your decision?’
‘They were supportive,’ Harper said. ‘In the end, it was my body and they understood that.’
‘And the plan was that Claire would have the baby, she and Jasper would raise it as their own, and that you wouldn’t be involved?’
Harper nodded. ‘That’s right, to an extent. We agreed that I would keep in contact and would see them once or twice a year. We all wanted to be honest with the child—he or she would know I was the donor, and Claire their mother.’
‘But now all that’s changed, hasn’t it?’ Helen paused only momentarily, before continuing. ‘Sadly, Claire isn’t able to be a mum and you have decided to take on that role. What happened to not wanting children?’
Jasper noticed tiny beads of perspiration on Harper’s forehead and he almost told Helen to stop the questions right there. Why did anybody else need to know any of this? But Harper simply said, ‘Anaya happened. From the moment I saw her, I felt the connection and everything inside me changed.’
Helen snatched up another tissue and this time she was rewarded when a tear slipped down Harper’s cheek. But Jasper knew her emotion wasn’t for the cameras. It was real—her love for Anaya shone in her voice and in her face and he suddenly knew he’d made the right decision to allow her into their lives. She wasn’t Claire and she wouldn’t mother their baby in the same way Claire would have, but he believed she would give Anaya what she needed all the same.
Helen asked them about how they planned to navigate shared parenthood and Jasper did his best to take the heat off Harper. Finally she seemed to have exhausted her curiosity and the interview was over.
The cameraman began to pack up his equipment and the make-up girl said her goodbyes and then slipped out the front door.
Helen congratulated them on a job well done. ‘I know this wasn’t easy for either of you and I thank you for taking the time to talk to me. Before we go, do you have any photos of Anaya you could send us? We don’t need many but the viewers would love to see her—she’s the star of this story.’
Jasper and Harper exchanged a look—a couple of photos wouldn’t hurt—and then both nodded. ‘I’ve got some on my camera,’ Harper said. ‘Lilia, did you bring your laptop? If so I can send them through in a moment.’
Lilia had been so quiet that he’d almost forgotten she was there.
‘Yes,’ she said, ‘but give me your camera and let me take care of that. I know you guys are desperate to get back to the hospital.’
‘Oh thank you,’ Harper said, and Jasper forced a smile in Lilia’s direction.
‘You’re welcome. And—’ she dragged some sandwiches in plastic containers out of her oversized handbag, ‘—I made you both some lunch. I figured you’re probably sick of greasy takeaway food by now.’
‘You are an angel.’ Harper kissed her friend on the cheek as she accepted the offerings.
Lilia’s cheeks flushed crimson. ‘Don’t be silly. Now, is there anything else either of you need me to do?’
‘I don’t think so.’ Harper looked to Jasper and he shook his head.
‘Thank you so much for lunch,’ he said, his stomach rumbling even though two seconds earlier he’d been planning on bypassing food to head straight to the NICU.
‘It’s my pleasure. Now you two get going. I’ll see Helen and Eddie out, send through the photos, then lock the door and pull it shut behind me.’ Lilia looked at Harper. ‘I’ll see you back in Sydney tomorrow.’ It came out more like a question than a statement and Harper took a few moments to reply.
‘Yes. Bright and early.’ But she didn’t sound enthusiastic about this prospect at all. Jasper didn’t blame her—it’d break him to go almost a week without seeing their baby—but Harper had chosen to keep working now so she could take extended leave when Anaya finally came home.
Since Harper had to drive back to Sydney later, they drove in separate cars to the hospital but parked nearby a
nd went inside together.
‘You did well in the interview today,’ she said as they walked the corridors that he now knew better than the lines on the palm of his hand. ‘It can’t have been easy having to talk about Claire like that.’
‘It wasn’t as bad as I imagined,’ he admitted. ‘But I’m glad it’s over. Not sure I want to watch it on TV either. You did well too.’
She snorted. ‘No need to be kind, Jasper. I almost fell apart.’
He chuckled—something he couldn’t remember doing since the morning Claire had walked out of his life. ‘But you didn’t. You pulled it together and I think we offered a united front.’
‘Yes, I think we did.’
They proceeded in comfortable silence to the NICU, then washed and sanitised their hands before heading inside. This had become such second nature that Jasper had started washing his hands the moment he got back to the apartment as well, before he did anything else. He mentioned this to Harper and she laughed.
‘Probably not a bad habit,’ she said.
‘I guess not,’ he agreed as they came to a stop beside Anaya’s crib.
They both gazed down at her.
‘Is there anything more beautiful than a sleeping baby?’ Harper asked.
‘If there is, I can’t think of it,’ he said. ‘When I look down at her, I immediately start to relax. They should bottle the feeling.’
Moments later, nurse Leslie came over to join them. ‘How was the interview?’ she asked.
Jasper shrugged. ‘It went all right, I think.’
And Harper nodded her agreement. ‘It’s out of the way now anyway.’
‘Excellent. And your little angel is doing well this morning, so are you ready to attempt to give her that first bottle?’
Again Harper nodded and Jasper replied, ‘Are we ever?’ He couldn’t remember ever being as excited about anything in his life.
Feeding a baby—especially a premature one—turned out to be way more work than he’d imagined. Leslie took them to the ‘bottle room’ in the NICU and talked them through the process as she readied the milk.
‘Is there some sort of manual we can read to remember all that?’
The nurse smiled at Jasper’s question. ‘I thought men didn’t follow instructions.’
‘This one does. Especially when it’s something as important as this.’
‘I’d like to read a manual like that too,’ Harper said, looking as terrified as he felt.
‘Don’t worry,’ Leslie said, and gestured for them to follow her back to Anaya. ‘There’ll always be someone to help you while you’re in here with us, and we’ll make sure you’re experts before we send you home.’
Jasper hoped she was right but vowed, when he went home on the weekend, to pick up those baby books Claire had been devouring before she died. He’d teased her that she was studying them as if she were preparing for an exam, but now he wished he’d done the same.
Leslie put the bottle down on the shelf behind Anaya’s crib and then looked back and forth between them. ‘Who wants to go first?’
Of course he did. But he glanced up at Harper and remembered the way she’d spoken about Anaya during the interview. ‘Do you want to?’ he asked.
‘What?’ Harper blinked as if she’d heard him wrong. ‘Are you sure?’
He was tempted to retract the offer, but reminded himself he had all week to take a turn whereas Harper had to be back at work tomorrow. ‘Yes. You do it.’
‘Thank you,’ she whispered, her hand pressed against her heart.
‘That’s settled then. You sit down and I’ll grab our star.’ As Harper lowered herself into the chair, Leslie changed Anaya. ‘We want her to be as comfortable as possible before trying to feed,’ she explained.
Anaya woke during the process and whimpered a little, but stopped fussing the moment Leslie placed her in Harper’s arms.
‘Hey there, little lady,’ Harper cooed, offering her pinkie finger for Anaya to grab onto.
‘Can you pass the bottle?’ Leslie asked Jasper.
He retrieved it and handed it to her.
Leslie crouched down on the floor beside Harper and Anaya. ‘Now be aware, this might be a slow process. Her suckling reflexes are still developing and if she does manage to drink, she’ll tire quickly so it won’t be long, but we’ll try again tomorrow.’
She lifted the bottle to Anaya’s tiny mouth and gently teased her lips with the rubber teat. Harper stared down intently and Jasper did the same, waiting to see how she’d react.
Like the envelope of a hot air balloon slowly opening for the air, those tiny lips peeled back and Anaya’s mouth closed around the teat. This time the whimper came from Harper and a smile grew on Leslie’s face. Jasper began to breathe again.
‘That’s the way,’ said the nurse softly. ‘Good girl. She’s a natural.’
Pride in his baby girl made him stand tall. After Claire, he hadn’t thought he’d ever feel such love towards another person, but he was suddenly close to bursting with it.
Leslie gestured for Harper to take the bottle and then she stepped back and stood beside him. ‘You want to take a photo? As I said, she probably won’t last long this first time.’
‘Of course. Good idea.’ As Lilia still had Harper’s camera, he took his out of his backpack and snapped a few shots.
Harper smiled for him and then looked down to Anaya. ‘I think she’s asleep,’ she said.
He leant in to take a look. Sure enough, Anaya’s little lids had closed again and her mouth hung loosely around the bottle. She looked adorable and had satisfaction scrawled across her face, but Jasper couldn’t help the pang of jealousy. For a moment he wished he’d been the one to feed Anaya first, but then he told himself to stop being stupid.
It didn’t matter who fed her. The important thing was that she was making progress.
Chapter Thirty-six
‘Was that the spunky Jasper?’ Lilia wiggled her eyebrows suggestively as Harper put her mobile down on her desk.
‘Lilia! He’s a new widower! And anyway, I thought you were happy with …’ The name of Lilia’s new beau eluded her; there’d been so many before him she’d lost track. ‘What’s-his-name.’
‘Jasper’s wife might be dead—God rest her soul—but I’m not. The man is a thing of beauty and you know how much I like beautiful things.’ She reached down to stroke her latest handbag, which sat on the floor by her feet.
‘Yes, it was him.’ Harper laughed despite herself, and it felt good because she hadn’t done so for days. It was only Thursday—three days since she’d last seen Anaya—but it felt more like a year. ‘He was just telling me that Anaya drank almost double today what she did yesterday and that they might try her on two feeds tomorrow.’
‘Oh, that’s wonderful news,’ Lilia exclaimed.
‘Yes, it is.’ Harper sighed deeply.
‘So, why the glum face then?’
‘Because …’ She stared at the little photo of Anaya she’d printed out and stuck on the bottom corner of her computer screen. ‘It’s hard hearing about all these little achievements she’s making and not being there to experience them. I feel like I’m missing out on so much. I feel like I should be with her instead of here.’
‘And so the mother guilt begins.’ Lilia laughed.
‘And then I feel guilty because I want to be with her rather than here.’
Lilia’s expression turned serious. ‘I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but for what it’s worth, I think you’re right to take holidays when Anaya leaves hospital, rather than now. She’s being properly looked after by the doctors and nurses but when she goes home, that’s when Jasper will need all the help he can get.’
‘I know.’ And in theory, Harper did, but being away from Anaya was proving harder than she’d imagined. No matter what she was doing at work—researching, paperwork, interviewing—her daughter was always front and centre in her mind.
Lilia opened the bottom drawer of her desk
and pulled out a large package wrapped in shiny silver paper and garnished with a fancy pink bow. ‘I was going to save this till you were heading to Newcastle tomorrow afternoon, but I hope if I give it to you now, it’ll cheer you up a little.’
Harper blinked as Lilia stood and dropped the present into her lap. ‘What is this?’
Lilia smiled. ‘Open it and you’ll see. It’s not much, but since you didn’t have a baby shower but now have a baby, I wanted to get you a little something to mark the occasion. I hope you’ll like it.’
Happy for the distraction, Harper yanked at the ribbon and tore off the paper with far less care than she usually took. She gasped as it fell away to reveal the most gorgeous bag she’d ever laid eyes on—from her favourite Aussie designer no less. It was a ‘thing of beauty’, to use Lilia’s phrase, made with a combination of gorgeous velvet and embroidered fabrics in shades of red, black and purple. Harper knew it would have cost Lilia a good portion of her weekly wage and her eyes watered as she looked up at her friend. ‘Thank you.’
Lilia shrugged. ‘It’s a nappy bag in case you were wondering. Even though you’ve joined the mummy ranks, I couldn’t have you going around with one of those ugly ones I see so many people carrying.’
Harper laughed, placed the designer nappy bag on her desk and then stood and wrapped her arms around her friend. Neither of them said anything—they didn’t need to—and when Lilia finally pulled back and said it was almost time to greet today’s guest, Harper found she did feel better. There were just over twenty-four hours until she could get in her car and drive north again, and tonight—in the name of keeping busy—she’d scheduled dinner with Juliet and Renee.
For the first time, the prospect of baby talk didn’t make her want to stick her fingers down her throat. In fact, she was very much looking forward to it.
The Greatest Gift Page 34