Fury burnt within her at the two men in her life who didn’t believe in her love and dedication to her daughter. Well, she’d show them!
‘Right then.’ She let out a heavy sigh. ‘I guess that’s it.’
‘I’m sorry, Harper,’ he said, his mouth downturned, a pained expression tainting his normally handsome face. ‘But I never wanted a baby. All I ever wanted was you.’
‘Really?’ He sounded so sincere that she might almost have believed him if his actions matched his words, but the knickers on his desk made him a liar. ‘Are you sure? Or did you just want someone who didn’t demand too much and who you could fuck whenever you felt the need?’
It was a rhetorical question, she didn’t expect an answer. She already knew it.
‘Honestly Samuel,’ she continued, ‘I see it now, what we had wasn’t magic. It wasn’t even anything special. If you truly loved me, you’d have supported me these last nine weeks instead of turning to someone else for a little bit of action. I deserve more than that—and if I’ve learnt anything from Claire, it’s that life’s too short to settle for something that’s just okay. I know I’m not completely blameless—I did change the goal posts on you and perhaps I never gave you my true self, but, as we’ve both made our positions clear, as neither of us are willing to compromise, I think the best thing for both of us is to move on.’
He leant back against his desk and crossed his feet at his ankles. ‘If that’s what you want, then I’m not going to waste my breath trying to change your mind.’
‘I wouldn’t expect you to.’
‘But, this is your decision, not mine, so don’t think you’re going to milk me for all I’ve got. You’ll get exactly what you’re owed legally and that’s it.’
The fact he thought she would proved he didn’t know her at all. She clenched her keys tightly in her hand. ‘That’s fine, Samuel. I’ll pop round to the house one day soon when you’re at work and I’ll take what’s mine and not a tea towel more. Now, shall I send Annika back in?’
Then before he could say another word, Harper turned and walked out on her marriage.
She held her head high, her shoulders back, and smiled politely at a couple of Samuel’s colleagues as she made her way out of the building. She should be more upset, and perhaps she was simply still in shock, but she found herself nothing but angry. Angry at Samuel yes, but also angry at herself that she’d taken so long to see her marriage for what it truly was.
As she stepped outside into the sunny spring morning, she went to reach into her bag for her phone, desperate to speak to her big sister. Only then did she realise she’d left Jasper’s house without either her bag or her mobile.
Dammit.
Harper stamped her foot upon the footpath as she pondered her next move. All she had with her were her car and its keys, so she’d call into Willow’s office on her way back to the Hunter Valley. But first, her office—she needed to talk to Bryn.
Chapter Forty-one
Jasper didn’t know where he was going. He only knew he had to get away before he totally blew his top at Harper. Part of him wanted to sit among Claire’s flowers and feel her calming presence, but he didn’t want to risk Harper coming out and seeing him like this. Or worse, trying to talk some sense into him. How dare she tell him what Claire would have wanted. They’d barely even known each other.
His breathing ragged, he didn’t stop walking until he got to the bushland of the nearby national park, another place he and Claire had loved spending time together. The wildflowers were out in full bloom—their soft pinks and purples and the bright yellow and red ones all swaying in the breeze. Today, the sight of them felt like a punch in the gut. Wildflower season, Claire’s favourite time of the year, and just one more thing she wasn’t here to experience.
And in that moment, he hated her! She’d always been a bit of a distracted driver—often turning the radio up full blast and dancing like she was at a nightclub instead of sitting in a car. Surely she must have seen the other vehicle approaching. Surely she could have done something to save herself. He didn’t want to do this alone, dammit! He didn’t want to do it with a stranger and he didn’t want to give up ballooning.
But what bloody choice had she left him?
His parents were going to be devastated, but he hoped in time they’d come to understand. And what would he do if he didn’t fly? Hot air balloons were the only job he’d ever had and he wasn’t qualified to do anything else. He’d always imagined that when his dad eventually retired he’d take over at the helm of Big Basket Ballooning, but now, unless one of his sisters and brother-in-laws wanted to come home, he guessed they’d have to sell or shut down.
Hot tears dripped down onto his daughter at this prospect, but she slept soundly, not even flinching when he brushed them away with his thumb. She was the definition of perfection. He couldn’t get enough of her, could spend hours simply watching her like this; yet at the same time it broke his heart looking at her and knowing that Claire wouldn’t be here, sharing parenthood with him as they’d planned.
Jasper’s anger shrivelled up as the sadness once again consumed him, making his chest hurt and his throat tight.
What right did he have to feel resentful about giving up ballooning?
At least he was here to make the decision, and no matter what Harper said, he knew if the positions were reversed and Claire were here instead of him, she would have done the same. Therefore, no matter how hard the next years, decades, however long he had left were, he needed to accept his new reality. He needed to think of their daughter first and himself second, and not let his grief for Claire consume him because he didn’t want Anaya to grow up in a bubble of sorrow.
He sat there in silence—his thoughts a jumbled mess of hot air balloons, Nebraskan strangers, his parents, Claire and Harper—until finally Anaya stirred in his arms. At first she only whimpered a little, her head moving from side to side as her mouth searched for a mid-morning snack, but when she didn’t find one, she began to howl.
‘Hush, now sweetheart. It’s okay,’ he said over and over as he hurried back to his house. ‘Daddy’s sorry. We’ll be home soon.’
Less than an hour ago he’d been accusing Harper of not being fully committed to Anaya, and yet he was the one who’d taken her away without a thought of her basic needs, such as milk and sun protection. He thanked God she’d woken hungry before the sun had reached its full dangerous potential and he swore he’d pick up his game from now on. No more leaving the house without the full shebang of baby paraphernalia.
He also owed Harper an apology. No matter his grief, the accusations he’d made about her marriage were uncalled for. Out of the two of them, she’d been the one to make the most sacrifices for Anaya.
But when he returned to the house, he found it empty and her car gone.
‘Shit,’ he said, before remembering the little ears in his arms. Looked like he hadn’t been the only one who needed some time out. He’d give Anaya her bottle and then call Harper and ask her to come back so they could talk. She was right. If this peculiar situation was going to work, they needed to make it official. Jasper owed that to her and Anaya.
He popped the baby in the pram while he fixed her milk, and as she wailed, the cats got up from their spot by the kitchen window and fled down the hallway, no doubt to go and hide under the bed. Mere seconds after he lifted Anaya into his arms again and teased the rubber teat against her lips, she clamped her mouth around it and started suckling. She’d grown in weight, length and strength since they’d brought her home but the effort of feeding still exhausted her. Before the bottle emptied, she was asleep again.
Jasper changed her nappy—marvelling at how she could sleep right through the exercise—and then grabbed his phone and carried her to the couch, where he laid her down and then sat guard beside her. Almost one month at home and she still hated her bassinet with a passion, but neither he nor Harper could bear leaving her to cry herself to sleep. Not just yet anyway.
/> At the thought of Harper, he took a deep breath and found her number on his phone. Where not long ago Claire was always at the top of his recent call list, now Harper took pride of place. Ignoring the way his heart cramped at that thought, he pressed call and lifted the phone to his ear. Almost immediately he heard ringing coming from the hallway and sure enough, after a few moments, Harper’s voicemail clicked in.
He silently cursed but didn’t leave a message as instructed. Instead, he checked that Anaya was safe and then went into the hallway and found Harper’s bag and mobile in the bottom of the pram. The fact she’d left the house without them showed him how upset she’d been, making him feel even more like a prize jerk.
When she still hadn’t returned an hour later, he lifted Anaya from her slumber and bundled her into her car seat. He wasn’t sure where to look but Harper couldn’t have gone far without her things and he figured driving around trying to find her would be better than sitting at home wishing he could take back the things he’d said.
Jasper checked the main street with its café, post office and general store and then he drove by his parents’ place on the off-chance she’d gone to speak to them. When he couldn’t find her anywhere he reluctantly returned to the house and fed Anaya her next bottle of the day. As more hours passed, anxiety began to grow within him. What if something bad had happened to her? What if she’d driven down some back road and had a car accident? His pulse raced at the thought and his skin grew clammy. If something happened to her he didn’t know if he could handle the guilt.
And what would he one day tell Anaya?
Samuel. Maybe she’d called him. Or her sister. Deciding to phone one of them, he went to the pram to retrieve Harper’s mobile and cursed with frustration when he couldn’t unlock the screen. He dumped the phone back in the pram and ran his hands through his hair.
Perhaps he should call the police. Or was that overreacting?
Telling himself this was exactly what he was doing, he decided if she wasn’t back in another hour, he’d ring Nick down at the police station. With that decision made, he settled with Anaya on the couch and tried to watch a couple of episodes of Homeland.
Sixty minutes later, just as he was picking up his own phone to dial, the doorbell rang. He sprang off the couch, which woke Anaya, so he picked her up and carried her to the door. Harper had a key but after the way they’d left things, he wouldn’t be surprised if she’d chosen not to use it. At least he hoped, because if it wasn’t her, he was seriously going to start to worry.
‘Thank fuck,’ he said, as he opened it. ‘Where the hell have you been?’ In his anxious state he forgot she had no obligation to keep him informed of her whereabouts. ‘I’m sorry. None of my business, but I couldn’t help worrying when I came back and found your phone and bag here, but you gone.’
She nodded. ‘I’m sorry about that. I didn’t even realise that I’d left them behind until I got to Sydney.’
‘You went all the way to Sydney and back?’
‘Yep. I had things to do, people to see.’
He exhaled deeply. ‘Well, I’m glad you’re back. I wanted to talk to you. You coming in?’
‘Yes.’ She stepped inside and closed the door behind her. ‘But I’ve got things to say too, and I’d like to go first if that’s okay with you.’
His parents had raised him that ladies always went first, so he conceded. ‘Okay. But you’ve had a long drive, so how about I make us some coffee? Want to hold Anaya while I do so?’
Harper held out her arms, ‘Yes, please,’ as he passed their daughter over.
‘I’ll be right back,’ he said, turning and heading into the kitchen.
Five minutes later he joined Harper and Anaya in the living room. They were sitting on the couch, so he put her mug and a plate of Anzac biscuits his mum had made down on the coffee table and then took the armchair for himself.
As he lifted his drink to his mouth and took a sip, Harper repositioned Anaya against her chest and then looked him straight in the eye.
‘I went to Sydney to see Samuel,’ she began. ‘You said he’s not invested in Anaya and—’
‘I’m sorry,’ he interrupted, lowering his mug to his lap. ‘That was out of line and unfair. I shouldn’t have said it. The balloon accident in Nebraska rocked me, it was too close after Claire and I—’
She shook her head. ‘No, you were absolutely right. Samuel is not and never will be invested in Anaya. I think I knew this deep down already, but I confronted him today and he admitted that, like you, he was just waiting for me to lose interest in her.’ Her brow furrowed and she scowled. ‘But that’s not going to happen,’ she added forcefully, ‘and so Samuel and I are separating. We’re getting a divorce.’
‘What? Geez, Harper, I’m sorry.’ He felt as if the break-up of her marriage was somehow his fault. ‘When I lost it this morning, this is the last thing I wanted. Are you sure you can’t work it out?’
Harper rubbed her lips together a moment as if gathering strength. Then, ‘No. This isn’t all because of Anaya. Her arrival merely helped show up all the cracks that were already in our marriage. I’m not going to bore you with the sordid details, but this is the right decision. For all of us.’ She took a breath and continued. ‘After I ended things with Samuel, I went to work and spoke to my boss. I’ve put in a request for some unpaid leave so that I can be here with you and Anaya for up to a year before I have to go back to work.’
‘Harper.’ The guilt twisted like a knife in his gut. ‘You don’t have to do any of this to prove your love. I can see how much Anaya means to you.’
‘I don’t have to,’ she conceded, ‘but I want to. It’s not forever. I love my job and I want to be a working mother. But I can’t bear the thought of being so far away from Anaya, so I’ve asked my boss to look into a possible transfer for me to the Newcastle station.’
‘Wow,’ Jasper breathed. This was a lot to take in. He hoped Harper wouldn’t regret any of these life-changing decisions.
‘There’s one more thing. I’m going to look into buying a small place of my own, so that you can have your own space again.’
He opened his mouth to say that wasn’t necessary but she held up her hand to shut him up.
‘This is your and Claire’s home, and you need time to properly grieve and work out how to be without her. You don’t need me breathing down your neck.’
‘Thank you,’ he said, the lump that had appeared in his throat making the phrase not much more than a whisper.
She smiled. ‘I know this isn’t what either of us planned or wanted for Anaya, but I believe that together—with the help of our families and loved ones—we can give her a good life.’
Jasper nodded and smiled back. ‘So do I.’
Harper glanced down at their daughter. ‘I think she might be stirring again, but there’s just one final thing I want to say.’
‘What is it?’ She’d left her marriage, quit her job and moved towns within a matter of hours. He didn’t know what else was left.
‘I want you to promise to give a little more thought to your decision to give up ballooning. It’s what you’ve lived and breathed your whole life. It’s a passion you shared with Claire and something that’s been in your family for generations. I want that for our daughter. I want her to see that her parents—including Claire—lived life to the fullest and didn’t let fear stop them from doing what they loved.’ Harper cocked her head to one side. ‘What do you say, Jasper?’
And what could he say? This amazing woman had turned her whole world upside down to prove her love for their daughter.
‘Okay, Harper,’ he said. ‘I promise.’ And then he closed the distance between them and gave her and Anaya a great big hug.
Epilogue
Claire couldn’t believe it had been almost half a decade since she’d left the earth. It still felt like only yesterday, but over the years she’d come to accept her destiny. She hadn’t been happy to go at first—no, she’d kicked and scream
ed, yelling at the powers that be that they’d made a terrible mistake.
It wasn’t her time to go. She had a husband who loved her, who needed her. And didn’t they see her bulging bump?
But then she’d looked down and realised the bump was gone. Her baby was gone. Never had she been as distraught as she was in that moment, but she calmed a little when she discovered the baby had lived. By some miracle, her daughter had been born in the wreckage of that car accident. It broke her heart that she wouldn’t be there to raise her, but she took some comfort from the knowledge that her body had borne the brunt of the crash and saved the child.
And while she might not have been beside Anaya in person—not in the hospital when she’d had her first feed or when Jasper had brought her home to the nursery they’d created together, not when she’d said her first word or the day she’d started kindergarten—she’d been there in spirit. Guarding her and the people around her as she grew from a tiny infant into a little girl full of life and enthusiasm.
Jasper had been broken at first, but as he’d cradled their little girl in his arms, she’d known it would only be a matter of time before he fell in love. She’d had faith in him. He was wrong; she wasn’t angry at him for taking a little longer than she did to feel that connection. He was grieving for her as she was for him, and grief had a tendency to warp the mind a little.
But as wonderful as Jasper was, a girl needed a mother and Claire had wept that she wasn’t able to fulfil that role. In her mind she’d auditioned her closest friends and family and although they’d all been willing, she hadn’t been able to truly let go until she’d seen the look on Harper’s face the day she’d first met Anaya.
And then she’d known. The only woman who would ever come close to loving her daughter as much as she had was her biological mother. So she’d set to work on Harper, sowing the seeds of what she wanted to occur. And Harper must have been halfway there already for it hadn’t taken long at all for her to come around to the idea.
The Greatest Gift Page 38