by Yessi Smith
I force myself to shake his hand as I introduce myself and beam at Ann when screams don’t escape from my throat when contact is made. Progress, right?
Poppa helps me keep my hospital gown closed in the back so that I can make my way to a table without exposing myself to everyone. Not that my parachute sized granny panties would be much of an exposure.
Fancy panties, a new haircut, and self defense lessons make the top of my to-do list once I am able to leave this place.
Derrick instructs me to close my eyes and begin describing whatever comes to my mind. But nothing is there. So I close them tighter until white spots appear behind my eyelids, which is a nice diversion from all the darkness.
“She knows how to draw,” Poppa tells Derrick. “Let her do it.”
I take the pencil and paper away from Derrick and tell myself I know how to draw. I’m not sure if I believe Poppa’s words, but after a few minutes pass, I begin to watch my fingers work and realize I do indeed know how to draw. It’s a surreal, out of body experience that makes my heart pound loudly in my chest and ears. I do not let my mind dwell on what I’m doing, but hope that my subconscious serves me right.
Done, I look at my work and find a familiar face looking back at me from the paper. But I don’t feel the fear I expected to find when I looked into my captor’s face. Instead, I grin and show the drawing to Derrick who shakes his head at me, clearly amused. I smile to myself and can’t help but wonder if in my convoluted mind I actually believe Chris Carrabba has left fame and stardom just to abduct me.
Happy with my drawing, I toss it to the side and get a new piece of paper that I quickly start drawing on. Poppa takes the drawing and I hear him chuckle.
“You always did have a thing for that boy,” he tells me and laughs again.
I’m so engrossed in my next drawing that Derrick’s laughter scares me. I look up at him, happy to see he didn’t notice my sudden anxiety.
“What else can you draw?” He smiles at me, a non-threatening big brother type of smile that I hardly have time to return.
“Wait and see,” I respond just as curious and quickly go back to work.
After a few moments have passed, I suspect I have a healthy appetite for good music when I see Kurt Cobain’s eyes forming beneath my pencil. I notice Derrick busily sketching next to me while Poppa has retreated back to his chair.
“Where’s Ann?” I ask no one in particular.
“She wasn’t amused by your drawings,” Poppa tells me and I laugh, but stop myself. I didn’t realize I actually knew how to laugh and the sound feels foreign coming out of my throat.
“Don’t mind her. I wanna see what else you got in there.” Derrick winks at me and points his pencil to my head.
“Not much,” I tell him dryly, but smile not wanting to break the little bit of camaraderie I’ve found in my sketch artist.
We continue to draw next to each other, frenzied movements of our hands as we go from one piece of paper to the next. We are close enough that I can feel his breath on my skin, but not so close that I’m uncomfortable. The calm silence has harmoniously overtaken our room and I no longer jump when Derrick laughs at our renditions of artists we’ll probably never meet.
There’s peace here, reminding me that even the worst of storms have a time of quiet tranquility before they destroy everything in their wake.
Something Sweet
By MJ Morphis
Summer 2007
I’m getting ready for the last senior party before everyone heads off to college. I normally don’t go to these types of parties, or any parties really. I’m making an exception tonight though because I feel it’s time to actually do something out of my comfort zone. Tonight I won’t worry about consequences. I will do whatever I want, whenever I want, and with whomever I want. I’m eighteen years old and tired of trying to please everyone with being “the good girl”. My ex-boyfriend, Guy, of four years broke up with me last week because he ‘didn’t have time for me.’” I guess he had enough time for, Faith, who he had sex with later that night. Yeah, of course I was sad and hurt at first, but now I’m just pissed that I wasted so much time on him.
My phone buzzes on the bathroom counter breaking me from my thoughts.
Jessica: Are you ready yet?
Me: Almost. Five minutes.
I look at the girl staring back at me in the mirror. Normally I just try to look decent enough not to scare people, but tonight I’m going for hot. I left my long blonde hair down and decided to straighten it versus going with my natural wavy look. My eye shadow is a smoky grey and I applied so many coats of waterproof mascara I lost count. It helped to bring out my blue-green eyes so it was worth it. I pull down my little V-neck, black dress for about the tenth time since I put it on. How can girls wear dresses like this and still manage to function without flashing the whole world?
Another annoying buzz.
Jessica: Hurry up boo. We’re already late!!!!
Me: Chill. Walking out now.
“Mom, I’m leaving. See ya later,” I say as I peek into her room.
She smiles up from the book she’s reading. “Okay, sweetie. Have fun and be careful.”
My mom is the best. She pretty much lets me do whatever I want.
As I walk out to Jes’ blue Ford truck, I can already hear the radio blasting MiMS’ “This Is Why I’m Hot”. I laugh silently and open her passenger door.
“Damn, Ainsley!” she screams, while turning down the music. “You’re seriously going to start some shit tonight.”
I give her a confused glance. “Stop being dramatic, Jes.” I sigh, and flip my hair over my shoulder. There’s no way she know that before we even get to the party.
She rolls her eyes. “You look freakin’ hot. Just watch. This is your first time being single since ninth grade. Every guy there is going to try to hit that before you leave.”
“Oh my God, did you really just say ‘hit that’?” I giggle.
“Unfortunately that probably includes that prick, Guy. I heard Faith has already left for Florida State, so he’ll be looking for someone to fuck tonight,” she adds.
I flinch at her words. “Whatever. I wouldn’t touch him again if he was the last person on earth. I’m going out to have a good time with you. That’s all.”
She smiles wickedly at me before backing out of the driveway. My heart immediately beats faster. Jes rarely smiles like that, but when she does it’s never good for me.
“Jes, just spit it out!”
She briefly glances in my direction, her smile is still scary as hell. “Well, I heard Greyson changed his mind and decided to come to the party. I’m just wondering how long it’ll take before you give in to those dimples of his.” She chuckles and turns the music back up as if she didn’t just drop that huge atomic bomb on me.
My heart starts to beat so fast and hard I swear I can hear it over the ridiculously loud music playing in her truck. Greyson Blevins is the hottest guy I’ve ever seen. His hair is cut in a short black Mohawk and he has the most intense green eyes, but nothing can beat his perfect smile – it’s impossible to resist. His lips are full and kissable and when he smiles, his dimples make you see stars. I’ve had a crush on him for as long as I can remember. When I moved to Tampa in eighth grade he was the first to befriend me. We were inseparable until Guy asked me out. I said yes to Guy because while Greyson was nice to me, he never acted as if he was interested in anything more than being friends. Guy is the exact opposite of Greyson. He looks like an Abercrombie model with his blond spiked hair and baby blue eyes. When Guy and I started dating, Greyson acted as if I no longer existed. I missed his friendship but I tried not to let it bother me. Even though I was happy with Guy, every time I saw Greyson with another girl, my heart broke just a little bit more. I would never be what he wanted and I needed to get over that.
I made the mistake of telling Jes this during one of our girl nights. She never liked Guy and always tried to convince me that I deserved better. I ju
st brushed it off. Guy could be really charming, but as time went on he started changing into a demanding and selfish prick who apparently cheated on me more than one occasion.
I take some deep breaths and tell myself not to get worked up. It’s not like Greyson ever wanted me so why would tonight be any different?
We pull up to Ashley’s house and I try getting out of the truck without flaunting my black cheekie style panties to the few people standing outside drinking and talking. “Party Like A Rockstar” is playing when we walk in the door. Jes immediately starts jumping up and down before she leans in to scream in my ear, “This is going to be epic!” I laugh out loud and nod my head.
Jes is such a beautiful girl and tonight she looks stunning in her blood red dress. Her ebony complexion, bright smile and the purple contacts she’s wearing, she’s drop dead gorgeous. Her body is what men dream of, medium build with an ass that demands a second look.
This will be my only chance at being a little reckless since college isn’t going to be easy. I have to make sure I keep up my GPA or I’ll lose my scholarships. With my mom being a single mother I can’t burden her with student loans. I’m only going to get this one chance and I refuse to screw it up.
As Jes and I walk around the house, I notice everyone staring at me and whispering. This is exactly why I hate going to shit like this. People are always judging you, but tonight I’m not going to let it bother me at all.
Just as the soon as I finish my thought, Greyson walks in with his younger brother, Hayes and Hayes’ best friend, Talon. My mouth drops open and my eyes widen.
Damn it, why does he have to be so freakin’ hot?
Greyson is wearing a tight black shirt and worn jeans that hang loose on his hips in that sexy way. He looks mouthwatering. I manage to drag my eyes away from him and move them to the two party crashers at his side. Of course Hayes and Talon would crash the senior party. Those two are always looking for trouble. Luckily for them, one glance at their playful faces is all you need to forget what they had done wrong. The three Blevins brothers have always been good looking. Thomas is two years older than Greyson and Hayes is two years younger. I’m actually surprised Thomas isn’t here also. Normally he is always up for a party, I guess he really was taking school seriously. I’d heard through our mutual friends that he was taking his studies even more serious than usual now that he was trying to get into medical school.
Greyson scans the room slowly before his eyes finally come to rest on me. His gaze locks with mine and he lifts his left eyebrow in appreciation. That’s when I notice he pierced it since graduation.
And just when I thought he couldn’t get any hotter.
I watch his eyes slowly leave my face, falling to my chest and waist, then going down my long tanned legs. My legs look extra-long tonight thanks to the heels I’m wearing. His eyes dart back up to my face after what feels like hours, but in reality is probably only a matter of seconds. The look he gives me has my stomach clenching.
Before I know it, his look turns into what appears to be anger before storming away from me. Seconds later I realize why.
Guy sneaks up behind me and I feel his hot breath whispering in my ear. “Damn Ainsley, you’re killin’ me!”
I turn around swiftly and grind out between my clenched teeth, “Get away from me. Right. Now.”
He holds up his hands like he’s giving up, but when his eyes take in the low V in the front of my dress he bites his lower lip and lets out a little moan before looking back at my face.
“Ainsley. Baby. We need to talk.”
I can smell the alcohol on him. Great, he’s already drunk. Just the thought of talking to him makes me sick. I glance around and realize everyone is watching us.
“No, Guy, we don’t. There is nothing you can say to me that will change my mind about us.”
He has the nerve to look pissed.
“I just wanna apologize to you in private. You can do that for me, right? After all we’ve been through,” he says, trying to use his sweet voice but I can see he’s forcing it.
I think Jes is just about to give him a few choice words or maybe a kick to the balls, when Greyson shows up at my side.
“Hey, mind if we talk for a second?” Greyson asks, his eyes darting between Guy and myself.
It takes me a minute to register that he’s actually talking to me.
Asking to be alone with me.
I look to Jes with wide eyes and she has the nerve to give me that damn smirk. I just want to run from all of it before I realize, this is it. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for. I’m finally going to do what I want to do.
I look Greyson directly in those swoon worthy eyes.
“Not at all, but can we take this to a more private place?” I beam.
He gives me a sheepish smile, nods his head and swings a hand to indicate for me to lead the way.
Without further hesitation, I turn and head toward the backyard leaving Guy with a dumbfounded look on his face.
Damn that feels good.
I can hear the music fade as we walk out the sliding glass door and onto the crowded porch. I’m immediately regretting my decision to be alone with him because I have no clue what to do or where to go. I haven’t had a real conversation with him in years.
Before things get really awkward I look around for a quiet, secluded place. On the other side of the pool, I notice a wooden swing so I start in that direction. I’m only vaguely aware of him following me, because I’m distracted by a commotion at the pool.
Hayes and Talon have made themselves comfortable by stripping down to just their boxer briefs and jumping into the pool. I stop to take in Hayes as he pulls himself up from the side of the pool not bothering to use the ladder. He is about five foot ten and slender, but you can tell by the way his arms and back flex that he works out often.
Greyson clears his throat before asking, “Are you really eye fucking my brother?”
I don’t miss the hint of hurt in his voice. I’m not sure why he would be jealous of Hayes, when in my opinion no one even comes close to him.
I decide to just ignore his comment, since denying that I was ogling his brother would just be a lie and I try really hard not to lie. Plus, any female and maybe even some males, will tell you not looking at any of the Blevins brothers shirtless would just be a sin.
I carefully tread through the grass in my heels, the last thing I need right now is to bust my ass. Once I reach the swing I sit very carefully on it, holding my dress down in the process. Greyson sits with ease on the other end then turns slightly toward me before placing his right ankle on top of his left knee.
The way I’m sitting is uncomfortable, so I cross my right leg over my left and turn as much as I can to face him. I watch as those fascinating green eyes take in my black peep toe heels and work their way up my thin, long legs. My heart starts racing when his gaze reaches my breasts. I don’t have the biggest breasts but what I do have is pushed up to show a decent amount of cleavage. Greyson shifts where he is sitting and it causes the bench to move slightly.
“So, um, what did you need to talk about?” I ask nervously.
“I really just wanted to get you away from that fuck stick, but now that I have you alone I want to know how you’ve been doing?”
“I’ve been alright I guess. Could be worse. What about you and your family?” I ask while turning my head to look at him, hoping he can see the plea in my eyes not to press me for more.
Greyson and Jes are the only two people that I’ve told about my past.
He looks concerned, but continues anyway.
“Pretty good. I’ll be going to the University of Florida in the next week or so. Thomas is doing great at college and will be going for his bachelor’s, then he will apply to medical school.”
I can’t help the smile that forms on my face. I’m so proud of Thomas. I bet he will be just as successful as their father – who is an Orthopedic Surgeon.
“I’m not really sure you need
me to tell you how Hayes has been.”
I laugh. “I think he has gotten worse.”
“You have no idea. Try living with the asshole,” he says jokingly.
I instantly think of his mom who I know is in her last trimester. I wonder how she deals with pregnancy, a husband and three Blevins boys. She is like Wonder Woman.
“How’s your mom?”
His face lights up with love and those panty-dropping dimples appear.
“She’s amazing, actually! Moxley is due in September, hopefully on my nineteenth birthday. She is an unexpected surprise, but a very welcome one. Mox will be the most protected and loved little girl in the world.”
He has always been amazing with kids and just hearing him talk about his unborn baby sister melts my heart.
“Where are you going to college?” he asks.
“I’m going to UF as well. I received enough in scholarships that I won’t have to pay for my tuition or my dorm room.”
We hear a lot of screaming and chanting coming from the pool so we turn to see what, or rather who, is causing the fuss. Apparently Hayes and Talon have decided to have a contest to see who can do the best back flips off the diving board.
“Those two really haven’t changed at all,” I chuckle.
He grins and shakes his head in agreement. Suddenly his grin turns from playful to mischievous. Greyson stands up quickly and before I know it he grabs my hand and pulls me to stand up.
“What are you doing?” I ask curiously.
“We’re going to join the contest,” he answers with excitement
I try to pull my hand loose, but he refuses to let go.
“Come on, Ainsley. When was the last time you had fun?”
“I don’t even have a bathing suit and I’m NOT ruining my dress.”