Directly in front of us, but still very far away, Pikes Peak with the smaller mountains around it sat in the distance. A stunning and almost unbelievable horizon.
“Austin,” she whispered. “It’s the Rocky Mountains!”
Her infectious enthusiasm thrilled me. “Well, it’s the start of them, for sure.”
“I’ve not been out of Texas my whole life and now I’ve been in three states in one day.”
I turned into a gas station. “Four more states to go.”
By the time we reached Colorado Springs, the sun was setting in the western sky and Phoebe was in absolute awe of the beauty. Even at the age of 24, her child-like reactions touched me. Before I could come to a stop at the hotel, she literally hopped out and tried to capture the exquisite view on her phone. There was no one but a lady at the front desk when I walked into the lobby. The place was quiet. Back outside, the sun was down, the night cooled, and Phoebe was still lost in the many colors of the sky.
Gathering the suitcases, I set them by the front door while I took the car over to a charging station. As I got back to the front of the hotel, Phoebe’s hands covered her mouth. “I can’t thank you enough.”
I flashed her my best smile as if I took full credit for the glorious view. “Wait until you see Oregon. Mountains with an ocean.” I shrugged.
“Austin. I want to move here. There. Someplace like this. I’m actually cold!” she squealed. “And it’s August!”
Unable to conceal my mile-wide grin, I realized pleasing her had become my mission. I needed a distraction. I snagged two of the suitcases and nodded at the third. “Grab that one and let’s go.” I chuckled as she walked in backward, still staring at her surroundings.
In the confined space of the elevator, our proximity was closer than in the car. My skin itched to touch hers in a way I’d never felt before. I closed my eyes to avoid looking at her.
“You’re not going to snore, are you? I mean, that would like totally ruin my vibe about how awesome this place is.”
I stood in silence as the elevator glided up and I sensed she was completely serious. “Well, please don’t let it go unnoted that I have to be pretty awesome to have brought you to such an awesome place.”
“Fine. You can be awesome too,” she conceded, swatting her hand at me and stepping off as the doors opened. Her scent lingered in her path.
When we reached her suite number, I considered not telling her I’d gotten two rooms. That regardless if I snore or not, which I don’t, she wouldn’t have to hear me.
“Dear God. You are not answerin, which means you sound like a freight train.” When she punched my shoulder in her flirty little way, I tilted my head, preparing to say it out loud and hoping she understood.
“You won’t have to listen to the freight train. I got you your own room, Princess.”
A number of emotions flitted across her face and none of them seemed good.
“I thought you’d be more comfortable,” I added.
She nodded, offering a tight, thin-lipped smirk. Her eyes communicated something the rest of her face didn’t. There was a part of me that felt like I couldn’t win. At the same time, she’d addressed boundaries several times and honoring that was important to me.
After I swiped the card, unlocking the door, her smile softened. “Thank you again, Austin. I’ll repay you when we get there. I’ll be the best fake girlfriend ever.”
The door closed behind her before I had a chance to say anything, which was probably for the best. The probability of me following her in was high. Once in my room, I plugged in my phone to charge and collapsed on the bed. The twelve-hour drive had done me in. A good, three-mile run is what I needed, but not tonight. Thoughts of Phoebe lingered in my head, distracting me from even unpacking or showering. I didn’t mean to hurt her with the separate room thing. I mean, what the hell anyway? She was the one who had set the boundaries in the first place. I closed my eyes, her expression still on my mind.
My eyes shot open with the ding of my phone. Phoebe.
What time are we getting up?
Meet for breakfast at 9?
OK. Sleep well.
You too.
I tossed my shirt onto the floor, opened my suitcase and grabbed my sweat shorts. Sleep had found me, and I actually said “screw it” out loud when I picked up my toothbrush, tossed it next to the sink and sank right back into the bed.
Chapter 5
PHOEBE
Ghosts
THE ROOM WAS so damn quiet I couldn’t sleep. I hadn’t slept alone in years. Years. Not even for as long as I remembered. Two things I did remember about the last times I slept alone: DCF came into the home and removed me from my mother’s home. And the night that Bernie snuck into my room. Even with the bathroom light on, I sat up—glancing around the room to make sure no one was there. My mother always left. She always left us alone to fend for ourselves. Being the oldest, it was my responsibility to take care of things. Of everyone. A noise in the room caught my attention. From the bed, I peered around to make sure the door was still locked. Deep breaths. No one could get in.
Thoughts whizzed through my head at a pace my brain couldn’t keep up with. The quiet room. The kids’ first night without me. Was Sloan home and safe? Did Hannah remember everything? Did they lock the front door? Would Austin leave? Was he going to be there when I woke up? Was this entire thing a joke with a guy I didn’t really know? Anxiety seized my chest. I shot upright again, focusing on my inhales and exhales, pulling my shirt away from my chest to help me catch my breath.
My phone screen was blank. The clock displayed midnight here, which meant it was 1 a.m. back home. Why had Austin gotten separate rooms? He wouldn’t bail, right? I ran over to the window and looked out for his car. The view didn’t look out where we had parked. My phone screen was still blank. My shirt was tight, and I couldn’t breathe. Pacing, I wore the carpet thin trying to calm myself. If he left, I had to figure out how to get back to the kids. He wouldn’t leave…I chanted in my head. My insane thoughts tormented. Then, completely panic stricken, I bolted out of my room and knocked on Austin’s door across the hall. He didn’t answer. I slapped the door with my palm, my hands tingling from the force.
“Austin,” I huffed for air.
No answer. He’d left. It was like my mother all over again. But why? Why would he leave. I shouldn’t have come. This was all too good to be true. Nick was right. I rested my back against the door, a wave of dizzies overtaking me. Passing out was next, it had happened before. Not in a long time, but I recognized the feeling. With my fist, I pounded on the door as my back slid down until I sat on the floor.
“Phoebe? What’s wrong?”
I nearly fell into his room. “You’re here?” I huffed. “You’re here.” Immediately relief found my lungs along with oxygen.
“Hey. Calm down. What’s wrong?” He lifted me from beneath my arms, but my legs tingled too.
“You left. I thought you left. Don’t leave,” I cried.
Austin navigated my body to the bed, knowing I couldn’t do it myself. “Leave? What are you talking about? Phoebe, breathe.”
Hearing him say “breathe” seemed so easy. Yet, my ragged breaths told a different story. Austin sat behind me on the bed and lugged me into his chest, distracting my mind. His back rested against the wall, and my body nestled next to his chest. The feeling of his hand stroking my hair comforted me. I’d always relied on self-comfort; this was new to me.
“I’m not leaving,” he whispered.
The tingling sensation slowly lessened in my hands and feet as my body relaxed against his. The depth of my breaths allowed my lungs to fill to capacity. Finally. After the panic attack subsided, heat from embarrassment radiated through me. I wiped my tears with the back of my hands but didn’t fight to get out of his arms. Actually, the last thing I remembered, was him whispering that everything was going to be ok. I kinda felt like it was.
The next morning was cold outside. I loved ever
ything about it. We missed our 9 a.m. start, and I thought Austin might have questions over breakfast, but he didn’t. We talked about our drive and destination—Salt Lake City was the next pit stop. Utah! Austin was right about the start of the Rockies. I’d never seen anything even close. The highway outside of Denver literally wound around some of the mountains and blasted right through some of the others. The coolest tunnels. They lit up and everything. Steep grade signs and runaway ramps trailed along the beautiful highway. I prayed the kids would see this beauty someday. I couldn’t wait to tell them about it.
“Phoebe.”
I looked away and closed my eyes. I knew what was coming. It had been the elephant in the car all day.
“Austin,” I replied, matching his serious tone. I flashed him my smile.
“You want to talk about…”
“My melt down?” I interrupted. I’ve always told the kids there’s never an elephant in the room if you kill the elephant. Face the situation head on and deal with it.
“Well, melt down might be a little dramatic but regardless, it was obvious you were pretty upset. Will you tell me what happened?”
The rusty taste of blood filled my mouth as my front teeth peeled a loose piece of skin from the inside of my bottom lip. “There isn’t a lot to tell.”
“How about you tell what little there is.”
“This is the most beautiful drive I’ve ever been on. Can you imagine what the settlers thought when they started trekking through these mountains?”
“Or maybe that’s why they settled in Kansas?”
His playful grin was dangerous. The disjointed rhythm my heart fell into couldn’t have been the least bit healthy. The car veered to the right onto an exit ramp. Pulling into a parking lot, he pointed over to a riverbank of colorful rocks along a rushing but shallow creek. The crisp air sent a shiver up my back, and he tossed me a sweatshirt from the backseat. The overpowering scent that followed him everywhere floated through my nose, doing no favors to the erratic rhythm in my chest.
“Come on.”
I followed his command and shadowed him as he hopped from rock to rock until he sat on a boulder overlooking the creek. The sound of the roaring water drowned out the cars whizzing past on the highway in the distance. The invigorating cold air proved medicinal for my lungs. As I sat next to him, he held his hand out to me. Hesitantly, I slid my fingers into his warm hand. The rock was cold to my bum and the overcast sky brought little warmth.
“Oregon Ducks? That’s a school there?” I asked, pointing to the sweatshirt I wore.
“It is. I mean, it’s only the best university. Phoebe, I…”
I couldn’t bear to have him ask again, so I finally spat it out. “My mother left me places a lot. Friends’ houses. Hotel rooms. School.” The moving water hypnotized me in a therapeutic way as the words just flowed out. “Sometimes she came back and sometimes she didn’t.” The weight of his arm on my shoulders startled me. I wanted his arm around me but not under these circumstances.
“You thought I was going to leave you?” I could hear the surprise in his tone.
Naturally, I huffed laughter as if what he said was funny. As if. I didn’t answer.
“I have a full house now, all the time. There is never a moment that one of the kids isn’t there.”
Taking a chance, I glanced at him, fearful of forgetting my words. The depth in his brown eyes frightened me—it was as if he could see into my soul. “Anyway, I’m never alone. I can’t think of the last time I’ve slept in a room alone. I’ve always shared a room with one of them.”
The arm draped over my shoulders tugged me inward until I rested against his chest. The soothing warmth of the closeness sent a tingling sensation down my back. Fighting tears, my mind went elsewhere to think about other things. Other obligations. My mind reminded me that Austin’s actions were a dutiful response—he was always such a gentleman, and this was no different. With my palm flat to his chest, a gentle push off to establish distance was best for my heart. There was nothing I wanted more than to be in his arms. It was just that our reasons for being there were on completely different ends of the spectrums. Nothing was going to cloud my judgement…my responsibility in this was wholly professional.
The chocolate eyes I was beginning to fall for watched me push away, his serious face measured my cold response. “Well, it’s official,” he stated.
My expression scrunched up in confusion. “What’s official?”
“Every stay from here on out will be one room and two beds. Honestly, I don’t like sleeping alone either.”
With an exaggerated eye roll, I laughed. “Oh, whatever.” I jerked my elbow back, ramming him in the side.
“Look at me.” His words bordered on terse. Firm. It was one of those times that I didn’t want to look but knew I should. Even though my chin tilted down, my eyes fluttered up to meet his.
“I’m not leaving you now. I’m not leaving you in Oregon. And I’m not leaving you in any state in between. When you go to sleep, I’ll be there. When you wake up, I will be there. Is that understood?”
Our eyes locked as I nodded.
“Phoebe, I am a man of my word. As long as you are with me, you don’t have to worry about me leaving. Got it?”
“Yes.”
“Perfect. It’s settled. Now, pull out your phone and let’s facetime the kids to show them how beautiful this place is.”
Immediately and with the biggest smile of the day, I dialed the number and held the phone where Austin and I were both on the screen. The minute they answered, I gasped at their happy faces. God, I missed them.
After riding in the car for a while, I grew tired but didn’t want to fall asleep even for a second.
“Twenty questions?” I asked.
“Fire away,” Austin yawned.
“Ok.” I rubbed my hands together in thought. “If you could have one, what would you choose. Time or money.”
“Time. No doubt.”
“Says the man driving the Tesla,” I laughed. “Money all the way. The only real negative in my life comes from struggling financially,” I said, shaking my head. “Your turn.”
“Alright, um, want world peace or cure world hunger?”
“Damn, Austin. That went deep fast!” I slugged him in the shoulder. “I suppose if no one is hungry then things would be more peaceful.” I shrugged. “Being hungry isn’t fun.” I winced, knowing I shouldn’t have said that. I quickly added, “Would you rather be sticky or itchy?”
“Neither,” he chuckled.
“You have to pick.”
“Itchy. No, sticky. Eww. Neither. Ok, lick a toilet seat or stick your tongue up a nostril.”
My hands shot up. “You thought itchy or sticky were eww? Stick my tongue up a nostril? Yuck. I can think of other places I’d like my tongue to be,” I giggled, flirting, thinking of a kiss. When his eyes flashed over to mine, my cheeks heated. “Sorry. That’s a gross one. Um, favorite pie?”
“Please don’t say sorry. I’d say apple. You?”
“Pumpkin.”
He yawned. “Boxers or briefs?”
Twisting my mouth to the side like I was thinking, I said, “As long as it’s not a speedo, boxer briefs or boxers, both are acceptable. Favorite season?”
Happiness touched his features. “There is nothing like a summer in Cannon. You?”
“Probably winter in Texas. Summer is so hot.”
“I can’t wait for you to see Cannon.”
“I can’t wait either.”
“Favorite memory?” he asked.
“All of this. Every minute. I never dreamed I’d see this…all of this.” Goose bumps broke out over my skin and I shivered.
That damn smile, that touched every part of my soul and most other parts of my body too, spread from cheek to cheek on his handsome face. My words made him happy.
“You?” I asked. “What’s yours?”
“I don’t know that I have one.”
“Austin, you hav
e to have one.”
Shaking his head from side to side, he said, “Nope. I don’t have one.”
“That’s because you have a lifetime of memories.” I smiled a little jealous of the things he’d seen or done.
Slowly, he reached over and took my hand in his. Second time today. “I don’t disagree. I’ve been blessed beyond measure. Phoebe, it thrills me to know this is your best memory.”
The chocolate in his eyes softened before they drifted back to the road. I gently freed my hand, not wanting him to hold it out of obligation to make me feel better about the life I’d lived. I’d come to grips with it long ago. Feeling awkward dropping his hand, I strained a sideways look to see his Adam’s apple jut out and back in. I never wanted to hurt him. He’d changed my life and I felt like I owed him mine.
AUSTIN
Salt Lake City was beautiful, but tonight I found a hotel outside of the city. I hoped her picture with the Welcome to Utah sign was sufficient. Phoebe had stayed awake the entire day and watched every single mile of land pass by, thoroughly taking the beauty in and helping me see things in an entirely new and fresh way. Her twenty questions game was perfect until I took hold of her damn hand and she swiftly drew the line in the sand as she tugged it away.
“Aren’t you glad we didn’t fly?” she asked. “This land is so pretty.”
God, I wished we would have flown but that’s only because my damn legs ached from driving for days. Yet, seeing all of this through her eyes was the absolute best treat.
The suite not only had two queen beds but a plush sofa bed as well, which would put me in an entirely different room than Phoebe. That wasn’t a bad idea. Holding her against my chest back in Colorado had probably been the worst thing I could have done since initiating this whole “wedding date” arrangement. The smell of her hair, the weight of her body against mine, the longing in her stubborn eyes when she pushed away. She was hell bent on keeping this all business.
“Fair warning, I only have one rule about sharing a room together,” I said.
She wheeled her suitcase to a stop at the foot of one of the beds. “What’s that?”
Finally...My Forever (Just One of the Guys Book 4) Page 6