No Exchanges, No Returns

by Laurie Kellogg

  “Give yourself a break, Pumpkin. Everyone in the world is guilty of a little self-interest. Do you think all the philanthropists in the world would give away as much money as they do if there weren’t a tax break involved?”

  “No, but—”

  “Listen, I’m just as much to blame,” her father continued. “I encouraged you on to become Breezy’s surrogate because I was worried she felt inadequate, and I knew you were concerned, too.”

  As if that hadn’t been obvious.

  “You’ll be happy to know I talked to your sister this morning. Brianna’s so excited about the baby she’s decided to return to Redemption.”

  “I know. David said she’ll be here later this week.” It took a second for her father’s exact words to register. return to Redemption? “She’s just coming to visit, right?”

  “No, she said she’s going home for good. She was packing when I spoke to her. She’s decided she belongs there.”

  Oh, dear God. Casey grabbed the bed to steady herself. “Are you saying she’s changed her mind again and now she wants David and my baby?”

  “I don’t know. I guess it’s possible.”

  She slid her feet into her sandals. “Well, exactly what did Brie say?”

  “She told me a friend made her realize how mistaken she was to think it would be easier for you and David if she moved out there. It sounded like she was finally getting her head on straight. Wouldn’t it be great if she and Dave got back together?”

  “Wonderful,” Casey muttered.

  “That’s what you want, isn’t it? If Brianna comes back, you can get on with your own life. When she left, you told me you weren’t ready to become a parent. She said you felt like you were being forced into motherhood.”

  “That was before I spent the last four months believing I would be Jamie’s mommy. And before I started hoping David might one day care for me.”

  Her father’s gasp echoed in her ear. “Oh, damn.” Dead silence filled the line for several moments. “You’ve fallen in love with him, haven’t you, baby? And now you want to keep Jamie—and him.”

  “Of course I want them.”

  Except if David still loved Brianna and she wanted to pick up where they left off, it would leave Casey out in the cold.

  “How does he feel about you?” her dad asked.

  “I don’t know. A week ago, I thought he might care as much as I do. Now I’m not so sure.” Casey sighed. “Who knows?”

  Maybe she really did have a mild case of baby blues wreaking havoc on her perspective.

  “Damn it to hell,” her father muttered. “I’m sorry, sweetie. I never should’ve pushed you to—”

  “It’s not your fault, Dad. I knew what I was getting into.”

  “So what’re you gonna do?” he asked in a tentative tone.

  “I don’t know.” It would break her heart in a thousand pieces to give up her daughter. “I know if David and Brianna really do decide to reconcile, the best thing for Jamie would be for me to become her aunt like I agreed to do at the beginning. But I just don’t think I can do it.” She sniffled.

  “Then fight for your happiness. Maybe Brianna doesn’t even want David back.”

  All her life people had considered Casey a fool for not looking out for own interests. Unfortunately, she simply wasn’t made that way. She wouldn’t like or respect herself if she were. But her baby was another matter altogether. Jamie was hers.

  “I’d give my right arm to marry David. But if he doesn’t love me, it would be meaningless, and I’d only feel second rate. I can’t live a lifetime with him, knowing I wasn’t his first choice. And if Brianna wants him back, I’d feel like I’d stolen him from her. David is hers, regardless of whether she’s been having an emotional meltdown the last six months.”

  Heck, Casey was on the verge of one herself.

  “What’s this, more false guilt convincing you to do what’s right for everyone else?”

  “No, Dad. That insecure little girl is gone. I’ll do what’s right for me and my self-respect. And that’s doesn’t include settling for second place anymore.”

  If Brianna wanted David, Casey would step aside and everyone would live happily ever after. Or, at least, almost everyone. She, on the other hand, would have to be satisfied with keeping her dignity. Sure, she might not end up happy, but she would, at least, respect herself.

  Chapter 17

  The rest of Labor Day passed in a blur for Casey after arriving home to an impromptu surprise barbecue arranged by Andy. In addition to her and Paul, the short guest list included David’s parents along with Mattie, Innes, and Holly.

  David’s dad grilled the steaks Casey had defrosted the day before along with a few more they’d brought. Judy and Mattie made potato salad and a bowl of ambrosia to augment all the food Casey had prepared for the meal the baby’s birth had canceled the previous evening.

  Reclining in the chaise lounge in the corner of the deck, Casey nursed Jamie, concealed by a pink receiving blanket. Bathed in the warmth of the setting sun, she stroked the blond down on her baby girl’s head, and a lump of emotion rose in her throat.

  It wasn’t fair to her baby to consider raising her as a single parent. Her daughter deserved two parents if at all possible. But dear Lord, she couldn’t part with Jamie.

  If there was even a remote chance David could convince Brianna to try again with him, he deserved the opportunity to work things out. However, her sister would have to be content with being Jamie’s stepmother, because Casey was not giving her up.

  “She’s such a darling,” Mattie said, sinking into the chair beside Casey.

  “Thank you. She really is.” Casey jerked her head toward Innes playing Marco Polo with Holly in the pool. “How’re things going for you three?”

  Mattie’s gaze dropped to her lap. “He kissed me again last night.”

  Casey chuckled. “So did you sock ‘em in the gut again?”

  “No.” Mattie’s mouth twisted in a shy smile. “It was a bit hard to do that after he asked me to marry him and help raise Holly.”

  “Whoa. The old guy doesn’t mess around, does he?”

  “Who’s gettin’ married?” Andy asked, plopping onto the end of the chaise lounge.

  “Innes and Mattie.”

  “I didn’t say yes yet,” Mattie corrected.

  “Why the heck not?” Andy huffed. “I know he makes you crazy with all his annoying little habits, but you love him and Holly, don’t you?”

  “Andy’s right. Go for it. A warm bed can make a lot of those pesky habits of his seem pretty trivial.”

  “I’m just afraid he’ll get sick, and I’ll have to go through what I did with Walter all over again.”

  Casey squeezed Mattie’s hand. “Face it. If you love Innes, you’ll want to be there for him, and you’ll grieve whether you’re his wife or not. The two of you are only in your mid-sixties, you have a lot of good years left.”

  “And who’s to say he won’t end up taking care of you?” Andy added.

  Mattie’s gazed bounced between them. “You don’t think he wants to marry me just to make sure Holly has a home if something happens to him?”

  “No, I don’t.” Casey adjusted her bra and tank top.

  “It might be one of his considerations, but I’m sure Innes could find a lot of other people who would agree to be Holly’s guardian,” Andy pointed out.

  Casey put Jamie up to her shoulder and patted her back. “Mattie, you both have a lot of good years left. Don’t waste them.”

  “But it’s all happened so fast. Holly and he just moved in with me.”

  “People get to know each other pretty fast when they’re living together.” Andy reached for the baby. “Please. Let me burp her.”

  While Casey transferred Jamie to her friend’s outstretched arms, Mattie glanced sideways at Andy. “You’re a fine one to talk, Missy. I don’t see you giving that man who’s chasing you much of a chance.”

  Andy’s face flushed to
a deep pink. “Actually, Paul talked me into moving in with him last night.”

  “Oh-my-gosh!” Casey squealed. “That’s wonderful. I don’t think you’ll be sorry.”

  Andy arched her eyebrows at Mattie. “Well, are we invited to a wedding or not?”

  “Don’t you think I ought to tell Innes my decision before I start making up a guest list?”

  “I suppose we could let you do that.” Casey chuckled softly and heaved a wistful sigh. At least, Andy and Mattie had a shot at a happy ending.

  Her gaze drifted to David sitting on the side of the pool, swishing his feet in the water. He sipped beer from a longneck bottle while he talked sports with his dad and Paul. He looked so handsome and carefree.

  Even though she had zero interest in sex, she still wanted one last chance to show him how much she loved him before Brianna came home and she had to face the possibility of letting him go.

  ~*~

  Man, he was wiped out. Marc pressed the garage door remote as he pulled into his wide cobblestone driveway on Monday evening. Throughout the last six-hour surgery, all he’d been able to think about was sinking into a hot bath with Brianna and letting her sing for him while she massaged his aching shoulders the way she had the last time he’d had a tough day.

  “So much for that plan,” he muttered as he climbed out of his SUV, finding her Porsche missing from the three-car garage.

  Where the hell was she? She’d told him the band’s regular vocalist had returned—a tidbit of information which still had him doing a mental happy dance.

  He’d finally gone to see her perform one evening a week ago and had been viciously attacked by the green-eyed monster. The audience had gone crazy watching her dance in her tight jeans and the skimpy denim vest that the bandleader had insisted she wear instead of a blouse. Marc’s insides had twisted violently while she’d sung to the crowd of Neanderthals too busy lusting after her body to appreciate her tremendous voice.

  As he strolled through the back door into the kitchen, his gaze zeroed in on a sheet of paper lying on the countertop. He picked up the page to read it.

  Dearest Marc,

  My sister had her baby early—a little girl. I’m sorry to leave without talking to you, but it’ll probably be easier for both of us if I make the break clean and fast.

  What the hell did she mean by break? Wasn’t she planning on coming back?

  He glanced around the room, searching for anything that belonged to her to dispel his fear. Finding nothing, he refocused on her note.

  Please don’t think I’m not appreciative of everything you’ve done for me. Despite how lousy my treatment made me feel, the last few months have been the best in my life.

  Damn it. If she was that all-fired happy, why the hell was she bugging out?

  I can almost hear what you’re thinking. Then why is she leaving? I’m going home because I realized you’re right about how unfair I’ve been to my family—especially Casey who’s like my other half.

  Please forgive me, Marc. Each day, I fall deeper and deeper in love with you. If I get any more involved than I am now, it’ll simply make it harder to die. Better you mourn the loss of me now rather than later when I’ll leave even more of a void in your life.

  Damn it. She was so busy mentally digging her grave she couldn’t see how essential she’d already become to him. The thought of never holding her again left him unable to breathe.

  If you care at all, you’ll respect my wishes and let me take the easy way out.

  All my love,

  Brianna

  The ink in her signature was badly smeared—no doubt by her tears.

  “Fuck!” Marc slammed the letter down on the counter. Would it make him a world-class bastard if he went after her, knowing how hard it had been for her to leave?

  Tough. She could call him a selfish son of a bitch seven times a day if she liked. It was probably true.

  He pulled his phone out of his pocket to check the airline schedule. He wouldn’t let her do this. Not when they were so perfect together. The Lord owed him one after taking Francie. God wouldn’t dare deny him Brianna, too.

  After all, hadn’t it been the Almighty who’d given Marc the surgical skill to buy Brianna more time? How much she ended up with didn’t matter. He only knew he wanted to share every precious minute with her.

  ~*~

  “I didn’t think they’d ever leave,” David said, breathing his daughter’s baby scent. He cuddled Jamie in the oversized rocking chair Brianna had bought for him after they’d learned Casey was pregnant.

  “What do you mean? It’s still early.” Casey closed the nursery’s blinds, glancing at her watch. “Only nine o’clock.”

  “Not early enough if you ask me. I’ve been competing for a chance to hold my daughter all day, and I haven’t had any time with you.”

  If Mattie, Andy, and Holly hadn’t been fussing over the baby and Casey, his mother had been doting on them. “I became a pediatrician because I like kids. Having my own child is nothing like I expected.” He shook his head, unable to find the words to describe the instantaneous love he felt for the little bundle he barely knew.

  “Well, relax.” Casey planted a kiss on his forehead. “She’s all yours now. You can spend the entire day tomorrow holding her.”

  David had asked Rick, the associate he’d hired, to cover his Tuesday office visits so he could help with the baby and orientate the new housekeeper. “Mrs. Armstrong is starting tomorrow morning, remember?”

  “As if I could forget,” Casey muttered.

  “Damn it, Tinkerbelle, you act like I’m trying to punish you.” He stood and gently propped his daughter on her side in the crib, then covered her with a light receiving blanket. “I just want to make things easier. We’re gonna need help with Jamie once you start teaching again.”

  She’d made such a difference in his life. He wished he could do more for her.

  All these years, he’d been chasing his own tail, trying to live his brother’s life and hating himself. Casey had forced him to look at all his warts and examine his motives. She’d helped him make the changes that allowed him—for the first time—to respect the man in the mirror.

  He followed her to the master suite, tugging off his polo shirt. “Paul suggested a business deal today and asked whether I thought you might be interested.”

  “What sort of deal?”

  “How would you feel about him buying into your preschool as a wedding gift for Andy?”

  “Ohmygosh! He’s gonna propose?”

  “Eventually. But he needs to give her some time. Paul’s afraid if he asks her too soon, she’ll bolt. So you better not say anything to her.” He tossed his shirt in the hamper. “So what do you think? Would you like her as a business partner? She could take over the administrative side of the school and let you spend most of your time teaching. That way you’d have more time with Jamie. You could pay off the addition with what Paul gives you for Andy’s share.”

  If she didn’t have to pay the mortgage on the addition, she could split her profit and still have enough income to buy a small house. “It’s a great idea.” She dragged her sundress over her head. “I can’t wait for him to propose so I can talk to her about it.”

  Turning down the bed, he watched her slip a silky camisole over her nursing bra, and his throat swelled. Even wearing granny panties lined with a thick sanitary pad, the mother of his child looked sexy as hell.

  Why had it taken him so damn long to notice that her inner radiance outshone any classically beautiful woman he’d ever known? Not a doubt remained that he loved Casey with every fiber of his being or that he wanted to grow old with her. While talking to his love-struck friend that afternoon, David had realized he wanted nothing more than to have Casey as his wife.

  “I know it’s been a long day for you,” he rasped past the thickness hindering his words, “but I have something important I need to ask yo—”

  “Please,” she pleaded and pressed her fingers to
his lips, “can it wait until tomorrow? The last thing I want to do tonight is talk.” She stared into his eyes, her pupils dilating as she fumbled with the button on his shorts.

  He narrowed his gaze and smiled. “So then what do you want? You’ve just had a baby, sweetheart. Sex isn’t an option.”

  “Maybe not for me,” she whispered, licking her lips. “But that doesn’t apply to you.”

  “Aren’t you exhausted?”

  “How could I be tired? No one let me lift a finger all day. Your mother even made me take a nap.”

  His erection swelled as she tugged down his cargo shorts along with his boxers. “Well, I—uhhh—” He swallowed hard. “I just wanted to tell you—”

  “For the last two months, we’ve been playing eunuch and harem girl,” she cut him off, shoving him back on the bed and yanking the clothing off his ankles. “Tonight you’re the Sultan.”

  “Oh?” He was definitely going to like this game.

  “And I’m a concubine given to you by a neighboring potentate as a gift to seal an alliance.”

  “And it’s time to unwrap my present.”

  When he tried to strip her camisole over her head, she stopped him. “No. This gift is staying wrapped tonight. I’ve been trained in the art of physical pleasure and ordered to satisfy your every desire—whatever it might be.”

  “Every desire?” His voice cracked as molten heat flooded his groin and stole his breath.

  “Uh-huh.” Her soft hand cupped the weight of him and gently caressed him. “I’ll disgrace my family and former master if I don’t fulfill my destiny and please you more than any other gift you’ve ever received.”

  Oh, damn. Yes.

  He squeezed his eyes shut, surrendering completely to her exquisite stroking and nearly lost it when she flicked her tongue at his nipples. “I love you.” He forced the words through his clenched teeth, waves of shivers coursing through him.