by Claire Adams
“Really?”
“In fact, I was dreaming of you when you woke me up just now.”
“Good dreams, I hope.”
“I thought you were an angel,” I said. “I didn’t want to wake up because I thought I’d never see you again.”
Megan smiled. “I tried everything to wake you up…kissing and hugging and talking.”
“I just thought it was the dream,” I laughed.
She shook her head at me. “You were tired,” she said. “You needed to rest.”
“The only reason I was able to get any rest at all is because you were next to me,” I said. “I liked having you over.”
“I liked staying over.” She nodded. “It was so nice spending the night in a real bed, as opposed to a sofa.”
“How about you stay over tonight, too?” I suggested enthusiastically.
“Tonight?” Megan repeated.
“Why not?” I said. “Tomorrow’s my day off, so we can have a late night and sleep in tomorrow. What do you think?”
“Sounds nice.”
“Sounds more than nice,” I said, already imagining how it would all unfold. “Come on…say yes.”
“Yes.” Megan nodded, with a smile.
I kissed her on the cheek and gave her a wink. “Thanks for the eggs… but I really need to make a move.”
“Of course.” She nodded. “So do I, actually.”
“No problem,” I said. “I can drop you off.”
“You don’t have to,” she said immediately. “I’m okay to walk.”
“Don’t be silly,” I insisted. “Let’s go.”
She went back into my bedroom to put on her clothes from the night before. Then we headed out together, and I couldn’t help enjoying the small bit of domesticity I had tasted. I had always assumed that kind of life would feel strange to me, but on the contrary, it felt very natural.
“Are those the same clothes you wore to the office yesterday?” I asked.
Megan laughed. “Thankfully, no. After you called, I went home and changed before I headed to your place.”
“You might want to bring some clothes over to my place tonight.”
“I will.” She nodded.
I stopped outside the building she worked at, and she turned to me and gave me a kiss before stepping out of the car. I waited till she had disappeared from sight before driving over to the station. I was in a pretty great mood as I headed into the day room where the rest of the boys were hanging out.
“Hi, man.” Kendrick nodded to me.
He and the rest of the boys looked a little dour, and I realized they were still trying to process what had happened the day before. I might have been in the same mindset had Megan not been with me the whole of last night. I felt instantly grateful to have had something pure and perfect to go home to.
We had a pretty relaxed day at the station. There were a few minor calls, but nothing life-threatening. We made two runs before settling into the maintenance apparatus bay to sort through our supplies, equipment, and do some organizing for later. The whole time, however, I kept thinking of Megan and in the end, I couldn’t help but text her.
“Marta brought the most amazing chocolate chip cookies into work today,” she wrote back. “I’m thinking I could live off these for the rest of my life.”
“If I’m being honest, I’m not really a chocolate person,” I wrote back.
She replied with three shocked face emojis. “You are joking.”
“I am not.”
“Okay, I don’t think we can see each other anymore,” Megan wrote. “Our faiths are just too different.”
I laughed at that. “I’m open to being converted,” I told her.
“Excellent. I know this great little pastry shop we can visit…maybe tomorrow?”
“Sounds perfect,” I replied.
I realized I used that word a lot around her.
“Hey, Phil?” Ryan called to me.
“Yeah?” I said, without even looking up at him.
“You’ve been texting all morning.”
“Yeah?” I said, slightly distracted.
“Anyone special?”
“No one you know,” I said.
“Wait!” Kendrick said, joining us. “Is this the girl you’ve been interested in?”
“Uh…”
“It is!” he said, clapping his hands together. “It is, isn’t it?”
I smiled as the guys crowded around me. “Well…tell us about her?” Mel insisted.
“Her name is Megan,” I said with a smile. “And, we just started dating.”
“But Romeo’s had the hots for her for a while, am I right?” Kendrick said, as though he had all the inside details. “She’s his friend’s sister.”
The boys let out a stream of whistles and catcalls, and I rolled my eyes. “Grow up, guys,” I told them.
“This is the first girlfriend we’ve known you to have since you started working with us,” Mel pointed out. “It’s a big deal.”
I thought about that for a second and realized he was right. Megan was the first girlfriend I’d had since becoming a firefighter. There had been girls before, but they were mostly casual flings that lasted only a few weeks or one-night stands that I never saw again. Half the time, I didn’t even know their names.
“How serious is this thing with Megan?” Mel asked.
“We only just started dating,” I admitted. “But we’ve been talking for months now… I mean, we can go hours and hours.”
“That’s a good sign,” Mel nodded. “You need a partner you can talk to.”
“Fuck conversation,” Kendrick said. “The really important question is how is the sex?”
I gave him a smile but refused to answer.
“Come on, dude,” Kendrick insisted. “I tell you every time I sleep with a new girl.”
“I never ask,” I pointed out.
“You never have to. I’m generous with my information.”
I laughed. “You are.” I nodded. “A little too generous, if you ask me.”
“When do we get to meet her?” Ryan asked.
“Whoa…we’re not there yet,” I said quickly. “Let’s take this slow, okay?”
“Does that mean you haven’t slept with her yet?” Kendrick asked.
I playfully punched him in the arm. “You’re like a dog with a bone,” I said, as I headed off for a little privacy to finish my conversation with Megan.
For the first time in a long time, I was looking forward to my shift being over so that I could hurry home. The guys seemed to sense my excitement.
“You need me to give you some pointers, dude?” Kendrick asked as I was about to leave. “I know how to make a woman happy in bed.”
I laughed. “Please… I’m the one who gave you those pointers in the first place.”
“Fuck off… that was all me.”
Laughing, I said goodbye to the guys and headed home. I wasn’t sure if Megan was already at my place or if she was heading over. I drove a little faster than I should have and rushed to my front door. I walked into my apartment and looked around expectantly.
“Megan?” I called out.
She appeared from my bedroom, wearing a beautiful red dress in a soft flowing silk that hung off her body in romantic wisps. Her eyes were bright, and her smile was breathtaking. She looked like the angel from my dreams—except this was better because this was real.
Chapter Fourteen
Megan
“Did you like the movie?” Phil asked me.
It had been just another run of the mill action-romance flick, but what I had really enjoyed was being with Phil without being interrupted by any exes. It wasn’t that I had felt legitimately threatened, but my insecurities had been stirred up by Anna’s presence. All those fears and worries had disappeared that night in the park when Phil had held my hand and told me all about his past.
“I did,” I said. “Standard popcorn movie, but it’s nice to turn your brain off once in a while.�
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“Definitely,” he nodded. “Especially lately.”
“It’s been a stressful few weeks for you, hasn’t it?” I asked.
“Life as a fireman is unpredictable, but I suppose the one thing that’s constant is the stress. It’s part of the job, though, so it’s part of my life now.”
“Do you remember your first rescue?” I asked.
Phil smiled. “Of course.” He nodded. “I was like a headless chicken, but in the end, everything ended well. It was a small fire in a house in this little cul-de-sac near Leighton. No one was in at the time of the fire except the family dog. When I walked outside with that little dog strapped under my arm, I got the biggest round of applause I’d ever gotten in my life.”
I smiled. “That’s a nice story.”
“I wish they could all be that nice.”
We held hands and walked down the pavement away from the theater and towards Covent Street. It was full of little restaurants and pubs, and we would have our pick of cuisine.
“What do you feel like eating?” Phil asked me.
“There are so many places to choose from,” I said. “But to be honest, they’re all crowded, and I kind of prefer a more laid-back atmosphere.”
“Actually, that sounds nice,” he agreed. “How about we get takeout from General Tao’s? That way we can find a nice quiet spot somewhere and eat there.”
“Great idea,” I nodded.
After we had our food, we walked around the area looking for a place to sit and eat. In the end, we found ourselves at another park. We walked over to the abandoned benches and sat down opposite one another.
“Parks are becoming our thing,” Phil pointed out.
“I was just about to say the same thing.” I nodded.
We unpacked the cartons of food and started eating. It was a wonderful night. The sky was filled with blinking stars, and the night air was cool, but not unbearably so. It was quiet and romantic, and there was an air of promise about the wind. Every so often a car would pass by, but the sound was muffled, almost distant, and didn’t bother us at all.
“Hey…I have a question for you,” I said.
“You can ask me anything.” Phil nodded.
“Well…it’s about Anna.”
“Oh,” he replied, but he smiled a little.
“I don’t want you to think I’m jealous or angry about that night,” I said, wanting to make that clear. “I’m just…curious. That’s all.”
“Don’t worry, Megan,” Phil said. “I stand by what I said; you can ask me anything.”
“You told me that you broke up with her during your training period?”
“Yes.” He nodded.
“Was it mutual?”
“I’m the one who broached the subject of ending things,” Phil replied. “But the fact that she agreed so readily told me that she was thinking of breaking up with me, too. I knew I was neglecting her, and I knew she wasn’t happy…”
“Was that your only reason for breaking up with her?” I asked.
“Well, no,” Phil admitted. “I suppose I wanted to concentrate on my training and my job. To be honest, it was a little inconvenient having a girlfriend at that point. And, I started to realize that I was beginning to resent her for splitting my focus and for expecting me to be around a lot. I expected her to understand, and most often, she didn’t.”
“I see.” I nodded. “I suppose that brings up another important question. How is our relationship different to that one?”
Phil’s eyes were serious and somber, and I knew he was taking this seriously. “Because I’m different now,” he said. “I know that doesn’t sound like much of a reason, but it’s the only way I can think of to explain. I needed to be selfish at that point to get through my training. It was a long and arduous period, and it required one hundred percent commitment on my part.
“I’ve been a firefighter now for about four years, and in those four years, I haven’t had a serious relationship with anyone. There have been women, but they were nothing more than passing ships in the night. Anna was my last relationship.
“I suppose meeting you made me realize that I was ready to try my hand at a relationship again. Not just because I achieved what I set out to achieve, but because I realized that…I was lonely.”
“It’s strange,” I said. “That’s exactly what I felt like when I met you…lonely.”
“Did you move out here just because your brother lived here?”
“Partly.” I nodded. “But also because I didn’t want to move back home. I didn’t want to be too close to my parents.”
“Brent never talks about them very much.”
“Because they’ve always been embarrassing,” I said honestly. “And, I don’t mean embarrassing in the way most people mean it. They’re the kind of people who’re stuck in the past, with all these archaic ideas about how the world should work. It’s the kind of backward thinking that chased Brent away the first chance he got. They’re my parents, and I love them… But I can’t help feeling that I love them sometimes because I have to.”
Phil smiled. “That makes a lot of sense.”
I paused for a moment, wondering if I should tell him or not. I knew I was being hypocritical. I had wanted him to be honest with me. I had wanted him to share his past with me, and I hadn’t given him the same courtesy. He deserved to know my secrets, too, and he had more than earned the right to ask. Which was why the fact that he had not asked me yet made me admire and respect him that much more.
“I didn’t tell them that I dropped out of college until a month after I had done it,” I confessed.
“How did they take it?” he asked.
I sighed deeply. “Not well. They accused me of shaming them and lying to them. They ordered me to go back and finish, but I had to say no.”
“Why?”
I glanced up at him. “I had this professor called John Gilbert. He was this charismatic older professor who had reached tenure about a year or so back. He was extremely respected among the alumni, and I had to admit, I was pretty impressed with him myself. I was struggling through my course a little. He offered to personally tutor me, which was surprising, but of course, I jumped at the opportunity.”
I paused for a moment, unwilling to remember those awful months under his tutorship. But I needed to tell Phil this because he deserved to know. “The first private tutoring session we had was…amazing. He was friendlier than I’d expected. He was patient and funny and really, really interesting. I was so looking forward to the second session, and I practically rushed to it that second week.
“The second class we had together made me slightly uncomfortable. He was a little friendlier than was professional, and he kept touching me. It wasn’t anything major, he just kept touching my arm and shoulder… But he did it so much that I started to wonder.”
Phil’s expression had turned dark, but now that I had started talking, I knew I couldn’t stop.
“He kept this up for the next few sessions and I almost got used to it. I guess I just made excuses for him and there was really nothing too inappropriate about his closeness. And then…slowly it began to get worse.”
“He didn’t…he didn’t…rape you, did he?” Phil asked, as though he were choking out the words.
“No,” I said quickly. “No, thank God, it never went that far. But he did kiss me. It was completely unexpected, and I was taken off guard. Maybe that was why I froze. He took that to mean I was willing and started to pull up my skirt. When he reached my underwear, something in me snapped, and I pushed him away from me.”
“What did he do?” Phil asked, leaning towards me.
“He looked at me for a moment, and then he adjusted his shirt as though nothing had happened. He told me he’d see me at our next session and then basically dismissed me.
“I was so shocked, I just grabbed my bag and left. I wanted to stop going for the private tutoring sessions, but I actually needed the help. I assumed that he’d just misread the
signs and he’d made a mistake. I assumed that if I went back again, he’d keep his hands to himself and pretend like nothing had happened.”
“You went back?” Phil asked. I looked for judgment in his tone, but there was none.
“It was stupid and naïve and short-sighted, but yes… I went back, thinking we would just ignore what had happened the last time.”
“He did it again,” Phil said knowingly.
“This time, he got angry when I pushed him away,” I said softy. “He told me that I was a tease and a seductress, and that I had wanted him to touch me. I had brought this on myself.”
“That bastard,” Phil said, through gritted teeth.
“When I tried to leave, he blocked the door and tried to kiss me again. This time, I shoved him away from me as hard as I could, and he stumbled back and nearly fell. I threatened to go to the dean and report him.
“But he reminded me that I was just a student, and he had tenure, not to mention the dean’s ear. All he had to do was tell everyone that I had come on to him in hopes that I could seduce him into giving me a good grade.”
“That motherfucker,” Phil said angrily.
“After that… I stopped going to his classes. He kept trying to contact me, and I finally realized that I couldn’t stay there. He had all the power, and I had none.”
“You should have gone to the police,” Phil said. “And reported him. If the dean wasn’t going to listen to you—”
“The police weren’t going to listen to me either,” I said, cutting him off. “This is a man’s world, Phil—everything works against me, including the system.”
“You really believe that?” he asked.
“If I didn’t believe that, I wouldn’t have left,” I told him. “I don’t regret leaving, you know. The only thing I regret is not being able to finish my degree.”
He shook his head. “It’s not fair, what happened to you.”
“Life’s not fair,” I said. “But it needs to be endured all the same. I can start over… that’s why I came here in the first place. It doesn’t matter that John Gilbert thinks he’s achieved by running me out of town; he hasn’t won at all because I will start over. I have started over.”
Phil reached out and took my hand. “You’re stronger than you look. I knew that the day I met you.”