by Claire Adams
“But—”
“No,” she said, interrupting me. “He doesn’t need to know that. In any case, it might just scare him. And you don’t want him to back out at the last minute, do you?”
“Of course not.”
“Don’t tell him.”
“He might figure it out, though,” I pointed out.
“How?”
“Well… What if I…make a mistake?”
Missy laughed as she put her hands on my shoulders and gave me a little shake. “You’re over thinking now.”
“Very possibly.”
“As I said before, just relax and enjoy yourself, okay?”
I sighed. “I’ll try,” I nodded. “But can I ask you one favor?”
“What?” she asked suspiciously.
“Just try and find out what the consequences are if you’re caught having a relationship with a teacher.”
“Nat—”
“I’m still going on the date,” I pointed out. “But since I’m doing this, I just want to know what I’m risking. That’s fair, right?”
“Fine,” she huffed. “I’ll do a little research.”
“Thank you.”
I gave Missy a hug, and when I let go, I was feeling a little more confident. “Okay,” I said. “I think it’s time for me to leave.”
She looked at me and shook her head in disbelief. “It’s like I’m watching my child go off to college or something… I just feel so proud.”
I laughed. “Oops, forgot my phone.”
“Here you go,” Missy said, passing it over to me.
“And my purse,” I said, spying it on my desktop.
She shook her head and threw it over to me. “You are nervous, huh?”
“Can you blame me?” I asked. “This is the first time I’ve going over to a guy’s house.”
“A lot of firsts for you tonight, huh?”
“We don’t know that sex is definitely going to happen tonight,” I pointed out.
She rolled her eyes. “Oh, it’s happening… Unless of course, you chicken out at the last moment.”
“I’ll try not to,” I said. “Believe it or not, I actually want to jump this hurdle.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t be thinking of it as a hurdle.”
I smiled. “You know what I mean… I want to have experiences, and I don’t want to join the real world having never had sex.”
“Then tonight’s the night to make things happen,” she said. “Go get him, girl.”
I smiled and waved goodbye to Missy as I headed out. I checked the address that Chance had texted me earlier in the day. It was about a fifteen-minute drive from campus, and Missy had loaned me her Ford for the night. I found the car in the student parking lot that we shared between four different buildings and slipped inside, thankful for the warmth that engulfed me.
I pulled down the mirror and stared at my reflection. I looked flushed and nervous, but I thought I looked quite pretty, too. Most importantly, I looked like myself. I took courage from that thought and started the drive to Chance’s apartment.
Chapter Sixteen
Chance
I placed the dish of moussaka in front of her and sat down beside her at the table. Thankfully, her attention was taken by the food, and so I had the freedom to admire her. She was wearing a simple black mini dress underneath a decidedly un-simple jacket. Her hair was tied up into her usual ponytail, and her makeup was natural and understated.
“This is amazing,” she breathed, looking up at me. “You made all of this yourself?”
“I lived in Greece for six months when I was twenty-five,” I admitted. “I picked up a few things along the way.”
“Wow,” Natalie said, and her stark blue eyes were awe-filled. “Tell me what you’ve made?”
“We’ve got tzatziki with some pita bread, Greek salad, spanakopita, and of course, the moussaka.”
“Okay, I think I know all those things,” Natalie nodded. “Except the span…spana…”
“Spanakopita?”
“That’s the one,” she nodded.
“It’s essentially a pie made with filo pastry, spinach, and feta cheese.”
“Wow,” she said again.
“Have I impressed you?” I asked teasingly.
“You have,” she replied.
I smiled triumphantly. “Well then, mission accomplished.”
She looked flattered that I thought she was worth impressing, and again, I wondered what made her so unsure of herself. She was clearly a beautiful woman, so why was it that she acted as though she wasn’t?
“What was it like?” she asked. “Living in Greece?”
“It’s hard not to love Greece. I lived in this neighborhood in Athens called Neos Kosmos,” I said. “There’s so much culture and history there. It makes you feel small somehow, but not in a bad way.” I smiled. “That doesn’t make much sense, does it?”
“No, I get what you mean,” Natalie said. “It’s that feeling you get when you’re walking through this amazing landmark that’s been around centuries. You know that it’s seen just groundbreaking bits of history and you’re this little insignificant person, strolling through with only the faintest clue of what it was like back then.”
I smiled. “Where have you had that feeling?”
“Loads of places, mostly in the States when I’ve traveled with my parents,” Natalie replied. “But also the ancient Acropolis in Athens.”
“You like to travel?”
“I love to travel,” Natalie corrected. “I wish I could do it more often.”
“There’s still time.”
“Travel needs money as well as time though,” Natalie said. “I’ve only ever lived in the States. You’re lucky that you’ve got to live in so many different places.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“What?” she asked, growing self-conscious.
“I only mentioned living in Greece,” I pointed out. “How did you know that I’ve lived in other countries?”
“Oh,” she said, and her cheeks went red. “I… Um… I might have looked you up.”
I laughed. “You wanted to make sure I wasn’t a serial killer or something?”
She smiled. “Actually, I looked you up long before we met.”
“Is that right?”
Natalie blushed again and looked down at her plate. “The food is delicious, by the way.”
“You’re changing the subject.”
“Yes, I am.”
I laughed. “So, by the sounds of it, we’ve both been to Greece. How was your experience?”
“I loved Greece,” Natalie said. “But I was only able to go for two weeks. It was a high school graduation gift from my parents. I loved it so much that I actually did my freshman final paper on the history of Athens, with an emphasis on its religious significance. I hope to go again one day.”
“Is there another country on your bucket list?” I asked. “The one place you’d like to visit above all others?”
“France,” she replied, without missing a beat. “I’ve always wanted to see the Eiffel Tower surrounded by snow.”
“I’ve been to France,” I said. “But never during the winter. I can only imagine how much more beautiful it is dusted in snow.”
Natalie nodded. “Pictures are never the same, are they?”
“They’re not,” I agreed wholeheartedly. “People are content to watch travel channels, believing that the viewing experience is the same—”
“But it’s so completely different,” she finished the sentence for me. “Experiencing it for yourself is the only way to truly experience anything. I read extensively about Japan before I went, but going there… It was like another world, and all the reading I did didn’t make any difference at all.”
I smiled. “So was Greece your first overseas trip?”
“It was,” she nodded. “I did a lot of research before I went. My parents had saved up for this trip and I wanted to make the most of it.”
“I
did the same thing before my first trip,” I admitted. “I researched intensely about each place I was going to visit while I was there and then… I got there, and it was all so different.”
“Where was your first trip?”
“Africa,” I replied. “It was for three weeks when I was fourteen.”
“Who did you go with?”
“Uh…my mother was living in South Africa at the time,” I replied. “I went to visit her.”
“Oh.” Natalie nodded. She looked curious but didn’t ask me anything further. That fact alone made me want to open up to her.
“My mother left when I was twelve,” I told her.
“She…left?”
“She sat my sister and me down one night, and she told us that she was leaving for a while. She told us that she was divorcing my dad and that she needed to leave the States for a bit to…clear her head.”
“Wow,” Natalie whispered. “Did she ever come back to the States?”
“She told us she would,” I replied. “She told us she was only leaving for a short while. Then six months turned into a year. Mom and Dad got divorced, and still, she didn’t come back. Finally, we realized she wasn’t ever coming back.”
“Did…” Natalie stopped short.
“What?”
“Nothing,” she said, shaking her head. “It’s really none of my business.”
“It’s okay,” I assured her. “You can ask me anything.”
“Did your father want a divorce, too?”
“No,” I replied. “He was in love with her until the day he died.”
Natalie shook her head, and I could see how deeply she empathized with a man she’d never met. “Sorry,” I said, after a moment. “I didn’t mean to get the mood down.”
“You didn’t,” she assured me. “I’m glad you feel like you can talk to me.”
“Do you feel like you can talk to me?” I asked.
“I do,” she nodded.
“Really?”
“Of course.”
“Then can you answer something for me?”
“Yes.”
“Why did you run away from me that night on your birthday?” I asked.
Natalie raised her eyebrows. “You led me right into a trap, didn’t you?”
I laughed. “Does that mean you’re not going to answer the question?”
Natalie looked down for a moment and seemed to be marshaling her courage somehow. “I told you I was a little too drunk.”
“You did,” I nodded. “But I have a feeling that’s only part of the truth.”
“Well…”
“But I would also understand if you told me that I just came on too strong,” I said. “I have been known to be a straight shooter.”
Natalie smiled. “No, it wasn’t that you came on too strong,” she said. “Well, maybe that’s not the whole reason.”
I waited patiently for her to answer.
“The thing is…”
“Yes?”
“You have to promise me something,” Natalie said, as she took a deep breath.
“Okay?”
“Promise me that you won’t judge me?”
I raised an eyebrow. “Now you’re making me curious.”
“Promise?”
“I promise,” I nodded solemnly.
“Okay… That night when you asked me to come home with you… I freaked out because I’d never done that before.”
“You’d never gone home with a stranger before, you mean?”
“Well, that too,” she nodded. “But more specifically… I’ve never had… Um… I’ve never had sex before.”
I stared at her for a moment. “Oh.”
“I’m a virgin,” she said, and she gave a sigh as though she were relieved to have her secret out there.
“I see.” I nodded slowly, trying to process that information.
“So, do you think I’m a freak?” she asked timidly.
“Of course not,” I said instantly.
“It’s okay if you do,” she said. “I am twenty-one, and in this day and age, no one is a virgin anymore.”
“That’s obviously not true.” I smiled. “And to be clear, I’m not judging you. In fact, I actually find it refreshing.”
“You’re sweet.”
“I’m just being honest.”
“And polite.”
I smiled, but a part of me was starting to realize that sex was off the table tonight. She was in a vulnerable position, she was inexperienced, and she was obviously nervous. I didn’t want her to think I expected anything of her, especially now. I especially didn’t want to pressure her into anything. But even as I thought that, I realized how badly I had wanted to sleep with her.
“So, does what I just told you… bother you at all?” Natalie asked.
“No, it doesn’t.”
“You don’t have to lie.”
“I know.” I smiled. “I have to admit… I am a little surprised. But I’m not bothered by it at all.”
Natalie nodded and looked down at her plate self-consciously.
“Can I ask why you haven’t decided to…um…take the plunge, so to speak?”
She smiled. “I guess I never met a guy I wanted to sleep with,” she replied. “That’s the honest truth, really. “I was so busy studying hard and traveling when I could and working part-time jobs to make sure I could travel a little in my spare time that I never concentrated on boys very much. And before I knew it, I was twenty-one and still hadn’t had sex.”
“People put so much emphasis on having sex and having sex young… Now that I think about it, it doesn’t make sense. Why shouldn’t you wait till you’re ready? Why shouldn’t you wait till you’ve found someone you actually want to have sex with? What does it matter if you’re sixteen when you have sex or twenty-six?”
She smiled, and her eyes lit up at my words. “You really are a sweet guy.”
“I have my moments,” I smiled.
“Dinner was amazing,” she said, gesturing towards the table.
“I’m glad you liked it,” I smiled proudly. “This was one of my better meals, if I do say so myself.”
She laughed. “It makes me want to learn how to cook.”
“I could teach you, if you want?”
“Really?” Natalie looked surprised by the offer.
“Sure,” I nodded.
“I would like that,” she said softly.
We looked at each other for a moment, and nothing about it was awkward. I met her gaze with unapologetic admiration, and she was looking at me with an affection I realized I wasn’t afraid of.
“I’ll help you clean up,” Natalie said as we both rose from the table.
We cleared the table in silence. Once the dishes were piled into the sink, Natalie moved to wash them. “No way,” I said, grabbing her hands and spinning her away from the sink. “You’re not doing the dishes.”
“You did all the cooking,” she pointed out. “It’s only fair.”
“No way,” I insisted. “I’ll wash up later.”
She nodded and looked down, and it was only then that I realized I was still holding onto her hands. She turned up to me and leaned in to kiss me. Her lips were soft, gentle, and tentative. She kissed me like she was afraid I would back away. When I didn’t, she leaned in a little further as her body melted into mine. I held her for a moment, enjoying the innocent chasteness of the kiss.
When we pulled apart, her blue eyes were filled with an intense fire I had never seen before. She looked different at that moment. She looked powerful, strong, and sexy. She looked like a woman who knew what she wanted. She looked fearless.
“I’m ready.”
“What?” I asked, suddenly nervous without knowing why.
“I’m ready,” Natalie repeated again. “I want to be with you. I want my first time to be with you.”
I had never been nervous with a woman before, and yet somehow, my palms were sweating, my heart was racing, and I could feel its steady thrum
in my ears.
“I don’t want you to feel pressured—”
“I don’t,” she assured me. “I feel ready. I know I want this – and I want it now. It’s the perfect night, and you’re the perfect guy.”
I looked at her for a long moment, trying to make sure that she was sure. Natalie's eyes softened for a moment. “If you’re not interested, Chance, all you have to do is say so, and I’ll understand.”
I took her hand and pressed my lips to it. Then I turned and led her to my bedroom.
Chapter Seventeen
Natalie
I had the same feeling I had experienced on my first trip abroad. Except it was more all-consuming. My body felt like it was on fire, and he hadn’t even touched me yet.
His bedroom was small, modest, and bare. There was a queen-sized bed in the center of the room, flanked by two bedside tables. There were no picture frames, no unnecessary embellishments or decorative touches. There was nothing personal lying around, and I understood this to be a quality that had materialized from his nomadic lifestyle.
It struck me in that quiet moment just as we entered his room that he would leave this place, too. He would pack up his few belongings, get on a plane, and disappear from my life as easily as he had come into it. I wondered what it would feel like when he left, but I couldn’t bring myself to worry about that moment. Because no matter how hard I imagined it would feel to say goodbye to him, it still wasn’t worth turning away from this moment.
I turned around to face Chance. There were at least three feet between us, and I wondered if the space was meant to calm me down or excite me. I felt as though it was doing both in tandem with one another.
“Natalie.” Chance’s voice was deep but low.
“Yes?”
“Are you sure?”
I smiled. “Yes,” I nodded. “Are you?”
He almost smiled, but not quite. Instead of answering me, he took a few steps forward until we were only inches apart. A strand of hair had fallen loose from my ponytail; he raised his hand and twirled one of his fingers around it. Then he traced the same finger down my neck before he leaned in to kiss me. It was a soft, demure kiss. It was safe, innocent, and comforting, and I let myself get lost in it.
When he drew back, I realized that he’d pulled down the zip of my dress. I felt a little tingle of nerves, but I also felt more certain of my decision. I really did want this, and I wanted it with Chase. He was about to pull my dress down, and a shiver escaped me. He noticed it immediately and stopped.