“My life is boring.”
“I’m interested,” he smiled.
“Well, I’m 5'7”, love to eat, hate drama, love the idea of becoming a dancer one day but all my time and effort goes to my school work, and lastly, I would love to have kids and love them passionately and never give them up for nothing.”
“Interesting, and why did you say you will never give your kids up? Why should you in the first place?”
“Because my mother gave me away, at first I didn’t understand but now I do. I still wish she never did it.”
“I’m sorry about that.”
“Oh no it’s ok.”
“You know things happen.”
“I know that’s why I can’t punish her forever like I planned to.”
“Yeah that wouldn’t be nice.”
“I know.”
“So when are you taking me dancing? I want to see how you move on the dance floor. I love females that can dance.”
Maybe one day. Right now I will be all clumsy trying to dance with this brace on my leg,” I smiled.
It was getting dark outside as we talked and laughed; enjoying each other’s company. We continued nibbling on the food he prepared then we went to the pond and fed the fish. I felt like I was in a love story as my feelings for him got deeper. He was perfect and I loved everything about him.
“As much as I want to stay here with you, I got to take you home before it gets dark.”
He drove me home and asked for another date the next day and as much as I wanted to say yes, I promised Reggae I would spend that day with her because I had put her on the backburner.
“Tomorrow is a bad day. I promised my best friend I would spend the day with her since I canceled my plans with her today.”
“Oh, I thought you didn’t have any plans today?”
“No I didn’t because I cancelled them with her after you asked me out, knowing she would understand.”
“Well did she?”
“Not really but I’m going to make it up to her.”
“Ok sounds good. Call me tomorrow morning when you wake up.”
“Ok I will.”
He leaned over and we shared a kiss; which happened to be my first kiss, and I melted in his arms. I was not intending to stop kissing him even though I had no experience with real kissing so he took it upon himself to kiss me until my mouth went dry.
“Goodnight,” he said.
My body shook and no words came out. I nodded my head and crawled out of his car. I looked back at him as I walked up the stairs. From that moment after my first real kiss and the feelings that came along with it, I knew I was in love and the feeling was indescribable. I felt like my world was complete with just him in it. It was a feeling I would want everybody to experience. I wanted to be around him all day, just wanting to lay and relax with him and never get up. I knew this was true love and didn’t want out. My mind was made up that I was going to love him for the rest of my life. I felt complete for the first time in my life after my father’s death. To me he was like a closure that I needed to move on. He was my rock, he’s everything to me. I walked inside my apartment with a feeling out of this world, only to see Reggae waiting for me with her questions in mind.
“How was your date?”
I walked towards the kitchen and said, “I’m in love,” she looked at me like I had lost my mind.
“Girl it has only been two days now come back to earth.”
“I have been seeing him almost every day in class.”
“Girl you ain’t in love, you in lust, you know there’s a difference?”
“I know Reggae,” I said rolling my eyes at her with a smile on my face.
“Sure you do, just be careful please.”
“You don’t have to worry about me Reggae, I will be fine.”
“Oh yeah, I know that cause he knows better.”
I laughed at her and went to my room and laid across my bed with him on my mind hoping he would call soon. He didn’t call in due time so I jumped in the shower. Once I got out of the shower, I saw that he still didn’t call. So, I swallowed my pride and called him.
“Hey I was just about to call you,” I pondered on whether that was the truth or not.
“Oh yeah? What are you doing?”
“Nothing, doing something you might consider gross.”
“And what might that be?”
“Sitting in my favorite place; the bathroom, about to take a number two.”
“Ewww that’s my cue, call me when you’re done Mr. Nasty.”
“Ok,” he said with a laugh and we both hung up the phone.
I waited for his call and he called fifteen minutes later and we talked until I fell asleep with the phone still in my ear. The next day, I completed my project then took Reggae shopping and to the movies, yet I was still thinking about Celius. She then said something during the movie that shifted the mood of the day.
“This might be the last time we have a girls out together moment.”
“Don’t say that, not true.”
“Watch,” she said as we went back watching the movie then off to dinner.
Once we got home, I got on the phone with Celius and told him about my day with Reggae. As time went on, I stayed attached to the phone talking to him more and more and Reggae less and less without noticing it.
“What are you doing tomorrow evening?” he asked.
“Nothing.”
“Come spend the night with me.”
I smiled craving to finally lie next to him. It had been months that we had been dating and he had never once tempted me to have sex. Flirting was ok but it never went passed that until the next day when I spent the night at his house. He held me close to him as I moved back and forth on him craving for him to finally go inside me for the first time in my life. I wanted him to take my virginity and I wanted it right then and there with no hesitation. I knew what I wanted as he slowly caressed my body which was dripping in thirst. He kissed me as he slowly took my clothes off with one hand and used his other hand to caress my breasts and rubbed me as my panties got soaked with pleasure. I wasn’t doing anything but moaning, and I got louder when he finally found his way in me. He started slowly trying not to hurt me, but it hurt in a good way. I wanted him to never stop.
We made love that night and I fell asleep on his chest only to find myself waking up not wanting to take a shower. I wanted the moment I had with him that previous night to be attached to my skin forever. I had to take a shower though, I knew I would be hanging out with Reggae that day which I almost canceled because of the excitement that I had with spending time with Celius. I got up and got dressed to go home feeling tense after leaving him. I got home, changed my clothes being I just took a shower and we left. I had Celius still on my mind.
“Your obsessed,” she said as we drove to the mall.
“No I am not,” I said in defense.
“Ok, you right you not, your just a savage for the things you don't know.”
“I do know I’m not obsessed.”
“Crack heads don’t think they crack heads either so it’s ok.”
“Whatever Reggae.”
“You’re obsessed,” she whispered still in her joking mood.
“Shut up,” I said laughing as I hit her with my bag.
“Ok fine my bad, you’re getting obsessed with him,” she started cracking herself up as I went along with it hoping to change the mood. “So when are you going to see him again?”
“I don’t know.”
We drove the rest of the way with the music playing. Once we got to the mall, we shopped a little and we cut our day short because neither of us wanted to be there. I couldn’t wait to get home to call Celius and when I did, we talked for hours. Every day as I began to proceed to my fourth period class, I would look forward to seeing him in class and look forward to hanging out with him after class. Spending all my time with him dropped my grades and Reggae grew distant. I hadn’t noticed it until she brought i
t to my attention. I was lost in his world.
“Ella, can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Yeah sure, hey Cell I will call you right back,” I didn’t want to hang up the phone.
“Ok, but be on your way babe.”
“Ok I will,” I hung up the phone. “What’s up?” I asked Reggae.
“Girl what happened to you?”
“What you mean?" I looked at her with a puzzled face.
“You have changed and even your grades went down ever since you started hanging with him.”
“Oh you mean Celius.”
“Yes.”
“You tripping girl, and how did you know about my grades?”
“Ummm, because it was lying on the kitchen table and I’m nosey,” we both smiled, "But on a serious note, you are really changing.”
“Reggae I don’t think so, I’m just having fun.”
“I’m not saying don’t have fun, but make sure you put your priorities first.”
‘He is my first priority,’ I thought to myself but instead I replied with, “I do.”
“Ummm, no you don’t, and I’m beginning to think he is not good for you.”
“You have no idea what is good for me Reggae.
“Your right I don’t, but I do know you well enough to know you’re not normal right now.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Your grades are dropping and you’ve started skipping which never ever happened before.”
“Things happen ok?” I got up ready to go, “I’m happy you care about me but I’m a big girl and I can handle myself.” I kissed her on the cheek, “I love you and I will see you later.”
“Wait where you going?”
“Celius is taking me to the zoo.”
“Oh ok, have fun.”
“I will and please don’t worry about me mother, I will be ok.”
I knew she was worried about me, but I refused to turn down the one thing that made me happy after my father’s death. It might have been just for that moment, but I hoped for that moment to last forever. I walked out with some conviction knowing that she was worried about me. I expected that from her since she was my only friend that had been there through thick and thin. Tierra was my friend as well, but I didn’t take her too serious; our relationship was completely different from Reggae’s and mines.
I kept spending almost every day with Celius until we finally moved in together when I graduated college with a 3.0 GPA. I could have done better, but my craving for the love I was receiving from him seemed more important. I still managed to graduate with a 3.0 with the help of Celius and also with the help of the strangers I paid to do my homework.
Chapter 10
Living with Celius was great, but I had to find a way to keep my friendship with Reggae. I wasn’t planning to lose either of them, so compromising most of my life to spend quality time with both of them seems to have been worth it at the time. The only time I had for me was when I was at work. I would then come home to clean and cook for Celius and let him take me however he wanted. On the other hand, I would spend some time with Reggae when Celius was off working. As for Tiara, I cut off almost all ties with her once I saw a text message she sent to Celius saying, ‘I bet Ella can’t give you what I can give you.’
Talking to Celius about that situation, he said, “Baby it’s not worth confronting her so just leave it alone.”
“I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t confront her, but yet still smile in her face like nothing ever happened.”
I walked away ignoring Celius’ advice because I had planned to see Tiara a week from then. I kept feeling sick around a certain period of the month; my temper would jolt over anything. I kept throwing up every time I ate something, so I took myself to the drug store to get a pregnancy test. I was happy with the answer, I jumped up and down in the bathroom as Celius banged on the door asking, “Are you ok?”
“Yes, yes I’m fine!”
“Ok….”
I went to work that day pondering on when would be the best time to tell him. His birthday was coming soon so I thought that day would be the best day to let him know he was becoming a father. The problem with telling him on his birthday would be that I was seeing Reggae prior to his birthday, and I knew I couldn’t keep anything from her when I’m in her presence. I wanted to cancel, but I knew she was going to think something was wrong since she knew Celius and his friend were going out of town for the weekend.
I got to Reggae’s house on Friday night to see Tiara already there; which appalled me because that gave me all the more reason to keep my mouth shut. She was a ticket for not telling Reggae that day so I exhaled as I sipped on Moscato with them.
“So, how are you and Celius doing?” Tiara asked as I rolled my eyes.
“We are doing great as usual.”
“Awww that is good to hear, so you not fighting no females yet from staring him down for being so beautiful?” she said with a smile.
“Girl it’s pointless trying to fight over him when I know he is faithful,” I said with a little attitude trying not to let it show.
“How would you know that?”
“Know what?”
“That he is not cheating on you.”
“Because he is not stupid, he knows better,” I said with the rage of having enough of her already.
“You got him in check like that?" she kept pushing as my anger increased.
“Nah not at all, he just knows his limit and he loves what he got at home.”
At that point, her questions were starting to piss me off.
Reggae then intervened and said, “I hear that girl, now leave it alone before it turns into something else.”
“Nah Reggae, she can keep going,” I said staring at her intensely.
“Oh no sorry if I offended you.”
“You good, I don’t sweat your words.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Ummm, ok enough, can we go eat now?” Reggae asked.
“Oh no, we might as well finish this,” I said ready to explode.
“Yeah let’s finish this because I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Of course you don’t.”
“Whoa wait, you think I’m trying to get at your man?”
“Think? No not at all, I don’t think you trying to get at my man, I know you’re trying to get at him, but it’s ok because you are way below his taste.”
“What the fuck? You seriously think I’m trying to get at your man?” she got up looking angry which didn’t faze me.
“Ok I hate repeating myself and I’m done talking about this.” I turned to Reggae and asked her, “What did you make for dinner?”
“Now we talking, some shrimp fried rice,” Reggae said in relief.
“Sounds good let’s go eat.”
I got up and left them both in the living room.
Tiara then said, “No Ella we are not done with this, do you seriously think I would ever do that to you?”
“Ummm, yeah and you did.”
“How would you know?”
“Through the text you sent him.”
“Whoa wait, I don’t even have his number, how would I get his number to text him?”
“You tell me.”
“Seriously Ella, I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“Ok seriously, I can’t stand people sitting here in my face lying to me, I find that very disrespectful.”
“I promise Ella, I…”
“Stop it Tiara, seriously I’m done with this,” Ella said cutting her off.
She then said while getting in my face, “You know what? I’m not going to sit here and let you treat me like this.”
“Then leave,” I said pointing towards the door.
“I swear you’re such a bitch!”
“Thank you,” I said as I walked over and opened the door for her exit.
“You should know I’m not the one to play with,” she said before she walked out of the doo
r smiling as I shut the door behind her.
“I swear that girl is all mouth.”
“I hope you happy,” Reggae said.
“Nah I feel betrayed, but I’m not surprised though because we knew what a friend she was.”
“Oh Lord, now can we eat because I have been waiting on y’all bitches.”
“Sorry, it’s only one bitch now,” I laughed.
“Yeah sure, whatever.”
“Hey, look on the bright side, more food for us!”
“Oh wow you so greedy. Anyway how are you and Celius really doing though?”
“We’re good, we’re really good.”
“That’s good to hear. I’m happy y’all still going strong ever since college,” she said sounding like she meant it.
“I know right? I really love him and I hope this lasts forever because it feels so good. I just want everybody to experience this feeling,” I sighed and went on, “Anyways how are you and Andre doing?”
“Girl nothing, I’m over him.”
“Why?”
“Girl, that man don’t do shit.”
“What do you mean? He doesn’t take you out?”
“He ain’t got no money, hell he still owe me money!”
I laughed a little bit with a serious face.
“Oh my God, are you serious? Wow that is too crazy, but how do you feel about him?”
“I’m mad as hell that’s how I feel about him.”
“Why are you mad, because he owes you money?”
“Absolutely!”
“That is your man though, and there is nothing wrong with y’all supporting each other fifty-fifty.”
“I wish that was the case. I’m more of a ninety-nine and he is one percent, which is the percentage he earns from putting it down.”
We both laughed.
“Girl, but he’s only one percent?”
“Ummm yeah, sex only has one point with me. Responsibility, being a good provider, caring and loving is the areas where you get the most points from.”
“Oh yeah he got to go.”
“Yup, anyways isn’t Celius’ birthday coming up soon?”
“Oh yeah, wow you got a great memory.”
“Trust me I didn’t store that in my memory, you just make it hard for me to ever forget because you make a big deal about it every year.”
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