I could see I wasn’t going to change his mind about me. “I’m only seeking to do what God has called me to. I pray every day for wisdom. I’m supposed to help the weak, the hungry, the destitute, no matter who they may be or what they may look like. ‘And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.’”
He stood and faced me then, looking down on me with such contempt I nearly lost all the sympathy I’d gained for him. “Do you honestly believe that quoting verses will convince me of your innocence? Even Satan could quote Scripture when it suited his purpose.” He moved out of the pew and straightened himself like he was setting his thoughts against me anew. “Make no mistake, Miss Graves. If it becomes necessary, I will protect my flock.”
“There is only one Shepherd, Brother Cass, and it’s not you. At best, you are just another sheep in need of saving. And if you’re not careful, you might wind up being one of the goats.”
He stared at me long and hard. I guess long enough for me to understand that our fight wasn’t over. Then he turned and walked away. I made my way through the foyer and the front doors, determined never to set foot in that church again.
I could only hope that Cass would realize soon enough that my fight wasn’t with him, and it never would be again. My fight was in my own heart and mind, my own will to obey the Lord despite all doubt. It was the same fight Cass had to battle within himself. He just couldn’t see it. Or didn’t want to.
I walked down the steps of the church, pulling my coat tight around my waist as the winter wind whipped around me. I had a little time before the next train was scheduled to leave for Hanceville, so I wondered what I could possibly do to pass the time. All the businesses in town were closed, so there was no chance of pretending to shop. I’d decided to simply enjoy a longer route back to the station when I saw a familiar figure climb out of a car across the street.
Matthew strode over to me, catching me as I reached the sidewalk. “I knew I’d seen you when we were leaving. What are you doing here?”
My heart thudded in my chest, and it was so loud in my ears I could hardly hear. Why did he have to look so handsome on Sundays? Was God actually enjoying my torture?
“I had to talk to Brother Cass,” I said.
“I thought you two didn’t see eye to eye on things.”
That was quite an understatement. “I was hoping to correct that.”
“And did you?”
“Not exactly.”
He smiled, and I knew right then I was going to have to kill my own heart. “Can I give you a ride home?”
“What about Vanessa?”
“Vanessa?” He looked genuinely confused. “Why would you ask about her?”
“She was sitting next to you. I guess I just thought—” I had to stop there, cause to say what I thought might admit to more than I could say. He wrinkled his face at me, like he knew what I was thinking and found it absurd. That made me feel a little better.
“Look, you want a ride home or not? I got time and plenty of room. Besides, I think we need to talk about some things.”
“All right,” I said.
I didn’t like the sound of that, but I followed him over to his car and climbed in beside him. It was hard to think straight. I knew I shouldn’t be taking a ride from him cause every second I spent around him only made me love him more, even when I was mad at him. It was a constant battle in my head, one side longing for him and the other trying to scream reason into my heart.
“I wanted to say I’m sorry,” I said as we headed out of Cullman. “The last time we talked, I said things I shouldn’t have.” He didn’t say anything. Maybe he couldn’t forgive me this time. “You know how I can be sometimes. I just get mad about things, and my mouth runs away with me.”
“I know,” he said. “I done forgot all about it, okay?”
“Okay.” That was easier than I’d expected. “What did you want to talk to me about?”
“Look, I don’t want to start another fight with you. Lord knows I never come out ahead. But I know you aim to head back into them woods to see those colored folks again. I just want you to understand something first.”
He was expecting me to jump in with a fight right away. I could tell cause he barely took a breath between his sentences. He wasn’t giving me an ounce of room to argue.
“Now, I ain’t saying you can’t go down there. I know better. But I done talked it over with James, and we decided you don’t need to be going down there on your own no more. One of us is going with you. You got it?”
I nodded.
“I’m serious, Ruby.”
“I know.”
“So you’re all right with it, then?” He seemed a little suspicious. “Me or James will go with you?”
“Well, I suppose. But I’m just wondering how you plan on doing that with you being way off in Tuscaloosa and James working every waking hour of the day.”
He gripped the steering wheel a little tighter. “You’re going to have to understand where we’re coming from, ya hear? You can go on Sundays. I’ll be home most weekends, and when I’m not, James’ll make sure he can go.”
“So you two are going to all that trouble just for me?”
“Yes, if it means you don’t get yourself killed.”
“Fine. We start today.”
He was quiet for a while. I figured he was in shock that I’d agreed so easily. Truth was, I didn’t exactly want to go into those woods on my own again anyway. Every time I’d thought about it, I got goose bumps all over and started shivering like I was freezing. But I wondered how Hannah would feel about my coming back, let alone bringing someone with me.
We pulled into my driveway, and after Matthew said hello to Mother and James, I grabbed the gifts I had for Hannah and Samuel, and we headed out across the fields. He hadn’t said much else, but I could tell there was still something on his mind. Maybe he didn’t want people knowing he was going to a colored person’s house.
“You don’t have to go the whole way,” I said. “You can walk me to end of the path, and I’ll go to Hannah’s on my own.”
“Why would I do that?”
“I don’t know how she’ll feel about you coming along. I mean, the last time I went to see her, she told me to stop coming. I don’t even know if she’s still there.”
“She’s still there.” He glanced sideways at me.
“How do you know?”
“I went down there after you left for Good Hope. I found her, talked to her.”
I silently thanked God for sending him. “Was she all right?”
“She didn’t want to have much to do with me at first. I told her who I was, and that you were worried about her. She seemed pretty worried about you too.”
“What about Samuel?”
“He kept his distance. I think he may have even thrown a rock or two at me when my back was turned.”
I had to laugh at that. “He’s not easy to win over.”
“I told Mother about everything that happened, and I explained to her what you’d been doing. We got together enough food and clothes to get them through the winter.”
I stopped walking and faced him, unable to believe what I was hearing. My heart swelled as I realized that God had answered my prayers for Hannah in abundance. “You have no idea how much that means to me.”
“Look, don’t get the wrong idea, here. I ain’t saying I agree with all this. It still seems like a bad idea, and I think you’d be much better off just letting those folks be.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. I’m better off walking the path God wants for me.”
“You’re doing it again.”
“What?”
He sighed and kicked at a dirt clob. “Making the absurd sound perfectly reasonable.”
We went back to walking, and I decided it was best to change the subject. I asked about Mary and his family, about school and playing ball.
He talked about his classes and life at college. His grades weren’t great, which made his father mad, but he was learning and enjoying himself. He even said I should come visit sometime. I let myself imagine that for a second, even though I knew I shouldn’t.
We got to the edge of the woods before I was quite ready. I froze there, unable to take the first step. Matthew stood beside me, waiting quietly for me to decide. I didn’t have to go. He’d already said they were taken care of through the winter. I could turn around and go home, knowing they were fine. But I knew if I turned around now, I’d never go back. And what if Chester decided to pay her another visit? I couldn’t take that first step, but I couldn’t turn around for home either.
“You don’t have to do this today,” Matthew said.
“Yes, I do.”
“I’ll go for you.”
“You can’t do this for me.”
We were quiet again. I looked into the woods and saw the same path I’d taken for months. The pine trees were still green, and the path was still covered in brown needles. The smaller trees were barren, and the brush was thinned out. But it was the same.
Only, I could hear Chester’s voice.
“Come on,” Matthew said. “Let’s do this next week. Or some other time.”
Lord, give me peace. Quiet the fear. Let me hear you instead.
I took the first step, and suddenly everything was quiet. I let out a deep breath and felt God’s peace flood me. I smiled over at Matthew, who still looked unsure. Then I took more steps, each one becoming a little easier than the last.
Chapter Twenty-Two
When Matthew and I got to the end of the path, I was astonished at what I saw. Hannah’s shack was completely gone, and in its place was a freshly built home, made out of real lumber and everything. It was still tiny, but it looked sturdy enough to withstand a strong breeze, which was more than I could’ve said before.
“Did you do this?” I asked Matthew.
He shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal, but his eyes held a small gleam of pride. “It ain’t much. I just couldn’t in good conscience let them go on living in that dump when I knew I could at least put something together that wouldn’t blow over.”
I couldn’t stop myself from hugging his waist. “It’s amazing!”
“I guess if I want to build skyscrapers I should start somewhere.”
He smiled down at me, and I had to let go of him pretty quick before my chest exploded. We walked over to the front door, and I knocked. It took a few seconds, but then Hannah pulled the door open a crack and peeked outside. It was all I could do to keep from busting through that crack and giving her a huge hug. She didn’t seem as enthusiastic as I felt, but she did smile at me and open the door wide enough for me to come in. I took that as a good sign.
“Oh Hannah! Look at you!” I hugged her anyway, even though she stiffened as I did. “You’re about to pop!”
She pulled me back by my shoulders and scrunched up her eyebrows. “Now Miss Ruby, I done gots at least three more months to go. Don’t be saying I’s about to pop. I ain’t near ready for all that.”
I walked around the one-room house taking in the changes. It was slightly larger than before, with the same table and two chairs, but there was a bed over by the door where the pallet had been before. And in the corner where all our food jars had been smashed to pieces, new jars had been stacked on shelves made from planks of wood and stones. I thought for a minute I might cry.
“Matthew, I can’t believe you did all this. It’s wonderful! Hannah, do you like it?”
She frowned at both of us. “I reckon you both determined to make my life miserable with charity. Neither one of you got a lick a sense. But I reckon it’ll do.”
“Is Samuel here?” I asked.
“He’s around somewhere. Probably chasing critters or catching fish.”
It was so good to see her, and I was so thankful she seemed well. I was dying to ask her so many questions, especially about Chester, but I didn’t want Matthew knowing I’d remembered things. How was I ever going to ask her my questions with Matthew determined to come with me every time I came to visit?
Hannah offered us some water and biscuits, and she pulled out the chairs for us. Matthew insisted she sit, so he stood over in the corner while we caught up. Hannah told me all about the projects she’d started around their place, like the small garden behind the house and a quilt she planned to sell for extra money so that she could get a proper stove.
“So have things been pretty quiet?” I asked.
“I suppose.” She glanced over at Matthew before going on. “We ain’t had no more trouble.”
“I been hounding her about who attacked you,” Matthew called out. “She’s about as stubborn as you. Won’t say nothing about it.”
“Can’t say things I don’t know,” Hannah said.
“It’s fine.” I didn’t want to make things uncomfortable. I was relieved when Samuel walked in. I jumped up and gave him a hug too.
“I see we’re getting both crazies visiting today,” he said.
Hannah pinched his neck and scolded him. He complained and pushed her hand away. I could almost imagine that nothing awful had ever happened.
Samuel reached under the bed and brought the book I’d left for him over to me. “Can you read some to me?”
“Naw,” Hannah said. “Miss Ruby done come down here to visit with us, not entertain you.”
“I don’t mind,” I said. I took the book from him and we shared a smile that lit up his whole face. Then he sat on the bed and leaned back against the wall to listen. Matthew took a seat on the bed beside him, and Samuel sent a scowl in his direction. I picked up just where I’d left off, and for a little while we all got lost in Mowgli’s jungle.
Hannah had said that we could never be friends in this world, and that had hurt my heart so bad it nearly split wide open. But I couldn’t accept that. Maybe it wouldn’t be the same kind of friendship I had with Mary, but I was going to be Hannah’s friend, even if she didn’t believe it. And maybe someday she’d admit that she was my friend too.
When I finished reading, I handed the book back to Samuel for safe keeping. Matthew stood and suggested it was time to be getting back home.
“Just one more thing,” I said. “I have a couple of gifts for you.”
“Christmas presents?” Samuel asked.
“Nothing fancy,” I assured him. “Just a couple of things I picked up while I was away.”
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a small knife I’d found at Grandma Graves’ house. “That was my daddy’s knife when he was a boy,” I told him. Samuel’s huge smile told me I was passing it along to the right person. I showed him the spot on the end of the handle where Daddy had carved his initials. “You can put your own on there if you want.”
“Thank you, Miss Ruby.” He turned to Hannah, nearly jumping up and down. “Can I go down to the creek?”
“Yes, but don’t torture any animals with that thing!” By the time she’d finished he was already out the door and down the hill. She turned to me then, with an apprehensive smile. “You didn’t have to go to no trouble.”
“It was no trouble at all,” I said. I reached inside the basket I’d brought and pulled out a package of cookies. “These are for you and Samuel.” Then I pulled out the Bible I’d brought with me. “This is for you,” I said. “It was my grandmother’s, and it was very special to her. She kept it beside her bed, and it’s awful worn cause she read it so much. But I wanted you to have it.”
Hannah sat back in her chair and closed her eyes. I couldn’t tell if she was pleased or upset. I started to rethink my notion that she’d like it. But then she opened her eyes, and they were filled with tears.
“Miss Ruby, you done give us so much a yourself. I can’t say no to such a kind gift, but I ain’t worthy a such things.”
I put the Bible in her hands and closed mine over hers. “You’re one of God’s precious children, and he loves you. You
don’t have to be worthy; just accept the gift of his love. And mine.”
She shook her head and one of those tears escaped. “I was sure God done forgot me. Thought I deserved all the scorn I got, so I took it on my back and tried to keep going. I know you say he sent you to me, and maybe that’s so. I don’t know about such things. All I know is you’s the strongest, craziest, most stubborn girl I ever known. If you say God loves me, and he sent you down here, well then I can’t argue none. So I thank you for the gift, and I promise to keep it close to my heart.”
That time when I left, and I hugged Hannah’s neck, she hugged me back.
A few days later we had our first Christmas without Daddy. Even though it had always been a special time for us, we’d never had much when it came to Christmas. Fruit, nuts, a bit of candy in our stockings, and a meager gift from Santa were all we expected on Christmas morning. But this year, I wasn’t expecting anything.
I knew it would be difficult on all of us, especially Mother, but we each tried to do what we could to keep things happy, even James. On Christmas Eve morning, Mother and I gathered what we could to make a nice dinner. We kept it small, preparing a ham, cabbage, potatoes, and some chicken dressing. I helped Mother make the fudge, setting it aside to cool while we went hunting for a tree.
We found a nice-sized cedar near the edge of the woods across from our house. It was smaller than we’d had in the past, and a little lop-sided, but its smell wafted through the whole house. If I closed my eyes, I could put myself right back in our home. Trouble was, I knew I couldn’t go through the day with my eyes closed.
James had to work that evening, so we ate our supper early, and then Mother and I decorated the tree. We sang carols, strung popcorn, and tied little candles to several branches. It wasn’t quite satisfying—like having a biscuit when you were craving a whole meal—but it was all we had, all we could do. And it was enough.
I fell asleep on the pallet with Mother before James got home, so when I woke up on Christmas morning to the sounds of a fire being built nearby, I assumed he’d worked all night. But once I cleared the sleep out of my eyes, I saw that it wasn’t James building the fire.
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