“Are you sure you’ll be all right here?” I asked. “Your parents…They’re so cold. They didn’t even hug you or seem to want you here.”
She looked down at her hands in her lap, sadness creeping into her voice. “I can’t do nothing about that no more. I reckon they aim to carry they unhappiness to they graves. But that’s they burden, not mine.”
I knew it wasn’t any of my business, but I had to ask. “It’s cause of Calhoun, isn’t it? He’s Samuel’s father.”
She looked up and met my gaze, nodding slowly.
“He’s the one you were talking about, the one you loved.”
She nodded again.
“How did you…?” I couldn’t even form my question.
“No need to dig up those bones,” she said. “Like I said before. I was a fool.”
“I can understand that,” I said. “Love sure can make you lose sight of all reason.”
She raised an eyebrow at me. “You know something about such things, I gather.”
It was my turn to nod.
“Matthew?”
Another nod.
She sighed and leaned her head against the wall, a dreamy sort of look coming over her. “Don’t give up hope. You’s so young, child. And I can see things you can’t. He loves you too. He just don’t know it yet.”
I couldn’t let her words into my heart. “No, he couldn’t love me. He doesn’t really know me. Said so himself.”
“He’s confused. Give it some time.”
I thanked her and gave her a gentle hug. “I hope I get to see you again soon.”
“Me too.” She hugged me back with her good arm. “I can’t wait to hear about your next crazy scheme God gone send you on.”
I laughed as I headed for the door. I turned around for a last goodbye, and she lifted her hand to wave. “You know, Miss Ruby. I don’t think it’s such a crazy world after all, for a white girl and a colored girl to be friends. In fact, I think I like it just fine.”
The next day I was working in our yard to try to get things back to normal as much as possible. Asa had come to check on us while I was at the hospital with Hannah, and he helped us go through all the debris scattered across our property. I was glad to see him, and especially glad that Mother seemed happy he was there. When I got the chance, I pulled him aside and told him about everything that had happened with Hannah. It was good to share it with someone who understood.
“Funny how it changes everything,” I said, “but at the same time nothing’s changed.”
“You’ve changed,” he said as he tossed some branches onto the burn pile we were building. “A change inside of you like that makes you see the world differently.”
“I feel like I don’t belong in this world anymore.”
He stopped and looked at me. “You never did belong to it. You’ve probably felt a little out of place most of your life. But it’s not cause there’s something wrong with you. I hope you know that.”
“I’m not sure what to think yet. The way Matthew looked at me. It was like I was from another planet or something. I’m not sure I want to live my life keeping a huge part of myself secret from the people I care about.”
“I don’t think you have much choice,” he said. “Aunt Sarah once told me, and I guess my own experience proved her true, that once people know about it, you lose the gift altogether.”
I picked up what looked like a fence post and walked it across the yard, throwing it on the pile. “I thought you said you lost your gift cause you chased after your own glory.”
“That was mostly true. But it all started once a few people knew what I could do. Being lifted up on that pedestal was the seed of my pride. If I’d been more careful and realized that the gift was never really mine anyway, maybe my life would’ve turned out different. Maybe I could’ve helped more people.”
“Well, I can say for sure Matthew didn’t lift me up on a pedestal.”
About the time we got the front yard cleared of branches and such, I looked up to see Matthew’s car approach. My stomach knotted, and I looked around for another job to get busy on. By the time he stopped in front of the house and got out of his car, I was working on a burn pile in the back yard like my life depended on it. I heard him speak to Mother, Asa, and James. He asked where I was. My hands started shaking.
I took a deep breath as he came around the house. My heart fluttered inside my chest like a bird, and I let out my breath to calm it. I knew why he was there, and I was just going to have to endure it.
“You got a minute?” he asked.
I threw down the pile of debris in my arms. “Guess so.”
He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked around. “Looks like you’re making some progress here.”
“It’s slow going, but it’s going.”
He kicked at a mound of dirt, but didn’t say anything else for a good long minute.
“How’s your family?” I asked.
“Good. Everybody came through the storm just fine. A little damage to the house, but nothing major.”
“I’m glad to hear it.”
He was looking everywhere but at me. That just solidified in my mind what he was about to say. I wished he’d hurry it on up. Then it was like the flood gate opened.
“What you did the other day,” he said. “That was amazing. All of it. Delivering that baby, taking care of all of them in the car, and then in the hospital…Well, it was all amazing. I ain’t saying it wasn’t. I guess I just don’t understand it all. But I been thinking about things a lot. About us, and all that’s happened in the last year. I ain’t so sure we’re good for each other. I mean, we argue about almost everything. You don’t ever listen to me, just run off and do whatever fool thing comes into your head and claim God made you do it. I couldn’t wrap my head around you before all this healing stuff. I sure can’t do it now.”
He finally breathed. And he finally looked at me. “Then you had to go and tell me you love me.”
“I shouldn’t have said that,” I said.
“Why not? Cause it ain’t true? Or cause it is?”
“Cause it doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me.” He shook his head as he dropped his gaze to the ground. “You know, one of the hardest things for me when I was sick and sure I was gonna die, was knowing I was disappointing you. You had this unrelenting idea that I was gonna be healed, and somehow God had this great big life in store for me. At the time, I thought you were crazy, and it nearly drove me crazy knowing I was letting you down every day that I was still sick.”
“But that’s ridiculous,” I said. “I never thought you were letting me down. And I was right! God did heal you.”
“Yes, and I was so grateful. I still am. And I want to make my life worth it. I honestly do. But when you look at me, it’s like you see more than what’s there. You see someone better than I really am, and there’s this huge part of me that wants to be that person. But I ain’t so sure I can be. And then I’m letting you down again. Don’t you see? I don’t want to disappoint you or hurt you. But it seems like that’s all I do.”
“Wait a minute, are you saying that you don’t want to be around me cause you’re afraid you’ll disappoint me?” He didn’t answer. “That’s a load of malarkey, and you know it. If you don’t want to be my friend, then say so. And just tell me the truth. You don’t have to spare my feelings. I’ve known all along you didn’t love me. That’s not some new revelation that’s going to hurt me. You and I both know the real reason you don’t want to be my friend is cause you’re afraid of me. You’re afraid of what you think I can do, but you don’t understand the first thing about what you saw.”
“You’re right about that, for sure,” he said. “I don’t understand it. I don’t think I ever could. But I didn’t come here to talk about that.”
“Then what did you come here for? You made things pretty clear at the hospital. You didn’t have to come back to say them again.”
“I wanted to make sure
you were all right.”
I took a deep breath and prayed for wisdom. “Matthew, I will be fine. God has a wonderful life ahead for me, and a wonderful life ahead for you. There’s no need to dwell on this anymore. You go on and finish college, and build all those skyscrapers you dream of. I just hope that one day you come to understand that God wants so much more for you than you could ever dream of for yourself. I do see more than what’s in front of me. I see the man you could be. A man who builds a little home in the woods for a colored woman and her son is a much greater man than the one who builds skyscrapers for the wealthy.”
I couldn’t hardly take any more of this awful parting between us. I went back to loading my arms full of branches and trash. I walked it over to the pile and threw it all on top. I stood there and imagined myself heaping all my heartache on that pile as well. I’d let go of all the sadness I’d felt from Daddy, from Henry, and now from Matthew. I’d throw it all on top, and I’d walk away forever. But I guess you can’t throw off parts of yourself without changing who you are. And I’d decided I rather liked who I was.
I turned back to Matthew and set my mind right. “You best be going. I got a lot of work to finish up.”
He looked at me for a long moment, his eyes intense and flustered. Then he turned and walked away.
I knew right then that finding my calling meant losing any chance I had to be with him. How ironic, that the very gift that had saved him had ultimately pushed us apart. Asa had said there’d come a day when I’d regret ever being in that room when Matthew was healed. But I couldn’t regret any of it. I’d been a small part of God saving two lives in less than a year. How could I possibly wish for anything different? As much as it hurt to watch him walk away, I could see that God’s path for me, even one without Matthew, would be full of love and wonder.
I couldn’t throw off those parts of myself that hurt, but God had healed them all the same. Not in that miraculous way that sets people to talking, but in a way that made me see who I really was, and what real faith was all about. Faith isn’t the act of believing hard enough that God will do what you want him to. It’s believing that no matter what happens, God is good, and his mercy is deeper than any ocean.
THE END
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Author’s Note
Healing Ruby is a story I based on the life of my grandmother, Ruby Martin Hays. Although some of the events will be familiar to my family members, the story is in large part a fictional one, meant to honor my grandmother’s spirit, not retell her life in a biography.
Many readers may recognize the towns of Hanceville and Cullman, but other than their names, the events in and descriptions of those locations are also fictional. The same can be said for the town of Colony. Although it is an actual town near Hanceville, and it’s history is as a majority African-American town, none of the events described are based on actual people.
As for the veracity of the mysterious healing gift given to Ruby, I’ll leave that up to the reader to decide. I can tell you that the idea for this story came through many late night discussions with my father and his sisters about my grandmother having this gift. It has shaken me in many ways, and sent me on a journey to discovering a side of my grandmother that I never would have imagined. In the beginning, I was much like Matthew, suspicious of the idea of God healing in that way. But like Ruby says, God seems to do most things in ways I would have never thought of. So I can’t say for certain that the gift isn’t real. All I know is that my father and aunts have never lied to me about spiritual matters, and I believe their first-hand stories. What you believe will have to remain between you and God.
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Acknowledgements
I would like to thank all the friends and family that have contributed to putting this story together. First of all, there would be no story without my dad, who helped me through all my doubts and fears about getting it “wrong.” My mother has also been a continuous source of encouragement, enthusiastically reading each rewrite.
Thank you to Karen Lee-Thorpe, the best editor in the world, and a special thanks to my cousin Amy Hobbs, who not only designed a beautiful cover, but also responded to my every question of “Can you…?” with a resounding, “Sure!” Thank you so much to Mr. and Mrs. Pinion at the Jesse Owens Memorial Park and Museum, who allowed us to shoot the photos used in creating the cover.
I absolutely could not have put together such a beautiful book without the donations and encouragement from my family and friends. Thank you to Dawn Romano, Cindy Whitaker, Andrea Allen, Karen Foster, Terry Abbott, Tammy Thacker, Bret and Gail Collier, Jon Whiddon, Glenn and Sharon Wadsworth, Belinda Dunn, Shari Purdue, Lynn Spiers, April McAnnally, eileen Tebbens, Kelly Spiva, Brigitte Perigo, Wayne Hays, Randy Hays, Melinda Law, Diane Burton, Melody Reynolds, Wendy Flint, Kathleen Plumer and Barbara Gamble. You all gave me such a huge lift just when I needed it, and there’s no way to thank you enough.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Jennifer Westall loves writing Christian fiction as a way of exploring her own faith journey. Breaking Matthew (2015) is the second volume in the Healing Ruby series. The first in the series, Healing Ruby (2014) was inspired by events in the life of her grandmother, and explores the mysteries of faith healing. She’s also the author of Love’s Providence (2012), a contemporary Christian romance novel that navigates the minefield of dating and temptation. She resides in southwest Texas with her husband and two boys, where she homeschools by day and writes by night, thus explaining those pesky bags under her eyes. Readers can connect with her at jenniferhwestall.com or find her on Facebook and Twitter.
Copyright © 2014 by Jennifer H. Westall.
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Publisher’s Note: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are a product of the author’s imagination. Locales and public names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to businesses, companies, events, institutions, or locales is completely coincidental.
Book Layout ©2014 BookDesignTemplates.com
Cover Design by Amy Hobbs
Healing Ruby/ Jennifer H. Westall. -- 1st ed.
ISBN 978-0-9908759-1-8
Healing Ruby: A Novel Page 35