A Loaded Gun

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by Jerome Charyn


  He’d been burnt so many times, he said, ridiculed, told that the dag was a fake, and that he was a fraud. He called himself “partially cracked.” Again I smiled, and knew I was entering that country of the Queen Recluse, as her “Tutor,” Thomas Wentworth Higginson, had called Emily his half-cracked poetess. Finally Sam and I did talk on the phone one Friday morning. I was surprised to learn that he’d had no interest at all in Emily Dickinson before 1995. He was a daguerreotype collector who lived in the wilds of Vermont. His background was in economics and finance. He was sixty years old, he said.

  He’d found the daguerreotype at a junk shop outside Great Barrington, Massachusetts. The junk shop’s owner would buy “big house lots,” clean out a place, and auction off an entire lot. “I wasn’t out looking for Emily Dickinson stuff,” Sam said. For him it was always a question of “trash and treasure,” and often he could hardly tell the difference. He bought the dag for twenty-five bucks, found it at the back of a shelf. “Bingo!” Because he was involved in the nineteenth century in his daguerreotype hunts, he had a hunch that the woman on the left might be Dickinson. “The similarities were there. . . . She did look just like her to me. I’d seen the earlier daguerreotype. I’d devoured all my research books,” Sam told me.

  He quizzed the junk dealer about the new daguerreotype. “Where did you get this?”

  “I got it from a house clean-out over by Springfield.”

  That’s all the junkman would reveal.

  “I ain’t no writer,” Sam would later declare in an e-mail. “I’m a detective basically,” and he did a lot of detectiving: He dove into Dickinson’s archives, studied the 1847 daguerreotype, and compared it to his own. He scanned both images, and the deformity in her right eye seemed a bit too similar. The young, almost tubercular Emily of 1847 and the older, powerful woman on the left in the 1859 daguerreotype have a misshapen, flattish cornea, “and the dot of the ocular reflection to the light is way up and to the right” in both images.

  “I spent a lot of time with an eye surgeon at Dartmouth,” Sam said, and that surgeon, Dr. Susan Pepin, director of Neuro-Ophthalmology at the Dartmouth School of Medicine, who has an abiding interest in Emily and her eye problems, seemed to support Sam’s thesis that the woman in the 1859 portrait bears startling similarities to the woman in the 1847 daguerreotype—both have a similar astigmatism and a similar corneal curvature.

  “I’ve got Emily! I’ve got her eyes,” he said.

  But now Sam Carlo had a deeper problem—to identify the other woman in the dag. “For ten years I was stymied. It just gnawed at me. It was eating at my insides.” And one night in 2005, while having a glass of wine, he opened Sewall’s biography of Dickinson and landed right on a picture of Kate Anthon (i.e., Kate Scott). “I glanced down at the chin—that lady’s got two moles on the side of the chin.” Kate Anthon and the dark lady of the daguerreotype “had two of the exact same moles.” This was “the bingo moment!” He now had a complete tale—Emily and Kate—even if he had no real provenance. He poured through Emily’s letters and discovered that in an 1862 letter to Sam Bowles, Emily spoke about a mysterious image:

  When you come to Amherst, please God it were Today—I will tell you about the picture—if I can, I will—[Letter 252]

  Sam believes that this “picture” was the second daguerreotype, taken when the young widow, Kate Anthon, arrived in Amherst in 1859 to visit Sue and fell in love with the poet. But now it’s 1862; Kate has abandoned Emily, who writes to Bowles in Springfield “about a picture that’s upsetting her tremendously.” We get a glimpse of this anguish, according to Sam, in the penciled lines on the outside folded surface of an 1873 poem she had written to Kate but never sent:

  We shun because we prize her Face

  Lest sight’s ineffable disgrace

  Our Adoration stain[Fr1430A]

  “Sam Bowles was gaga over Kate Anthon,” and would have prized the daguerreotype, but he couldn’t reveal its existence to his children or his wife. “It goes into a box.” Enter Sam Carlo, 133 years later. Sam is convinced that the dag he had snatched up, almost by accident, had come from a drawer in the Bowles’ family house in Springfield, which the junkman from Great Barrington had cleaned out in 1995. And in a way, Sam’s been sorry ever since. The dag has been driving him “fairly insane—I told Mimi [Dakin] it was a curse that I found it, really. A curse.” But that didn’t dampen his detective work.

  Sam believes that the Dickinson clan—Austin, Sue, and Mattie—plotted to hide the poet’s affection for Kate, but the chief culprit was Mabel Todd’s daughter, Millicent, who in Bolts of Melody did hint at Emily’s “disappointment in a too-much-loved woman friend.” Yet after Rebecca Patterson published her book about the “riddle” of Emily’s romance with another woman, Millicent cobbled together Emily Dickinson: A Revelation (1954), about Judge Otis Lord’s courtship of Emily Dickinson. Lord was only one more in a very long line of mysterious and not so mysterious male suitors. Whether or not Emily’s letters to Lord, which were never sent, may have been spliced together from bits and pieces, I still liked the idea of Emily manipulating that thunderous man, and used it in my own novel about Dickinson (I had not read Patterson’s book at the time, since it had virtually disappeared, and the second dag had not surfaced yet.)

  Still, my own fondness for Lord doesn’t weaken Sam’s argument. Otis Lord may have indeed been a “beard,” used to cover up Emily’s fling with Kate. How will we ever find out? So much of Dickinson’s life has been redressed, like the first daguerreotype. We know her through her letters, poems, and fragments, which are every bit as deceptive as the deceptions that have been built around her. The fabric always tears as we try to approach her life through her lines. She’s already gone by the time we get near. That’s why Joseph Cornell’s boxes on Dickinson are so revealing. They leave us with all the sadness of an empty room, all the scratches and violent pull of flight. Dickinson has not only fled; she’s taken our entrails with her.

  Almost none of us recover from reading Dickinson, Sam Carlo included. And I’m grateful that he’s gone deep into the well, like some merman, and dredged up the second dag, which has its own miraculous provenance. Dickinson is a predator, and poor Kate seems to fall into some private infinity as she sits near the Loaded Gun.

  Endnotes

  EDITOR’S NOTE: The Selected Bibliography on pages 235–44 includes full references with all bibliographic details pertaining to the abbreviated citations used within this endnote section with the exception of the works of Shakespeare, which have been cited here in full. Each endnote starts with the page number on which the cited text begins.

  Author’s Note

  8“People like us”: Overbye.

  ONE: Zero at the Bone

  17“But always, from his polite replies”: Luce, p. 63.

  17“But I’ll have you know”: ibid., p. 70.

  18“His voice haunted me”: ibid., p. 71.

  20“For months, for years”: Rich, p. 158.

  20“Narrowed-down by her early”: ibid., pp. 159–60.

  20“I have come to imagine”: ibid., p. 160.

  21“Here I became again”: ibid., p. 161.

  22“the corseting of women’s bodies”: ibid.

  22“It is always what is under pressure”: ibid., p. 162.

  24“I think it is a poem”: ibid., pp. 172–73.

  24“If there is a female consciousness”: ibid., p. 174.

  25“an extremely painful and dangerous”: ibid., p. 175.

  26“wrote for the relief of”: Higginson, “An Open Portfolio,” p. 392.

  27“My Dear Mr. Higginson”: Bingham, Ancestors’ Brocades, pp. 169–70.

  29“the deliberate skirting of the obvious”: Leyda, Years and Hours, vol. 1, p. xxi.

  29“isolates her”: ibid., p. xx.

  29“she wrote more in time”: ibid., p. xx.

  30“rag-picking method”: ibid., p. xxiii.

  30“riddling ellipsis”: Paglia, p. 624.

&nb
sp; 31“When Katie walks”: Leyda, Years and Hours, vol. 1, p. 367.

  31“with her dog, & Lantern!”: ibid., p. 367.

  32“a helpless agoraphobic”: Gilbert and Gubar, p. 583.

  34“Cotton Mather would have burned her”: Tate, p. 27.

  34“We did an archaeological dig”: Benfey, Interview.

  34“We know of no new friends”: Habegger, p. 193.

  TWO: The Two Emilys—and the Earl

  40“One exaggerates, but it sometimes seems”: Blackmur, p. 80.

  40“the playful ambiguity of a kitten”: ibid., p. 86.

  43“shallow, self-centered, ineffectual”: Cody, p. 42.

  43“infantile dependence”: ibid., p. 47.

  43“one is led to conclude”: ibid.

  43“great genius is not to be distinguished”: Habegger, p. 622.

  43“truly a madwoman”: Gilbert and Gubar, p. 583.

  44“hated her peculiarities”: Bingham, Ancestors’ Brocades, p. 86.

  45“too uncertain of her attractiveness”: Cody, p. 96.

  45“suffered the tormenting paralysis”: Howe, My Emily Dickinson, p. 60.

  45“with Promethean ambition”: ibid., p. 18.

  46“though I’ve always had a great aversion”: Bingham, Emily Dickinson’s Home, p. 89.

  47“The fire-flies hold their lanterns high”: Sewall, Life of Emily Dickinson, p. 251.

  48“did not form an isolated and oppressed”: Smith-Rosenberg, pp. 9–10.

  48“Girls routinely slept together”: ibid., p. 22.

  48“but a shadowy appearance”: ibid., p. 2.

  48“Women of Dickinson’s class and century”: Howe, My Emily Dickinson, p. 84.

  50“for, I think, if you intend to be seen”: Dickinson and Norcross, p. 172.

  51“I cannot tell when I shall visit you again”: ibid., p. 152.

  51“I know not what is in store for us”: ibid., p. 137.

  51“the lawful promoter”: ibid., p. 24.

  51“not to send another of such”: ibid., p. 20.

  51“Pleasant dreams to you dear Edward”: ibid., p. 134.

  51“My education is my inheritance”: ibid., p. 58.

  52“I have many friends call upon me”: ibid., p. 206.

  52“Have I not reason to fear”: ibid., p. 173.

  52“with as little noise as possible”: ibid., p. 206.

  53“Sister! Why that burning tear”: Habeggger, p.67.

  53“Language is first made”: Murray, p. 116.

  53“No language acquisition”: ibid.

  54“I know of no one that I should prefer”: Leyda, Years and Hours, vol. 1, pp. 15–16.

  54“A warmer relationship with her mother”: Cody, p. 103.

  55“between the abrupt ending”: Bianchi, Face to Face, p. 103.

  56“Just after we passed Mr Clapps”: Leyda, Years and Hours, vol. 1, pp. 20–21.

  56“she calls it the moosic”: ibid., p. 21.

  57“She speaks of her father & mother”: ibid., pp. 21–22.

  57“Emily— no wonder you are astonished to hear”: ibid., p. 23.

  58“I cant tell you how lonely I was”: ibid., p. 22.

  59“relatively inelastic spirit”: Habegger, p. 32.

  59“this fluttery, timid woman”: Sewall, Life of Emily Dickinson, p. 89.

  59“the mother, the usual provider”: Gordon, p. 27.

  59“Even Mrs. Dickinson’s distaste for writing”: Sewall, Letter to Leyda.

  59“went secretly to the paper hanger”: Leyda, Years and Hours, vol. 1, p. 16.

  60“I attended church all day”: Wolff, p. 63.

  60“And I do indeed truly rejoice”: Leyda, Years and Hours, vol. 1, p. 42.

  60“primitive, complex, and continuous”: Murray, p. 62.

  60“key silent texts”: Murray, p. 100.

  62“will wear away”: Vendler, p. 353.

  64“complained about boils, dizziness”: Habegger, p. 106.

  65“Oh! Dear! Father is killing the horse”: ibid., p. 252.

  66“boundaries within boundaries”: Murray, p. 154.

  66“she explored the implications”: Howe, My Emily Dickinson, p. 11.

  68“Father says in fugitive moments”: Sewall, Life of Emily Dickinson, p. 66.

  68“We cannot say of this woman”: Blackmur, p. 85.

  THREE: Daemon Dog

  69“huge dog stalked solemnly beside them”: Leyda, Years and Hours, vol. 2, p. 21.

  69“carelessness of form”: Wineapple, p. 275.

  70“Major Hunt interested her more”: Leyda, Years and Hours, vol. 2, p. 14.

  71“Carlo seems to have accompanied Emily”: Cody, p. 360.

  71“Dogs began as allies”: Gopnik, “Dog Story,” p. 49.

  71“tamer, man-friendly wolves”: ibid.

  71“The dog will bark at a burglar”: ibid., p. 51.

  73“Silent not merely for want of encouragement”: Sontag, p. 142.

  74“all too common reality of a woman”: ibid.

  74“as an unfortunate eccentricity”: Sewall, Life of Emily Dickinson, p. 89.

  74“her backbone made of steel”: Wineapple, p. 184.

  74“seems to exist outside of time”: ibid., p. 101.

  75“I sometimes shudder”: Bingham, Ancestors’ Brocades, p. 86.

  76“are the only creatures that have learned”: Gopnik, “Dog Story,” p. 51.

  76“tramping abroad with her dog”: Murray, p. 97.

  79“prophetic vision of intergalactic nothingness”: Paglia, p. 655.

  82“abattoir”: ibid., p. 650.

  83“had a pretended version”: Gopnik, “Dog Story,” pp. 49–50.

  85“All power . . . including the power of love”: Howe, My Emily Dickinson, p. 116.

  85“only mystery beyond mystery”: ibid.

  FOUR: Judith Shakespeare and Margaret Maher

  87“For it is a perennial puzzle”: Woolf, p. 41.

  87“Imaginatively she is of the highest importance”: ibid., pp. 43–44.

  88“as agog to see the world”: ibid., p. 47.

  88“a gift like her brother’s”: ibid., p. 48.

  88“the heat and violence of the poet’s heart”: ibid.

  88“would certainly have gone crazed”: ibid., p. 49.

  88“That refuge she would have sought”: ibid., p. 50.

  89“spine crib”: Adams, p. 7.

  91“Stimulating and boring”: Browning, p. xxxv.

  91“a cage-bird life”: Leyda, Years and Hours, vol. 2, p. 388.

  91“The works of women are symbolical”: ibid.

  94“and is one of the oddest”: Benfey, Summer of Hummingbirds, p. 244.

  94“a bird with wings outstretched”: ibid., p. 245.

  95“streaming from its pyramidal smokestack”: ibid., p. 247.

  95“suprising poems”: Leyda, “Miss Emily’s Maggie,” p. 150.

  96“Every fence was employed to isolate”: ibid., p. 164.

  96“Maggie’s brother is killed in the mines”: ibid., p. 160.

  97“I don’t know whether it is day or night”: ibid., pp. 156–57.

  97“The Dickinsons didn’t like strangers”: ibid., p. 153.

  97“Mr. Dicksom said he would”: ibid., p. 157.

  98“the North Wind of the family”: ibid., p. 160.

  98“There was an invisible story”: Murray, p. 18.

  98“a cacophonous tumbling kitchen”: ibid.

  98“the most creative room in the house”: ibid., p. 99.

  98“architecture of the unseen”: ibid., p. 153.

  98“a seamlessness between the motions”: ibid., p. 120.

  99“provide a halting”: ibid., p. 123.

  102“balloons embody her imagination’s pilgrimages”: Snively, “Myself endued Balloon,”, p. 1.

  102“Vehicles of beauty and danger”: ibid.

  102“Surely Emily intuited that her maid would”: Murray, p. 203.

  102“muse, lookout, and beckoner”: ibid., p. 218.

 
103“like the Wren”: ibid.

  103“most interesting & most startling”: Bingham, Ancestors’ Brocades, p. 225.

  103“She had a Boston miniaturist create”: Bernhard, p. 600.

  103“your unworth but true Maggie”: Murray, p. 213.

  104“with aplomb”: ibid.

  104“Little hussy”: Gordon, p. 160.

  104“the most dangerous type of alien”: Leyda, “Miss Emily’s Maggie,” p. 159.

  104“madness was one of the gentler”: ibid.

  105“one grate trouble that I have”: ibid., p. 158.

  FIVE: Ballerinas in a Box

  107“Most of us are half in love”: Sewall, Life of Emily Dickinson, p. 150.

  107“spinsterly angularity”: ibid., p. 15.

  107“wasted in the desert of her crudities”: ibid., p. 40.

  108“Her life was one of the richest”: Tate, pp. 19–20.

  108“probably the worst book on Emily”: Porter, p. 200.

  109“Dear, dear Sue, I have loved you”: Patterson, p. 49.

  109“On a day of early March”: ibid., p. 116.

  109“Upon the dead, and somewhat desolate”: ibid., p. 57.

  110“Having spent her entire capital”: ibid., p. 395.

  111“stirred to poetry”: ibid., p. 395.

  112“She was no happier than Emily”: ibid., p. 332.

  114“I’ve never called myself an artist”: Ashton, p. 4.

  116“The figure of the young danseuse”: Deborah Solomon, p. 111.

  117“His greeting was joyous and happy”: ibid., p. 351.

  118“frail teener salesgirl”: Cornell, Theater of the Mind, p. 243.

  118“metaphysics of ephemera”: ibid., p. 394.

  118“that curiously plaguing phenomenon”: ibid., p. 417.

  118“America still waits to be discovered”: Simic, p. 15.

  119“He adored women, but relationships weren’t”: Deborah Solomon, p. 283.

 

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