Naughty Nelle

by L'Amour, Nelle

  “And what happened after I proposed to you?”

  “Take a guess, Brandy-Poo.”

  Brandy-Poo? The sound of it gives me mental diarrhea. I don’t recall anyone ever calling me that in my entire life. Or at least what I can remember of it.

  “We toasted with champagne?”

  She throws back her platinum mane and laughs. “Don’t be ridiculous. We fucked our brains out. Right on your terrace.”

  She scoots in closer and cups her hand over my crotch. And then squeezes it.

  “I can’t wait to get some of you. It’s been a while.”

  I go wide-eyed as she yanks down my cover. I’m clad in a hospital gown with nothing underneath. She hikes it up and there it is parked like a car. My enormous Rolls Royce of a cock.

  Katrina licks her full upper lip. “Remember me?” she purrs as if she’s talking to my stationary organ. Without moving a muscle, I watch as she wraps her long fingers around the shaft. My goddamn cock just lies there as if it’s still in a comatose state. Brain to cock: Wake up. Nothing. There’s no connection. She begins to pump it with long, hard, vigorous strokes, but my cock doesn’t respond. It’s like the battery is dead. Frustrated, she strokes harder, faster. Not a peep from Mr. Willy no matter how much I will it to attention.

  “Jesus, Brandon!” Katrina grumbles, pumping so hard it hurts. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

  I must say I’m a little worried myself. Scratch that. I’m friggin’ freaking. My pulse leaps into overdrive, and one of the monitors I’m still hooked up to starts beeping madly. Where’s a damn doctor when you really need one?

  “I-I don’t know,” I stutter, gazing down at my pathetic limp dick. “Maybe it’s all the pain meds I’m on.”

  Katrina abruptly releases her hand. “Probably. I’m going to have a little chat with your doctors. The only pill you need is Viagra.”

  My cock sags. Amnesia is bad enough. But erectile dysfunction?

  Kill me now. I might as well be dead.

  CHAPTER 3

  Brandon

  At the end of the long, frustrating week, I’m finally released from the hospital. The doctors have told me I have a classic case of retrograde amnesia—a common side effect of the traumatic brain injury I sustained from the accident I can’t remember. While it likely won’t be permanent, they cannot determine how long it’ll last. It could be weeks. Months. Even years. What’s important is that I stimulate myself with people and things from the past. My biggest concern: will they stimulate my cock? I haven’t even been able to wank myself off. My libido, thanks to the amnesia, is in limbo.

  My house is a sprawling glass and concrete contemporary that sits high atop a private road in the Hollywood Hills. The views from the ubiquitous floor-to-ceiling windows are spectacular; I’m able to see all the way from the Pacific Ocean to downtown LA. They also overlook a spacious backyard, which boasts an Olympic-sized pool and a guesthouse. A three-car garage is attached to the main house and lined up inside it are a sleek black Lamborghini, a vintage green Jag, and a monster red Hummer. To say I’m awed by my wealth would be an understatement.

  I roam the expansive one-story house, taking in my surroundings and hoping something will stimulate my memory while Katrina goes to the kitchen to make lunch. It’s decorated with slick, oversized Italian furniture, mixing rich woods with leather. Photos of me are everywhere. Many of them sexy poses, with my chiseled chest exposed. A large framed picture hanging on a wall captures my attention. It’s a blow-up of a recent cover of People Magazine. The headline: “Brandon Taylor: Sexiest Man Alive!” With my perfectly mussed up ebony hair, those piercing violet eyes, that cocky smile, and my strong stubble-lined jaw, I look pretty damn hot, if I must say so myself. A troubling thought flashes into my head. Yikes. Maybe I’m gay. That’s why I can’t get it up for Katrina. Nah. None of those good-looking docs at the hospital did a thing for me. And I can’t remember doing it with another guy. The unsettling thought goes away.

  Katrina returns with a tray of gourmet sandwiches along with two flutes of champagne. Today, she’s clad in tight-ass jeans, a turtleneck halter, and sky-high mules that make her look like a total Amazon. Her bountiful boobs stay as still as mountains as she saunters my way.

  “Your doctor says you need to eat and rest to get your strength back,” she says, setting the tray on the coffee table.

  I can’t argue with her. At the reminder of my ordeal, I inwardly shudder. According to Katrina and my doctors, I was almost People Magazine’s “Sexiest Man Dead!” I’m still weak and have lost some weight. Maybe a little R&R will help restore my memory. And potency. The cock is like a muscle, right? I remember reading somewhere that muscles have memory. Well, score one for me. I’ve remembered something. But why won’t my cock do the same?

  Katrina reaches for the two flutes of champagne and hands one to me. “To us,” she toasts, holding up her glass. I clink mine against it. The ping resounds in my ears.

  “I only drink Cristal,” my companion says as she lifts the crystal glass to her lips. They look much fuller than they did a couple of days ago. I follow her actions and take a sip of the chilled bubbly. The cool sparkling liquid sails down my throat and triggers another memory. I’d rather be drinking a beer.

  “Katrina, do we have any beer? A Heineken by chance?”

  She rolls her feline green eyes. “Darling, beer is a four-letter word reserved for peasants. We’re royalty. How can you not love the world’s finest champagne?”

  Stuck with the champagne, I take a seat on the oversized u-shaped couch. Setting her flute back down on the tray, my fiancée follows me, except she straddles my long legs and sits on my lap. Her toned arms fold around my neck. Her tits skim my chest, and through my cotton T-shirt, I can feel her plastic-hard nipples. I have no desire to touch them or see what lies beneath her top. The scent of her cloying floral perfume wafts in the air and nauseates me.

  “Does it feel good to be home?” she purrs before nuzzling my neck. Goosebumps pop along my skin, but that’s all that’s rising. Her mouth moves to my lips and she kisses me fiercely. Biting my lower lip, she forces me to part my mouth and her tongue darts inside. She takes the lead, swishing it around. Nothing’s familiar. My eyes stay wide open while awaiting some feeling of arousal. Nada. Not even a little buzz.

  She breaks away. Her manicured forefinger traces my wet lips.

  “Do you like the way I taste?” she breathes into my mouth.

  “Yeah,” I lie. She doesn’t taste good. A hint of tobacco mixes with mint and champagne. Is she a smoker? She shoves the finger into my mouth, adding a salty layer of flavor.

  While I force myself to suck her finger, she works the button and fly of my jeans. Successfully, she frees my soft cock. My unblinking eyes stay trained on her as she grips the thick length in her hand and goes down on the wide crown. Her lips wrap around it and then she trails her mouth down the shaft. Her tongue licks the underside as she comes back up. Moving her hand to the base, she squeezes my cock, pumping it hard as her mouth, in tandem, glides up and down. I finally feel the beginnings of a hard-on, but just as fast as it swells, it completely deflates. Frustrated, Katrina lets go of my cock and sits back up. Her eyes flare with fury.

  “Brandon, what is wrong with you? I spoke to your doctor and he said there should be no problem. Especially with the Viagra.”

  “I don’t know.” Screw the Viagra. I do know. I don’t like the way she tastes or the way she smells. And her sharp teeth scraped so hard against my shaft I must have teeth marks.

  “Fuck you!” She jumps off my lap and, to my shock, flings her glass of champagne across the room. The glass hits the massive stone fireplace and shatters into shards.

  Temper much?

  “You’re mental,” she rants. “You need help.”

  And she needs anger management. Before I can respond, the doorbell chimes. Literally saved by the bell, I leap up from the couch to open the front door.

  It’s Scott. I’ve asked
him to come over so I can review my finances and recent expenses. Dressed in a three-piece gray suit, he’s carrying a briefcase. He follows me into the living room where Katrina is cleaning up the mess she made. Her eyes connect with his and a smile crosses her face.

  “Oh, hi, Scott. You’re just in time for lunch. Want some champagne?”

  Scott declines, but helps himself to one of the fancy sandwiches. Chomping into it, he lowers himself into one of my overstuffed side chairs. After setting down his half-eaten sandwich on the tray, he raises his briefcase to his lap and pulls out a thick file. “Your expenses over the last month,” he says, handing it to me.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I see Katrina sashay out of the living room, carrying the shards of glass on a plate. “I’ll be right back,” she calls out as she heads in the direction of the kitchen. She sure knows how to move her tight, perfect-shaped ass.

  Once she’s out of sight, I open the file. Skipping over the pages and pages of hospital charges, which my insurance will cover, I start with the month before the accident. Man. I’m quite the big spender. Restaurant after expensive restaurant. Thousands and thousands dropped at Barneys. Numerous exorbitant charges at a florist I never heard of. A couple of trips to Vegas at the pricey Venetian.

  “I like to gamble?” I ask Scott, stopping to look up at him.

  His left eye twitches. He’s got some kind of weird eye tic. “Yeah. You’re a big gambler.”

  News to me.

  “And what about all these florist and Barneys charges?”

  Scott smiles. “After meeting Katrina, you couldn’t stop buying her extravagant flowers and clothes. I’ve never seen anyone as smitten as you.” He takes another bite of the sandwich. “Katrina showed me the love letters you sent with your gifts. I swear, man, you’re a regular Shakespeare.”

  I find it disconcerting that my fiancée would share something so personal with him. But then again, they must be close. Maybe she saved them. Reading them might help jar my memory and my amorous feelings toward her. With this thought in mind, I go back to scanning the multitude of expenses. Another entry jolts me—a hefty one hundred thousand dollar check made out to the Bella Stadler Academy of Acting. My eyes flutter. Bella Stadler…the name rings a bell. I ask Scott about it.

  “Don’t you remember, Brandon? She was your acting coach. You give to her school annually. You’re a big supporter.”

  Tugging at my bottom lip with my thumb, I dwell on her name, a memory trying to break through. It’s futile. I move on. A few minutes later I find what I’ve been looking for. A whopping one point two million dollar charge at Tiffany’s. Made on the day of my accident. Katrina’s engagement ring.

  “Did I buy Katrina’s ring just before the accident?” I’m a little surprised I didn’t give her one over our engagement dinner the night before.

  “After you proposed and she said yes, you wanted her to pick it out. I was there when you phoned in the charge. You were practically creaming your pants.”

  “Wish I were doing that now,” I mumble under my breath before regretting I said anything at all about my condition.

  Scott lets out a little laugh before clearing his throat. “Equipment trouble?”

  None of your damn business, even though you’re my business manager is what I want to say, but I bite down on my tongue. Instead, I ask to see more of my statements. Without probing further, Scott reaches into the briefcase and hands me another thick file.

  “This is your portfolio. You’re worth a billion dollars. You can thank me.”

  Holy crap. I am. Or at least close to that I estimate as I leaf through page after page of my investments. I own a shitload of stocks and bonds along with a boatload of real estate around the world. This house alone is worth seven million dollars.

  My wealth eats at me. A wave of anxiety courses through me. A new worry. “Scott, I need to ask you something.”

  “Shoot,” he says, taking the last big bite of his sandwich.

  “Do I have a pre-nup?”

  He laughs back his mouthful of food. “Are you kidding me?”

  My stomach twists. “What do you mean?”

  “What I simply mean is you don’t have one. I tried to talk you into one, but you outright refused. Said you didn’t need one. That you had no plans to get a divorce. And even if you did, you’d want to do the fair thing.”

  “Shit.” The word escapes my mouth.

  “Man, don’t worry about it. Hey, in the worst-case scenario, if you have to give her half, you’ll still be worth close to five hundred mill. That’s not too shabby.”

  A good point. I suppose I’m doing the right thing.

  Katrina steps back into the living room. She looks spruced up, a fresh coat of crimson lipstick lining her lush lips. “What are you boys talking about?” she asks coyly.

  I quickly close the folder. “Just some business stuff. Nothing terribly important.”

  She plucks out a piece of lettuce from one of the sandwiches and nibbles on it like a rabbit. “Well, I’m going to leave you two alone to talk business. I’ve got to meet with my stylist to get my wardrobe together for this week’s show and then head over to Monique’s for my first wedding dress fitting. And then I have my spin class followed by yoga. And after that, I’m heading over to Posh for my regular mani-pedi, facial, and massage.”

  Man. She knows how to fill her days. This girl’s high maintenance.

  Scott blows her an air kiss. “Bye, babe. Try not to spend too much of my client’s money.”

  Before disappearing, Katrina winks at him. “Very funny.”

  Not really. My money is not yet hers to spend. I polish off my sandwich once she’s gone. A sports car peeling out of my driveway sounds in my ear.

  Scott kicks back, plunking his feet on the coffee table. “Do you mind if I have a smoke?”

  I don’t object. I watch as he pulls out a pack of Camel Lights from his breast pocket and lights up a cigarette with a gold monogrammed lighter. He inhales and then exhales, the smoke wafting in the air.

  I cough and then my heart jumps. I suddenly remember something about myself. I hate cigarettes. The smell. The taste. Even the look and feel of them. The taste of Katrina drifts back into my head. I hope she’s not a smoker. There’s no way I can live with one.

  Scott’s nasal voice cuts into my thoughts. “I brought something else over—the latest Kurt Kussler script.” He pulls it out of his briefcase.

  “They’ve had you missing in action to cover for you,” he says as he hands it to me. “Everyone’s looking forward to having you back.”

  I glance down at the episode title and shudder. “The Return of the Living Dead.” And then a bolt of trepidation zaps me. With my memory so out of whack, I wonder: can I still act?

  CHAPTER 4

  Brandon

  I should spend the rest of the afternoon resting, but I’m restless. I wander around my house, searching for anything that’ll give me a clue about myself. My past. At least what’s happened over the last ten years of my life. My memories of my childhood and teenage years are intact, including my parents’ demise—that fiery car crash that consumed them both. I shiver, thinking my life almost ended in a similar way.

  Frustrated, I go to my office and boot up my computer. The first thing I do is check my emails. There’s a ton of them in my inbox from names I don’t recognize, except those of a few big stars. I go through them quickly. All basically the same. People from all over the world sending their prayers and love, wishing me a speedy recovery. My heart swells with unexpected emotion. I can’t believe how many people care about me. I’m overwhelmed. I’ll respond to each of them later. Right now, I have something more important to do.

  I google my name. Wow! A whopping 244,000,000 results! To my astonishment, my hospital departure is already headline news. A PerezHilton.com entry posted a few hours ago—“Bratrina Going Home at Last! When Will They Set the Date?”—glares in my eyes. Seriously, Bratrina? I can’t stand that name. And it inc
ludes a totally embarrassing photo of Katrina wheeling me out of Cedars. I cringe and jump down to the Wikipedia biography.

  My eyes don’t blink as I scroll down the page and absorb what’s written about me.

  Born: December 12, 1984 in Oceanside, California.

  Parents: Edward and Phyllis, deceased.

  Siblings: None.

  Other family members: None.

  I read on. I learn that I always wanted to be an actor and when my parents perished in that tragic car crash when I was seventeen, I took my small inheritance and split for Los Angeles where I studied at the renowned Bella Stadler Academy of Acting. While working as a lifeguard in Venice Beach and doing small theater bits, I was spotted by top Hollywood talent manager, Scott Turner, who’s been with me ever since.

  Credits: A list of minor roles beginning at age twenty is followed by my breakout hit, Kurt Kussler.

  Romantic Involvements: This section takes up half a page. In addition to Katrina, I’ve been linked to a slew of actresses and supermodels, most of whose names aren’t familiar to me. The list goes on and on. I’m a fucking player. And now I can’t fucking get it up.

  Awards: Twice nominated for an Emmy Award for my portrayal of ex-CIA agent, Kurt Kussler. Recently nominated for a Golden Globe. My stomach tightens. I may be a good actor. Have I lost it? Will I disappoint?

  Now that I know the basics about myself, I click on several more gossipy sites, including E! Online, TMZ, and more of Perez Hilton. The long and the short of it…this is who I am: Professionally: Dedicated. Talented. A-list Actor. Personally: Arrogant. Self-centered. Pompous. Player.

  I’ve read enough. I’ve got it. Whether I like it or not. Now, onto my fiancée. I google her name. She has almost as many results. There’s a Wiki bio and a short IMDb piece, but most of the entries are from online social registries and tabloids that are filled with news of our engagement and her vigil while I was in the hospital. The number of google images is countless, running the gamut from glamorous award shows and galas to endless selfies and paparazzi pics, including several with me. To my amazement, she’s never caught wearing the same thing twice.