by ANDREA SMITH
"You resented me?"
"I did," he said nodding his head. "I resented the hell out of you. I should have known though."
"Should have known what, Trey?"
"I should have known that something was wrong; that you were holding it in all of this time. I should have known that you were not allowing yourself to grieve for our baby girl."
"How could you have known Trey? I didn't even know it myself."
"Because I'm your husband damn it! Because I am supposed to know you better than you know yourself. Because I do know the person that you are and your behavior was totally out of character for that person."
"Trey please - "
"No Tylar. This needs to be said. It was my responsibility to see that your needs - whether physical or emotional - were being met. I didn't do that. I chose to hide behind my resentment. I buried myself in my work; I mentored Amber; I spent more time with her than I did with you or Preston. I am the one that carries the guilt for this. Last night you finally let loose with your grief after all of this time. I should have never let you go on for so long like that. Look what we've done to each other."
"Trey stop, please. You are my husband. You are not my keeper. You are not taking the blame for this. I am responsible for myself. The healing has started Trey. I realize its several months late, but it has finally started."
"I can see that, Tylar; your healing started after one session with Dr. Hunter! How the fuck does that makes me feel?"
I wasn't following Trey's line of thinking. I hoped that he intended to clue me in.
"I should have forced you to see Dr. Hunter way before now. Don't you see that? If I had insisted you see her for counseling we might not have had to go through all the shit that we've gone through."
"Trey you know as well as I do that making me do something almost never works out, right?"
He looked over at me with a hint of a smile on his face.
"Besides that I don't know that my one visit with Karla is what prompted my grieving process. I think it had more to do with Nigel and Tess's baby being born."
"Why would that trigger it?"
"Because from the minute that baby was born it will now be a reminder to us at every holiday get together or family celebration we attend that you and I should be raising a child that age. There will always be one empty seat at the dinner table; one unworn party hat; one less child's worth of gifts that Santa puts under our tree."
Trey pulled me over onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around me.
"Doesn't Reese offer that same reminder?"
"No," I said simply shaking my head.
"Why?"
"It's just different," I said shrugging. "He was already here."
"By just a couple of days, Tylar. Is it because Tess's son may be mine?"
I cringed when he said it but I couldn't deny the truth.
"Yes," I answered him honestly. "If you want to know the truth, that is part of it."
"We can have more children, Tylar. We never planned for Preston to be an only child."
"I know Trey, but what if it happens again?"
"Honey - do you remember what the doctor said about the rarity of what happened?"
"Yeah - it was something like one in a million chances that the same thing would happen to the same mother."
"It was actually 1.2 million," he said, correcting me. "Remember Dr. Addison saying that it wasn't just one thing that caused Marley's death but a rare series of events that each played a part in this particular tragedy?"
I nodded.
"I don't want us to be afraid of odds like that baby."
"Trey - you and I need time to heal before we consider having another child."
"I know that, baby. Just please don't say 'never' okay?"
"Okay," I replied snuggling against him.
It was starting to get dark as Trey and I walked hand-in-hand through the field to our home. The sun was going down making the air much chillier.
Once inside Trey got a fire going in the fireplace. He poured us each a glass of wine and we relaxed on the thick rug in front of the fire. I grabbed a couple of pillows from the couch and we lay on our sides sipping wine and watching the flames flickering. They made different shadowy shapes on the walls.
Trey scooted close to me his head propped on his hand. He lowered his face to me his lips softly kissing mine. His tongue slowly traced a path along my lower lip.
"Mmmm," he moaned. "Do you know what I want to do right this minute?"
"Surprise me," I said softly, closing my eyes. I felt his tongue leave my lips. I waited to feel it touch me somewhere else. It didn't.
I finally opened my eyes. Trey had left the room
(What the hell?)
"Trey?"
He reappeared carrying a bag of marshmallows and two long toasting forks.
"Here you go," he said grinning handing me one.
We toasted marshmallows and sipped our wine. We re-connected emotionally and it felt so good.
Trey and I both got Preston dressed for bed in our room that evening. She was jabbering away with words only she could possibly understand. We were able to catch the name 'Reese' in the chatter. That was the extent of it.
"Before I put your pull-up on do you have to go pee-pee?" I asked her. She actually did pretty well at understanding what we said.
"Nooo." She said shaking her head.
"Actually honey," Trey said, "I think the experts say you should not ask before bedtime whether they have to go or not, but simply seat them on their potty chair for a few minutes."
(Really Trey? Be my guest.)
"Great idea. Will you take her in there?"
"Sure babe," he replied smiling.
He lifted her from the bed and took her into our bathroom where one of her three potty chairs was located within the house. I lay across our bed and listened to the father-daughter chatter. I could hear him talking to her trying to persuade her to stay on the potty and try.
He finally handed her one of her 'Choo-Choo' books that had been left in the bathroom; he instructed her to look at the pictures and tell him what they were. I chuckled to myself as I heard him run the water in one of the sinks to see if that might inspire her to pee. It must have inspired him to pee when I heard the familiar sound of the toilet seat hitting the tank and the sound of his stream.
I went to my dresser to get a nightgown out. I was not far from bedtime either. I heard the toilet flush followed by Trey's voice.
"What did you say, Preston?"
I heard her mumble something that I couldn't understand from where I was standing in our room.
"That's what I thought you said. Come on. I guess you don't have to go after all."
His voice had a hint of harshness in it. I wondered what the hell she had said. Both Trey and I were careful now to watch our language around her since she was learning new words every day. I hoped like hell Gina hadn't dropped the 'F-bomb' around her, though I doubted that very much.
Trey came out of the bathroom with Preston is his arms. Her pull-up was in place and her pajama bottoms were snapped up.
"Do you know what she just said in there?"
He had this incredulous look on his face that for some reason amused me. He clearly was not amused.
"What?" I asked almost afraid to hear it.
"She pointed at me after I finished peeing and said 'dinky,' at my you-know-what."
I couldn’t help it; a giggle escaped and then another.
"I don't think that it's funny, Tylar. Where would she hear trash talk like that?"
"Trey, for crying out loud, I wouldn't exactly call it 'trash talk.' That is probably the word that Gina uses for Reese's 'you-know-what," I said putting an exaggerated whisper on the 'you-know-what'.
"Oh, so now I'm actually being compared with a three-month old anatomically?"
"Trey, you are a hoot," I said laughing. He clearly was not amused. I needed to diffuse the situation.
"Trey, may I ask how she saw your 'you-know
-what' from her potty chair?"
He set her on our bed with one of her books and turned back to me. He had a very sheepish look going on. He talked in a whisper so that she couldn't hear what he was telling me.
"I was trying to get her to pee so I ran water in the sink. Then I had to pee so I went over to the commode. She must've gotten off her potty chair to see what I was doing. Right after I flushed the toilet I turned around getting my 'you-know-what' tucked back inside of my jeans and she was right there."
I could tell that this was totally flipping him out.
"Okay honey - it's not a big deal. In the future though, I think that you need to make sure the door is shut when you use the commode in our bathroom, okay?"
"That's fine Tylar but it still doesn't answer my question as to where she learned that word."
"I'll ask Gina about it next time I talk to her, okay?"
"Please do," he replied still out of sorts.
We got Preston tucked into bed for the night and returned to our suite. Trey went into take his shower, I changed into my nightgown climbing into bed. I hunkered down under the covers completely exhausted from our big day. It had been quite a day.
I realized how much Trey loved me and how much I loved him. I was starting to come to terms with the loss of my baby girl, Marley. Trey and I were finding out so much about each other.
I had dozed off when Trey came to bed. He was still damp from his shower. He pulled me to him and immediately started kissing me and holding me closely.
"I love you so much, baby," he whispered to me.
"I love you too, Trey," I replied, burying myself against him.
We had just started to make love when my Blackberry went off on the nightstand. I looked over and could see it was my father calling.
"It's my dad," I said reaching for it.
"Hello?"
"Tylar darling, I am so sorry to be calling you this late but I needed you to hear this from me."
"What is it Dad?" I asked, sitting up and bracing myself for the news.
"Matthew Renaud committed suicide tonight in his jail cell. He hung himself with a rope he fashioned from the cording on the mattress of his cot."
CHAPTER 17
I had Trey's breakfast on the table the following morning when he came down dressed for the office. He came over so that I could tie his tie. He looked gorgeous in his dark Armani suite.
Preston was in her high chair chewing on a now soggy piece of toast. Trey leaned down giving her a kiss on her forehead.
"Daddeee," she squealed happily. "Daddee dinky."
Trey frowned and then started to say something to her. I cut him off.
"Trey if you make a big deal about it she will find the word all that more fascinating to repeat. Trust me, please?"
He nodded taking a seat at the table.
"I do want you talking to Gina about it though," he said taking a sip of his coffee.
"I will call her today," I promised.
I sat down and started eating my breakfast. I was thinking about the news my father had delivered to us last night. Apparently one of the guard's found Matthew hanging when he conducted his bed checks for that area. Matthew had been put into solitary confinement for his own protection. He had apparently removed the roped cording that was used to cover the seams on the mattress of his cot. My father said that a heavier man could not have accomplished what Matthew had because the cording wouldn't have been strong enough to hold anyone weighing over 130 lbs. Matthew had weighed only 126 lbs.
"How are you feeling about the news?" Trey asked, interrupting my thoughts.
"I'm not sure," I replied, "I mean I don’t feel sorry that he's dead, but I guess I also resent the fact that justice was not served either. I know that my father wanted him to get the death penalty but I would have preferred that he rot in prison the rest of his life. I guess Matthew made his own decision as to what he wanted."
Jean came into the kitchen and took Preston from her high chair telling her it was time for her bath.
"I'm simply thankful that you don't have to go into court and face the sick bastard," Trey said once they were gone.
"Yeah - I was not looking forward to that although there will always be lingering questions about the role he played in Preston's abduction; his motive for murdering my mother and Maggie."
"Sweetie, even if the trial had fully played out there was no guarantee that you were going to get those questions answered. Sometimes you have to consider that sociopaths such as Matthew do things without a reason."
"Did I tell you that my father plans on going to his burial service?"
"Why?"
"I think he wants some answers from Ms. Deeny. He's not convinced that her only role was simply assisting Matthew in extortion."
"I'm sure she isn't going to implicate herself in anything that would serve to bring criminal charges against her."
"Probably not. My dad does have the uncanny ability to read people and their motivations though. Perhaps he wants the answers simply for his own peace of mind. He still needs closure, I think."
"Speaking of which," Trey said, "I need some closure on Amber's damn jacket. Where is it?"
"I'll get it," I said getting up and going outside to the back deck.
I brought it back to the kitchen and put it in a plastic grocery bag, setting the bag next to Trey's briefcase.
"Why the hell was it outside?" he asked finishing up his coffee.
"I was airing it out Trey. It smelled like sex - our sex."
He gave me a wicked smile from across the table.
"I'm sure she wouldn't have minded," he replied, "I figured she had her hand down her panties the whole time she was listening to us over the phone anyway."
"Trey!" I said, blushing, "That is exactly what Gina said."
"Oh God, Tylar - you shared that with Gina?"
(Oops! I was busted.)
"Well yeah - I mean it's not like I described it in detail or anything."
"Well then I guess I don't feel so bad about sharing it with Tristan," he said laughing.
He got up putting his suit jacket on. I went over to him, putting my arms around him.
"I don't want you to leave," I said frowning.
He tilted my chin up and lowered his warm, sensuous lips to mine.
"I don't want to leave you," he said kissing me. "I promise I'll be home early, okay?"
I nodded, kissing him back.
"Trey, can we talk about taking a vacation together soon when you get home tonight?"
"Sure baby," he said picking up his briefcase and the bag with Amber's jacket in it, "I was thinking the same thing."
I busied myself around the house helping Jean after Trey left for work. I cleaned out Preston's closet gathering some items to take to Goodwill. I started working on my closet as well.
After lunch, I bundled Preston up and we went out to visit the horses. Marcus was on the phone in the office ordering supplies. He looked up and smiled when he saw us out in the gangway. As soon as he got off the phone he came out to greet us.
"Well, there are two beautiful faces that I haven't seen in a while," he said.
"I've missed you, Tylar. I'm glad you're back. I hope things are working out with you and Trey."
"Thanks, Marcus. We're working on it."
"That's good. He was pretty nuts while you were gone. I can tell you that," he said shaking his head and chuckling.
"Really?"
"Oh yeah. One night I heard some commotion down here so I left my quarters and came down. Trey's drunk as a skunk over there whining to Derringer about how he screwed up and has probably lost you for good."
"You're kidding?" I asked as if I couldn't fathom Trey behaving like that.
"I am totally not kidding. He was really kind of humorous in a pathetic sort of way. I mean what? Did he think the horse was going to give him some sage advice? I wish he had come to me whining about it. Now I would have given him some advice; advice that would probably ha
ve gotten me fired."
I laughed at Marcus's seriousness. I always knew that he would be on 'Team Tylar,' I just didn't realize how passionate he was about it.
"We both have some work to do on our marriage," I said, "I've made my share of mistakes, too."
"Hey Tylar - I want to tell you something but I don't want you going back to Trey with it okay? I really do need my job."
(Oh God! What had he witnessed? I wasn't sure if I could handle finding out something about Trey and another woman.)
"Here's the thing Marcus, if this is something that Trey did and involves breaking any of our marriage vows then I certainly will address it with Trey. I am your employer for all intents and purposes anyway - so I will make no promise not to address it with Trey."
"No - no," he said quickly, "It's actually something he did that convinced me he didn't give a rat's you-know-what about that skank with the BMW."
He had nodded towards Preston who was still in my arms when he said that. I appreciated that Marcus was watching his language around her. I was now dying to know what he had seen or heard.
"Well tell me for heaven's sake!"
"Well, it was like a couple of weeks after you hightailed it out of here that Trey was out here in the barn saddling up Derringer to take him out. It was like a Saturday afternoon. Ms. BMW drives out here and your housekeeper must have told her that Trey was out here. So she trudges on out through the field in her tight little skirt and 4" heels carrying some legal file or something.
He stopped and started laughing at the memory.
"Come on Marcus, please?"
"Okay - I'm sorry. So anyway by the time she gets into the barn here those heels of hers are caked with mud. I mean they are caked with it. She's looking around for something to use to scrape the mud off of her little Prada heels so she goes over to those bales of straw there in the corner."
He nodded to where the bales of straw were stacked on top on one another. He was where Trey and I had sat the day before and talked. It was right across from Derringer's stall.
"So she raises one of her legs up to wipe the bottom of her shoe against the corner of the straw to get some of the caked mud off. She doesn't see that Trey is over there bent down cleaning Derringer's hoofs in his stall. She doesn't see that I am just inside the tack room. Both of us are within hearing distance of her."