Phil chuckled, a short burst that sounded like joy and told Lee he didn’t have to worry about shampoo getting into Phil’s eyes. Once he’d finished rinsing Phil’s hair, Lee grabbed the soap bag Becca had crocheted for him and rubbed it against his hip to get a lather started. Phil shivered when he drew it across his chest. He didn’t have much time—the hot water wouldn’t last forever—but he wanted to do more than wash the sweat and fear from Phil’s skin. Lee wanted to say everything with the tenderness of his touch. Maybe that was too much to ask of a few minutes in the shower.
“I missed the way you touch me.”
Or maybe not.
The combination of Phil’s breathless voice and the way he shifted his hips weakened Lee’s legs. He wasn’t sad when the water started to cool; he turned it off and reached out for a towel without letting go of Phil. He wanted to dry every inch of Phil’s skin as gently as something that precious deserved to be treated, but the shower stall was too cramped and the towel kept touching the walls and getting wet. Once they stepped out, Lee’s focus shifted. He decided they were dry enough and tossed the towel in the direction of the rod on the wall, not caring whether it made it that far.
He led Phil through the door into the bedroom. As soon as the cooler air hit them, Lee embraced him, pulling him into a kiss. Phil didn’t relax into it, so Lee released him and went to turn down the bed. When he faced Phil again, he’d moved so only his left side faced the room. Lee wanted to take a moment to appreciate how amazing Phil looked after not seeing him for what seemed like a very long time, but he couldn’t when Phil was so tense.
“I have something for you.” Lee opened the closet door and slid a few hangers aside until he found the sky blue shirt. He’d spent the better part of a day looking for that shirt, and he would’ve spent a month of Sundays to find what he was looking for. He didn’t let the fact that Phil looked down and away when he saw it bother him for a moment. “You don’t have to wear anything if you don’t want to. But if you do, this won’t be too hot.”
Lee held the shirt at his side, and after a moment Phil touched the fabric. He glanced up, slowly drew his hand down the sleeve, and then took it and quickly put it on. Phil breathed deeply, carefully, as he buttoned the cuffs. When he looked up again, it only took a few seconds before he relaxed and became himself—the Phil whose icy-blue eyes made Lee’s dick twitch and his heart race. Phil looked tired, but he was there and that was all that mattered. Lee took his hand and walked backward until his legs touched the bed. He moaned softly when Phil kept coming, pushing him back until they were stretched out side by side on the bed.
Phil caressed his shoulders and chest, the heat of his hands making Lee shiver in anticipation. Phil didn’t waste any time before he moved his hands lower. Lee wanted to hold Phil’s precious and handsome face in both hands and study the flavor of Phil mixed with the Dew he’d tasted in his mouth earlier. He wanted to take a day to savor that circling thing Phil did with his tongue when he was thinking about a mouthful of cock, the way Phil took over Lee’s mouth with his tongue like he owned it.
Lee’s hands felt like they weren’t his own; they wouldn’t do what he wanted them to. His mouth seemed to work just fine, though, because after a few moments of kissing, they were moaning into each other’s mouths. If he had the time, ice would probably help his hands, but he didn’t have time for anything but Phil’s hands and mouth, his gloriously hairy chest, and the amazing sounds he made when they were alone.
The bed moved and Lee opened his eyes just as Phil pushed on his shoulder—the near shoulder.
Oh shit, he’s turning me ass up.
Phil didn’t have to push twice. Once Lee had landed on his stomach, Phil stretched out lengthwise on his back and kissed the back of his neck, his ear, his cheek, before his weight disappeared. Lee moaned when two strong hands kneaded his ass, and again when they spread his cheeks apart.
“Fuck, you have an amazing ass. So round and b-biteable.”
Lee squeaked when he felt a gentle bite on his left cheek, then groaned and ground his dick into the bed. Phil traced his crack slowly with his tongue, maddeningly slowly, up toward his waist. It was gone, just for a second, and then Phil kissed and licked the same path in the opposite direction. Phil’s cheeks felt a little rough and scratchy as he drew his mouth over Lee’s skin—down toward his aching balls and back up again. And again. Then he kept going and licked a circle around his hole. Lee gripped the sheet beneath him, torn between pushing his ass closer to Phil’s tongue and grinding his throbbing dick into the bed.
Phil flicked his tongue over the skin of Lee’s taint, across his sac and back up. Phil’s whole mouth covered his hole. A moment later, gentle suction had him writhing and grinding into the bed, whimpering into the pillow. And then… oh shit, and then Phil’s tongue did that twirling thing… there, right against his ass….
How can this feel so fucking good… every time, so fucking good….
He’d just started working not to come when Phil’s mouth disappeared. Before he even had a chance to react, to groan or moan or beg for more, Phil eased Lee’s cheeks apart and slid his cock along his crack. His feverishly hot and lube-slicked cock
Lee cried out and raised his hips, and then cried out again when Phil’s slippery hand grabbed his dick. Phil rested his weight against Lee’s ass—right where he bit, oh shit, right there—and pumped his hand in rhythm with his hips until Lee couldn’t hold off any longer. His legs wouldn’t hold him, let alone them both, and when he slipped back down onto the bed, Phil rode with him. He’d just given in, shouting, shaking—almost crying from the force of his orgasm—when Phil slipped a finger in and hit his prostate. Lee’s body jerked like he’d been shocked and he was the one left helpless with pleasure. He couldn’t tell—and couldn’t have cared less—where he ended and Phil began.
Phil
PHIL WAITED a little while for Lee to move, but he stayed limp and panting beneath him. The stickiness between his stomach and Lee’s back became impossible to ignore so he got up and went into the bathroom to clean up. He leaned both hands against the sink for a long moment, staring at the floor between his feet and trying not to let the creeping sense of loathing take over. When he went back into the bedroom, Lee still hadn’t moved, but his breathing had returned to normal. He stood in the doorway between the two rooms and watched him breathe for a moment, the rise and fall of his back, the delicious swell of his muscular ass.
Lee moaned softly and turned his head around. “Toss me a towel?”
Phil ducked back into the bathroom and warmed up the cloth he’d used, and then cleaned and dried Lee’s back. Before he got two steps away, Lee flopped onto his back and reached out.
“Lemme see that a minute?” He smiled up at Phil as he dragged the cloth over his abs and his prick, but Phil couldn’t return it.
Lee let the cloth drop onto the wet spot and patted the other side of the bed. “Come back to bed?”
Phil walked around the foot of the bed and gingerly lay down beside Lee. He sighed when Lee wrapped a leg around his, pulled him close, and molded their bodies together.
“Stay the night?” Lee murmured in his ear.
Phil nodded. He didn’t trust his voice.
“I’m s-sorry.” Phil’s chest hitched with the effort to maintain what little control he had left.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to stay. Just don’t go yet, okay?”
“N-no. I mean… I want to stay. I’m sorry I couldn’t do… w-what you wanted.”
The bed bounced a little, and from the corner of his eye, Phil saw Lee had propped his head in the palm of his hand and looked down at him.
“What?”
Phil turned his face away, as far as he could without moving his body away from Lee’s. He watched the hem of the white sheer curtains brush against the wood floor as the breeze from the open window teased them.
“I… I wanted to, to top you, b-but, I just….”
The words hung in the ai
r between them for a long moment, in which Phil didn’t move or breathe and couldn’t have said for sure that his heart even beat.
“You think I care about that?” Lee’s voice was a soft caress, his breath a whisper on Phil’s cheek. Phil didn’t think he could face him, but when Lee touched his chin he let his head turn, and there were his gorgeous brown and green eyes. “Because I don’t. I don’t care if we never do that. I don’t want someone to top me. I want you.”
Phil turned away, but just a bit.
“Don’t you like the way we do it? Because I do. I fucking love the way we do it.” Lee trailed his hand down the side of Phil’s neck and onto his chest. He moved the filmy fabric aside and petted him as he spoke. “I’m blown away by you, Phil. You’re the smartest, handsomest guy I’ve ever known, and you’ve got more balls than a bowling alley.”
He took a moment to turn Lee’s words over in his mind. He wanted to believe it—believing Lee meant it right then was easier than believing he’d always mean it, though.
“But, don’t you think…. I mean, isn’t that what it’s all about?”
“Penetration? I don’t think so.” Lee sighed. Phil was afraid to look, to see disappointment in Lee’s eyes, but he looked anyway. Only it wasn’t disappointment he saw; it was something much happier than that. “I think it’s about whatever we want it to be about. I mean it. I just came so hard I think I have a few loose teeth. How could I be disappointed in that?”
Phil rolled to face Lee and wrapped himself around him. They stayed in the embrace without speaking for a long time. Phil could’ve cried with relief when he was able to relax again. He didn’t like second-guessing everything he did, and hated when he suspected Lee of not being completely honest—as irrational as that concept was on its face. If the day ever came when he could leave his past behind him for keeps, well, that would be a day to celebrate.
After a while, part of Phil’s brain was able to pull away from the hell of his past and the amazing man lying beside him, to more practical matters. “How do your hands feel?”
Lee jerked in surprise and squeezed him. “Okay.”
“Do you have any Advil in the medicine cabinet?”
“Don’t get up.”
He sounded the tiniest bit whiney, and for a moment Phil worried he was in serious pain, but then Lee ran one hand from his shoulders to his ass and back, and it felt almost normal. He decided to wait a little while longer, since he didn’t want to get up anyway.
Phil thought Lee had fallen asleep by the time he spoke again.
“Don’t think I’m not happy about it, but what made you come over tonight?”
“Becca called me.”
“Huh. Really?”
“Yeah. She said you missed me, and if I missed you too, I should go and see you. I couldn’t argue with that logic.”
“It doesn’t pay to argue with her. She’ll talk you into submission eventually anyway.”
“Yeah. Somebody had to.”
Phil tried to talk himself into getting up and finding some anti-inflammatories so Lee wouldn’t have to be in pain. He needed to be worthy of the only guy in the world, but couldn’t bring himself to let go of Lee to prove he was. When he felt Lee slip into sleep, Phil relaxed and let himself follow.
Phil
THEY SLEPT until sunlight streamed through the curtains. Phil woke to the sound of Lee groaning in his ear, Lee’s arm tightening around his waist. He didn’t have even one moment of disorientation; he knew exactly where he was. He wasn’t in any hurry to get up, and refused to feel guilty about hoping they could just stay in bed indefinitely.
“Sorry, I have to call my uncle.”
Lee leaned forward, crushing Phil into the mattress, and grabbed his phone off the bedside table. Phil smiled and snuggled against his chest. Lee slipped an arm under and then around him. Lee didn’t say anything for a long time and Phil listened to Lenny’s voice, not caring that he couldn’t understand the words. The only thing Lee said was okay. Phil laughed out loud when Lee crushed him into the mattress again, and moaned softly when instead of moving back into his previous position, Lee rested his forearm on the bed beside Phil’s head and looked down at him.
“He’ll be by at ten. We’re not working today, but we’re going to do something about the car.”
“Sorry about your car.”
Lee shrugged and rubbed his cheek in Phil’s hair. “It’s not—I’ll get another one.”
Phil wanted to ask Lee how his uncle knew what had happened without being told, and a few other things, but was afraid of opening a can of worms.
“Can we talk?”
Can of worms: opened. “Sure.”
“What did I do wrong? I mean, when—that was a panic attack you had, right? After you said you had them sometimes, I looked it up, but it wasn’t the same, to see you go through that….”
Phil shook his head. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I… I couldn’t stop it. I’m sorry. It wasn’t fair to—”
“Wait a minute.” Lee petted Phil’s hair, stopping him from trembling almost before he realized he’d started. “You left and—it was because you were embarrassed?”
Phil nodded, his head against Lee’s chest. His eyes burned, and he just concentrated on breathing. He shrugged. “No. It was too much. I th-thought… that you were horrified and w-wouldn’t want….”
“Geez, Phil, you didn’t have to do that. I thought you were, I don’t know, mad because I should’ve done something to help you, or something. Or maybe it was because I expected you to want to move in here. I mean, you hardly even know me, really—”
“I know enough.”
Lee sighed. “Do I want to know what that means?”
“Yes. I want to… but….”
“Is it the house? If you don’t like the house, it’s okay. Or the neighborhood. We can find another place. Someplace where you’ll feel comfortable.”
“You just bought this one.”
Lee eased Phil onto his back and looked down at him. Phil wished he could smooth his frown away. Lee rested his cheek on his amazing biceps, his arm curled over his head. Lee’s knuckles were raw and swollen, but that didn’t take away from how effortlessly sexy he was, how heartwrenchingly beautiful his every move and pose. If he could, Phil would photograph every move Lee made and paper the walls with the prints, live surrounded by every angle of his body all at once.
Phil eventually looked back into Lee’s eyes and even though he still wore that slight frown, he also wore a tiny smile. He rubbed his fingertips over Phil’s scratchy jaw and down the side of his neck before he settled into petting his chest.
“Kim wants me to, but I haven’t. Not yet. If we stay—if you want to live here—your name will be on it too.”
Phil started trembling. He blinked fast a few times and when he closed his eyes, Lee gently rubbed his cheek until he opened them.
“I want you to have a home, Phil. One that’s yours. One nobody can take away from you. If this isn’t it, that’s okay. We can look for one together.”
Lee’s eyes shone with love and unshed tears, and still Phil’s voice failed him. After trying to speak twice, he hooked his hand behind Lee’s neck and pulled him into a whisper-soft kiss. Lee pressed his lips the tiniest bit harder, and then he squeezed him to within an inch of breath against his chest.
“This is it.” Phil’s voice shook, but once he was able to get the words out, his hands didn’t anymore. He ran his hands over Lee’s back, around his waist and down across his hip. Their breathing deepened when he hooked his hand behind Lee’s thigh and pulled it up over his hip. Still not close enough. “Can we stop talking now?”
Phil didn’t stop until he reached Lee’s balls. He held them gently and waited.
“Just one more thing.” Lee palmed Phil’s cheek and kissed the tip of his nose and then rubbed the tip of his against it. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Phil said and slipped his hand up to rub Lee’s dick.
Lee
gripped Phil’s ass, moaning and rocking his hips as he pulled him close. As soon as he could get loose, Phil started to slide down, his mouth watering at the thought of filling it with Lee’s cock.
“No, don’t.”
Phil froze. His mind emptied in the time it took Lee to speak that second syllable.
“Turn around?”
Phil concentrated on his breathing, keeping it slow and steady and not allowing himself to start gulping mouthfuls of air that wouldn’t end up doing any good anyway. He didn’t know if he could go through with it, but he rolled onto his back. Before he could make it all the way around, Lee stopped him with a gentle hand on his chest.
“Not that way, baby. I want your dick in my mouth too.”
Phil started breathing again and turned around, immediately sucking Lee into his mouth like a man half-starved. Lee slipped an arm under Phil, hugged his hips, and nuzzled his balls.
“Is it okay if I call you baby?”
Lee spoke with his lips against Phil’s thigh, tickling and driving him crazy at the same time. Phil made a yes-noise on a downstroke, and then echoed Lee’s answering shiver.
“I’m just asking because of what you said about the guy in that book.”
With a groan, Phil pulled his mouth from Lee’s erection. “That’s different.” He slowly stroked with one hand and rubbed his cheek along that luscious spot where Lee’s thigh met his hip. “That was sleazy. When you say it, it’s hot.”
Before Lee could say anything else, Phil dove back onto his dick and sucked it into his mouth until it hit the back of his throat again and again. Lee took his time, at least he tried to, licking and stroking until Phil thought he’d never get to the sucking….
A SMALL diesel engine turned onto the street, and Phil smiled when he realized his stomach didn’t clench. Much. He hadn’t thought he could eat any breakfast either. Not in the same kitchen where he’d—but he managed to eat almost half of what Lee put away. Lee turned out to be a decent cook, though, so it wasn’t difficult.
Nesting Habits Page 17