Chapter 33
According to her watch she’d been walking for two hours. She looked around and noticed she was getting close to the city. At least she’d been walking in the right direction. Verity began feeling weak. She needed to sit down. She looked around and there was nowhere to sit down. She could try and go a bit further. She continued walking and sat down on a bench at a bus stop. She needed to lie down so she put her handbag under her head and closed her eyes.
“Verity? Verity?” Verity opened her eyes and closed them again. “Verity? Are you on drugs? Have you taken something?” Verity shook her head slightly but couldn’t open her eyes. “I’m going to call an ambulance for you, okay?” Verity shook her head slightly. “Yeah, I am. Just hold tight.” Wherever Verity was right now was dark. She thought she had her eyes open but she couldn’t see anything.
“Thanks for coming. Her name is Verity Sharpe, she apparently hasn’t taken anything. This appears to be a medical issue.”
“Thanks, Officer, we’ll take it from here. Verity? Verity? My name is Paul. I’m just going to look in your eyes now. Verity? Have you had any drugs or alcohol?”
Verity’s eyelids were being pulled open and it was too bright to see anything. She wanted to push whoever was doing that away from her because it was annoying. She tried to lift her arms but they wouldn’t move. Now something was on her face.
Verity felt heavy. There was gently rocking, that was nice, it was like being rocked to sleep but she was already asleep. There was nothingness. Silence. Stillness. Darkness. “I’m dead, I don’t know how I did it but it doesn’t hurt.”
“I think the glucose is finally working. Thank God, it’s been hours. You’re not dead.”
“Why not?” Verity uttered, “I want to be.”
“Verity, I don’t know what’s been going on with you but you look like crap.”
She blinked a few times and opened her eyes. She looked at who was holding her hand. “Hi, Brandon,” she whispered.
“Hi, yourself. I wasn’t expecting to see you sleeping at a bus stop. People needed that seat to wait for the bus, you know. You’re lucky I noticed you there. We were coming back from a domestic, but when I saw you I circled the block to pick you up for vagrancy.”
Verity tried to laugh but it came out as a forced breath and a slight shoulder movement. “Just tired.”
“Beyond tired, you put yourself into a coma. Your iron and glucose were so low it was crazy. You had to have an infusion and you’re lucky you don’t have hypoxic brain damage,” Brandon said, “I came after my shift finished, because I was so worried about you. When was the last time you ate anything?”
“Last week maybe,” Verity mumbled.
“That’s at least five days, Ver. What’s going on? Why aren’t you eating? Are you depressed? I’m sorry I haven’t been around much, I’ve been so busy, and I was seeing someone. I didn’t think they’d understand.”
“I have no friends. I have no family. All my female friends are busy having babies and getting married and looking after grandchildren. All my male friends are out getting laid. I had to look after myself and I’m failing.”
“You sure are,” Brandon said, “You can do better than this. How can I help?”
“You can’t. I have to help myself, and I’m going to, but I need to make a Will first.”
“Verity, don’t talk like that, you’re scaring me. You’re not going to die and you’re too young to make a Will.”
“You’re never too young. I’m leaving all my money to Adrian.”
Brandon laughed, “That’s hilarious. I’m enjoying this slurred conversation. Why to Adrian?”
“Because he works so hard, and he’s such a good boy.”
“I’m going to tell him you said that,” Brandon laughed.
“No, don’t, and don’t tell him I’m here either. I’m sick of being hopeless. I want to help for a change.”
“You could set him up with some investment advice like you did for me. I’m living on interest thanks to you, Verity. When I finally get a wife I can buy her a house and live happily ever after. You do have friends. A lot of people adore you and ask about you. Even Jen when she gets your name right. You’re just feeling lonely at the moment. It’ll pass. You need to soldier on. Somewhere out there is that man you love and I’ve been praying that he’ll find you.”
“I prayed every day to God that he’d save me from Ray. He never came. He’s not coming back, Brandon. I have to accept that he’s not coming back.”
“Then maybe you should start seeing Adrian. I think he wants to sleep with you.”
Verity tried not to smile, “He wants to, huh?”
“He seems to think that you’re the only woman impervious to his charms. You two have never slept together. That could go down in the history books. You’re the only woman any of us knows of who hasn’t slept with Adrian.”
Verity smiled, she couldn’t help it. Adrian had never told anyone that they’d slept together, even though they had slept together a lot. “Yeah, I can’t marry Adrian. Ever. He needs to find someone better, and I need to find someone worse.”
Brandon laughed again, “You’re a great girl, Ver. You just need to stop doing things that you don’t want to do to make other people happy. If you’re in charge of your life then prove it, don’t end it. You can’t change anything except yourself. I have a friend who I went to school with and he dated all the time. Just dinner and stuff, and he never slept with anyone, even though girls were begging him to do them. He’s in love with someone and he’s going to wait until she’s ready to love him. If that day never comes then he’ll die a virgin. He reckons there’s no one else out there he wants to share his body with. That’s crazy to me, but he’s determined. If this man is really the one you want to wait for, then why don’t you at least go out and be among people and enjoy everything you can in the interim? You’ve talked about this before. You were determined not to let a man ruin your life and prevent you from living.”
“I almost had sex with a man who terrifies me today because I felt obliged. His kisses made me feel loved at first, but today I just felt used and degraded and scared. I’m lost, Brandon. I’m lost and I don’t know where I am. I’ve hated my job for a long time, and all I have to make me happy is pictures and memories, memories and pictures. There’s only one man who could and should love me. I can’t take much more.”
Brandon lowered the bed rail and climbed onto the bed next to Verity. “Come on.”
Verity rested on his shoulder and put her arm across him, “I’m sorry, Brandon. I’m sorry I’m a pain in the arse. I liked the free and funny version of me better than this version too.”
“She’s in there, Ver. Remember when you used to turn the music up and dance it out? Do you still do that? Do you still let the music take over all the crap and dance until you’re happy? That version is in there, Ver. You just need to give her centre stage again.”
“I’ll do my best.”
“Let me look after you for a bit. Let me cook for you, and fatten you up a little, and make sure you’re smiling,” Brandon said, holding her hand.
“I don’t understand. You’re a really good looking guy and you’re smart and you’re sweet. Why are you here with me? I know we’re friends, but why? What good am I doing you? What good am I doing anyone? I just mess up people’s lives. I lost two of the best, no, three of, no, four actually. I’ve lost four of the best men I’ve ever known. You’re going to be another one and I am so sick of losing good men.” Verity burst into tears and turned away from him.
Brandon rolled over on his side and put his arm over Verity. “I thought you wanted to live in the moment? I thought you wanted to enjoy things while they lasted and not waste a day miserable? I know you’re fed up right now. I know you think that your life isn’t worth living, but it is. You can do whatever you put your mind to and you don’t need a man to do that. I know since you hit university that your whole identity was wrapped up in a man and that h
e holds a piece of your heart, but what about the rest of you? What about what you’ve achieved on your own? What about what you’ve gone through and what you’ve learned and all the fun you’ve had? Does that not mean anything anymore?”
“Of course it does,” Verity replied, “I’m really grateful to have spent time with such wonderful people, you included. I just can’t give any more of my heart away. Everyone I’ve depended on has left me. My father, my mother, the love of my life, another person I was crazy about, my Uncle John died, Nicole got married and moved away, Krystal had twins and moved rural, and I’m sick of myself and all the people I’m currently surrounded by. Present company excluded. I’m sick of not having any control over my life.”
“Then get control, Verity Sharpe. You have a choice. You have lots of choices. Ending your life is a bad choice.”
“You’re right. I know. I need to be able to depend on myself and like myself and be proud of myself. If I can’t love me then how can I expect anyone else to love me? The first thing I have to do is leave my job, and maybe the next thing I should do is leave town.”
“I’m always only a text message away. I know I’ve been a slack friend but –”
“No, Brandon, you haven’t. You’ve been a good friend to me. I know that some women will never be able to accept their man having a female friend, I know that, and I think it’s more important that you find a home for your heart. You have been a good friend. Thank you for getting me help and for being here for me now. I owe it to you, and to the people who care, and to myself, to do better.”
Chapter 34
Avoiding Ryan wasn’t as easy as she’d hoped, and she was running out of excuses. They were on the same floor but not in the same section. She’d seen him with other women having private conversations in offices and other places, and wondered if he was trying this on everyone or it was something else entirely. He still said things to her in text messages and in person if he could get away with it in the building. Verity wanted to be left alone. She’d given Jason her resignation letter, and she hoped that Ryan didn’t see her departure as a green light to pursue their relationship away from the prying eyes of the gossip circles. He seemed incapable of comprehending that she didn’t want to be with him.
Verity was on her way back from the bathroom when she saw him at the end of the corridor. He stopped there and was waiting for her, looking the other way and back at her. When she got close she said a friendly hello and kept walking.
“Can I talk to you?”
“Sure,” Verity replied, looking around.
“Not here, somewhere else,” he said, “How about the café across the street?”
“Okay,” Verity replied. Inside she was cringing. The point that she was at now was that she couldn’t be alone with him because he reminded her of Ray, which probably wasn’t his fault, but it was a fact. She supposed that being in public in a café that their colleagues frequented could be okay. “I’ll just go get my handbag.”
“I’ll meet you there.”
Verity looked at her watch. It was close enough to lunch time. She went back to her desk and took her handbag from her bottom drawer and locked the drawers again. She walked out of the office building dreading what was coming. She would have to ask him to delete her number today and never use it again. He texted her late at night to say he was thinking of her. He texted her early in the morning to say he couldn’t wait to see her. She had told him without hesitation that they weren’t in a relationship but he insisted that they were. She’d been down this path with Brad. Insisting she was his girlfriend when she wasn’t. She’d done this over and over, telling him she didn’t, and she couldn’t, and no. Today she might have to say something really offensive to get her message across. She needed it to end completely and finally and for it to never come back again.
When she arrived at the café he was in the same cosy corner they had been in before. She looked around to see if there was anyone she knew there and there wasn’t. She sat down opposite him and put her bag on the floor.
“What the hell is going on?” he whispered across the table.
“I have no idea,” Verity said. She was tempted to ask him about the other young women and whether this was a thing he always did, but she thought it might make her sound jealous and she wasn’t the least bit jealous.
“Is this a game to you? What is going on between you and my wife?”
“Your what?” Verity asked, completely confused.
“My wife,” Ryan said in a hushed tone, looking around.
“I didn’t even know you had a wife. I knew you had children but I assumed you were divorced. Anyway, what? I don’t understand what you’re talking about, Ryan.” Verity was relieved that a waiter had arrived at the table to take her order. “Large cappuccino in a mug, please,” she said, taking her wallet from her handbag.
Ryan declined a beverage and looked at the waiter like he was going to kill him. The waiter walked away without waiting for Verity’s money.
“Why are you doing this, Kate?”
“I still have no idea what you’re talking about. In all of our conversations you never said you had a wife. You desperately wanted to run away with me and work on our feelings. Since when do you have a wife?”
“You’re mentally unwell, aren’t you?” Ryan asked.
Verity was taken aback. She shook her head. He was looking at her intensely and again it was like Ray. She couldn’t maintain his gaze. Looking away probably seemed like an act of guilt but he had no idea what he’d been doing to her by being so close, and touching her the way he had. He had no idea what he was doing to her by looking at her like that right now.
“Why did you track down my wife, Kate?”
Verity thanked the waiter for the coffee and handed him five dollars. She looked back at Ryan. “I didn’t know you had a wife. I didn’t track your wife down because I didn’t know you had one.”
“Last night I saw you and her together and I almost had a heart attack. Why would you do that to me? Is this like Fatal Attraction or something?”
“Fuck,” Verity said, “I don’t normally swear, but what the fuck are you talking about? I have told you in no uncertain terms that I don’t want to be with you. You stopped, you let it go, for a while there was nothing and then you started again. Now you’re accusing me of stalking your wife? I was at home by myself watching a movie last night, Ryan. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I don’t know when the picture was taken but last night is when I saw it. What are you playing at?”
Verity shook her head, “This from a man who won’t take ‘no’ for an answer. This from a man who I didn’t even know was married. Nice.”
“You make up a bullshit name and befriend my wife, and I’m supposed to be okay with that? I love her and I don’t want to hurt her.”
“Obviously,” Verity replied, picking up her coffee, “What’s your wife’s name?”
“Casey.”
Verity hurriedly swallowed her sip of coffee and it burned her throat. “Casey? Casey is your wife? You son of a bitch. She’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever met and I wish to God she was my mother. She talks about you like you’re a lovely, non-possessive, man who wants her out and having fun. How could you do what you do? Oh, shit. How could I do what I’ve done? I almost slept with Casey’s husband, and I didn’t even want to do it.” Verity stood up and picked up her handbag. “Now I can never look her in the face again. How could you, Ryan?” She walked out of the café and tears made their way down her face. She looked up at the sky and out at the traffic. She began sobbing. She couldn’t go back to work like this. She turned right and walked down the street still crying hard. She felt lower than low. Ryan made her feel ill because he reminded her of a man who had made her life a living hell, but now she couldn’t think beyond the fact that he was Casey’s husband. Now she could never be friends with Casey again. This was so unfair. She couldn’t tell Casey that Ryan was cheating on her, and she
knew that Casey would be able to read the guilt on her face. When she was calm she was going to have to go back into the office and pack her things and leave. She couldn’t wait out the rest of the notice.
Verity stopped and turned around. Someone had called her name. She knew that voice. She closed her eyes feeling desperate to hear it again and hone in on its sound. She turned around again. There was traffic, and people talking, and noise from the nearby cafés and music. She wanted to hear that voice again. It was him. She knew it was him. She heard it again and squeezed her eyes shut tighter. ‘Please, please, let it be him.’ If she was standing still he could get to her. That was the plan. She waited with her eyes tight shut. Any minute now, any minute now his arms would be around her. He’d say her name again and they’d be together.
“Kate?”
Verity shook her head. That was Ryan. She didn’t want to hear Ryan.
“Kate? Are you okay?”
Verity opened her eyes and more tears formed. Maybe no one had called her name. Maybe she’d imagined it again. “What do you want, Ryan?”
“I’m sorry you’re upset.”
“No you’re not. Just leave me alone.”
“I don’t like seeing you so upset, but I don’t get why you’re upset. I’m the one who should be upset. You made up a fake name and found my wife.”
Verity turned around and looked at Ryan, “I used to work in the First Bank with Casey. We’ve been friends for years. I didn’t make up a fake name. My first name is Verity and my middle name is Kate. HR stuffed it up on the system so I was stuck with ‘Kate’ for my email address and business cards. I’m not a deceptive person. If you knew me, you’d know that. I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want anything to do with you. I don’t know how much plainer I can make it. Do I need a restraining order?” Verity turned around and walked away from him.
Running Rings Page 26