Bittersweet Love

by Cathy Williams

  Eric was waiting when she walked in. She had managed to dash back to the flat to change before meeting him, and was dressed in a very summery, cool apricot dress which nipped in to the waist and then fell to just above her knees. It was one of her most comfortable dresses, and she had chosen it out of a perverse sense of irony. After all, with that tailored waist, it would probably be one of the first things she would have to put into cold storage when her body started expanding.

  Eric ordered her a glass of orange juice, only ex-pressing polite surprise that she wasn’t drinking, and then proceeded to peer at her guiltily over the rim of his glass.

  ‘I’ve got a confession to make,’ he said, once they had covered the preliminary chit-chat.

  Natalie looked at him, surprised out of her introspection. She had no idea what this was leading up to and she was curious to find out. Eric looked extremely red-faced and embarrassed and she wondered what on earth he had to confess. Some secret side to him that he felt she ought to know about? She hoped not. She couldn’t handle any complications in someone else’s life. Her own was too complicated as it was.

  ‘What confession?’ she asked warily.

  ‘I know we’ve been seeing an awful lot of each

  other——’ he cleared his throat and glanced at her ‘—and

  I hope you haven’t—I know I’m just being a fool when I say this, but I do hope you haven’t, that you don’t…’

  ‘I haven’t,’ Natalie reassured him, reading his mind, ‘and I don’t. There was never anything serious between us and that was one reason why being with you was so enjoyable.’ She summoned up a smile, the first genuine one for what seemed like years, and he looked hugely relieved.

  ‘It’s just that I know that this might be a bit of surprise to you, but I’m going to be married.’

  Natalie looked at him, astounded. ‘You sly dog,’ she said slowly. ‘Married? Can I ask who the lucky girl is?’

  Eric looked down and twiddled with the stem of his wine glass. ‘You know her, actually.’ He raised his eyes to her. ‘Anna. Your boss’s ex-girlfriend.’

  Anna. Anna and her threats to show her what it felt like to have her man stolen. Was this her revenge? Stealing Eric? And had that revenge turned into some-thing unexpected? Surely it had to be the latter. After all, marriage was a heavy price to pay to even a debt, and Natalie could not see the other woman paying it simply for that reason.

  ‘You really are a sly one,’ she said, keeping her thoughts to herself, then with a gesture of affection she leaned across the narrow table and threw her arms around his neck, kissing him soundly on the mouth—a totally sexless kiss that spelt fondness and nothing more.

  And as she raised her eyes she met familiar green ones staring at her from across the room. Cool, assessing and not very friendly. And across the table from him a pair of blue eyes gazed with open lust at his face. Blue eyes that belonged to a long body, jet-black hair and the face of an unknown woman who looked like an angel.

  Suddenly Natalie didn’t feel quite so happy any more.

  CHAPTER NINE

  HER face was pink when she sat back down in her chair, but Eric merely assumed that it was because she was taken aback, surprised and thrilled at his revelation. And Natalie made no attempt to disillusion him. Nor did she inform him that her exboss—and Anna’s exlover—was sitting behind him, a few tables away.

  Besides, she had a feeling that it would have gone in one ear and out of the other. He was far too busy chattering away about his fiancée, expressing wonder at his luck in having had his proposal of marriage accepted.

  ‘Of course, my parents are going to be a little disappointed,’ he said with a grin. ‘I think they wanted to see me happily settled with someone slightly less flamboyant, but you know love.’

  Natalie laughed vaguely and her eyes slipped across the room to where Kane was now looking at the woman at his table, a warm smile curving his lips.

  So much for my long-lasting impact on him, she thought. She tried her best to be philosophical; after all, wasn’t this just precisely what she wanted? But it was difficult being philosophical when salt was being rubbed into an open wound.

  When Eric excused himself to go to the men’s room, it was almost a relief to have silence. She looked miserably down into her cup of coffee and swirled it between her fingers, watching the liquid form patterns in the cup. When was this piercing ache ever going to leave her? She glanced up at Kane and her whole body quivered with remembered longing. She had loved this man for years, had always known that it would lead no-where. Surely that should make her feelings easier to control? Surely that should numb the bitter jealousy spreading through her at the thought of that unknown woman in bed with him?

  Because there was very little doubt that that was where their evening was heading. All those coy looks in between provocative tossing of her black mane were not destined to a cup of cocoa in front of the television. Cups of cocoa weren’t Kane Marshall’s style at all, Natalie thought acidly, and from the looks of the woman in his company they weren’t hers either.

  ‘Of course, you’ll come,’ Eric was saying as he sat back down and beckoned the waiter across for the bill.

  Natalie looked at him blankly.

  ‘To the wedding,’ he explained patiently, ‘Next week Friday. A simple affair at a register office. I’ll phone and give you all the details.’

  She nodded absent-mindedly, and Eric looked satisfied. He paid the bill, his face still wreathed in smiles at the prospect of tying the knot, and they went directly back to her flat. Natalie kissed him on the cheek, then gave him a hug, and let herself into her empty home.

  She felt dull and lifeless, and horribly weighed down with the knowledge of her pregnancy. It was usually a cause for celebration with most women, she thought sadly, yet here I am, hiding it as if it’ s something shameful.

  The doorbell went and Natalie thought, Eric. She hoped he hadn’t decided on the spur of the moment to invite himself in for a cup of coffee, or a nightcap. She felt exhausted from his perky banter. Right now she needed privacy in which to wallow in her self-pity. Tomorrow she would start cultivating her usual optimism.

  She swung open the door but it wasn’t Eric standing on the doorstep. It was Kane. Behind him, she could see Eric’s car vanishing to the end of the street. They must have crossed paths. She looked at him belligerently, blaming him for everything she was going through. What was he doing here? This was all his fault. She wished that she had never clapped eyes on him. Why couldn’t he have been ugly? Why couldn’t he have been married with ten kids and a devoted wife? She wouldn’t have looked twice at him then. Most of all, why couldn’t he have left her alone and not made love to her out of some twisted desire to satiate his curiosity?

  She uncomfortably shoved to the back of her mind the thought that she had not exactly spurned his advances. Now she glared at him and was pushing the door shut when he shouldered his way in to stand inside the landing, his green eyes like chips of ice.

  ‘You have no right to barge your way into this flat!’ Natalie shot out. ‘My flat!’ Already she felt close to tears. Maybe it was the hormones, or maybe it was anger. Whatever, she turned away abruptly and blinked away the awful desire to cry.

  ‘I can’t believe that you’re still seeing that man,’ Kane said tightly.

  ‘You followed me here to tell me that?’ She gave a laugh that bordered dangerously on the hysterical.

  He gripped her by her arms, his black brows meeting in a furious frown. ‘I spoke to him before I came in here,’ he bit out, and Natalie looked at him warily.

  Spoke to Eric? What about? Kane had never had anything very pleasant to say about him, so what could they possibly have to discuss?

  ‘What about?’ she asked tentatively, going limp in his clutch because it was futile putting up any kind of fight with him.

  ‘What do you think?’ he grated, shaking her slightly so that she winced in discomfort. ‘What do you bloody think?’ There wa
s real burning rage in his eyes. What was going on here? Was she missing something? He had known of Eric’s presence in her life for long enough. In fact, she had done her best to exaggerate the whole thing, and he had so far never reacted with such intense, cold fury to the knowledge.

  Besides, as far as they were both concerned, whatever brief encounter they had shared was over and done with. It was imperative that she get on with her life, vanish out of his waters forever, and she wished that he would leave her alone.

  Maybe, she thought desperately, he was obsessed with having her. Like a fisherman who became obsessed with catching the fish that got away. Was that it? What was she to do? She would have to get away from him. Maybe she would go and visit her sister. Or maybe she would just cash in her savings and fly to some obscure island in the back of beyond.

  ‘You’re hurting me,’ she whispered, and his lips twisted into a cold, sneering smile.

  ‘Am I? I do apologise.’ But he didn’t slacken his hold on her.

  ‘I’m not your property,’ she flared, with a renewal of anger. ‘I resent your treating me as though I am! You have no right to follow me here! I could have you arrested!’

  ‘On what charges?’ he inquired silkily. ‘Don’t be utterly ridiculous.’

  ‘I’ll call the police and have you thrown out!’ she warned and he looked at her as though she had suddenly turned senile.

  ‘Don’t you know that the police aren’t that keen on sticking their noses into lovers’ tiffs?’

  ‘I am not your lover!’

  His eyes darkened and she knew with cold dread before his lips actually met hers that he was going to kiss her. She could see the intent in his eyes, but not the savagery with which he would do it. His mouth covered hers with swift, fierce hunger, prising her lips open so that she could scarcely breathe against him. Her head flew back under the impact of his kiss and as she struggled against him she could feel his fingers tighten on her arms, only relinquishing their grip to move to her back. He pulled her against him, their bodies so close that she could feel him hard and aroused against her.

  And God, was she aroused. When she should be furious, her body was reacting in all the wrong ways. It was melting, wanting to yield to his power. She wanted to close her eyes and allow herself to be swept away on the tide of passion flowing through her.

  His hand moved to cup her breast and he groaned into her mouth. She wasn’t wearing a bra and his fingers found her nipple, rubbing it until it throbbed to feel the moistness of his mouth. He feverishly pushed up her blouse and she shuddered as his flesh made contact with hers. It was only when she felt his fingers urgently begin to explore her underneath her lacy underwear that sanity reasserted itself like a cruel slap across the face.

  What had she been thinking of? She opened her eyes, horrified at her lack of control, at the ease with which she had abandoned common sense, and with a sudden movement pushed him hard.

  He was not expecting that. She looked at his face and realised that he was still dazed with desire. It should have given her a rush of power, to know that she could arouse him to this pitch, but then she thought of the jet-haired woman who had shared his table at the restaurant. Was he like this in her arms? Would he retire to her house and finish what she, Natalie, was unable to?

  The thought brought on a swift attack of self-disgust.

  ‘I hope you’re satisfied!’ she said violently. ‘You’re not content to just force your way into my flat—oh, no, you have to force your way with me as well! What are you trying to prove? That you’re bigger and stronger than me?’

  He reached out and curled his fist into a handful of her hair. ‘What I’m trying to prove, my witch, is that you can’t marry that man!’ He was back in full command of himself now. Only the slight huskiness in his voice suggested his lack of control a minute ago.

  Natalie wished that she could take command of her senses with equal speed. Her body was still trembling from his lovemaking. It took a few seconds for his words to sink in, and when they did she looked at him in surprise.

  ‘What are you talking about?’ she asked.

  ‘Don’t pretend you don’t know,’ Kane rasped. ‘I bounced into that man outside your flat and he was obviously in high humour. He couldn’t wait to inform me that he was getting married.’

  Comprehension dawned on Natalie’s face. Eric had, she admitted, been walking on cloud nine all evening. He had probably volunteered the information without prompting, but had omitted to mention the woman to whom he was being married. Anna was, after all, Kane’s ex-lover. Maybe Eric thought that if he mentioned any names he would be at the receiving-end of Kane’s wrath.

  The thought brought a reluctant smile to her lips.

  ‘I’m glad you find it amusing,’ he shot at her. ‘How can you debase yourself by agreeing to marry a man you don’t love and are very probably not attracted to?’

  ‘And who said that I’m not attracted to Eric?’ Natalie asked, avoiding his direct question.

  ‘The way that you’re attracted to me? You can’t marry him. I won’t allow it.’

  ‘You won’t allow it? I had no idea that the rest of the world needed permission from you to get married!’

  ‘They don’t. Only you.’ The thick possessiveness in his voice made her pulses race, but this time she wasn’t going to be taken in by him. His possessiveness had nothing to do with love.

  ‘You can’t stop me from doing what I want,’ Natalie replied ambiguously. “There was never anything between us. Not really.’ She crossed her fingers behind her back. ‘It’s time for us both to lead our own lives now. I don’t tell you what you should do with your personal life, do I?’ Bitterness crept into her tone. ‘You come here, ranting and raving, trying to lay the law down with me, but I don’t exactly see you retraining from con-soling yourself elsewhere.’

  There was a definite glint in his eyes now when he looked at her.

  ‘Are you jealous?’ he asked, and she realised that he would love that.

  She shook her head and made her face go blank. ‘No, I’m not.’

  Kane’s lips tightened and he said roughly, ‘There’s a difference between having dinner with someone and agreeing to marry them. I’m thinking of you,’ he said craftily. ‘You’d end up miserable if you tied yourself with someone like Eric. I’ve told you this in the past, but I’m saying it again. You’re a fool to try and make happiness out of whatever you have with that boy.’

  ‘So you’re thinking about me,’ Natalie mocked. ‘How altruistic.’ At that, he had the grace to blush and she thought, You cad; talk about using every trick in the book. Unfinished business. That was what she was to him. Passion severed in mid-stream. No doubt if she had let it all run its course he would have tired of her soon enough and she would have been discarded to carry on with her own life. She knew him like the back of her hand. And if she hadn’t been so deeply emotionally involved with him maybe she would have enjoyed the physical temptations he was offering without any fuss at all.

  ‘Don’t marry him,’ he said roughly. ‘At least if you marry me we would have great sex.’

  That made her turn away, hurt. It was all he associated with a relationship, wasn’t it?

  ‘Get out of my flat,’ she said, moving towards the door and pulling it open. Kane shot her a look that implied that he would have loved to shake her until she came round to his way of thinking, but he didn’t say anything.

  Outside, the deserted street reminded her how late it was. Well past midnight. She would be a wreck in the morning. She was finding it difficult enough to wake up in time for work without having had only a few hour’s sleep the night before.

  His car was parked across the street, under one of the streetlamps, sleek and sharp, a bit like its owner. She wondered what had happened to his date. Had he packed her off in a taxi back to her house? Or maybe she was waiting back at his. The thought made her want to retch and she looked at him with cool resentment.

  ‘You’re a stupid fool,�
�� he informed her and she bristled angrily.

  ‘Then I can’t imagine what you’re doing here,’ she retorted. ‘It’ s not your scene to keep company with stupid fools, is it?’

  He looked as if he could hit her for that remark. In the shadows, his face was all angles, hard and uncompromising, and she wondered how on earth she could ever have had the temerity to fall in love with him.

  ‘Fine. Throw your life away. I’ll leave you to get on with it’ He turned and walked away, his footsteps ringing on the deserted pavement. She watched, unable to tear her eyes away, until he let himself into the car and slammed the door shut behind him. She knew that he wasn’t looking at her. He had washed his hands of her. He pulled out smoothly and the car vanished into the distance, but instead of feeling relief Natalie could only muster up a feeling of loss.

  She slept badly and awoke to a feeling of nausea. She had not suffered from severe morning sickness with her pregnancy—more a vague feeling of nausea that lasted .on and off for the entire day—but this morning she felt positively ill.

  She was ashen when she finally made it into work and Tony glanced briefly at her as she entered, concerned at her pallor, but he soon forgot about it when the usual round of phone calls and meetings rushed him off his feet.

  What a wonderful boss, Natalie thought; she could just get on with her work and her nausea without him hovering around her like a mother hen.

  She thought of Kane. Nothing like a mother hen, more like a predatory eagle, but nevertheless if she had shown up for work feeling as she did those shrewd eyes of his would have spotted it instantly and he would not have let the matter rest until he had dragged the truth out of her. Persistence was a trait with which he had been abundantly supplied.

  She sat at her desk, automatically sifting through her post, but her mind was fluttering back to the time when she worked with Kane. He had been demanding, forceful, keeping her on her toes every second that she was in the office, but she had loved it. He had fired her adrenalin so that each evening she had returned to her flat with a feeling of having achieved something. Working for Tony was nice, but he operated on a different scale altogether. She would, she reflected, miss him more than she would miss the surroundings or the work.