by Joanne Rock
“I’m not going to pretend I didn’t have a moment of...” He seemed to search for the right words. Behind them, the phone rang, and his brow furrowed. “Look, Caroline, I really need to talk to you, but not here. Could we go to my office?”
Her mind traveled back a year to late nights working on plans for the company when they would lock his office door and take a break from the job in the most rewarding way possible. She wasn’t sure she could sit in those chairs where they’d made love.
Not now.
“How about we speak in my office instead?” Maybe it was the business victory with her father making her feel newly emboldened. She guessed that when the adrenaline let-down kicked in, she was going to have to start dealing with the hurt and regret of discovering her father had gone to criminal lengths to separate her from Damon. But she couldn’t think about that right now if she was going to negotiate a future apart from Damon.
She needed to work from a position of strength before her heart broke the rest of the way.
“No problem.” Damon nodded. “You still have a key? I’m sure the cleaning staff have maintained it, but I haven’t been in there since the day I let the police go through your things.”
His words helped her to recall how much he’d been through, as well. This year had been so painful for them both. She reached in her bag and withdrew her key ring before leading the way down the hall.
Despite her outward bravado, her hands were a little unsteady as she worked the lock and opened the door. She turned on the lights to the penthouse corner office, a spread that equaled his in amenities.
Only now, of course, the administrator’s seat out front was vacant. Caroline hadn’t worked a day at Transparent since she’d departed for her honeymoon, but the space was precisely as she remembered. Unlike the rest of Transparent’s hypermodern offices, she’d chosen to complement the views from the floor-to-ceiling windows with bookshelves on every other wall. White linen swags draped along the tops of the shelves and the windows. Her cream leather office chair sat behind an antique desk, which was painted another shade of eggshell and hand-rubbed for a distressed effect. Birch branches stood in a wooden pitcher in place of flowers on one corner of the desk.
Here, the books, the framed photos, and the stunning mountain views provided all the color. A framed photo of Damon and her sat prominently on one bookshelf. The two of them seated together on a park bench in the gardens of the Winchester Mystery House. She wore a blue dress with white polka dots, a fanciful, romantic sundress with a fuller skirt than she normally chose. Wide-set straps showed off the necklace she’d bought in the gift shop that day, a glass daisy inspired by one of the windows in the home.
Seeing that necklace—a piece she hadn’t seen in months—brought back a flood of new memories. The streak of thoughts through her head came so fast it almost hurt. She reeled back a little from the photo, the day of her kidnapping returning to her mind.
“Caroline?” Damon was beside her, his hand on her waist. Then, he shifted it to her shoulder when she still wobbled. “Are you all right?”
“My father was there.” She blurted the worst of it, needing to share the burden of those painful moments. “My God. He was in our house that day they took me.”
“Sit down.” He guided her into a spot on the love seat near the windows, the stiff white denim fabric yielding under their weight as they sat down together. “You remembered something?”
Just two days ago she’d sat across the room from a therapist in New York who’d told her she might never recover her memories. But now, new information flooded her neuropathways, making connections throughout her brain in a way that felt like her whole head was lighting up.
“The necklace I’m wearing in that photo.” She pointed to the picture of them on the park bench. “I was wearing it on the flight back from London.”
Damon left her side for a moment to retrieve the image for a closer look. Lowering himself back to the loveseat, he set the silver picture frame on the low table near a stack of books on gardening.
“I bought you the replica of one of the daisy windows you liked.” His full attention returned to her, his hand smoothing light, comforting circles between her shoulder blades. “It was just a fun, lunchtime trip to get out of the office. I put daisies in your hair that day, too.”
Her heart hugged the memory close. How could she lose this man now when she was only fully appreciating how much he’d meant to her?
“Right. It was a happy time and I liked wearing that daisy.” She closed her eyes, remembering. “I heard someone in the house a couple of hours after I got back to the Los Altos Hills place. I hoped maybe it was you, coming home early to surprise me, because who else enters a house without knocking?” She shook her head, her chest tight. “I guess I’d left the door unlocked though, and the security system hadn’t been hooked up yet.”
“I was furious with the security company when I realized there were no cameras going the day you disappeared.” Damon nodded, his expression grave. He looked impossibly handsome in his navy suit and custom tailored shirt. “I fired them for not having everything up and running when you returned. Then I hired a whole new company to redo every bit of the job.”
She thought back to Maresa’s insistence that Damon had been a wreck without her. How could it be too late to recover their love if it had run so deep? She dragged in another steadying breath.
“When I went downstairs, my father was in our house. He’d flown here the day before me, hoping to convince me to leave you since he hadn’t managed to do that when I saw him in London.” Her fingers clenched into fists as the time washed over her, blooming in bright red bursts of pain. His cruelty had been shocking. Painful. “I was angry to see him, but I attempted to be civil even though he’d brought two goons with him I didn’t know. I thought they were his private security. I didn’t realize until later they were there for me.”
She no longer needed the police to tell her the role her father had played in her disappearance. She remembered.
A gust of air from the ventilation system sent a chill through her and she shivered.
“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to protect you.” Damon brushed his hand over her hair where it trailed down her back. “So damned sorry.”
“I would have never guessed he would try something so...” She shook her head, then steadied herself by looking into Damon’s eyes as he patiently let her find her way through wave after wave of emotions. “He went ballistic about the necklace.” That had tipped her off to the heartbreaking—terrifying—realization that Stephan Degraff had moved from eccentric and controlling to full-on obsessive. “He said cheap trinkets were beneath me. He ripped it off my throat.” Her hand went to her neck, remembering the scrape of his nails on her skin as he took it. “He wrestled off my wedding rings, too. I was screaming so much, one of his guards had to restrain me.”
Damon hugged her closer, his lips brushing her temple. “The police have him. You’ll never have to deal with him again, I promise you, on my life, I promise.”
“I know.” She breathed deep, trying to regain that sense of strength she’d felt after she tricked her father into signing away his share of Transparent, but she found herself needing Damon’s support to sustain her through the past steamrolling over her. “I told him to leave, but he refused. He said he would have me committed for unstable behavior. Then those goons grabbed me and—” Things got a little hazier after that.
“It’s okay,” Damon soothed. “Take your time. You’re safe. I have you.”
She tried to slow down her breathing, needing to press through before the fog once again overtook the memories. “They gave me a drink in the limo, trying to make me calm down even though they’d tied my hands. My father had already left in his own car while I went with the two muscle-heads. By then I was truly terrified. I took the drink and didn’t scream because they said they could get
one of my siblings next, but that’s how they drugged me the first time.”
“Your father must have stayed behind to leave your wedding bands and pack a few of your things.” Not letting go of her, Damon pulled his phone from his pocket with his other hand. “I’m going to text Officer Downey that you have additional evidence so he knows to keep your father in custody.”
It would be so easy to tip her head onto Damon’s shoulder. To soak in every bit of comfort she could from his presence. But she knew walking away from him would be even more harder if she gave in to that impulse now.
“Thank you.” She straightened, telling herself to keep it together. “I know you wanted to talk to me privately, and instead, I’ve dominated the conversation completely.” Her heart ached for her husband and the love they used to share.
He set his phone aside. “What you remembered was too important to risk delaying. I couldn’t be happier for your sake that your memory is coming back. I can’t imagine how frustrating it’s been for you missing pieces of the past.”
He took her hand. Squeezed. She had to close her eyes to prevent herself from overthinking the simple gesture. She wanted it to mean so much more.
“Thank you for understanding,” she said finally, her throat dry, her eyes burning with tears for her failed marriage. “But please, tell me. What did you want to talk about?”
Nodding, he shifted beside her. “I wanted to see you alone to ask you for another chance to prove to you that I love you and trust you. I—” He took a deep breath, his blue eyes darker with emotion. “I know that doesn’t mean much for me to tell you now, after you’ve proven your loyalty beyond all doubt.” He shook his head. “I should have told you before. I never stopped loving you, Caroline. Not even when it hurt the most.”
It scared her how much she wanted to believe him. So she stuffed down all the hope that wanted to dance to life inside her to focus on what he was saying. She needed to be sure.
“Why should I believe you?” She felt tears sting the backs of her eyes that she would need to question him after he’d told her the words she’d longed to hear. “I have to ask, Damon, because you’ve had days to return the feelings I shared with you. And instead, you retreated into your work and pushed me out.”
She couldn’t be married to a man who didn’t share her love. She had thought Damon was so different from her father. Open and warm. Ready to play and let work slide sometimes to simply enjoy life and be. The daisy necklace had reminded her of that. Of the simple pleasures.
Like winter picnics in Central Park? a contrary voice inside her asked. Maybe she had seen signs of his playful side since her return. But she needed him to trust her, too.
Outside her office, she heard voices in the reception area. The meeting must have broken up. But Damon didn’t move to join them.
“Things happened so fast between us when we fell in love.” His knee brushed hers as he spoke, a warm stroke of wool-gabardine on her bare knee. “I probably should have questioned it more at that time, but it was the most exciting, passionate love I’d ever experienced, and I couldn’t wait to just make you all mine.”
“Me, too.” Her throat burned at the thought of losing that. Still, he’d said that he loved her. “That’s how I felt.”
“But maybe we didn’t take enough time to really think about how we could fit together long-term. When we argued after the honeymoon, it felt like the end of the world to me. That’s the only reason I could believe for a second that you’d walked away on your terms and left me. I figured I hadn’t lived up to my end of the fairy-tale relationship and I lost you.” He stroked a strand of her hair that lay on the shoulder closest to him.
Her scalp tingled.
Maybe his love was still there after all?
“I couldn’t wait to see you and make up with you when I got home.” She knew that for certain. “But even if I was upset, I wouldn’t just walk out. For better or worse, Damon, my father did raise me to be the kind of woman who works hard at everything. And I would never give up on something so easily.”
“I should have known that. And when you came back...” He shook his head, the emotions and regret evident in his eyes. “I was ready to do anything to make you stay forever. To fix anything I’d messed up the first time. So when I realized you’d been keeping secrets—”
“For Lucas.” She wanted to be clear about that. “I couldn’t risk revealing him to you until I knew for sure what your feelings were toward me. My father has been feeding me a diet of lies for months, showing me stories about the McNeills and telling me you married me to inherit—”
“None of it was true.” His jaw tensed, showing a streak of pride and stubbornness that she admired. Something about his expression made her imagine what Lucas would look like one day. Would he take after his father with that same McNeill pride?
Would she be with them both to see that day?
The hope she’d stuffed down before grew back stronger. More insistent.
“I know that now. But between the drugs and being ill and having amnesia, I questioned everything. Every. Single. Thing.” She realized that no matter what the outcome of this conversation, she loved him as much—more—than ever.
“That’s what a good mother would do.” He stroked a hand along her arm. “I’m sorry, Caroline. I understand now that you had to make the call to put Lucas first while I was still concentrating on us—fixated on why you left. I’m trying to catch up to be a good father.”
“And you are.” She liked seeing him hold their son. Kiss the baby’s silky hair. “I trust that. But what I really want to know is, what’s next for us?”
Of all the risks she’d taken today—maneuvering her father into thinking she was on his side, gambling with Damon’s company in front of his other investors—this one was the biggest. Because Damon McNeill still held her heart.
“If I had my way, we would go to the police station right now to tell them everything you’ve remembered. While you give your statement, I’d work on making arrangements to have legal custody of your brothers shifted over to you so that we can help them through this.” His hand moved to her knee. “My father went missing from my life at their age, and I know how confusing that will be for them.”
Tipping her head to Damon’s shoulder, she couldn’t wait another moment to take the comfort he offered. Not when he said the most beautiful things. She appreciated that he would think of her family—her father’s sons—in that way.
“You’re right. Thank you for considering my brothers’ needs.” She kissed his shoulder through his jacket. No matter what, Damon was going to be an amazing role model. And maybe, her heart hoped, he would be so much more.
“I think we should pull them out of school. Let them spend a few weeks with us here, or maybe in Martinique. That’s a good place for kids.” He frowned as he seemed to weigh two important choices. Then he lifted his head. “Maybe we ask them?”
“I think that’s a great idea.” She felt a smile from deep inside her, confidence gathering along with the hope. This feeling couldn’t be wrong. She remembered it from those heady weeks when she’d fallen in love with this man. They clicked. They fit together.
Damon nodded. Then he took both her hands in his, turning to face her more fully on the sofa. “But first, I want to ask you to forgive me for not telling you how much I love you. Today, yesterday, and every day since I met you.” He stroked the backs of her fingers. “I was tongue-tied and stupid that night you said it to me. My brain was stuck wondering how you could feel that way about me. But not for a moment of that time did I not love you back.” His voice lowered, the emotions behind the words so evident she couldn’t believe she hadn’t heard them before. “Please believe me.”
The rightness of the moment, the truth of their happiness, flowed over her. Comforting her. Assuring her. Making her heart whole again.
“I do.” She kissed
his cheek, let a tear of happiness roll unchecked down her face. “I believe you. Because whether you say it or not, I feel your love all around me right now. It’s been there all along, I was just too afraid to believe it. It’s in the thoughtful things you do for me and the way you took care of Victoria with the bodyguard. Or putting my brothers’ care before anything else today.”
“I would do anything for you. I knew it in that board meeting that I’d rather lose the company a hundred times over than lose you for even one more day.” He kissed her fallen tear and both of her closed eyes. “Will you do one thing for me, my sweet Caroline?”
“What is it, my love?”
“Will you let me put your wedding rings on again?” He took up her left hand and kissed the bare third finger. “I keep putting them right here and they keep disappearing.”
She laughed. “Yes.” Digging in her purse, she couldn’t help the relieved laughter that kept coming. Everything was going to work out for her and Damon and their family. “But you have to admit I had a good reason for taking them off this time.”
“The best.” Smiling, he took the two bands from her and slid them into place. “You slayed me back there when you walked into the meeting and took charge.”
She flexed her fingers, admiring the sparkle of diamonds in the sunlight through the huge windows, the sense of rightness filling her.
“It will always hurt—what my father did to me.” There would be a hole in her heart that nothing else would fill, but she looked forward to connecting with Damon’s family. To finding more role models for her son, and to strengthening her own support network with friendships like she’d started with Maresa. “But it felt good to shut him out of Transparent forever.”
“You are an incredible woman on every level, Mrs. McNeill.” He leaned closer to kiss her neck. “I’m going to have the most stunning daisy necklace made for you to replace the old one.”