by Hickory Mack
So, even though it felt like he was giving away his last chance, he turned away from Elsie and the pain she’d bring. Sari gave a soft woof and sprinted off, leading the way. Saint followed, his huge paws gaining traction in the mud as he quickly caught up and surpassed her. One of the wolves ahead of them howled, and Sari barked back enthusiastically, letting the pack know they were on their way.
Running through the trees at a lope, the pack veered wide around the valley where a group of mages lived. The mages weren’t particularly terrible, but they were a noisy lot, and sometimes their experimentation with magic could get a bit out of control. Typically, it was best to just avoid them altogether.
There was a new set of scents among the familiar trails left by the mages. Saint slowed and put his nose to the ground. None of the tracks belonged to the one person he hoped for, but there were two he recognized, and a growl escaped his throat as his hackles raised. Sari jumped to the side in alarm, unable to know what it was that had angered him.
He hadn’t known what he’d expected of his mate, but he’d always imagined Elsie leaving the hunters as she’d always said she wanted. She’d always claimed to hate them and everything they stood for, and those claims had become more fervent as time went on. At one point in their past, it had been a promise between them. Clearly, he’d imagined wrong. How foolish to have expected her to keep her other promises when she hadn’t even kept her word to him.
Growling again, Saint raised his muzzle and let out a long howl, startling Sari even further. He never howled or barked. He rarely made any noise at all. He launched himself forward, following the pack, leaving his past behind. Elsie obviously hadn’t come here for him as he’d so pathetically wished. She was here on hunter business, plain and simple. The pain of that realization was so much he couldn’t face it.
Mentally, he tore at the sad remainder of a bond stubbornly tethering them together. If he could just get rid of that tiny piece of her inside of him, he could eventually be okay. He yelped as it tore at his soul, and he could swear he felt the phantom echoes of her pain, too, and the singular thought that always stopped him did so once more.
She had rejected him, torn his heart from his chest and sent him away, but she’d never fully cast him aside. Some part of her held just as tightly to him as he held onto her. It was the only thought that had gotten him through the past years. Somewhere in that messed up brain of hers, Elsie still cared about him. He had to believe that. He had nothing else.
Sari barked and bumped his shoulder again, drawing his attention. She was bold, this wolf. He wasn’t in the mood to play. Not that he often was, but especially now, he wanted to be left alone.
He stretched his legs, outpacing the smaller demon and quickly leaving her behind. Veering off from the rest of the pack, he made his way toward a place he visited often, especially in the late spring and early summer. It might be a little late in the year to see what he loved about the place, but he needed solitude more than the view.
Saint ran until he found a small, familiar stream, then turned to follow it, slowing to a trot to conserve his energy. Eventually, the stream emptied into a lake with a wide valley surrounding it. He slowed to a walk and kept away from the shore where the mud would suck him down to his belly. He’d spent several days stuck there the first time he’d visited.
Every winter, tributaries fat with melting snow filled the lake up, and every spring and summer, the lake emptied itself out. A hole in the bottom sucked the water down, shrinking the lake at least by half. Saint didn’t know where the water went, but he found the process endlessly interesting.
He belly crawled as close as he dared to where the water swirled its way down the hole, then rested his head on his paws with a sigh. Watching the water usually helped him calm his mind, but this time, his emotions were too stirred up. His thoughts continually returned to his mate and how close she was. Laying still to watch the water wasn’t enough this time. He wanted to rant at the sky and pace the ground until grass gave way to Earth.
‘Mistress,’ he mentally called to her, wishing the solution were so simple. Didn’t she know how badly he wanted her?
There was a time when all they’d had in the world was each other. When there was nothing he wouldn’t have done for Elsie. He’d loved her long before their bond had formed, and though she’d never outright said it, she’d loved him, too. Initially, he’d been okay with biding his time. It could be unspoken between them for as long as it needed to be.
She’d been so certain her mother would return for her, and when she did, they’d be free. They could be together, without fearing what her superiors would do to them if they found out. The day they’d fought the massive centipede demon that had infiltrated the compound had changed everything.
One of the hunters traveling with Elsie now had nearly gotten himself killed, and together they’d saved him, but not without a cost. They’d both been gravely injured, and Elsie had broken her own rules. She’d taken off her gloves to heal him. It was the first time their skin had ever made contact, and their mating bond had slammed into place with a finality that said it wasn’t going anywhere.
They were meant to be together; it was their fate, though they’d spent years avoiding that bond. It was so obvious what had happened, and for the briefest of moments, they’d been so fucking happy. Then something in Elsie’s eyes had changed. She’d been furious, ripping into him in a rage. Her words still haunted him. Every day they replayed in his head.
“I could never love a demon. I don’t want you, Saint. I never want to see you again. If I do, I’ll kill you myself.”
He hadn’t wanted to believe her. He’d searched their bond, trying to read the truth there, but she’d closed him out, blocking him from feeling anything. She’d ordered him to leave. Tears fell onto his fur as he remembered falling to his knees, begging her to stop. Pleading for her to accept him. He’d give her anything, do anything, if she’d only let him stay by her side.
In her attempts to drive him away, she’d attacked him, and he’d let her. Saint had decided that he’d rather die by her hand than willingly leave her. Then she’d said the one and only thing that could possibly change his mind.
“If you don’t leave, I’ll kill us both.”
He still didn’t know what had driven her to that point. How she’d gone from so happy to so fucking angry so very, very quickly. Everything hurt. His heart had broken in so many pieces nothing had been able to put it back together again, no matter how hard he’d tried to move past the pain.
For the first week, bits of her would intrude on his grief, and it killed him to know that despite her rejection, she was hurting every bit as badly as he was. In the second week, she was just gone. There was nothing on the other end of the throbbing, dying end of their bond. He’d thought she was dead, and if he hadn’t escaped into his hound form and run, he’d have followed her into the next life.
Saint shifted, taking his human form for the first time in months. He flexed his fingers, clenching and unclenching his fists. Everything was darker in his human form, but at the same time far too bright as the world took on new colors he couldn’t see as a hound. His skin was covered in a layer of dirt and grime, accumulated over time in his demon form.
He stood and walked down the shoreline, far enough that the undercurrent wouldn’t drag him down the hole. When he thought he’d be safe, he walked into the lake. The cold water sent a shiver dancing across his skin, but he welcomed it. So determined to disassociate from the world, he’d become unaccustomed to feeling anything.
Saint did his best to scrub away the dirt, wishing he could cast aside his memories as easily. He’d spent so many nights dreaming of what his life could have been if things had panned out differently. If the hunters had never caught him, he never would have met Elsie, and he’d never have felt this pain.
More often, he dreamed of the opposite. Of how happy they’d have been together if only she’d let him stay. He dipped under the water and swam fu
rther out, toward the center of the lake. Those feelings of happiness were fake and always short-lived. Saint tried his best to stop those daydreams. They only left him worse off in the end, when he came back to reality and she wasn’t really there.
He swam until his lungs burned, and then just a little further, pushing himself harder. Returning to the surface, he dragged in a harsh breath, wiping the water from his face with one hand. It felt good to be clean. He lay back, floating in the water and looking at the sky.
“What are you doing here, Mistress?” he muttered to himself. “Why haven’t you left the hunters yet?”
Elsie had been so certain her mother would return for her despite what anyone else had to say. When she’d disappeared from her end of the bond for a year and then suddenly returned, he’d assumed she’d been with her mother. Now, he wasn’t so sure. The fact that she was still with them made him wonder if the goddess had left her behind after all.
She was so close, and slowly moving closer. He could go to her. Ask her where she’d been, find out if she was okay. Something felt off about their bond, not that it was ever a source of joy, but she felt… dim, and he wanted to know why. There might never be another chance like this.
Gods, it was like teetering on the edge of a sword that would rather split him in half. He knew that if he didn’t go, he would always regret the decision. It would haunt him for the rest of his days. If he did go, and she rejected him for a second time, he’d relive the horror of loss all over again.
Saint closed his eyes. He swore he could scent her on the wind, though it was impossible. She wasn’t close enough, which only raised more questions as he imagined seeing her in person. Out of all the people she could have chosen, why was she traveling with that asshole in her squad? Was something wrong?
“I have to see you again,” he whispered. Letting his breath out, he stopped floating, then looked to the shore. His face hardened when he realized he wasn’t alone. He hadn’t imagined the feminine scent on the air, but in all of its longing, his mind had attributed it to the wrong female.
Sari stared at him in her human form, her eyes covered as she used her hand to block out the sun. Her hair was as blonde as her wolf’s fur, and she was well muscled from hours of running in wolf form each day. As a pack of outcasts, especially a newer, unestablished pack as theirs was, everyday things like making sure everyone had a meal was a struggle.
They stayed so close to the mages because the larger, stronger packs wouldn’t go near them. Their proximity gave them a measure of safety, but it also put extra prohibitions on hunting in their way. The pack had to roam far to hunt every day, so they weren’t infringing on the mages’ hunting grounds. Mages were like witches in their love for a loyal familiar, and if they accidentally killed one, the mages would take out their entire pack.
“Hey! Come over here,” Sari called, and he scowled, though he managed to refrain from rolling his eyes. Just when he’d made the decision to leave, the meddling woman inserted herself into his business. Again. Not that he was truly angry with her, but now just wasn’t the time.
Saint made his way toward her, noticing that she had a backpack with her. Ever the mothering type, she always kept extra clothes for him on hand, on the rare, off chance that he would choose to shift. He’d never taken the offer before. Usually, he was back in his wolfhound form before any clothing was needed, especially since he didn’t like leaving them on when he was in his wolf’s skin for too long.
“What were you doing out there?” Sari asked when he drew closer. “Don’t you know that lake will suck you in? You’ll never come out of there again.”
Of course he knew. It was the whole appeal of this place. Well, the mysterious hole and the solitude. He’d begun to think of this place as nearly sacred. His personal meditation spot when he needed to think. Or when he needed to stop thinking too damned much. Her presence robbed it of its magic.
He splashed his way out of the water, uncaring that he was nude before her. Demons with more than one form couldn’t be shy about such things, especially not when they ran in a pack together. The pack did everything together. Eating, sleeping, bathing, and sometimes even fucking.
Saint never took part, but other members of the pack had no reservations about screwing each other's brains out while laying in the middle of everyone, generally starting up a full-on orgy. His refusal to speak to anyone didn’t stop them from inviting him to join many times. As he did with everything he wasn’t interested in, he ignored their invitations.
She offered him the backpack as he drew closer and he took it, not bothering to respond to her smile. Inside, he found a dark blue hooded t-shirt and a pair of faded jeans. Not waiting to dry off, he yanked the jeans on, relieved to find that they fit reasonably well. The shirt was a bit too large and nearly hung off his shoulder, but he could deal with that.
There weren’t any shoes, but that wasn’t important. He’d been on his paws for a hundred miles a day for years now. He could go barefoot long enough to find his mate.
“Is everything okay?” Sari asked. “We all noticed that you’ve been acting more distracted than usual lately, but today seemed pretty hard for you.”
He nodded at her, which was more than she expected. Saint just wasn’t interested in talking with anyone. It wasn’t that he particularly disliked his pack, he just couldn’t bring himself to make small talk and come up with fake laughter to make others feel more comfortable in his presence. He couldn’t pretend he was okay inside, so he remained silent. Even basic communications were a rarity.
Sari touched his forearm, trying to catch his gaze with hers. That was the problem with demons. They were always seeking one another’s touch, whether they held innocent intentions or not. Saint pulled away with a curl to his lip. He had experienced the touch of his mate, so no one else could compare to her.
“Sorry,” Sari muttered. He pressed his lips together and nodded again. He wasn’t angry with her. Pack life had been normal for him once. He understood that the drive to reach out was instinctual, a simple way of connecting with each other. Besides, it wasn’t like she knew he was off limits, and he could only blame himself for that. A single sentence would tell them everything, but he refused to utter the words.
“I’m glad you’ve decided to shift. It’s been so long, and it has to feel good to stand on two feet again,” she said. She smiled up at him, hoping for something in return. There was too much adoration in that smile. Her blossoming love for him had become more apparent over time, and Saint silently cursed himself. He shouldn’t have allowed it to get this far.
His lips parted, and he rested a hand on her shoulder. Sari stilled, her cheeks flushing as she tilted her face toward his. Even if he was making a mistake, if his mistress still didn’t want him, he couldn’t remain with the pack any longer. He didn’t want to lead Sari into any unrealistic expectations.
“Thank you for everything,” he said, clearing his throat. His voice was gravelly and raw with disuse. Her mouth fell open with shock, and she stared at him in silence for several seconds. Nodding his goodbye, he turned and walked away.
“Wait! Where are you going?” Sari asked, trotting after him. Saint gave her a hard look. A look that pinned her to the spot as he threw the influence of an alpha her way. Without a word, he’d stopped her from following him, causing surprise to cross her face. He’d never used it on anyone since joining them, and he knew the pack had assumed he was a beta. They’d assumed wrong.
“Please, don’t go,” Sari pleaded. “I don’t even know your name!” He shook his head, then changed into his hound. In a few short strides, he hit top speed, running back the way he’d come, back toward Elsie.
‘I’m coming, Mistress. Wait for me,’ he thought, pushing the sentiment down their bond as hard as he could. His feet felt lighter than they had in years. By tomorrow, they would be together once more. He shoved the fear and anxiety threatening to overwhelm him to the back of his mind. He’d see her soon.
Chap
ter 13
“Seems a little dramatic of an entrance, don’t you think? I never would have guessed that the mages here would be so rude,” Elsie said blandly. Frost stood with his shoulder to hers, blocking her bodily in case the mage attempted anything. His growl vibrated through the air around them, his eyes locked on the woman above them. She sighed audibly. Couldn’t anything ever be easy?
“Who are you, and what are you doing on our lands?” the mage demanded, her forehead creased as she frowned.
“Maybe next time you should lead with that instead of immediately resorting to threats of violence. It’s an amateur move, especially when you don’t know the power level of those you’re threatening. I am pleased to see you, though. You may have saved us some time in coming to us instead of making us come to you,” Elsie said.
The mage’s hands clenched around her spear, and her bicep muscles twitched. This woman wanted them to give her a reason to attack. Strange. It irked her that the mage was the second magical being to target her in a single day while there was little she could do in response. She was a terrifying reaper, damn it. The least these people could do was leave her pride intact.
“We’re here looking for a mage I once had the pleasure of calling my friend. She came and worked with the hunters for a while, operating as a member of my squad. She’s a water mage named Riven. Several inches taller than me, dark hair, kind of quiet,” Elsie described. “I’m not even sure we’re in the right place. I’m just kind of guessing based off of what she described her home to look like. Do you know of her?”
The woman blinked in surprise, then straightened, raising the tip of her spear and releasing some of the tension between them.
“You know Riven?” She looked from Elsie to the creatures surrounding her, lingering on Frida, who stared back with her unblinking orange eyes. “I didn’t know the hunters allowed beast tamers in their ranks.”