by A. Petrov
“It’s beautiful,” Michelle said as she looked up to the clear night’s sky. She could see the stars, they were crisp and clear. It was almost as though you could reach out and touch them. It was unlike anything she had ever seen on Earth. The three moons hung around each other. She could even see another not so distance planet in the sky.
Serik studied the sky as well.
“It’s beautiful but not as beautiful as you,” he commented.
When Rina had dressed her up like some sort of twisted Barbie doll she didn’t feel beautiful, she felt like a fake, an imposter. She wasn’t like Rina. Rina was like Amy. She was beautiful, she did her hair and her makeup, she was something. Michelle was a soldier and beautiful and soldier were just not synonymous.
She pushed all of the silly thoughts out of her mind. Finally, she would have her chance to do something with her life. She could get the terrorist. It was small in the grand scheme of things but it was what she could do. She didn’t want to be a hero, no, she just wanted to do something, anything to avenge her people and her planet.
She thought about death again but it was different this time. She thought about death but then she thought about Serik. She had a reason to live now. This man who loved her and cared for her and was good to her, the man with scars and a broken soul, the man who was different from her but still very much the same. He was the reason she would have to go on.
Michelle could hear the wind rustle through the trees through the silence.
“Serik, I’m not beautiful. I’m a soldier,” she replied despite the lingering silence. She continued to look up to the night sky. “This body, this is a hollow shell I exist in. It is not beautiful.”
“Your body, your face, your hair, your scent, everything it is beautiful, Michelle but when I say you’re beautiful I mean your soul,” he replied.
She gave him a weak smile. “Then that must mean you’re beautiful too.”
He shook his head and reached for her hand to give it a squeeze. Her hand intertwined with his as they sat in silence. It was something small but it was something meaningful.
***
The next morning the pair continued their way on the trail. Michelle felt tired and her muscles ached, but she continued forward. She knew Serik was stronger than her but her will was stronger. Her desire to complete the mission was more than just money. Money to her had become meaningless in her quest for survival. To Serik she knew it was just another job. To her, it was personal. It was something that had to be done.
They continued mostly in silence. It was the type of silence you could have with someone you were close to. There was no need for talk between them.
They continued forward. Serik tried to silence the thoughts that ran ceaselessly ran through his head. What if the Cabaka terrorist they were chasing was his father? His brother? His kin?
Those were the thoughts that always filled his head when he was on a bounty. Not knowing who your father was really toyed with a person. Serik remembered when he was a child he’d often stare at faces in the crowd, just looking, always looking. He thought surely he would recognize his own father if he could see his face. No matter how long he looked, he would never see him.
They trudged forward only to stop as Serik cleared some brush in their path.
Suddenly a hyena-like animal jumped across their path. It was small but it was fast. It stood up on its hind legs, balancing on its tail. The creature paused for a moment staring them down as it bared its sharp teeth. It let out a growl as is leapt forward.
“Shit,” Serik cursed as he fumbled for his gun.
Michelle pulled her rifle forward and quickly fired a shot before Serik could get to his own gun. She watched as the animal keeled over. It let out a pitiful sound as she shot it again. After dealing with the molcos hund, she wanted to be sure it was dead.
“You’re a good shot,” he said breathlessly. He knew he would have still had time to get his gun but Michelle had been more than capable at killing the predator. She wasn’t dainty, she wasn’t squeamish; she was a soldier. He forgot that sometimes and it pained him. He wondered if when she found out the truth, she would kill him. He swallowed the thick feeling back down in his throat. He didn’t want to think things like that, even if they could be true.
“You act surprised that I can,” she said.
“I’m never surprised, only impressed,” he replied with a grin.
“What was that thing?” Michelle questioned as she reloaded her gun.
“I don’t know,” he said as he shrugged his shoulders. “Whatever it was, it wasn’t good.”
His thoughts turned to a new sort of anxiety. He had to stop the thoughts that caused him such distraction. If he didn’t how would he keep Michelle safe?
He wanted desperately for her to have this small victory. He wanted her to have this victory and he wanted them both to live too. He knew it wouldn’t get her planet back but it would be something. From what she spoke about on Redex it had been a dose of Hell. She had lost everything and still she wanted to fight.
She was surely the strongest person he had ever known.
***
“He will be in the town just beyond, we are close,” Serik called out to Michelle. She was thankful they were approaching. It felt like all they had done so far was cut brush and walk. She wondered if all the running on Redex had done her some good after all. She had endurance and somehow didn’t suffer from a case of heat exhaustion.
“He will probably be in a vrasoluu den,” Serik said as he checked his pockets for a folded up sheet of paper.
“A what?” Michelle said raising an eyebrow.
“Hm, how do you say… narcotics,” he offered.
“Ah, OK.”
“He’s just in there,” Serik said pointing to what looked like a rundown nightclub that had two large men standing in front of it.
The street was sparse with few things. They were out in the sticks for sure. According to Serik, the planet they were on was newly found. There were no natives and it was mostly jungle which was the only thing they had seen until now. The weather always felt hot and humid. There was no power grid, no running water, no septic systems but it was the perfect hideout if someone was looking for you.
“Then let’s go,” Michelle pushed, her tone slightly sharp and annoyed.
Serik shook his head and frowned.
“It’s not that simple.”
“What do you mean?” Michelle furrowed her brow.
“They will know we don’t belong there. They are filled only with lowlifes and prostitutes. They hire the guards there so they will be safe during their highs and so they can kick the ones out who run out of money or cause trouble.”
“Prostitutes,” she repeated.
“Yes,” he confirmed unsure why she cared. It seemed like a minor detail.
“What if I pretend I am a prostitute and go get him,” Michelle offered.
“No, that’s too dangerous.”
“It won’t be,” Michelle shrugged although she was unsure herself.
Serik was about to protest but Michelle began again.
“You’ll be right out here and I’ll have this,” Michelle said pulling out the smaller gun from the waistband of her pants.
Michelle set down her things and took off her long sleeved shirt. It was covered in her own sticky sweat, but it had protected her from the many branches and vines. It kept her skin safe from the planet’s scorching sun. She looked down at the thin tank top she had worn beneath. It was one of many things Rina had given her. It seemed more like Rina’s style than hers but for some reason she had put it on under the other shirt.
She took her hair down from the tight ponytail it seemed to live in and ran her fingers through it. She would have to pretend to be a woman again. I am a woman, she reminded herself although it didn’t always feel that way. Most of the time she felt like an androgynous being, not really existing in a way to be desired. Sure, Serik had rustled feelings deep within her. They were fe
elings of who she was before the war. The days when she did her hair and wore makeup. The days when she smiled. She had feelings, wanting, and desires. They were intense and almost overwhelming but war changes a person in more ways than one. She couldn’t face up to be her old self quite yet although incidences such as this always proved difficult. Serik’s body, his touch, his voice, his kindness they always brought the feelings back. She wanted to hate him for it but she couldn’t.
“Michelle,” Serik began in a worried tone.
“Do you have any better ideas?” Michelle shot. She knew he protested because he cared, but she had come too far to let go. This is what she had prepared for her and this is what she had to do.
He sighed and shook his head. He knew this was much too important to her. She wouldn’t listen to any reasoning he offered.
“I suppose they are too poor to have a gun in the drug house,” he said. “Unless they stole one.”
Michelle pulled out the pocket knife Serik had lent her and began to cut to the fabric of the tank top to reveal her stomach. If she was going to play the part she would have to wear something more revealing. She would have to advertise her body for sale.
“Help me,” she said as she pulled the knife through the fabric. “I need to look like a prostitute. I’m guessing they look mostly the same on any planet…”
Serik shuddered at the thought of her actually doing such a thing. He tore through the shirt revealing her stomach as she adjusted her bra.
“I don’t know,” he began again.
“We got this far,” Michelle shrugged.
Serik motioned and they began to approach the club.
“What the Hell are you doing here?” a voice called. It was one of the bouncers. Michelle looked to Serik as an angry expression formed on his face.
“What fuck do you care?” Serik retorted as he spat on the ground in front of him.
“Shit, you’d better get out of here. I don’t need you plaguing me with your bad luck,” the other bouncer retorted.
Michelle didn’t understand but then again she did. She was beginning to see what Serik struggled with all of his life. She reminded herself it wasn’t the time to have such deep provoking thoughts. Michelle used the commotion to her advantage and slipped in behind the duo as they argued with Serik. Serik seemed to cause more of a scene as she made her way in. She squinted it was a dark, smoky place. As she looked around she could see it was dirty and it stunk. There a puddle of what appeared to be vomit beneath her boots. She trudged forward. She wondered when the last time some of these people had a bath. She figured never.
She looked around at the various users. It was quiet with exception of some soft moaning and humming. Most of them lay on the floor on thin mattresses stoned out of their minds. She scanned over their faces looking for the image that was burned inside of her mind. It had been the image she had seen whenever she closed her eyes. Capturing him was what would give her life meaning. Finally, she thought. Finally, I will do something worthwhile.
She could hear the commotion outside the doors die down. She figured she had better be a bit quicker at finding the guy. She took another breath of the muggy air as the stench invaded her nostrils.
She made her way deeper into the den as it led to an underground part. It was so dim she could barely see. The stench was worse as she got closer. She tried not to gag as her stomach turned. She took a few more steps forward as adrenaline hit her. She grabbed for her gun.
It was him. His pale skin almost illuminated the room as though he were a ghost. His eyes were so dark it looked as though his skull had been hollowed out. He wasn’t the powerful enemy the Earth Army had described. He was a pathetic, laid out, wretch. He looked as though he hadn’t eaten or bathed in weeks. She examined the Cabaka closer. It was true, you really could see their veins. Their transparent skin failed to hide their internal workings.
From afar he had looked like her except for his translucent skin and his dark eyes. His features were almost human in the distance.
“You’ve come for me?” he said his eyes wide and dilated as she approached. He was high but it seemed like he still had a partial understanding of what was going on.
Michelle held her gun towards him. “Get up,” she commanded and to her surprise he didn’t fight her. He slowly complied with her request.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Take me, because I can’t take what I’ve done. I’m too cowardly to kill myself. I hate myself for what I have done.”
He hung his head in shame. Michelle gripped her gun tightly, careful of any tricks he could be playing. It was kill or be taken and being taken wasn’t an option. She would have to take him instead.
“I was just following orders,” he added.
“So was I,” she replied.
An uproar and general upheaval could felt around them as the users scrambled up at the sight of her gun.
“Damn bitch you killed the mood,” an addict of an unknown origin hissed from the floor. Michelle ignored him as they made their way out of the door. The guards kept their mouths shut as she pointed her gun their way.
Michelle looked to Serik with shame in her eyes. The terrorist she had captured wasn’t dangerous but instead he was pathetic. She wondered if they should take him in at all or leave him to rot in the vrasoluu den.
Michelle hadn’t known true war like Serik; only Redex. She wondered if this was what war was really like. You thought you knew your enemy but in the end you knew nothing. It was all hype, adrenaline, training for a simple victory or a simple death. To kill or to be killed is what she always thought it boiled down to but now it seemed more complex than that. It all seemed like such a waste to her.
Serik handcuffed him and tagged him with a tracking device before they make their way back and out through the jungle. He didn’t protest. It was as though the fight had died a long time ago inside of him.
Serik covered his skin with a thin sheet. “His skin will burn in the sun if we don’t.”
Michelle shrugged she wasn’t sure if she cared if he burnt or not. She didn’t know why Serik would care either but he did. They traveled at a steady pace until the sun began to go down. Serik set the tent as Michelle held their captive.
He still seemed dazed and uncaring. She wondered if he knew the fate he had ahead of him. Maybe he did.
“Vrasoluu, more vrasoluu,” he had begged in the night.
Michelle didn’t sleep. She only wished for morning. She wanted to be done with their pathetic prisoner.
His pleas and screams were unnerving.
“The things I’ve done… just kill me,” he called out.
He called out to them and begged for drugs or a drink of prasna. He even said Earth alcohol would do. Serik gave him something that seemed to subdue him for awhile.
“Michelle, I’m sorry,” Serik replied with a concerned look in his yes.
She sighed.
“This is what war is like much of the time,” he offered not knowing if his words would make things better or worse.
Michelle knew he was right. He was the more experienced soldier between them.
“He was already defeated before I got to him,” she said quietly.
“At least we are going to get paid,” Serik added.
Michelle realized how important that was. She hadn’t had a means to support herself or make any money until now. She had been lost in the universe trying to make sense of it all. Things suddenly felt a little brighter, although they still felt very bleary at the same time.
Chapter Forty-three
“What’s wrong? I thought you were happy we caught the guy and are getting paid in your funny intergalactic pesos?” Michelle asked as she looked over Serik.
His worried look did not dissipate. “Pesos? I think my translation chip is acting up again.”
“Uh, never mind. Are you OK?” she furrowed her brow.
“We have to stop on the next planet to refuel. After we turned in the terrorist, we got a little off
track,” he replied, still his concerned look did not break.
“Is that a problem?” Michelle asked softly.
He shook his head. “Just… you have to stay on the ship on this planet.”
“Why?” Michelle questioned.
“This is a dangerous place for you. I didn’t plan on stopping here but we used a lot more fuel than I thought we would on this route,” he answered.
Michelle nodded and began to strap herself into the seat as Serik configured the controls. The familiar rollercoaster feeling set as the ship broke through the planet’s atmosphere towards the docking bay. She didn’t understand how it could be dangerous for her.