I smiled. “Okay.”
A sharp whistle came from the direction of the bar. Pete yelled, “Hey, Jules. A little help here?”
I excused myself and went to help him carry the round of drinks back to our table. While we were well out of earshot, he said, “Don’t think I’ve overlooked the fact that you showed up here tonight with Ryder Likeapony. What the hell’s up with that?”
“I don’t think you’re in a position to criticize me tonight.”
“Maybe not, but I’m going to do it, anyway. Are you guys on a date or something?”
“No,” I said emphatically.
Pete looked me up and down. “That dress says otherwise.”
“No, it doesn’t. And quit staring at my boobs.”
“Jules, if you didn’t want anyone to look at them, you wouldn’t have put them on display. Don’t forget I know exactly how your mind works. And don’t think I’m the only one looking. Ryder Likeapony has been, too. So there.”
Rolling my eyes, I said, “Just for that, you can also buy me a burger and a pound of wings.”
He sighed. “Fine.”
—
After a couple more drinks and my dinner, I was feeling pretty decent. That was, as long as I didn’t look in Brooke’s general direction. She made a big show of opening her presents, ooh-ing and ah-ing over all of them except mine and Pete’s. Her behavior surprised me, because she was always fairly laid-back and pleasant to be around. But then again, sometimes the nicest of women could turn into evil harpies when dumped. Poor Pete had put up with me unleashing the Redheaded She-Devil numerous times after breakups. Too bad he was the one Brooke was mad at, because he was really good at dealing with post-breakup trauma—at least where other people were concerned. He wasn’t doing so great with his own, and I began to realize I’d been too caught up in my own drama to do my part and be the friend he needed to get through it.
Before I could think more on the subject, I was taken by the hand and pulled out of my chair.
Ryder said, “Come on, let’s go watch the band play. I know you like to do that.”
I let him lead me through the crowd and down a couple of steps to the dance floor in front of the stage. Standing on tiptoe, I said loudly into his ear, “You don’t like to be up close and watch the band play. What’s up?”
He shrugged. “You looked like you could use a breather from the bad juju at the table.”
I said at the top of my lungs, “No shit. See? This is why I’m friends with men instead of women,” just as the band stopped playing and went on a break.
Ryder chuckled as several people in the crowd turned to stare at me and my volume problem. “I think you’ve been tortured enough tonight. Want me to make up that police emergency now?”
“I thought you’d never ask.”
We both sent quick texts to everyone involved, then we headed out the door and into the mess of Broadway. As we walked the several blocks to his car with thousands of milling tourists, he asked, “What’s Brooke’s beef with you, anyway? I thought you two were friends.”
“Pete told her the breakup was my idea.”
Shaking his head, he said, “I knew he wouldn’t man up and do it right.”
I frowned. “He’s still not over what happened with Cecilia. His head isn’t on straight, and it may not be for a while.”
“I get that,” he conceded. “It could take years.”
I didn’t know if I could handle years of this, and I didn’t want to think about it right now. Instead, I changed the subject. “So did you hear if Stafford agreed to go along with rolling on Wonderlich?”
Ryder smiled. “No, I haven’t. But we’re not talking shop tonight.”
“Wow. You really are a changed man.”
“I am. Hey, remember the last time we were at Tin Roof together?”
Laughing, I asked, “You mean when we had one of our famous arguments and had to leave without even making it through one drink?”
He furrowed his brow. “Was that here? I thought we had a good date here.”
“Nope. You must be thinking of another woman.”
Grinning at me, he said, “We sure used to fight a lot.”
I nodded. “Yeah. You know, the past few days have been our longest non-fighting stretch ever. I like this friends thing. It works.”
Stopping in the middle of the crowded sidewalk, he took my hands and drew me toward him. He bowed his head close to mine and asked, “Do you think it would work for us to ever be more than friends again?”
A shiver ran through me even though it was hot outside, especially being stuck in the middle of a mass of people who all had to divert around us to continue their trek up the street. How easy it would have been to fall right back into old habits with Ryder. To be honest, if I thought I could have no-strings, no-consequences sex with him right now, I’d do it. But I couldn’t. It didn’t work that way. And at this point I wasn’t ready to even consider any kind of commitment with him. Hell, maybe I would never be ready.
I looked up into his clear blue eyes, knowing that no matter if I said yes or no, either decision could easily wreck the good thing we had going. A “yes” might have made him happy at the moment, but in a month or two, would we be fighting and miserable again? A “no” would be a blow to his ego, probably ruining the night and possibly the foreseeable future. But there was only one right answer for me.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t say yes. I’m in no shape to make a commitment to you now. It’s not fair to you to make you wait while I take the time I need to figure out where my life’s headed and what I really want. I don’t want to tell you maybe and string you along, only to later decide I can’t go through with it. Or worse—what if we do give it a shot and we crash and burn again? Can either of us survive that? I wouldn’t feel right about going down a road with you that could ruin all the progress you’ve made. Plus, I’ve got too much drama in my life to pile on even a little bit more.” I took a breath, this next part painful to choke out. “I guess that means it’s a no.”
Ryder looked down, and my stomach plummeted. This was it. Just when I had him back in my life in a good way—so good, in fact, that we were able to work together as equal partners—it blew up in my face. Typical for us. I guessed it was better to lose this after only a few days than for it to go on for a few months, become attached, and then get my heart ripped out again.
“You know, that was the sweetest letdown I’ve ever heard,” he said, raising his head.
I stared at him. “What?”
“I wanted your honest opinion, and you gave it to me. Did you think I’d be mad because you told me no?”
“Um…yeah.”
He smiled. “I won’t say I’m not disappointed, but if one of us can’t see it working, then it’s not going to. We’ve proven that. We’ve forced it before, and it was a disaster. I hate to admit it, but maybe your idea about us being friends isn’t half bad after all.”
“Really? So you’re not going to disappear and never talk to me again?”
“No. Never again. Promise.” He squeezed my hands, but then quickly let go, and we resumed walking up the street. “What’s it going to take for me to knock Pete aside and snag his spot as your BFF?”
I laughed. “You realize he and I have known each other since we were teenagers, right? That’s a lot of history to make up for.”
Grinning at me, he said, “I’m pretty awesome, though.”
Yes, he was.
Chapter 32
Ryder and I chatted like old friends all the way to my apartment. I marveled at how it wasn’t at all awkward after the heart-to-heart we had about our future.
When we pulled into my parking lot, he asked, “Do friends walk you to your door, or is that a boyfriend thing?”
“It’s a boyfriend thing. Friends dump you at the curb and call it good.”
A smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. “Consider yourself dumped.”
“Ouch. Too soon. See you tomorrow.” A
s I got out of his car, a horrible thought occurred to me—our investigation together was over, so I wouldn’t necessarily be seeing him every day. I leaned into the open window. “Oh, wait. I forgot I’m off the case. When will I see you, then?”
“Tomorrow. Now that I’m back in the good graces of Java Jive’s manager, I figure I can go there whenever I please. Which I’m thinking is going to be daily.”
Relieved and looking forward to tomorrow, I said, “Good. I’ll have your favorite stool reserved for you.”
“Thanks. Good night, Juliet.”
I hauled myself up the rusty set of stairs to my apartment, suddenly exhausted yet also feeling like a giant weight had been lifted from me. It felt good. Really good. I let myself inside and switched on the lights, and that feeling immediately shriveled as my entire body went cold.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I spat angrily.
Stafford got up from where he’d been sitting on my couch, alone and in the dark. “I wanted to talk to you, but I didn’t think you’d take my calls.”
I put my hands on my hips. “You got that right.”
He closed his eyes and sighed heavily. The guy looked terrible. He had huge dark circles under his eyes, his face was drawn, and his posture even exuded defeat. I guessed making a deal with the devil would do that to a person.
“I came to tell you goodbye.”
Wrenching the door open and gesturing for him to go through it, I replied, “Okay, see ya.”
He walked over and closed the door. “Juliet, I realize I disappointed you. I disappointed myself. I know you know what I did. The captain told me you know everything. But I need you to understand why I did it.”
“Unless someone was holding a gun to your head, I’m not seeing—”
Cutting me off, he blurted out, “I have a gambling addiction. A bad one.”
I was shocked, but tried to not let it show. Stafford was the last person I’d peg as a gambler—he was so cautious. I shrugged. “Okay. So?”
He stared at me. “So I’m flat broke, and I needed money to pay off my debts.”
“Again, not seeing how being broke would lead you to a life of crime.”
“I had no other options.”
I exploded, “No other options than helping someone put deadly drugs out on the street? That’s bullshit, and you know it!”
His expression darkened. “The money I needed wasn’t going to just appear, Juliet. I had to be creative.”
“Creative is moving back in with your parents or getting a scary roommate off Craigslist. Creative is getting a second, a third, or even a fourth job. Or maybe you could stop gambling, dumbass. You know what? I came to this town flat broke. Not only that, I’d been cheated on and left by my fiancé, who stole everything I owned. He left me with a café in debt and with zero capital to pay my employees or to buy food to serve so the place could actually make a little money. Did I start breaking the law and causing people harm? No. I accepted a little help from my parents and Pete, came down here, and made peace with being dirt poor until I was able to save up enough money to dig out of the hole I was in.” I gestured around my run-down, sparsely furnished apartment. “You think I want to live like this? I had no other options.”
His eyes cast down, he said, “You’re right. I made a bad choice. But it doesn’t matter now. In a little over twenty-four hours, I’ll be in jail.”
Hearing him admit that out loud put a chink in my tough exterior. I sighed. “As angry as I am with you, I do hate to see that happen. You were a good cop.”
He asked quietly, “When did you figure out I was involved?”
“Monday night. I was investigating Wonderlich’s shady business practices for his partner. I watched Wonder-Gen all night, and I saw you there.”
“If you knew I was doing something wrong, why didn’t you come to me and try to reason with me or get me to stop?”
That sounded like an addict talking. “I did. I gave you an opportunity to come clean, and you lied to me and told me you were cheating on me.”
Shaking his head sadly, he said, “Oh, right. Yeah. I’ve told so many lies lately I can barely keep them straight. I should go. I didn’t want this to all go down without telling you I’m sorry. For everything.”
I nodded, too raw at this point to be able to offer any forgiveness.
Opening the door, he said, “Oh, and thanks for going to bat for me with the captain. I agreed to work with the MNPD one last time to take down Wonderlich, so maybe the judge won’t throw the book at me.”
“I didn’t go to bat for you. Ryder did. He thought he owed you one.”
His face registering disappointment, he replied, “I see. I’m thinking he probably didn’t want me to know that.”
I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t bear to look at his anguished face for another moment. “You obviously still have a key to my apartment. I’m going to need it back.”
Reaching into his pocket, he produced a key and handed it to me, purposely brushing my hand as he did so. “Goodbye, Juliet.”
“Goodbye, John.”
—
Naturally, instead of sleeping, I replayed my conversation with Stafford in my head all night and arrived at Java Jive the next morning dead to the world.
Pete regarded me critically as I poured coffee into his mug. Well, mostly into his mug. Some sloshed onto the counter when my tired eyes went out of focus. And some more managed to find its way onto the cheese Danish I’d set next to his mug.
“Are you hungover?”
I couldn’t tell him the truth about why I looked and acted like I’d been run over by a truck this morning. After the takedown of the drug shipment tonight, I could tell him some things. But for one more day, I had to hold everything inside.
“Yes.”
True, I’d downed a number of cocktails last night. However, after eating the giant burger and mess of wings I’d made him buy me, I had enough in my stomach to absorb most of the alcohol and didn’t get much more than a nice buzz from it.
Smiling, he cleaned up the coffee mess and dried off his Danish. “Well, you look it. You might want to put on some makeup before you scare any of our customers.” When I grunted in indignation, he added with a wink, “Is it not the best friend’s job to be brutally honest?”
“I suppose…”
“Hey, before Gertie gets here, we need to talk about some stuff.” He lowered his voice. “Alexa told me—”
Interrupting him, I asked, “Did you dump her yet?”
“Yeah. She was cool with it. Cooler than Brooke, that’s for sure.”
I lowered my voice as well, although the counter was fairly deserted this morning and no one was close enough to listen in on our conversation. “Does that mean she’s still on board for our sleuthing at her mom’s party tonight?”
“Yes, which is what I was getting to. Kacey, it seems, went off the deep end yesterday afternoon.”
“How so?”
“Mama Leonidas gave Josie’s old job and office to Rex, and when Kacey found out, she barged in and started trashing his new office while he was trying to set things up. It got so bad she had to be escorted out by security, all the while screaming how she’d burn the place to the ground.”
“Ooh. Gotta love Leonidas turmoil.”
“And there’s more. There’s talk that Xander may not show up tonight to his mommy’s party.”
Shrugging, I said, “That might be better for us, honestly. I was wondering how we were going to parade around there without him recognizing us and causing a scene.”
He smiled. “You could wear your super spy disguise from the other night. At first glance, even I didn’t recognize you.”
“You know, that’s not a terrible idea. But back to Kacey. You think she offed Josie to try get the job, only to have it backfire on her?”
“Maybe. She hated Josie, so that could have factored into her decision. And Shane said Hadley told him it was Rex who Kacey assaulted a couple months back.
”
“Whoa. Does she hate him, too?”
Pete replied, “Evidently Kacey was getting in Josie’s face while they were setting up for a party. Rex stepped into the middle of the argument, and Kacey turned on him and unloaded. Punched the guy in the nose. Broke his nose, actually, so he called the cops on her.”
Suddenly uneasy, I said, “That Kacey girl has a screw loose and a crap ton of motive. In fact, maybe you should mention to Alexa that Rex needs to watch his back.” I thought for a moment. “Aside from breaking into Kacey’s home to try to find something that could link her to Josie’s death—which I’m not at liberty to do anymore—”
He interrupted me. “Um, Jules, you were never at liberty to break and enter, you know. The difference is there are consequences you actually care about now, like losing your license.”
“Right, whatever. But as I was saying, we have no proof against Kacey—or anyone else, for that matter. We can talk to as many people as we want to tonight, but bottom line, we still haven’t found a scrap of actual evidence. We can’t go to the police with a theory, even if it’s a fairly decent one.”
“What if I could talk Alexa into giving us access to Kacey’s old cubicle tonight before the party? If she was escorted out yesterday kicking and screaming, I’m betting they didn’t let her stop to clean out her desk. Plus, Alexa said the entire Leonidas staff is expected to be at the venue two hours early to finish the preparations, so the office will be empty.”
I conceded, “Okay, but only if you get official permission from Alexa, who’s like part-owner, right?”
“Something like that.”
Before I could reply, I noticed Gertie approaching us. “Good morning, Gertie,” I called.
Pete murmured, “We’ll pick this back up later.”
—
The morning dragged on and on, but then my day instantly brightened when I saw Ryder walk through the door at the beginning of the lunch rush.
“Hey, waitress,” he said, grinning devilishly at me as he sat down on his favorite stool.
I gave him a mock frown for using a dig/pet name he used to call me to get under my skin. “Not a good idea to mess with someone who’s going to serve you your lunch, Detective.”
Brew or Die Page 28