by Lane Martin
“She left me a note, Penny. Nine years together and she waited for me to go to work so she could disappear. I don’t know why she’s here now. I was going to tell you.” I knew I sounded pathetic. Seeing Kara again confirmed how grateful I was for the way things had turned out. She was not the person I thought she was. She wasn’t my forever.
“Well, you don’t want to keep her waiting, Carson. Goodnight.” Jesus, I hated it when she went into prim and proper mode. I knew it was an armor she wore to protect herself.
“You think I give a fuck how long she waits? Say the word and I’ll leave her waiting all night, Penny. I couldn’t care less what she thinks. I don’t owe her anything. Please.” I lifted my hand to cup her face and took a step closer. Penny took another step back.
“Just go.”
Rascal took the opportunity to nudge me away. So much for man’s best friend.
“So, it’s true?” Kara glared at me the second I stepped onto the patio. “You took her”—she pointed in the direction of the house—“to our hometown and paraded her all around.”
“You’ve got a lot of nerve, Kara. You. Left. Me. It was my mom’s birthday; of course, I took the woman I’m in love with home with me.” God, I was a fool. I should have never planned to go without Penny. I sure as hell shouldn’t have proclaimed my love of Penny to Kara before I shared those feelings with the brave and beautiful woman in the house. “You couldn’t do this.” I pointed between her and me. “Us. Remember.” I used her own words from the note. “You told me not to contact you. But you have the nerve to show up here because you heard through the rumor mill I took someone else home.” I was on a roll. “You were right. It was for the best. Hell, even Rascal knows that Penny is the one for me.” I couldn’t help but chuckle. “He knew from a mile away she was it for us.” It’s why he took off toward her the first time he ever saw her standing on the sidewalk outside the coffee house. He wasn’t about to let her get away.
“Go back to Seattle. Live your life and be happy. Find someone who makes you a better version of yourself, because it sure isn’t me. I thought I knew what love was, Kara, but I didn’t have a clue.” A tear slid down her face and I felt like a jerk. “I don’t want to hurt you, Kara.” It was the last thing I wanted. I’d said what I’d wanted to say, and I knew, however difficult it had been at the time, Kara had done me a favor. “We both deserve to be loved always and forever, no matter what.” Kara looked defeated as she sank onto the last step of the patio. She knew I was right.
“No matter what,” she repeated softly. “Oh, Carson.” She looked up at me with fresh tears in her eyes. It had been a long time since she had reminded me of the fresh-faced fourteen-year-old I had first fallen for so many years ago.
I sat down beside her and put my arm around her. She was my friend before she was my girlfriend. It was time I admitted some things to Kara. “You weren’t the only one who was scared to death after the fire. You were strong enough to do something about it.” I never really considered how hard it must have been for her to pack her few things and leave. I had always thought she was a coward, but maybe that had been me. No, she hadn’t told me in person, but she did do what I couldn’t at the time. Accept that we were not meant to be together. For that I would always be grateful.
“You look like shit,” Bowie told me upon my arrival at the station. I was hours early for my shift, but after spending hours talking to Kara, I didn’t have anywhere to go. The trailer was empty when I finally entered it which meant Penny had chosen to sleep on the miserable air mattress instead of the bed we shared. The house had been dark and I hadn’t wanted to wake her, so I came to work instead.
“Good,” I replied with a laugh. “Maybe you guys will stop bugging me about that stupid calendar.”
“Nice try, but not a chance.” He checked the time on his watch before telling me to go catch a few hours of sleep.
I woke up two hours later to the bell going off. Shit! I jumped out of my bunk and grabbed my gear. It was an apartment fire. Those always put me on edge.
“Are you okay?” Hitch asked from his seat across from me. The guy could be a pain in the ass, but he cared about me and I knew it.
“I’m stupendous.” You’re starting to talk like Penny. Honestly, I was far from being alright. Kara and I were in a good spot, but it hadn’t been smart to leave, especially since I hadn’t had the chance to talk to Penny yet. Hitch raised a brow at me in question, but the truck rolled up to the scene before he could question me further. It wasn’t the time to be worried about Penny; it was go time.
Chapter Twenty-Two
PENNY
“I don’t understand,” I questioned Carson’s parents as I rushed into the emergency room. “What happened? Why wasn’t I called earlier?” Nancy and Rick were already there, which had to mean he had been brought in hours ago.
Shelby, who had been parking the car she drove me over in, came in and stood beside me. I took her hand and she squeezed it. When she arrived at the school, she had been pale, but she tried to convince me he was okay. She insisted on driving me. I couldn’t imagine the flood of memories Carson’s injury was causing her. She insisted she be there for me. Being at the hospital couldn’t have been easy for her. I was lucky to have her as a friend.
Nancy wrapped her arms around me and the unshed tears I had been fighting began to fall. “Oh, sweet girl,” she cooed as she let me cry. “He’s going to be fine.”
“I want to see him.” That wasn’t true; I needed to see him. They could tell me he was going to be all right, but I needed to see it with my own eyes.
That morning had started much like the previous day had ended—badly. I’d awoken to discover that Carson had never come inside the house last night. His truck hadn’t been in the driveway.
My clothes and toiletries were in the house, but I needed to go out to the trailer to grab my badge and bag for school. My hand trembled as I placed it on the door and pulled it open. I knew Carson wasn’t there, but I wasn’t so sure about her—the woman he had planned on marrying. The woman he hadn’t told me about. Rascal hadn’t left my side since her arrival the night before. At least one of the St. James men was loyal.
“Hello,” I called out with bated breath. I was relieved when I didn’t get an answer. I wasn’t so lucky when I walked into my favorite coffee spot for my morning fix. The woman I never wanted to see again sat at a table drinking a cup of coffee. At least she had the sense not to approach me until after I got my drink.
“Hey. I’m sorry to bug you. I know I’m probably the last person you want to see.” That was an understatement if ever I had heard one. “Do you have a second to sit down and talk?” At least she had dropped the attitude she had showed up with last night. “I promise I won’t keep you long.” I couldn’t help but notice Kara and I looked nothing alike. It made me wonder what Carson saw in me. I was brunette, while she was blond. My eyes were brown, and hers were the bluest blue I had ever seen. I was tall, and she was petite.
“Is Carson here?” I wasn’t sure I would ever be ready to see them together.
“No, Car was still at your house when I left.” I didn’t like the fact that she had a nickname for him. “Look, I’m sorry about the way I showed up last night. We didn’t really get a chance to meet. I’m Kara.”
As manners dictated, I took her outreached hand. “I’m Penelope Anderson.” How does one address your…? I wasn’t sure what exactly Carson was. “Penny.” I had amended. After all, we had both been intimate with the same man.
“I know. He told me all about you.” That was funny since he hadn’t mentioned her. Before she showed up on our doorstep, I’d merely overheard her name whispered by the fire. Our house.
“Oh?” My hackles were up and I think she could tell from the sour look on my face.
“Look, I’m not going to lie; I was a little jealous when I heard he took you home for Nancy’s birthday. I know you didn’t know about me, so I get it. I’m sorry if I caused you any hurt.”
She sounded genuine.
“When I left Carson, I didn’t think I would ever find anyone who loved me the way he did. I came here thinking I would do anything I could to get him back. But what I realized after we talked was that he never loved me the way he loves you. It made me realize that I’ll never find that until I love myself.” She let out a deep sigh. “He thinks you're brave.” He loves me?
“Brave?” Why would he think that? Half the time, I had no idea what I was doing. Heck, I hadn’t even dared to tell him how I felt about him. I didn’t even know what I was going to do at the end of the school year. Last night I had been tempted to get in my car and drive as far away from here as possible. The problem was, with Carson was the only place I wanted to be—no matter how angry I was with him. “How could he think that? I’m afraid of just about everything.”
“You may be afraid, but you tackle whatever scares you anyway. That’s what makes you so strong, Penny. Love him and Rascal every single day that you can. Live today to the fullest, and if tomorrow never comes, you won’t have any regrets. I need to go. I have a flight to catch back to Seattle and a life to start living.” With that she was gone, and so was my anger.
“What do you mean he doesn’t want to see me?” I couldn’t believe what Nancy was telling me.
In a private room, Carson was recovering from smoke inhalation, dehydration, and a grade two knee sprain. The doctors were keeping him overnight for observation, after which he would be off work for a few weeks before going on light duty until his knee was fully healed. It was a relief to know it wasn’t worse. The two victims Carson saved would be in the hospital for several days, but they were alive because of him and the fast action of his team.
“Don’t feel bad, sweetheart. He doesn’t even want us here.” Rick patted my shoulder.
“He’s always been a terrible patient,” Nancy added.
All the guys from the station had finally left. I had even been able to convince Shelby to go pick up Brody and go home. I wasn’t planning on going anywhere without Carson. Kara’s words from earlier played on a loop in my head: live today to the fullest so if tomorrow never comes, you won’t have any regrets.
Before I came to Sunnyville, I hadn’t been living. I traveled the world and only saw room service menus and concert halls. I couldn’t tell you what a sunset overlooking Sydney Harbor looked like or what the ice caps in Iceland felt like beneath my feet. On a fluke, I’d ended up in a delightful little town and my life had begun. Did that make me brave? It didn’t seem like it.
“Let us take you home. We’re going to grab some of his stuff and Rascal and check into The Cottages for the night. Carson will come home with us when they release him tomorrow so that we can look after him while he recovers.”
“But...” I trailed off. What was I going to say when the man didn’t even want to see me? Wordlessly, I followed Nancy and Rick out to their truck. When we arrived at the house, I helped pack his bag before I said goodbye to Rascal.
I dropped down to my knees in front of the dog. “Take good care of him, boy, and bring him back to me,” I begged before throwing my arms around him.
“We should let you get some rest,” Rick said and gave me a brief hug before leaving me alone with Nancy.
“He’s frightened, Penny. Please don’t give up on him. Give him time. He’ll come to his senses. You two are meant to be together.” I shook my head no. Why did she even think that? Especially now when he was pushing me away.
“How do you know?” She cupped my face and peered into my teary eyes. Her own eyes reminded me so much of her son’s.
“Because I know my son. Don’t lose hope, Penny. Fight for him. Prove to him that you won’t run when things get tough. Remember this: fear has two meanings. Forget Everything And Run or Face Everything And Rise. Carson already tried the first one, and the only good that came out of it was meeting you. He’s giving you an out because he’s afraid you’ll take it. Now show him how wrong he is. Stand up and fight for him. Show him you’re strong enough for both of you. I’ll let you know how he’s doing.” She hugged me tight before leaving.
I slid down the wall the second the door clicked shut behind her. Across from me was the dated rock fireplace we were planning on demolishing and replacing with a new insert and floor to ceiling slate tiles. A sledgehammer sat in the corner, and an idea struck me. I stood with new resolve. I covered my eyes with safety glasses, put on my leather gloves, and began smashing the rock.
“That’s for perfect Penny!” I yelled into the empty space before swinging again. “That’s for making me feel like I didn’t have a choice!” With each hit, I let something go. And when I was done, I wasn’t only exhausted, I was free. Free to be the brave woman Carson needed to face both his fears and my own.
Chapter Twenty-Three
CARSON
Dad left ahead of us to set things up for me, while Mom drove me in my truck. I had a brace on my right knee and a pair of crutches for the next few weeks. But if I protected it from further injury, iced it regularly, and kept off of it, the Doc said I would be good as new in a few weeks.
I didn’t like all the attention I was getting. Everyone kept calling me a hero, but I was just doing my job.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to stop at the house?” Mom was a complete romantic. Hell, she cried at the Clydesdale and dog commercials. She hadn’t been quiet about her disagreement with the way I was handling things with Penny. I knew she wanted me to be blissfully happy.
“Mom,” I warned her again. She didn’t understand. Kara leaving me with only a note hurt me tremendously but losing Penny when the school year ended would kill me. I knew I was falling hard for Penny, but seeing Kara again made it all so real. I had planned to marry Kara and when she left, I didn’t shed one tear. I didn’t go after her and beg her to reconsider. I let her go. I didn’t come to Sunnyville because I was licking my wounds over her. I left because I felt like I had let down my town and my family. People I had known my entire life had lost everything and I hadn’t been able to protect them. Once again, I was doing the only thing I could do: protecting myself. I had to create a space between Penny and me where I could defend the only thing I had left: my heart. The woman didn’t know it, but she had the power to do more damage than the fire. Penelope Anderson could destroy me.
“Let’s go, Carson.”
When Mom and I had arrived at the RV days earlier, Dad had set up a tent for me. I think he knew I needed some personal space. Plus, he explained to my mother that it would be easier for me since the RV was a narrow space and had steps I would need to navigate.
“Company meeting in ten minutes.” Dad was infamous for his company meetings. What they really meant was that we were going out to breakfast to have a talk. I should have expected it, since I was on day four of hiding out in my tent with my dog and my ice packs. “Actually, make it twenty. I love you, son, but you need a shower. You stink. You haven’t smelled this terrible since you were twelve.” I lifted my arm and smelled my pit. He was right. I smelled pretty ripe.
Dad waited for me in the truck, then we drove to one of the few restaurants that had survived. The busy place went quiet when we walked in. I had my brace on and was still using my crutches. The sooner I healed, the sooner I could get back to work. First, one diner started clapping, then the table next to him, and soon everyone in the restaurant was clapping. They were clapping for me. To say it was overwhelming was an understatement. Here I thought I had let them down. Lives had been lost. Homes destroyed. Businesses closed. Yet, they were cheering for me and my brothers who had fought the raging fire beside me. They didn’t see me as a failure; they saw me as a hero. As Dad and I tried to eat our breakfast, we were interrupted a handful of times. Our breakfast was paid for at least five times over. Everyone who sat and talked to us had a similar message: Thank you. It was both humbling and inspiring.
“Thanks for the meeting,” I told my dad as we walked back to his truck. I felt lighter than I had in a long ti
me. “Where to now?” I wasn’t ready for our day to end.
“I’m going up to the house to check on the progress.” I knew my parents' house was coming along.
“Can I come with you?” I asked even though I didn’t need to. Dad just kept driving. I’m pretty sure he was already heading there before I even asked. Dad pulled up to the busy construction site and got out a chair for me. But he didn’t set it facing his property. Instead, he set it facing mine.
“You good?” he asked after he got me settled in with an ice pack and a crate to prop my leg on.
“Yeah, I’m set,” I grumbled as I glowered over the charred remains of the house I had once planned to renovate and raise a family in. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go.
“After this morning, son, I hope you realize nobody sees you as a failure. You couldn't control that fire any more than I can stop you now from making the biggest mistake of your life.” My head snapped up to look at my father. He wasn’t a man of many words. He built things with his hands to tell you how he felt. He worked hard to provide for his family, and still showed up for every important event.
He slid his hands into his pockets as I gaped at him, unsure of what to say. “You think I’m making a mistake?” I finally dared to ask.
“Look, Carson. I know that the fire and Kara leaving made you question things. I also know this injury scared the shit out of you and that we are all lucky it wasn’t worse.” Just the thought of it terrified me. I couldn’t stand the idea of my parents losing me, and the thought of Penny being left alone like Shelby made me shudder. Dad continued, “I also know how much you love what you do. I wouldn’t want you doing anything else. Your mother and I want you to live a life you’re proud of. That’s all any parent can hope for. Being strong doesn’t mean you aren’t afraid. It just means you have the courage and determination to overcome it.” Someone on my dad’s crew called out his name. “I’ve got to go. Let me know if you need anything. I love you, Carson. Be the man I know you can be.” With that, he left.