by Sam Crescent
Rex: I didn’t want to do this over text. I love you. I’ve always loved you.
Rex: I know I’m an asshole, but I’m not always. I was so angry at Carl, and myself. Please call me.
There were a lot of texts. Most of them calling himself an asshole. She didn’t need to see it in texts to know he was one. He had been so angry last night, and his words had hurt. It had made her realize that no matter what happened, he was no different than the man she had worked for.
The sex they had, that was all it was.
“You’re hating me right now, and I get it. I handled this so wrong. I didn’t tell you I never used a condom, and I didn’t want to. I want us to be happy. Please let me know you’re safe, baby.”
“Okay you’re not answering anything and I get that. Just let me know you’re all right. I don’t know if you’ve read my texts, but I’m going to tell you here, I love you, Nora. I love you, and I want us to be a family. You, me, and the baby.”
Tears fell down her cheeks. She wanted to believe it. More than anything did she want to believe that he was capable of love.
“Frank’s going to kill me, and this is already killing me. From the first moment I met you, Nora, I wanted you. I don’t deserve you, I know that. The past couple of weeks, they have been heaven for me. Being near you, inside you, loving you. It’s what I want, and I’m not going anywhere. I will fight for you.”
Nora deleted the last of his messages, not wanting to answer anymore. Making her way downstairs, she started to make herself a lemon tea. It was the only thing that she had found settled her stomach. Tea and toast. She had already been sick.
“You know pregnancy is not what I thought it would be, little thing. I don’t know if you’re a boy or a girl, or maybe both. You could be a boy and girl twins, or boy twins, or girl twins, and even though I’m all alone I’m now rambling at my stomach. You’re going to get bored of me.” She sighed, and poured her tea before lightly buttering her toast. “I always wanted to have kids. Growing up I wanted a big family. I don’t have any brothers or sisters, and I’ve not been close to my family. This is the first time I’ve been back home, and no one is here, and I am talking to myself. I don’t even think you’ve grown out of being a little ball of cells. I wasn’t great at biology, and I didn’t really tune in. As your father said, I guess I’m stupid. Wow, Rex is your dad. That is … surreal.” She drank her lemon tea, and ate her toast before cleaning away the dishes. “I’m pregnant, and I’m all alone.” She burst out laughing. “I got knocked up by a guy I hate, and yet I fell in love with him. What the hell does that say about me?”
She walked through the house, talking to her stomach, trying to reason in her own head that she was going to have a baby. It was really happening. She was pregnant, and there was going to be a baby.
After an hour of walking around, she sat down in her father’s favorite rocking chair, her hands on her stomach. Her thoughts drifted toward Rex.
He would have a part in their baby’s upbringing. There was no doubt about it. She wouldn’t be able to do this all alone. She wondered what it would be like to have to share a child with him, if he even let her raise him. Rex had the money, the power, and the resources to take her child away from her.
You’re thinking the worst.
She had seen him in action. Rex was lethal.
You still fell for him.
She didn’t fall in love with the bully. She’d fallen in love with the man. The man that had rocked her world, and left her pregnant.
Her cell phone rang, and she picked it up when she saw it was Frank.
“Hey,” she said.
“How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay. I’m tired. I’m really sorry to have been a disappointment to you. I know you wanted me to stop Rex for making mistakes. I can’t believe I became one of them.” Tears started to fall, but she didn’t let him hear her sobs. She did her best to hide them.
“I’m not disappointed, Nora. I’m worried. You ran out of here so fast. You’re pregnant, and no matter what, you have a job here. I know you’re probably thinking that you can go to any of those other companies, and you can. They’d snatch you up in a heartbeat, but you’ve got to think long term. They may not want a woman who is pregnant. Your job, if you still want it, will be here.”
“I can’t work for him.”
“Have you talked to him?” he asked.
She shook her head, covering her eyes. “No.”
“He’s beside himself. He can’t find you. Where are you?”
“Promise not to tell him?”
“I promise.”
“I’m at my parents’ house.”
“You’re all alone?” he asked.
“It’s what I want. I need time to think.”
“You’ll always be accepted here, Nora. You’re an asset to the company, and everyone likes you. You can have proper maternity leave, and we’ll help find a daycare for your child. We will take care of you.”
She knew it was true. Other companies would still employ her, but she would be in that early stage, which meant they could fire her. She didn’t know how her pregnancy was going to go. She could end up being ill with it. Some women ended up bed bound during their pregnancy, and she couldn’t do that. She’d have to come home, and she didn’t want that.
“Please know that it is an option for you.”
“Thank you, Frank, you’ve always been so good to me.”
“I’ll continue to be so. Call me if you need anything.” He ended the call, and she dropped her cell phone as tears began to fall.
Stupid hormones.
Stupid pregnancy.
Stupid men.
Stupid fucking asshole bosses.
****
“How is she? Is she okay?” Rex tried not to sound impatient as he listened to Frank talk to Nora. She wasn’t answering any of his calls or texts. He didn’t even know if she was listening to his messages. He had poured his heart out in those calls, and it hurt to know that she may not care at all.
You did this, you fucking loser.
It didn’t matter what he called himself. There was nothing left to do but wait. Wait and hope that Nora would forgive him. When he went to see Alaric, he’d not told his best friend that he was going to be a dad. He’d kept it a secret.
“She’s fine.”
“I heard you say all alone. How can she be fine if she’s alone?”
Frank turned toward him and saw the disappointment in his eyes. “She’s a good woman.”
“I know that, which is why I need to tell you me where she is. I’ve got to fix this. I love her, Frank. I promise. I’m not going to hurt her.”
“Your words and your actions hurt her, Rex. Why don’t you get Arleen to give you the new password so you can check out the employment file to give you an idea? A clever man like you can figure it out.”
Rex stopped. “You knew about that?”
“Do you really think I got to the top of my game without knowing what the hell my staff was doing? I feel somewhat insulted. I might not be as techno as you guys are, but believe me, in this place you reference more books than anywhere else.”
“If you knew, why didn’t you stop me?”
“Why would I do that? I was curious as to why you wanted it. You were always doing strange things, so I didn’t see the harm. I’m an old man, I have to get my entertainment somewhere.”
Frank made his way toward the office door.
“Is she coming back?” Rex asked.
“I don’t know. She knows that it’s going to be difficult for her.”
“I’ll pay her salary. It won’t come at any cost to the firm.”
“I know, Rex. Nora, she earned her keep ten times over.”
“How?” Rex asked.
“We win cases with her. She’s one of the best researchers I’ve ever known, and because of her, we’ve had plenty of new clients come here. They adore her, and when they enter those doors, they want to know that they’re
being taken care of. We’re not a completely bad firm. We have our moments. Nora, she’s one of our moments.” Frank left Rex’s office.
Rex didn’t wait around, and called Arleen for the new password. Entering Nora’s employment file, he couldn’t see anything that would give him a clue as to where she was. He’d called the local hotels and motels. He’d even gone to a couple, paid them cash for information. Going to the police was out of the question.
Staring at her picture, he flicked his pen between his fingers. “Where are you, babe?” He stared at her parents’ names and address. Her parents were away on a cruise. Their home would be empty. She would have privacy and time for her to get her head around being pregnant.
Writing down the address, he canceled all of his appointments, and headed toward his car. He needed to fix this problem and fast. Alaric had his own problems, and Rex couldn’t help his friend either.
Climbing behind the wheel, he headed out onto the road. He didn’t admire the view. Instead he thought about Nora, about her pregnancy, about the two of them being together.
He didn’t see a future without her.
He also didn’t know how he was going to fix this. Was there any way to fix his assholey behavior toward her? No matter what he said, it was no excuse for what he’d said, and how he’d spoken to her. He was … mean, and he had promised her he wouldn’t be.
“Asshole.” He growled the word as he hit his steering wheel.
I’m going to be a dad.
Holy crap. I made a kid.
There is going to be another human being around like me.
He wanted to be a parent. He wanted to have children. He wanted Nora.
There was so much that he wanted, and now he was afraid he wouldn’t have it because of his fuck-up.
The journey toward her parents’ house was filled with doubts, and he hated that. He was an optimistic person, and didn’t like filling his mind with doubts.
Parking outside of the house on the address, he knew it was the one as he saw Nora putting some trash bags out in the trash cans.
She turned toward him, and they both just stopped, looking at each other.
Nora moved first, heading in his direction. Her arms were folded, and she was just staring at him with a blank expression.
“Did Frank tell you where I was?” she asked.
“No. He didn’t. He told me that I had to figure that out on my own. I did.” He smiled, and she still stared at him.
“You can leave now.”
“Nora, we’ve got to talk.”
“Why talk to someone who is a stupid child, Rex? We’ve got nothing to say to each other.”
“You’re carrying my baby. We have a lot we have to say to each other.”
She was on the steps leading up to the house. She spun around, and folded her arms once again.
“I’m an asshole, but I don’t want you to go through this alone. We are in this together. What I said last night—I was an ass. Didn’t you get my messages?”
“I got them.”
“Did you listen to them?”
She shook her head. “Not all of them. They said the same thing.”
“You don’t believe me.”
“I’m pregnant, and you’re suddenly telling me that you love me that you always loved me. Rex, you hated me. Most of the time I’ve worked for you, you’ve been an overbearing prick.”
It was the first time he had heard her call him a name.
“I know. I’m every single horrible name you can think of and some more. I’ve earned that. Nothing I say can forgive what I said last night.”
“I didn’t want to be pregnant. I didn’t want to be tied to you in anyway.” Tears filled her eyes, and her words were like a kick in the gut. He didn’t know if she really felt that way or if she was just saying it to hurt him. He didn’t mind either way. There was no chance in hell that he was going to give her up.
“Regardless of what you want anymore, babe, you’re pregnant, and I know you wouldn’t get rid of it. Even if you hate me right now. You don’t hate me all the time.”
She sucked in her top lip, and nodded. “You can come in if you want.” She didn’t wait around for him, and entered her family home.
His heart was breaking, and it was all his fault. Walking up the steps, he entered her home, and followed the noise into the kitchen.
“I know you were talking to Frank. I won’t do or say anything. You can work with whoever you want.”
“Providing I get credit, right?” she asked.
“Again, I don’t like Carl. He’s a prick.”
“Kind of like you.” She shrugged a shoulder. “Yeah, that seems to be my deal. That’s the kind of men I help.”
“I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry for exactly? Are you sorry for being mean to me? Are you sorry for being an asshole? Are you sorry for sleeping with me? Are you sorry for getting me pregnant? What exactly are you sorry for?”
“I’m sorry for being mean and an asshole. I could never be sorry for sleeping with you, or knocking you up. I consider that an achievement.”
“Your ego knows no bounds.”
“I wasn’t lying on the phone. I’m in love with you, Nora. Have been for a long time.”
“But you still slept with other women.”
“I’m not a monk. I’m not a virgin. I didn’t think for a second that I would ever know how amazing you were in my arms. You never looked twice at me.”
“Yet I gave you my virginity, and I was totally lost in the moment. I didn’t think about it. I just … I was caught in the moment. I loved how being with you felt. I was happy. Condoms, protection, it was the last thing on my mind. This is my mistake. I shouldn’t blame you. This is my body. I’m an idiot.”
The scent of lemon filled the air, and coffee.
“How did you not know?” he asked. “I came inside you all the time.”
She placed the coffee jar on the counter with a hard slap. Her cheeks were bright red. “I thought it was me.” She laughed. “I thought I was that turned on. I’ve spent so much time with my head in a book, or in a cookbook, I didn’t even give it a thought, and I never saw you put one on, and during it, it was the last thing on my mind. Condoms. I guess I just figured you were taking care of it. You hate women who get pregnant and use kids in divorces, so I didn’t expect you to be so careless. Especially with me. Again, this isn’t your fault. This is mine. I should have gotten my head out of the clouds, and stopped daydreaming.”
“I love you, Nora, and I will show it to you. You’ll be so sick of love by the time I’m through.” He moved toward her, gripping her arms. “Please, give me this chance. Come back home.”
She was breaking. He saw it. She was going to cave.
“I’ll come home. I will, but I’m not going to work for you. I’ll take up Frank’s offer, but I’ll be working with him, or whoever he puts me with.”
He didn’t like that, but he knew he had to do something to keep her in his life.
Chapter Ten
Christmas didn’t go exactly how Nora had hoped. She didn’t stay at Rex’s place, and other than swapping gifts, she didn’t see him. He wanted to, but she just couldn’t bring herself to be with him.
She didn’t know what to think about what had happened over the past week. Fortunately, the firm had given them all a two weeks’ vacation for Christmas and the New Year. She didn’t have to face going back to the office or deal with questions. The day after Christmas, Rex decided to pay a visit.
He held a bunch of red roses and held his hands up in surrender. “I’m not here to fight. Please, I just want to talk, to spend time with you.”
Nora stared at his jeans and plain black shirt. It seemed strange to her to see him out of a suit.
Opening the door, she stepped back, and gave him room to enter. He closed the door behind him, and stared at her.
“You look beautiful,” he said.
She burst out laughing. “No, I don’t. I loo
k like crap.” She wore baggy pajama pants, and a shirt that looked like she had spilt her lemon tea on.
“I never wanted to hurt you,” he said. “I want to be there for you, and for the baby.”
Licking her lips, she turned toward her apartment. “I’ve hated you for so long. I didn’t think it was even possible to like you. Then something changed, you changed, and I started to wonder. Is it even possible to love you? Does it make me weak because of how I feel about you?”
“I wasn’t the best guy for you to work for. I can’t make excuses for my behavior.”
“I deleted a lot of the messages you sent. I didn’t want to read them all or listen to them all. What did you say?” she asked.
“Pretty much the same stuff only said in different ways. I said how much I love you.” She laughed. “I know you don’t believe that, and I get it. I was too late in telling you how much I feel about you. That this is love for me.”
“What do you want, Rex? I mean seriously? Me being pregnant. Are you even happy about that? Was it just one big mistake?”
“No.” He took a step toward her, and she couldn’t help but take a step back. When she was around him it was near impossible for her to think. Right now, she needed her wits about her, and not to be thinking about what they could have had. “I want you to trust me.”
“Trust is earned, Rex. The way you spoke to me, the way you made me feel, you hurt me.”
“I didn’t want to hurt you. With Carl—”
She held her hand up. “I get it. I do. You were angry at him, and you took it out on me. Believe me, I get it. Just tell me what you want?”
He stared at her for a long time. She saw the pain in his gaze, and it hurt her so much to see that she was causing it. It would be so much easier if she could just run into his arms and all was forgiven. The world didn’t work that way, and neither did she.
Part of her wanted to make him pay for being so mean to her. She hadn’t been mean to him, and she was tired of him hurting her, even if he didn’t mean to. Another part of her was just tired, and didn’t want to give in to him. He had hurt her, and said stuff that really didn’t need to be said. Why should he be allowed to have everything his heart desired, hurting her in the process?