by Milly Taiden
“Stop thinking about it so hard. Our marriage is the priority here. You and me. No one else. Children are not needed for me to continue loving you. I will always love you. Children or no children. You and only you matter most to me.”
The fear consuming her slowly slipped away. “I just—”
“That’s something we can discuss later on. Much later. When we’re in a better place.”
Drops of water turned his hair into short spikes. He ran a hand through the wet locks and only managed to make himself look like a wet dream. “This means we’ll both make our relationship a priority. Work takes a back seat. I’m not telling you to stop whatever you’re working on, but if we have to travel or meetings to attend, we have to find time to re-connect.” He curled a hand around her neck and pulled her toward him. “Agreed?”
His gaze held hers prisoner. That piercing gaze demanded her acquiescence to his request. “Agreed.”
“I won’t lose us again, Ari. You mean too much to me,” he whispered, brushing his lips lightly over hers.
“I don’t want to lose you again. Ever.”
That’s as far as she got before his lips took hers fully. Passion licked at her skin, demanding for him to cool the internal burning he’d begun. He pulled her toward him, draping her on his lap and deepening the kiss. Harder. Rougher. As though his lips wanted to ascertain that she wouldn’t change her mind about what they just agreed to. As if only with a kiss he’d be able to reconnect with the feelings of love and happiness she felt for him. It worked. Though her mind turned into a puddle of wants and needs, her heart knew this was right. His firm lips sucked on hers. His tongue tangled with hers in a rhythm that matched her errant heartbeats. She dug her nails into his wet shoulders, gripping at the soaked material of his T-shirt.
A soft moan sounded at the back of her throat. His erection grew harder under her butt. She wiggled, and he groaned into their kiss. The sound was so hot she did it again.
“Ari…” He groaned and his brows dipped low, showing how hard it was for him to actually speak. “We need to stop.”
“Mmm”
She raked her nails down his arms to grip on his biceps. Christ. He had those big arms she loved feeling around her, holding her.
He placed feathery kisses over her jaw, down her neck, and to her collarbone.
“Nick…” He cupped her breasts over her dress. Electric currents exploded in her veins. Her pussy went slick with desire, and she whimpered. “God, Nick.”
“Sweetheart, you’re so sexy,” he said, fondling her hard nipples over the thin fabric of her wet dress.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
She jerked her eyes open. A light shone into the truck. Oh shit. She blinked. The man in uniform was still standing there with a wide grin on his face and the light flashing on their faces. She glanced at Nick. He appeared torn from having to stop what they were doing. At least she wasn’t the only one.
“Oh. Oh, no,” she mumbled sliding off Nick’s lap and back to her seat.
He cleared his throat and opened up the window. “Hello, officer.”
The policeman continued to grin broadly. “Look, I understand you got carried away, but this isn’t the spot for that. So, I suggest you two love birds find a new romantic spot. Preferably somewhere private.”
“Thank you, officer. My wife and I will go now. We definitely got carried away.”
The policeman flashed the light on Nick’s hand, noticing the wedding band on his finger and nodded. “Be careful. The roads are slick.”
“Thanks. Have a good night.”
Ari waited until the policeman was back in the cruiser before letting out a loud breath.
“I think we should call it a night.” Nick smiled. “You look a little flushed.”
A little? She was burning up inside and ready to tear at his clothes. “You’re right.”
“Do you want to eat something?” His concern was evident in his frown.
“No. I think I’ll have something light when I get home.”
The roar of the truck’s engine made her glance at Nick. He was busy maneuvering to the main road back to the highway. She wanted to tell him to come home with her. To stay the night. If only they were at a better place. Their relationship needed to develop again in the communication side. A lot more, if tonight was any clue. There was still insecurity inside her about them. Besides, he seemed to be wondering if she’d even make it her priority to put them first. She needed to focus on them as a couple again. Not just sex.
***
CHAPTER EIGHT
Ari’s smile couldn’t be contained. She tugged on the metal handle to her doctor’s private practice and shivered at the cold air inside the office. There were a handful of women already there to see her doctor’s partner, who happened to be the obstetrician on site and a very good friend of Ariana’s.
She signed in and took a seat. Her heart warmed with memories of the morning. Nick had been ready to come to the doctor with her, but his partner Mark called. He’d needed some emails and Nick had ended up rushing home. He’d been unhappy to go, but she hadn’t expected him to join her on her check-up. Still, it was nice that he’d willingly offered to take her.
Bella, her friend and the obstetrician and gynecologist at the doctor’s office walked a patient out a moment after Ariana sat down.
“Ariana!” She rushed over to her and hugged her.
“Bella, you look absolutely fantastic.” She grinned at her tall friend’s new haircut and golden tan. “I so need a vacation. You look like you had a great time in Hawaii.”
Bella grinned. “I did! Sean and I have been working through some stuff, but the time away really helped us reconnect.” She lowered her voice and pulled Ari to the side, her smile dulled. “We’ve been going to therapy and it’s been hard.” She glanced down, as if embarrassed to admit something Ari was more than familiar with. She slipped some of the hair caressing the side of her face behind her ear. “When you told me a few weeks ago that you and Nick were talking again and hoping to work things out, even with the difficulties you suffered, well I knew then Sean and I had no excuses not to work on our own minor problems. So this time away really helped.”
Ari grabbed her friend’s hands in her own and stared at her in the eyes. “I’m so glad you’re working things out. It seems that Nick and I stopped talking when things became difficult. Instead of sharing our pain, we swallowed it and allowed it to build into a wall between us. Don’t let that happen to you.”
Bella shook her head and smiled softly. “How are things going with Nick?”
She grinned. “I really think if we continue to talk, things can be worked out between us.”
Her doctor, Frank, Sean’s partner made his appearance at that moment. “Ariana, great to see you.” He turned to Bella. “Do you mind if I take her out of your hands? I understand Ariana has been under the weather lately.”
Bella frowned. “No, not all. We’ll catch up before you go.”
She nodded and followed behind Frank into one of the examination rooms. Taking a seat on the reclining examination table covered in white paper, she winced at the crunching noise the paper made under her butt. She hated that noise.
He sat down on a black stool and rolled his way in front of her. “So, Ariana, what brings you here today?”
She scrunched her nose. “My stomach. I think I have an ulcer.”
He listened to her heart, her stomach, checked her ears and throat. “What are your symptoms?”
“I’ve been feeling sick for a few days. Burning in my stomach, nausea, throwing up, loss of appetite, lots of appetite. Hell, I have it all.”
He took her pulse and made notes on her chart. “I’ll draw some blood, and we’ll do some urine tests. As a precaution, we’ll do a pregnancy test.” He lifted a hand and stopped her when she opened her mouth. “I know you always say it’s not necessary, but I have to.”
She wanted to tell him to save the test for someone who’d need it. Hell, she�
��d been on fertility treatments for a year and bar the one time she’d gotten a positive, none of them had ever worked. She’d accepted the fact that she may never have kids.
He passed her a plastic cup. “Now go pee in the cup. You know the deal. We’ll do the test and then we’ll take your blood and give you a prescription for the stomach, okay?”
She nodded and did as he asked. After a few minutes she sat back on the annoying crinkling paper and read a text from Nick asking if she wanted to meet up at one of their favorite Mexican places for dinner. She was replying when a second message came through asking how the doctor’s visit was. Warmth filled her. He’d been so concerned for her, which opened the doors all over again to the intense love she’d always felt for him. None of it had gone away, but she’d been wary of this new relationship. Now things looked like they may be on the right path for them, finally.
“Okay.” Frank returned before she got a chance to send her reply. A moment later Bella walked into the office, her face creased with concern.
She frowned, wondering why he’d brought Bella with him. “What’s going on? Bella?”
Bella bit her lip and glanced at Frank. Frank nodded. He met Ariana’s gaze and answered.
“Ariana… Ari you’re pregnant.”
Her heartbeat slowed to a crawl. “What? That’s impossible.”
He raised his brows. “I’m sure it’s not impossible. You know how this happens.”
She turned to Bella. “You know it would take a miracle for that to happen after the last time. You scraped me. I’m scarred. I lost one of my ovaries.”
Bella nodded, her eyes filled with sympathy. “I know, Ariana, but you are. The urine tests show you as pregnant.”
She gulped and shook her head. Panic rose inside her. She wouldn’t— couldn’t deal with that again. It had to be wrong. “Do it again. It was a fluke.”
Bella stepped forward, took a seat next to her and gripped her hands in hers. “I did, Ariana. Five times.”
The sound of her harsh breathing filled her ears, until all she heard were her lungs straining to get the air in and let it out in a rush.
“I can’t be,” she whispered the words, glancing into Bella’s worried gaze. It wasn’t possible. This was a cruel joke to play on her.
“Honey, you are.”
“Ariana…” She jerked her face to glance at Frank. A deep line bisected his forehead in a worried frown. “We’ll do a blood test today and another in a week with a full hCG count. It’s the best way to know for sure if this will be a developing fetus…”
Her mind reeled, confused, scared, and filled with disbelief. Her heart pounded hard in her chest. It hurt to even think of the possibility. She didn’t dare allow herself to hope again. The only times she’d had sex since her separation had been with Nick. She hadn’t gotten her monthly, but she’d never been regular. She’d been told she didn’t ovulate, and that was only one of her problems. When her time of month didn’t arrive, she hadn’t worried, she chucked it off to stress.
“…in the meantime I want you to go on these prenatal vitamins, just to be safe,” Frank continued. She’d missed some of what he’d said in her internal panic attack.
She sat there, the same and no longer the same. This couldn’t be happening again. Not when she and Nick were just starting to work through the problems caused by their infertility.
Frank stood. “I’m going to go talk to the front desk to get your prescription sent to your pharmacy.”
Bella squeezed her hands in her grasp. “Ariana…I know it’s hard to take this in, but there’s a chance that this is a viable pregnancy.”
She shook her head. Denial hit her full force. She didn’t believe it, wouldn’t believe it until she had more proof than a urine test. “Bella, for over a year I was told to try this or that, to take temperatures, to have sex at peak times, to take shots, pills, powders. Shit, I lifted my ass in the air for thirty minutes each time we had sex to ensure his sperm had a faster ride into my fallopian tubes. God! I ate things considered pregnancy-enhancing foods. My mother sent me a list of tropical fruits, and I took enough vitamins to make my pee neon colored and strong enough to grow a plant overnight. None of it worked. Why would this time be any different?”
Bella winced at the bitterness spilling from Ari’s lips. She couldn’t help it. Her focus on her infertility had broken up her marriage. She couldn’t have that again. Hell, she wouldn’t be able to handle it again; neither her mind nor her heart could. And she was sure as hell not going to put Nick through it.
“Listen to me. You take those vitamins, you watch what you eat, and you take care of yourself. Once we do the two blood tests, we will be able to see for sure how strong your hormone level is and determine what happens next. Until then, take it one day at a time.”
She sat there, unmoving, and offered her arm for Bella to take her blood. She was filled with too much anxiety to feel the prick of the needle. The life she’d been so carefully putting back together was once again on the verge of destruction and there was little she could do.
Frank returned at that time. “Ariana, you’ll need to do something to relax. Your blood pressure was a bit high. You can’t go through pregnancy with your blood pressure rising.” He pursed his lips and his frowned deepened. “Find ways to reduce your stress. I know that you’ve got a lot going with the agency, but the last thing you need is to put your health and that of your child in jeopardy.”
Pain pierced her heart, tugging at her emotions and gripping her chest in a chokehold. She nodded trying to swallow past the sand clogging her throat.
She glanced down at the cell phone in her lap, blinking with unread messages. The happiness she’d felt before was overshadowed by the uncertainty of her situation.
“I’ll make appointments for your next blood work, and you know we’ll watch over you at all times.” Bella patted her fisted hands. “We won’t let anything happen to this baby if we can help it, Ariana.”
She choked on a sob when she heard the word baby. Frank and Bella stepped out of the examination room together, leaving her alone. Ari stared at her hands through the wall of tears covering her vision. One after another, the tears fell on her hands, wetting her fists and sliding down to soak her pretty navy skirt. She gulped, and another sob racked her. She slapped a hand over her mouth, trying to hold back the pain of old wounds being torn open all over again. How could she survive the past?
Her body moved on autopilot after that. The rest of her visit, her ride home, and the long moments sitting in her sofa went by in a haze. She curled into the plush material of the sofa holding the one cloth doll her mother had made for her baby, the baby that never was, when she’d been pregnant before. She didn’t hear the phone ring or the texts beeping every few moments. All she did was relive the pain of losing her child when she was four months pregnant and the quick decline of her relationship.
When she opened her eyes, she was on her bed. She frowned, knowing she’d been on the sofa before. The smell of food travelled from the kitchen. Her stomach growled. She’d forgotten to eat in her frozen panic. She came to the conclusion she couldn’t share this with Nick until it was confirmed by blood work. It would be too painful to endure the hope only to be let down later on. She got up and walked to the kitchen.
“Hey there, sleeping beauty.” He tossed a salad and covered the bowl.
She smiled and leaned on the kitchen entrance, folding her arms over her chest and ignoring the fact she wore bunny pajamas. “How did you get in?”
“Tricia. She does live right next door to you, you know?” He winked at her. “I realized that after I sent you a billion and one texts and called you enough time to deem me a stalker, you might have come home tired from the doctor. She checked on you and verified my suspicions, so I decided to come over and cook for you.” The scent of stew filled her kitchen when he turned the pot with a large spoon. He covered the stew and moved to a pot of white rice.
“That smells delicious.”
“Oh, it is,” he promised. “I’ll serve you soon. Why don’t you go set the table so we can eat?”
She watched him move around her kitchen with ease. His sexy body was encased in another pair of cargo shorts and a white T-shirt showing off his tats. She loved looking at his ink. Her heart filled with fear and joy. She tried to shove all thoughts of her possible pregnancy to the back of her mind. What if it was a mistake? What if it didn’t work out?
“So how was the doctor? Is it an ulcer?”
She licked her lips, unsure what to say. She’d never lied to him in all the time she’d known him, and she wasn’t going to start now. But she couldn’t tell him the full story just yet. Things were too up in the air for that. Even Bella admitted that it was likely the pregnancy wouldn’t develop. She couldn’t share that with Nick without being certain. It would destroy her to see him pulling away from her again. “It was all right. They said I just need to relax and it should all be better in time.”
After dinner, they sat on the sofa and watched a movie. When the screen turned off, they stayed as they were, with her laying her head in his lap.
“I didn’t realize you’d kept the dolly,” he said quietly.
She turned her head to glance up at him. “Pinky?”
That was the name her mother had given the little pink-haired cloth doll she’d made for their child the moment she’d been told Ari was expecting.
“Yeah.”
She sat up and looked at him in the eyes. “I couldn’t ever part with it, Nick.” Her breath hitched. “It’s too special.”
“I know, love.” He stroked a finger over her bottom lip and up her jaw. “I have something to tell you. I hate to do this now that we’re spending time together, but I have to visit a site.” Sadness darkened his eyes. “I’m sorry, it’s unexpected, and I really didn’t want to go, but with Mark still in Japan, I have to be the one there.”