by Milly Taiden
No. Not unfeeling. Just unavailable. For his own reasons that he defended with appropriate boundaries. She was the one who couldn’t keep it together.
“Finn?” She interrupted him with unexpected sobriety. “I have to go. I’m sorry to bother you. We can discuss this another time.”
She hung up the phone with what she intended to be gusto but was probably more like a panicky flourish. Either way, she hadn’t waited for his answer. She’d been told enough times.
He wasn’t interested. It was time to let him go.
***
CHAPTER NINE
Finn had handled two in-person meetings with Beth just fine. Watched her across the conference table, hair smooth and face fixed in a polite mask, and convinced himself he’d get over her. Shame she didn’t want a longer fling, but he’d survive.
The joke was on him.
One drunken phone call and he’d been ready to drive into Wardham and toss her over his shoulder. Screw her life plan. She missed him and he needed her. It was selfish and cruel and he didn’t care.
Except he did care, a little too much, and it was that itchy worry that kept him away.
He didn’t stay away because he was a good guy. He was most definitely not a good guy. If he thought he could convince her to keep him in her bed for a few months, he would. It was the terrifying possibility that she might be the one to convince him—into marriage, babies, and a stab at forever—that kept him glued to the ground.
She’d called on Thursday. On Friday, he tried to work and failed miserably. By Saturday, he was desperate for some time in the ring. His brother Ryan was visiting for the weekend, staying at their parents’ place, and he called over there hoping to drag Ryan to the gym. Instead, the bastard roped him into an early afternoon of golf with their father and both of their brothers-in-law. He only made it through five holes before he feigned a work call and sent them on ahead.
He skipped dinner but he wasn’t surprised when Ryan called from the parking lot and told him to either buzz him in or come down to get his ass kicked.
“What the hell, man?” Finn asked as he swung the door to his apartment open.
“Janine told me you’ve been in a funk about a woman. That was new and different and rather improbable, so I thought I’d come over and get the dirt straight from you.” Ryan kicked off his shoes and made himself comfortable on the couch. “Want to watch a game?”
“So by get the dirt, do you mean you’re here hiding from your wife and kids?” Finn kicked his brother’s feet off the coffee table, not caring to be gentle about it.
Ryan responded with a hard look. “That’s uncalled for.”
“You came here, remember? Knowing I’m in a pissy mood. Feel free to leave.”
Another glare. “You’re such an asshole.”
“Takes one to know one.”
“No fucking kidding.” Ryan sighed. “Lynn’s started smoking pot again.”
“Jeez.” Finn didn’t feel strongly about marijuana one way or the other, but in addition to being a full-time paramedic, his brother was also in the Army reserves. He took his drug-free status seriously, and his wife’s social usage had been an ongoing issue in their marriage. “Sorry, man. I didn’t mean—”
“Yeah, you did. And you were right. Not about the kids, but…”
Finn felt like he owed his brother something after that. “You want a beer? Let me tell you about a girl I could’ve had.”
*
Monday he got a text summoning him to Sienna’s house, but he knew the command request came from Janine. Finn thought seriously about ignoring it, but the last thing he wanted was for her to show up at his apartment, four kids in tow. The fingerprints threat alone made him shudder. And the boys would want to wrestle. No, he’d go, let her have her say, play with the kids, then pick up some seriously spicy Indian food for a very adult dinner. Alone.
She started almost as soon as he settled in front of the veggies and dip on the kitchen table.
“I’ve never known you to be afraid to go for something you want.”
He shot her a warning look. This wasn’t any of her business. Fuck. He didn’t even want it to be his business. “I’m not afraid of anything.”
“Oh, shut up. You’re afraid of turning into our father.” She couldn’t have shocked him more if she’d actually shoved a metal rod up his spine—or made him sit up any straighter. She leaned in, holding his gaze for a silent minute before continuing. “Times are different now. You’re a different person.”
He moved his tongue around his mouth, all of a sudden parched beyond belief. He loved his sister. How could he tell her it wasn’t just their father’s life he didn’t want? It was hers, too, and that wasn’t in the past. That was here and now, a real and scary mess. He couldn’t say that. Wouldn’t hurt her when she’d already borne too many cuts from others. But nothing she could say would convince him to take even one step down a path that ended in bitter regret. Ryan, too. Probably Sienna and Kath once the bloom fell off the rose of their newer marriages.
The back door slammed shut and Sienna hustled in holding her youngest on her hip. She took one look at her older siblings, grabbed a pack of juice boxes, and sent the toddler back outside before pouring a round of lemonade. Finn took the proffered glass roughly, barely noticing the tangy sweetness as he swallowed a large mouthful.
“Are we having an intervention?” Sienna smiled at his scowl and leaned against the counter next to Janine.
“No,” he said as the same time Janine answered yes.
“Is this about Finn’s broken heart or his love-hate relationship with the rest of us?”
He glared at his second youngest sister, twelve years his junior. “I don’t have a broken heart. And I just love you, although the hate has a growing appeal.”
“We worry about you.”
“Because I’m all alone? Not necessary.”
“No, because you’re sad and bitter.” She held up her hand as he opened his mouth to argue. “Let me reiterate—we’re worried about you. Those words come from a place of love.”
He snorted. “Thanks for the concern. And the drink. I’m going to be fine.”
She nodded. “Of course you will.”
“I like my life.”
“Of course you do.” Her tone was a hair this side of mocking, but he didn’t push back because he was too busy wrestling with an unexpected question…did he?
He did. Of course he liked his life. He…his mind went blank. He had liked his life. Solitude had always been preferable to the mayhem his family chose.
“Ryan told me you’re quitting your job.” Sienna continued to press in that endlessly patient way she had, honed from dealing with toddlers all the time. “Why don’t you move to Toronto or Chicago or New York?” Why hadn’t he moved when he lost the radio gig? He was starting to think that just maybe his baby sisters knew him better than he knew himself. He wasn’t at all comfortable with that possibility.
“It’s easier to build my own business here,” he intoned.
“You’ve never wanted to be the big fish in the little pond.”
He shoved to his feet. “I’m not staying here for her.”
In his peripheral vision his sisters exchanged knowing glances, and he realized too late that he’d shared too much information. As one, they rose and put their hands on their hips.
“You love her.” Sienna said the words slowly, testing them out. They’d never been said before about Finn and a woman.
“I misspoke,” he muttered.
Janine pulled out her phone and sent off a quick text message, probably to Kath, and Finn shoved his hands into hair to keep from grabbing the phone and winging it across the room. She smirked, as if to say, you’re stuck with us.
“That wasn’t what I was thinking, although that’s better. Healthier.” Sienna coated her words with fine spun sugar. “You were staying here for us, which we never wanted or asked for, but we definitely appreciated. You might be a jerk to us but y
ou’re a great uncle.”
Janine wasn’t nearly as sweet. “Kind of a jackass move, pretending you didn’t like us all those years.”
He stalked to the large bay window overlooking the backyard and the six boisterous children playing in and around the sandbox. The houses in this neighbourhood were small and tired but well suited to a young family. That thought still caused him to break out in phantom hives, but he understood his sisters’ choices better. “Kath on her way over?”
“After her midwife’s appointment.” Janine stepped beside him and leaned her head on his shoulder. “I know you probably want space right now. That’s just not the Howard way.”
He didn’t want space, though. He just couldn’t be sure that what he thought he wanted—Beth, constantly—would be what he wanted for the rest of his life.
So he opened up his crusty shell and spilled his heart out to his sisters. They poured more lemonade and cookies and let him rant and rave, and they didn’t once point to the swear jar when he used all the adult words he knew to describe himself and the situation.
“I don’t really get the big deal,” Janine said when he finally took a pause.
Prickly discomfort crawled up his back. No one understood. No one except Beth, who’d been pissed off but accepted his boundaries without judgement.
“What if I can’t be everything she needs?”
“Do you think John ever asked that about himself? I know what it’s like to be married to a selfish bastard, and you aren’t that. You’ll be a handful but it will be worth it to her. That you want the very best for her makes you one in a million, Finn. And jeez, give the woman some credit to manage her own happiness. You won’t make or break her. Give her your love and together you’ll figure out the rest.” Janine took a deep breath. She wasn’t done. He’d had no idea his sister had this fire in her. She was far from broken. “Not all marriages work out. That’s a hard reality of life. But the ones that do are magical.”
“You still think that? Even after John left you?” He couldn’t hold the skepticism out of his voice.
She laughed. “Obviously, mine missed some magic. But I got four amazing kids out of it and I’m still young. Every single day I wake up with my health and my future before me. I have an amazingly supportive family—and maybe I’ve relied on them a bit much of late—but I can manage on my own. I can thrive on my own. I can be happy on my own. But I don’t want to. I want to find someone to share my life with. You’ve found that person, what are you waiting for?”
Wasn’t that the million dollar question?
And that meant he needed to ask another question. The question. He wanted to do it right. He went from his sister’s house to the mall but none of the jewelry stores there had what he was looking for, not exactly. Some rings were too busy, others too small. At home he started researching online purchases. With expedited shipping he could have exactly what he wanted by the end of the week.
The next morning he woke up invigorated and threw himself into work with renewed purpose. He showered, dressed in his favourite dark grey suit and red tie, and made some phone calls. The third one paid off in a big way. He booked a last-minute flight to Toronto and spent twenty-four hours pressing flesh and making deals. He made time before he left to stop by the ad agency that had done up the latest Go West campaign. He had a new idea he wanted them to get just right.
By Thursday he was home again. When the courier called up from the lobby at four in the afternoon, it took all of his willpower not to drive straight to Wardham and just ask her with the ring.
But the artwork would be done on Friday. They’d promised to rush. He could wait. They’d have the rest of their lives together and he wanted her to know just how serious he was about that promise.
***
CHAPTER TEN
It had been such a long, lonely week. After grabbing a bottle of Pinot Noir from the tasting room, Beth stopped at Wardham Grocery on her way home and picked up some beef strips, onions and peppers for a stir-fry. Why wasn’t food sold in solo quantities? She’d have leftovers for the entire weekend at this rate.
She ran into Carrie and Ian Nixon on the way out. Ian had their son Drew up on his shoulders and Carrie was holding hands with their daughter Kaylie. They invited her out to their farm for fireworks on Canada Day. She stomped on the little green monster in her gut and promised she’d be there. Everyone else would be there as well—Evie and Liam with their three kids, Karen and Paul and their daughter. Even Ian’s brother Kyle and his fiancée Laney would be in town for the holiday weekend. Everyone paired up. Except for Beth.
“You could bring someone,” Carried offered. “Or I could invite a single friend?”
“Oh no, please don’t do that.” The thought of dating someone else turned her gut to lead. Being intimate with another man after Finn had made love to her…no, that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. “I have a friend I can bring if I don’t feel like being a third wheel. Or—” she counted off on her fingers with a wry chuckle. “A ninth wheel.”
Carrie squeezed her hand. “Just come by yourself. The kids are so demanding it’s not like we’re all couple-y all the time.”
Except they were. In little moments, like Ian rubbing the small of Carrie’s back even as he made truck noises with Drew. Or how Paul would search the entire room for Karen, as if she was only thing worth seeing sometimes. There was no avoiding that around her friends. They were all blessed with extraordinary love.
“I’ll be there.” She thought about her options as she headed home. As she put the food away, she made a decision.
He answered on the second ring. “Beth! This is a surprise.”
“Hi, Peter.” They exchanged pleasantries, then she dove in. “Listen, I’m calling because I’d like to invite you to some fireworks next week. Canada Day party at a friend’s place in the country. Not a date, just as friends. If you don’t already have plans. And if you get a better offer, you should take it, because as I say all of this out loud I realize it’s not a very good one.”
Peter laughed. “It’s a perfectly decent offer between friends. Sure, if I don’t get swept off my feet by a hot blonde between now and next weekend, I’d love to go with you.”
Relief thumped hard in her chest. “Great.” She glanced at the fridge. “Hey, listen, if you don’t have plans for dinner tonight…”
*
One glitch in Finn’s plan was that he didn’t actually know Beth’s address. He knew she lived in the townhouse development on the west end of Wardham, on Beach Road, but there were forty units in the complex. As soon as the new artwork arrived, too late on Friday for him to find her at the winery, he called Evan.
“And why exactly should I give you her address?” The elder West brother had always been friendly to Finn, but this wasn’t business, and his voice held no trace of kindness.
Finn was smart enough to realize he wasn’t going to charm his way through this conversation. “Because I love her.”
“You should have realized that three weeks ago.”
“Yep, but I’m slow.” He waited for the panic to set in as he moved into the next admission but it didn’t come. How about that? “I spent the week ring shopping.”
“That’s cocky.”
“I’m willing to gamble. And next week I’m going to have a new ad campaign to show you.”
Evan grunted. “I don’t want you to change our marketing strategy for Beth. Your instincts are better than hers when it comes to this. That’s just a business decision.”
“This is better, I promise you.”
Evan didn’t sound impressed on that front but Finn would tackle that battle later. He had her address, that’s all that mattered.
The first pair of visitor parking spots was full, so Finn parked further down the row of houses and walked back to Beth’s place. Some of her neighbours had potted flowers out front. Beth had an evergreen topiary. Sleek and beautiful, just like her.
He rang the doorbell and stepped back. H
e wanted to remember every moment of this night and recount it regularly to their grandchildren.
She opened the door quickly and froze at the sight of him. “Finn!”
“Surprise.” He grinned. She looked fantastic. She was wearing a red wrap dress and no shoes, her toes painted a matching cherry colour. He had a sudden vision of her in a bubble bath, waving those toes at him as she invited him to join her. Fuck, yeah. This felt right. “Can I come in?”
She glanced back into the house. “Uhm, sure. Yes, of course. Come in.”
He followed her inside, but not very far before she stopped and turned around. “What brings you here?”
*
God, he looked good. She drank in the sight of him. Dark jeans, white shirt, navy blazer. He held a folder and her gaze got stuck on his hands. Big, strong hands, dark hair hinting out from the cuff of his shirt. Short nails trimmed neatly at the end of long, thick fingers. Fingers that had teased and traced her sex, made her crazy and shattered her into a million pieces of happiness. Right before he just shattered her, and now he was in her house on a Friday night. Because of work.
He lifted the shiny folder in the air. “I brought a new ad design for you to look at.”
“It couldn’t wait until Monday?” Screw him. “I have a guest over for dinner.”
That shit-eating grin dropped off his face. Good. “Oh.”
“You remember Peter.” She flipped her hair and planted her hands on her hips. “We’re just having a glass of wine while I get dinner ready.”
“Peter. From the park.” Finn did something, a weird muscle tensing thing that made him look even bigger than normal, then strode past her into the kitchen. She gasped and scrambled after him, getting there just in time to see Finn point a finger at Peter’s wine glass. Well, that was better than throwing a punch.